lace5262 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 He has no feelings for his ex at all, not positive ones anyway. Keep acting the way you are and he'll feel the same way about you. This is so messed up, I don't even have words for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Yikes.. (10 characters) Link to post Share on other sites
Author freeRedbull Posted February 18, 2014 Author Share Posted February 18, 2014 (edited) If I were you, I'd be more upset about how he treated his ex than the fact that they were together for 8 years. For a man to walk out on the mother of his child and not bother to speak to her in such a time of crisis is a HUGE red flag. If he had no respect for her, what makes you think he is going to have any respect for you? What if he does the same thing to you? he told me he just got used to her, cause she kept coming back everytime he tried to walk away, she would never understand that he wants out. And as time went by and he didn t found anyone to be inlove with, he just settled with her as she always kept coming back and stick to him like glue. He is not the type to cheat, I can bet my liver he would never cheat on me, so... if he cheated on her, I m pretty sure there was no love for her in his heart. The so-called cheatings were just attempts to get out or the sick relation with her, and she would just never go away. He also kicked her out of the house several times. She d make huge scandal and still come back. This explains his attitude towards her at the end, I think... he just left her and never even came home for his stuff, cause, I quote -I wanted to get away from her and never see her again, no matter what it took.- Does this story tell u anything about some deeper issues he might have with her? Edited February 18, 2014 by freeRedbull Link to post Share on other sites
escafeld Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 What I would say to the OP is despite your obvious emotional shortcomings well done for becoming aware of them and seeking advice here, that's the first step in your recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Anyone else feeling creeped out by her ex's behavior toward the mother of his child? What kind of man avoids going to the hospital and refuses to console her at the funeral? OP, I would be more concerned about his behavior during this crisis than the 8 years they "shared". Yes. I think it sounds very disturbing. Either he is a very unpleasant man, or he is repressing memories or feelings about a very traumatic time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Does he have a living child? What is his relationship with that child? Link to post Share on other sites
Author freeRedbull Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 Does he have a living child? What is his relationship with that child? he has no other child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freeRedbull Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 Yes. I think it sounds very disturbing. Either he is a very unpleasant man, or he is repressing memories or feelings about a very traumatic time. how does that work_ it might be posible, he had some darker times in his teen years. <but how does this work, I mean, how can bad memmories from distant past make one treat another person badly_ causee... since those memmories have no connection at all to the person you re treating badly... explain a bit pls Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I think she means that he was traumatized by the death of his child and is trying to pretend that it never happened. He's trying to deal with the death by ignoring it, ignoring his ex, and pretending that it never happened. If this is the case (and it sounds like it is to me) he's a very broken man. It's not normal to ignore the death of your child and try to move on like your child never existed. There's something very wrong here. If you can't understand that, I don't know what we can tell you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freeRedbull Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 oook. I don t think it s the case, because since the child was born doctors told them she will not live long, as there is no cure for her condition. They saw it coming for a year and a half, had time do adjust and deal with the ideea somehow. He told me that at the end he prayed to God to take the child sooner cause she was suffering and made everyone around suffer too. Look, I saw photos from the funeral, they didn t even cry. I think it s not a burried pain here, he had time to adjust. Link to post Share on other sites
Ailsa1983 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I don't have advice for you but some for your husband Run as fast as you can and never look back. I have never read anything like this before, you do not care about his deceased child ? You are more concerned about his past life than his feelings? You do need help to understand why you are so cold. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I was not a relative of the child, I never even met her. So I can't actually love her or feel pain for her in the way he does or his family. It's just not posible. And, again I say... I see her as a link to memmories with the mother. I know it doesn't make too much sense, but I don't like to be present to conversations about her. He doesn't even mention her unless someone asks though, he's very accepting/tolerating of my unreasonable thoughts. I mean, he even hugs me, comforts me, and kisses me when he sees I get upset about this, like, to assure everything is ok. I realize I have no logic at all, and that he shows super-human patience and he's not even trying, he's doing it with all his heart, I feel his affection like a warm blanket around me everytime I get paranoid, he's so so understanding, I'm a total biatch, I feel guilty for being so self-centered and illogical and small mided. It's so difficult fighting all these nagative feelings, it hurts. You need to get professional help no matter what you have to do. If that child had lived you would hate her too. This is not healthy for you or your H that you hold on so tight you create hate from nothing at all. I'm sure his ex doesn't think about you at all and you might want to keep that in mind when you start using your energy to hate her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 oook. I don t think it s the case, because since the child was born doctors told them she will not live long, as there is no cure for her condition. They saw it coming for a year and a half, had time do adjust and deal with the ideea somehow. He told me that at the end he prayed to God to take the child sooner cause she was suffering and made everyone around suffer too. Look, I saw photos from the funeral, they didn t even cry. I think it s not a burried pain here, he had time to adjust. You have no idea what those two suffered when they lost their child. Just because you didn't see any tears does not mean there weren't any. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I think she means that he was traumatized by the death of his child and is trying to pretend that it never happened. He's trying to deal with the death by ignoring it, ignoring his ex, and pretending that it never happened. If this is the case (and it sounds like it is to me) he's a very broken man. It's not normal to ignore the death of your child and try to move on like your child never existed. There's something very wrong here. If you can't understand that, I don't know what we can tell you. I think the above is quite likely the case. He is still traumatized about this child's death and I guarantee his ex is. I feel really sorry for them both. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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