Letting go

[hopti]

(if you want some background: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/451828-do-people-suddenly-change)

 

I've been doing all the right things and following the advice from LS and I actually do feel a lot better. I realized that I do not want him back what so ever. Actually, I would like to never ever ever see him again. He was a real coward towards the end and did not handle the break up with the respect I deserved.

I also realized that he and his new gf are a far better match than him and I. We really, really grew apart and now that the dust have settled I can see that. Mostly because I feel more like I see my self. When we were together I think I aged ten times faster because of all the worrying and the stress. His vagueness/white lies made me expect the worst and have a more negative outlook on life. Post BU I am pleasantly surprised to learn that a positive, responsible and young girl was underneath it all.

 

I really do enjoy the fact that he does not know me anymore and I don't know him. I feel free from basing who/what I am on how he treated me and what he may/may not think of me.

 

Of course sometimes I get sad and I think about us. It's more of a bittersweet pain. I am happy it ended (best for me, best for him), but I also have to let go of five years of memories. And here's the problem: I think I am afraid to let go. I think that when he moved on so quickly I felt so alone with the pain, and now I feel alone with the memories.

I feel if I let it go, it will be gone for ever. It's like if I let go it will be as if we two never were. Which is what I want since I can't remember the relationship without thinking of how it ended (confusing, maybe left for someone else).

 

Has anyone here had the same problem?

 

Also, I am 23 yrs old and this was my first serious relationship. What really helps me gaining perspective and pushing forward is reading stories here about "first" loves. Because they rarely last and there are many, far better relationships yet to come.

 

So, feel free to write your story about a lost love which turned out NOT to be the end of the world!

[LostConfused123]

(if you want some background: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/451828-do-people-suddenly-change)

 

I've been doing all the right things and following the advice from LS and I actually do feel a lot better. I realized that I do not want him back what so ever. Actually, I would like to never ever ever see him again. He was a real coward towards the end and did not handle the break up with the respect I deserved.

I also realized that he and his new gf are a far better match than him and I. We really, really grew apart and now that the dust have settled I can see that. Mostly because I feel more like I see my self. When we were together I think I aged ten times faster because of all the worrying and the stress. His vagueness/white lies made me expect the worst and have a more negative outlook on life. Post BU I am pleasantly surprised to learn that a positive, responsible and young girl was underneath it all.

 

I really do enjoy the fact that he does not know me anymore and I don't know him. I feel free from basing who/what I am on how he treated me and what he may/may not think of me.

 

Of course sometimes I get sad and I think about us. It's more of a bittersweet pain. I am happy it ended (best for me, best for him), but I also have to let go of five years of memories. And here's the problem: I think I am afraid to let go. I think that when he moved on so quickly I felt so alone with the pain, and now I feel alone with the memories.

I feel if I let it go, it will be gone for ever. It's like if I let go it will be as if we two never were. Which is what I want since I can't remember the relationship without thinking of how it ended (confusing, maybe left for someone else).

 

Has anyone here had the same problem?

 

Also, I am 23 yrs old and this was my first serious relationship. What really helps me gaining perspective and pushing forward is reading stories here about "first" loves. Because they rarely last and there are many, far better relationships yet to come.

 

So, feel free to write your story about a lost love which turned out NOT to be the end of the world!

You are much more mature then I was at your age. LOL!

 

You're doing awesome!!

 

And yes, like you, letting go completely, does make me a little sad. I mean, I have literally been praying for indifference but at the same time, it's sad too.

 

Keep pushing. I know how you feel ((hugs!))

[LiliesNoLilies]

Your in a great place.

 

It's the maturity you're showing here that is going to help you create that success story in the future.

 

As for the memories, they'll never go away, thank god.

And as you proceed to let go, the thing you're really letting go of is the hurt, and exactly, the confusing, painful breakup.

 

Keep going!

[k10k]

So, feel free to write your story about a lost love which turned out NOT to be the end of the world!

 

When my first serious long-term relationship ended I was a mess and discovered loveshack back in 2007. If I look back now, I can remember the pain, but not really "feel" it - so I now it does get better. I also see that we were just not meant to be - he moved on, got married, had a baby - I'm happy for him and don't have any feelings of longing or regret that it ended.

 

Since then, I've had 2 relationships, one for a year and a half, and one for three years. Both were full of adventure and exciting but not exactly healthy with regards to commitment, so I know I still have a lot to learn. Relationships help us to grow, and when they end, they teach us a lot about ourselves.

 

You're still very young and have way more insight than I did at that age - enjoy all your adventures that lie ahead

[StringsAttached]

Similar situation. Although I have had many GF's before I didn't care about them and I dumped all of them.

 

This one was different. She brought me back down to Earth and dumped me! I lost a lot of self esteem and like you she didn't give me the respect I deserved by the end of the relationship.

 

Doing much better though, first loves are always the hardest.

 

Good luck you seem to be doing great.