"Return Customers" to online dating sites

[irc333]

I have to laugh, esp. when I'm local, I'm starting to recognize these faces coming and going from Plenty Of Fish. It's kind of sad at the same time, too.

 

Recently, saw this woman return to this site, and of course opens her paragraph with, "I'm not giving up, giving this another try once more!".

 

Yeah, if you'd replied to me before, then maybe you wouldn't be back on here. lol.

 

Anyhow, it seems the pickiness of women or just single people in general is that they just don't see the forest for the trees. Plus, they are local, live within minutes from me, so what's the harm in giving the men they ignore a shot again now that they've returned to the site?

 

I'll attempt to contact her, being how it's been a while since I've seen her. lol

[Philosoraptor]

Well if they're not interested then it doesn't matter how close you are.

[Art_Critic]

When I was doing OLD If I started dating a girl and then a month or so later it didn't work out I would reactivate my profile and try again, nothing wrong with that.

 

Why is it that because a person, male or female has to become desperate if they go back OLD ? no different then going out on more meetup groups.

 

I get the fact that you feel they should have replied to you, but they didn't for whatever reason, lets say they weren't attracted to your pictures or your profile, would you rather her reply to you and date you anyhow ?

 

You can also view this with a role reversal as well... you are also doing OLD and online all the time and even make new profiles and come back that way.. does that make you desperate ? IMO.. NO...it makes you someone who is trying to find someone to connect with and possibly date.

[ZipperZapper]

I have to laugh, esp. when I'm local, I'm starting to recognize these faces coming and going from Plenty Of Fish. It's kind of sad at the same time, too.

 

Recently, saw this woman return to this site, and of course opens her paragraph with, "I'm not giving up, giving this another try once more!".

 

Yeah, if you'd replied to me before, then maybe you wouldn't be back on here. lol.

 

Anyhow, it seems the pickiness of women or just single people in general is that they just don't see the forest for the trees. Plus, they are local, live within minutes from me, so what's the harm in giving the men they ignore a shot again now that they've returned to the site?

 

I'll attempt to contact her, being how it's been a while since I've seen her. lol

 

I agree, it is sad, seeing the same faces over and over and over again. A lot of return customers, especially women, are indeed back on OLD sites due to excessive pickiness.

 

One of the most common refrains coming from women on OLD sites is, "Where have all the good men gone?" To them, I say, "they're right in front of you, sweetie, but you won't give them a chance because they're not perfect human beings, or Ken dolls in real life. You won't ever settle for less than perfect because if you did, you would have to admit to yourself and others that maybe you're not as great a catch as you imagine yourself to be. Or that maybe you're not a ravishing goddess after all.

 

But if you did set aside your stratospheric standards for once and accept men as they are, and work from that, you might eventually find yourself with a pretty good partner."

 

But women will not do this because they're looking for partners who will elevate their status with their peers and relatives. They're looking purely for a material gain here, not someone they can actually love, and be loved by. The man's needs and wants count for nothing in this arrangement, he's just a functionary, a sacrifice on the altar of her own narcissism.

 

Women generally refuse to accept the fact that nothing in life is a 100% perfect package deal. I look at my car, my home and other things in my life and see that nothing is 100% perfect. Everything has flaws or things that don't work quite right. But to most women, everything has to be as perfect as it is in a cosmetics commercial on TV, or it's just not worth bothering with.

[JourneyLady]

I may be back in it soon. I have been dating someone else and we (both) took our profiles down in order to be exclusive. However, it doesn't seem to be working out, and I will go back up again.

 

There is nothing wrong with that. I haven't dated that many because there aren't many in my area I am attracted to and vice versa. In one year, I have actually met only three people, plus the one that kept canceling meetings. I only next people for the following reasons.

 

Canceling on me more than twice.

Knowing up front we are not compatible (religious or political issues).

Not the least bit attracted to personality or red flags in profile.

Texting and texting and not asking to meet up. (I'm in it for dating, not for email pals.)

[SYLLPalmer]

I agree, it is sad, seeing the same faces over and over and over again. A lot of return customers, especially women, are indeed back on OLD sites due to excessive pickiness.

 

One of the most common refrains coming from women on OLD sites is, "Where have all the good men gone?" To them, I say, "they're right in front of you, sweetie, but you won't give them a chance because they're not perfect human beings, or Ken dolls in real life. You won't ever settle for less than perfect because if you did, you would have to admit to yourself and others that maybe you're not as great a catch as you imagine yourself to be. Or that maybe you're not a ravishing goddess after all.

 

But if you did set aside your stratospheric standards for once and accept men as they are, and work from that, you might eventually find yourself with a pretty good partner."

 

But women will not do this because they're looking for partners who will elevate their status with their peers and relatives. They're looking purely for a material gain here, not someone they can actually love, and be loved by. The man's needs and wants count for nothing in this arrangement, he's just a functionary, a sacrifice on the altar of her own narcissism.

 

Women generally refuse to accept the fact that nothing in life is a 100% perfect package deal. I look at my car, my home and other things in my life and see that nothing is 100% perfect. Everything has flaws or things that don't work quite right. But to most women, everything has to be as perfect as it is in a cosmetics commercial on TV, or it's just not worth bothering with.

 

I keep hearing this and it is always from the same kind of guy. Wake up! I get when I am not good enough... why don't you? You ascribe everything that be falls a women that rejects You to her inability to settle. You are the only ones that see it that way. You go settle. Problem solved.

[MissBee]

Am I the only one who finds it ironic that there is a discussion of seeing the "same faces" and "return customers" in a smug way, when you're clearly also a permanent fixture on the site, as you have been there so long as to know who is returning??? Isn't it better to be returning than to have NEVER left?

 

How do you even know if they're a "return customer"? What does that mean? I mean unless they announced they've married off and are back, then they may have gone on a few dates or had something short term or even long term, and it ended. That's life. Most relationships end at some point. At least they were off it for a while and return unlike the "watchers" who seem not to ever leave the site to be in a relationship to return, but are just permanently there.

[pickflicker]

I have to laugh, esp. when I'm local, I'm starting to recognize these faces coming and going from Plenty Of Fish. It's kind of sad at the same time, too.

 

Recently, saw this woman return to this site, and of course opens her paragraph with, "I'm not giving up, giving this another try once more!".

 

Yeah, if you'd replied to me before, then maybe you wouldn't be back on here. lol.

 

Anyhow, it seems the pickiness of women or just single people in general is that they just don't see the forest for the trees. Plus, they are local, live within minutes from me, so what's the harm in giving the men they ignore a shot again now that they've returned to the site?

 

I'll attempt to contact her, being how it's been a while since I've seen her. lol

 

God forbid a woman wouldn't reply to you on OLD. Oh the humanity!

 

Sounds like she should ignore you again. You don't sounds serious about finding someone.

[MissBee]

God forbid a woman wouldn't reply to you on OLD. Oh the humanity!

 

Sounds like she should ignore you again. You don't sounds serious about finding someone.

 

These "repeat customers" could also be thinking the same about you OP.

 

That you're perpetually there so that may signal to them that you're a "bad apple" or reject.

 

I am not saying that's a correct assumption but the wild assumptions you've made about them because they come back to OLD may also be flipped where they are thinking this guy is ALWAYS on here, probably means he's a reject who can't ever get a date/relationship so lives here.

 

So it's really a pot and kettle thing, you're judging them for being repeat customers when you're one too or they could take it further and based on what you said assume you're not even a repeat customer, i.e. you never got anything and left the store but might as well be a permanent employee now w/ shares and stocks since you know the comings and goings of the other members so much lol.

[carhill]

People gotta eat, so they go to the store.

[Babolat]

I use to think about this, too. Until I met a girl, who has been using OLD for many years. Initially I questioned it, like "what's wrong with her?".

 

After many great talks about other things, and this, I realized she is like all of us, looking for her other half, and she is not finding it. So, she keeps at it. And now, I get it, and see nothing strange, wrong or odd about it.

[irc333]

Well, I was wanting to emphasize more it's kind of sad, because I'm realizing there's a finite amount of single people in my area and relocating isn't the answer as I'm secure in a nice job.

 

Considering I live more in a rural town and I keep seeing these same faces over over, I believe I've reached my limit and now have gotten to the point where I'm only emailing the ones that are NEW to the site and online dating.....as they trickle in of course.

 

 

I agree, it is sad, seeing the same faces over and over and over again. A lot of return customers, especially women, are indeed back on OLD sites due to excessive pickiness.

 

One of the most common refrains coming from women on OLD sites is, "Where have all the good men gone?" To them, I say, "they're right in front of you, sweetie, but you won't give them a chance because they're not perfect human beings, or Ken dolls in real life. You won't ever settle for less than perfect because if you did, you would have to admit to yourself and others that maybe you're not as great a catch as you imagine yourself to be. Or that maybe you're not a ravishing goddess after all.

 

But if you did set aside your stratospheric standards for once and accept men as they are, and work from that, you might eventually find yourself with a pretty good partner."

 

But women will not do this because they're looking for partners who will elevate their status with their peers and relatives. They're looking purely for a material gain here, not someone they can actually love, and be loved by. The man's needs and wants count for nothing in this arrangement, he's just a functionary, a sacrifice on the altar of her own narcissism.

 

Women generally refuse to accept the fact that nothing in life is a 100% perfect package deal. I look at my car, my home and other things in my life and see that nothing is 100% perfect. Everything has flaws or things that don't work quite right. But to most women, everything has to be as perfect as it is in a cosmetics commercial on TV, or it's just not worth bothering with.

[irc333]

Well I COULD say, I'm always on the site as much as THEY are because they've ignored me. lol.

 

I'm saying, if they'd date me, or at least meet for a quick meet, at least give it a shot, then they wouldn't be thinking that because I'd already be dating them or may have wound up in a relationship with one of them.

 

Anyway, it's a small town, one can't really afford to be picky, otherwise they'd have to be willling to commute long distances to meet men online or have the ability to relocate themselves, otherwise they're stuck with the local yokels. lol

 

 

These "repeat customers" could also be thinking the same about you OP.

 

That you're perpetually there so that may signal to them that you're a "bad apple" or reject.

 

I am not saying that's a correct assumption but the wild assumptions you've made about them because they come back to OLD may also be flipped where they are thinking this guy is ALWAYS on here, probably means he's a reject who can't ever get a date/relationship so lives here.

 

So it's really a pot and kettle thing, you're judging them for being repeat customers when you're one too or they could take it further and based on what you said assume you're not even a repeat customer, i.e. you never got anything and left the store but might as well be a permanent employee now w/ shares and stocks since you know the comings and goings of the other members so much lol.

Edited January 22, 2014 by irc333

[irc333]

I know of this one woman, no joke, that apparently lived one hour in the opposite direction of the Meetup events, apparently she didn't care to date men in her OWN city, but she didn't have real good reason, as the city she lived in was a rather large metropolitan area.

 

She got asked out A LOT, but she thought a lot of people knew her too well or people were too familiar with (she probably built up a reputation.).

 

SO she wound exploring unknown territories for fresh meat. The woman even lived further than me from certain events, and I found it puzzling that she wouldn't entertain anyone in her city.

[MissBee]

I use to think about this, too. Until I met a girl, who has been using OLD for many years. Initially I questioned it, like "what's wrong with her?".

 

After many great talks about other things, and this, I realized she is like all of us, looking for her other half, and she is not finding it. So, she keeps at it. And now, I get it, and see nothing strange, wrong or odd about it.

 

It's no different than real life, except everyone can "see" your business online.

 

But people date around casually or have short lived relationships offline as well and are in and out of the dating "market" until they find a long term relationship. Except because you're not online with a bunch of people constantly looking at your profile, it's not apparent.

[MissBee]

Well I COULD say, I'm always on the site as much as THEY are because they've ignored me. lol.

 

I'm saying, if they'd date me, or at least meet for a quick meet, at least give it a shot, then they wouldn't be thinking that because I'd already be dating them or may have wound up in a relationship with one of them.

 

Anyway, it's a small town, one can't really afford to be picky, otherwise they'd have to be willling to commute long distances to meet men online or have the ability to relocate themselves, otherwise they're stuck with the local yokels. lol

 

 

LMAO!

 

irc333 I'm not sure what to tell you. I am pretty sure if they chose to date you there would be no guarantee that they wouldn't leave you or you leave them at some point. I'm almost sure all these women aren't single because they aren't dating you. You are no more likely to be relationship material or there isn't anything particular about you over other men that would GUARANTEE things would work.

 

However, from your posts about the small town dating debacles I'm very happy I do not live in a small town.

[Mrlonelyone]

I think I get what the OP is saying.

 

These women he writes of all want a "perfect" man. Often when they themselves aren't ideal. If not that one big possibility is being overlooked by the OP.

 

Many women just want a man to have sex with and hang out with occasionally. They may adopt the rhetoric of "relationship", "boyfriend", "love".... when push comes to shove and that guy were to propose they say no. Why? Because women like to hook up and have sex with little or no commitment as much as men do.

 

Those return customers are likely just looking for one or two local studs to hook up with, have some fun with, and then ditch those guys once they are satisfied.

[MissBee]

I think I get what the OP is saying.

 

These women he writes of all want a "perfect" man. Often when they themselves aren't ideal. If not that one big possibility is being overlooked by the OP.

 

Many women just want a man to have sex with and hang out with occasionally. They may adopt the rhetoric of "relationship", "boyfriend", "love".... when push comes to shove and that guy were to propose they say no. Why? Because women like to hook up and have sex with little or no commitment as much as men do.

 

Those return customers are likely just looking for one or two local studs to hook up with, have some fun with, and then ditch those guys once they are satisfied.

 

How does he know this? Have they said so? (re the women who all want perfect men statement)

 

It doesn't seem so. They clearly date other people it seems. Not being interested in a particular man doesn't mean you're seeking perfection or that because no one is perfect you should date just anyone regardless of interest.

[Mrlonelyone]

How does he know this? Have they said so? (re the women who all want perfect men statement)

 

It doesn't seem so. They clearly date other people it seems. Not being interested in a particular man doesn't mean you're seeking perfection or that because no one is perfect you should date just anyone regardless of interest.

 

Miss Bee. If someone, in a small town, is on OLD year after year after year. Either they have horrible taste in partners and can't learn....or they can't ever be satisfied. Hence they want perfect men.

[MixedUpChick]

I agree, it is sad, seeing the same faces over and over and over again. A lot of return [customers] are indeed back on OLD sites due to excessive pickiness.

I've been on & off dating sites, sometimes I've gone off because I've been dating someone for a while, other times I just get tired of it all so I turn off my profiles. I'm not excessively picky, I'm actually not terribly picky at all.

 

One of the most common refrains coming from [people] on OLD sites is, "Where have all the good [ones] gone?" To them, I say, "they're right in front of you, sweetie, but you won't give them a chance because they're not perfect human beings, or Ken[/Barbie] dolls in real life. You won't ever settle for less than perfect because if you did, you would have to admit to yourself and others that maybe you're not as great a catch as you imagine yourself to be. [deleted]

 

But if you did set aside your stratospheric standards for once and accept [people] as they are, and work from that, you might eventually find yourself with a pretty good partner."

 

But [some people] will not do this because they're looking for partners who will elevate their status with their peers and relatives. They're looking purely for a material gain here, not someone they can actually love, and be loved by. [deleted]

 

[Some people] generally refuse to accept the fact that nothing in life is a 100% perfect package deal. I look at my car, my home and other things in my life and see that nothing is 100% perfect. Everything has flaws or things that don't work quite right. But to [some people], everything has to be as perfect as it is in a cosmetics commercial on TV, or it's just not worth bothering with.

 

Fixed it for you

Edited January 23, 2014 by MixedUpChick
Women have the exact same issues as men in this situation; it's an equal problem for both genders.

[irc333]

I've been on & off dating sites, sometimes I've gone off because I've been dating someone for a while, other times I just get tired of it all so I turn off my profiles. I'm not excessively picky, I'm actually not terribly picky at all.

 

If you say so, though I have seen women admit to "giving it a shot again" only because they weren't dating anyone at all, but just gave up on online dating...at least that was most of the cases.

 

A lot of them weren't off the site for said reasons.

 

Though, I have seen NON-returning customers though, quite PERMANENT fixtures of this site.

 

Quite a few NEVER left the site, never even took a break from it. Always "Online Now" at least once a day. One I recall is a permanent fixture that lives locally.

 

Surprisingly she is VERY attractive, early 40's, never married, no kids, also...longest relationship she's ever been in....less than a year. Which is unique.

 

What makes her kind of strange though is how she words her profile. She talks as if she's a character in a mid-evil times.

 

An example:

 

==Needless to say : you are curious and seek to know/understand the individual that I am.

Having said that. I shall say : I'm compelled by knowledge & enchanted by wisdom.

I live by certain codes/philosophies. I'm simple. Yet, complex.

Don't lust for what you see... Desire what you know. ==

 

That's just a sample, but her profile write-up is pretty much just that....kind of strange that she writes in a "Haiku" fashion...perhaps her reason for being single...because NO one where she resides would understand all that. LOL.

 

I recall a nother returning customer only admittely state shes'a "return customer" because the men in her area are too young for her and keep hitting on her.

 

Turns out she's a friend of a friend on Facebook and found out she's a early 40's waitress at a "Hooters" -like restaurant. Basically a bar/grille where cute chicks wear skimpy clothes the same way Hooters girls do.

 

Anyhow, you know, probably the "token" 40-something waitress on the entire shift. lol

 

She is always complaining in her profile about something in regards to dating.

 

Chances are she keeps getting hit on because....she's a hot cougar in a skimpy outfit, the young guys don't' give a crap. So I guess that's why she's always a return customer. Chronically single.

 

Finally, wow...this came to me from out of the blue....I recall her from MySpace days. She was in said small town...remember on MY space you could write blog entries?

 

Well, I hope I can parse this together enough for it to make sense. But I recall that she was a 30 something year old woman that was a cashier at the Walgreens.

 

Apparently, she was under pressure from her friends to get her to date some of the local guys in touch through their social channels, "Hey I'd like to for you to meet so and so, etc"

 

Her philosophy, if I can recall, basically she won't date someone that SHE doesn't think that would be long term material. And I'm thinking "Um, you haven't even met these men or even spent any kind of time with them." So she's been turning down offers from guys or even offers from friends to introduce her, because she's yet to meet someone that's long term material.

 

BUT...if you aren't even going to bother with a FIRST date, then how can you know this??

 

She also talked about how she was driving along seeing these hot good looking guys in a plumbing contractors truck (plumbers) however, whenver SHE calls a plumber, he's always some fat guy with the butt crack stickin' out.

 

Anyhow, she was an example of the way of thinking of some of these chronically single women in these small towns. The rest of their friends all have boyfriends or married with children, but she's the "TokeN" single chick of the group(s).

 

YEt she'll turn down men like me in a heartbeat, though I'm looking for the long term, serious relatoinship.

[irc333]

Right, chances are there's that ONE decent, educated guy in that small town that HAS all his teeth, probably went off to college got an education, good job and wound up moving back to said small town then decided to ask her out....an ideal situation only to get rejected.

 

Miss Bee. If someone, in a small town, is on OLD year after year after year. Either they have horrible taste in partners and can't learn....or they can't ever be satisfied. Hence they want perfect men.

[Art_Critic]

IRC33,

 

I believe those women are using OLD for the same exact reason you are, they are online the same amount you are, they hide their profile and reshow it just like you do, they might even recreate profiles and close old ones like you do too.

 

They is no difference to the reason they are on there vs why you are on there, they are also in charge of their own lives, you have no way of knowing what it's like to be in these women's heads, you only guess it is to why they don't reply to you and assume you own reasons behind their motivation.

 

In reality it is probably true that many of those women are as happy with their lives as a person can be but they are missing the one person to connect with and make their lives totally complete, they have their reasons for not replying to you, why is it that you cannot accept that a person is allowed to make a decision in their own lives in OLD and not feel like they have to contact you or even be judged by you ?

 

It doesn't matter why they didn't reply to you, all that matters is that there is no connection.

 

Judging why and insinuating they have low self esteem or have set their bar so high it isn't achievable or they should be desperate and date anybody that comes along no matter how they fit into their lives just isn't your right, you don't know them or know why they are using OLD or even why they didn't reply to you.

 

They also don't know you and why you are using OLD, if I may ask why are you using OLD ?

 

It took me years to find the right woman using OLD, along the way I had many relationships that didn't pan out for whatever reason but I can tell you that the one thing I never did was second guess a woman's motivation online, all that mattered if she rejected me was there was no connection and next...

 

If your town is so small that you can not find anybody that you haven't contacted then maybe it is time for you to put OLD down for 6 months, close your account and become happy in your life again.. then go back out and restart the dating process again...

[Art_Critic]

Right, chances are there's that ONE decent, educated guy in that small town that HAS all his teeth, probably went off to college got an education, good job and wound up moving back to said small town then decided to ask her out....an ideal situation only to get rejected.

 

There is more to having all your teeth and education and etc etc that goes into that connection and that connection has to exist for both people at the same time..

[Disillusioned]

I agree, it is sad, seeing the same faces over and over and over again. A lot of return customers, especially women, are indeed back on OLD sites due to excessive pickiness.

 

One of the most common refrains coming from women on OLD sites is, "Where have all the good men gone?" To them, I say, "they're right in front of you, sweetie, but you won't give them a chance because they're not perfect human beings, or Ken dolls in real life. You won't ever settle for less than perfect because if you did, you would have to admit to yourself and others that maybe you're not as great a catch as you imagine yourself to be. Or that maybe you're not a ravishing goddess after all.

 

But if you did set aside your stratospheric standards for once and accept men as they are, and work from that, you might eventually find yourself with a pretty good partner."

 

But women will not do this because they're looking for partners who will elevate their status with their peers and relatives. They're looking purely for a material gain here, not someone they can actually love, and be loved by. The man's needs and wants count for nothing in this arrangement, he's just a functionary, a sacrifice on the altar of her own narcissism.

 

Women generally refuse to accept the fact that nothing in life is a 100% perfect package deal. I look at my car, my home and other things in my life and see that nothing is 100% perfect. Everything has flaws or things that don't work quite right. But to most women, everything has to be as perfect as it is in a cosmetics commercial on TV, or it's just not worth bothering with.

 

I agree with some of what you said, but after having had a run of bad dates in the past, I daresay my pickiness is nature's way of keeping me from getting into bad relationships.

 

I notice this at the speed dating meetups I still occasionally go to... I have my s. together more than some guys, but while some of the women I meet at speed dating meetups look "hot", almost all of them sound like they don't have much going for them in the way of a future... they tell me about their 9-to-5 boring jobs, and none of them have dreams of telling the boss to hang it and becoming self-employed... stuff like that.

 

Ergo, they find me intimidating as hell, and they don't "yes" me... though to me it's more of a relief than a disappointment TBH.

 

That may change soon however... this Sunday I'm attending a new meetup group for celibates. You guessed it, I'll be the only male there, judging from the RSVP list. In the bigger picture, things are beginning to get a lot more interesting for those of us who keep sex separate from love.

 

Stay tuned...