Curious.. WHY are so many men players? What causes it? Whats the benefit?

[RedRobin]

Maybe not but if a man doesn't find a woman worth marrying coming home to a drama free house is worth whatever other costs there might not be. I made most of my money and had the most career advancement in between marriages. I am happy in my marriage now but it took a damn good woman for me to go down that road again.

 

 

Yea well... it is much higher odds that it is the man who is bringing drama into the house.

 

 

All one has to do is look at crime statistics. It's not women's job to make life all perfect for broken men.

[Tayken]

A great many of my post marriage partners, were career woman, most had were now divorced, had a kid or two, and were not looking to me as Mr. Wonderful, just a fun time with a night of sex thrown in.

 

 

Now we are talking.....this is what am looking for as a solid foundation. After a while, and I mean a while....we might take it to the next level. Only difference is though, I happen to be capable of being Mr "wonderful" :-)

 

Only fools rush in

[RedRobin]

Depends....

 

I mean, does karma come back just because you're flat out not interested in a person and break their heart? I had a few of those back in the day (6-7 yrs ago in college). Very persistent men would continue to ask me out, then act like it was the end of the world because I wouldn't go on a date with them... like they were victims.

 

But then there was one person in my life who I had a good friendship with when we graduated high school... Then moving into college we got much closer, I thought I wanted more... then when he started to show me what he would be like as a boyfriend (controlling, trying to change me to be more "Godly", etc.) I freaked out and pulled away... breaking his heart too. I guess that could be the karma coming back, he was/is a really great guy.. I just wasn't ready to "change" for someone so drastically. I was 18!

 

Nonetheless.. could be karma coming back... 9 years later...

 

 

I hope you don't believe that. People break up with people all of the time when they get to know each other better. That's what dating is for.

 

 

You didn't deserve to be lied to or misled by this current guy.

 

 

Don't let dufus guys with an eye on revenge let you think you do. That's how some of them keep things rolling... they work on your insecurities. If you want to avoid guys like the one mentioned in this thread, then work on that.

 

 

... as for the other guys who like to 'brag' about all the women they've slept with (not sure why they think it is attractive)... we just haven't invented a phrase for men that is the equivalent of 'cumbucket'. Maybe someone should. The word 'player' sounds too nice... and not nearly descriptive enough.

Edited February 5, 2014 by RedRobin

[joystickd]

Yea well... it is much higher odds that it is the man who is bringing drama into the house.

 

 

All one has to do is look at crime statistics. It's not women's job to make life all perfect for broken men.

Just like it's not a man's job to make life perfect for a broken woman

[BradJacobs]

However this was a case where I was very cautious, we were "friends" for almost 2 years prior... then I was blindsided. So strange...

Might be a bit of rewriting history?

 

What I've learned is that a lot of women paint with broadstrokes. It's easier to blame it on the guy being a player than admitting that they selectively listened in the beginning and ignored a lot of signs that they weren't compatible.

[joystickd]

Yea well... it is much higher odds that it is the man who is bringing drama into the house.

 

 

All one has to do is look at crime statistics. It's not women's job to make life all perfect for broken men.

Crime stats actually have little to do with drama in the house

[joystickd]

Might be a bit of rewriting history?

 

What I've learned is that a lot of women paint with broadstrokes. It's easier to blame it on the guy being a player than admitting that they selectively listened in the beginning and ignored a lot of signs that they weren't compatible.

It's the easy way out to always blame the man. Two people were in the interaction and you should have seen the signs. Funny thing is you see the women that attack men on here and if one really noticed they consistently talk about the issues in interactions with men. One would think that they would finally have the common sense to realize it's not the men I am dealing with that is the problem it's ME. Crazy thing about a man talks about being friendzoned women will say it's him but the moment they have men issues they hate the advice that tells them to look at themselves.

[Woggle]

The one thing I never understood about man haters is how they go on about how awful it is for women to be with men and how men do nothing to bring women down yet they get mad at men for not wanting to commit. If men are so bad why do you want them to commit to women anyway? I don't get it.

[RedRobin]

answer... because some of us don't believe that players or commitment phobic males qualify as a real man. They just happen to have a penis.

 

 

We don't hate men. We hate players and commitment phobic males because they destroy trust and pollute the dating pool for genuine men and women who are sincerely looking to build a loving partnership based on mutual support and care.

 

What I don't get is people who defend those other guys and keep them in their circle of friends.

[joystickd]

answer... because some of us don't believe that players or commitment phobic males qualify as a real man. They just happen to have a penis.

 

 

We don't hate men. We hate players and commitment phobic males because they destroy trust and pollute the dating pool for genuine men and women who are sincerely looking to build a loving partnership based on mutual support and care.

 

What I don't get is people who defend those other guys and keep them in their circle of friends.

Because they are good people. Why want to not be friends with someone because they are a player if they are good to you? The thing is people treat you the way you let them treat you. If you are a woman the comes across a lot of players that says more about you than the men you are dealing with. They can't destroy the dating pool. Your own reactions to these situations destroy your own dating. We all come across people that are not good. Learn from it and move on. You don't have to punish the next man for sh*t the last man did. Learn from it increase your awareness. Each individual makes choices on how they handle situations. It's no good to have bitterness and always complain about what men do wrong. There are also times where you have to look in the mirror to see another reason you are still struggling.

[joystickd]

answer... because some of us don't believe that players or commitment phobic males qualify as a real man. They just happen to have a penis.

Funny thing is a lot of women don't understand for some men it's an evolution to want to be in a commitment. Also there would be no players or commitophobes if there were also no game playing women. Usually these situations go hand in hand. You can't talk sh*t about one without bashing the other and you sure do lack in the game playing women bashing arena. They in your terms destroy the dating pool too. Why don't you talk about them? I take it because they are women too

[Jack1987]

You should read my post; She never contacted me again ever since she came back from vacations.

 

And you will find out how women also play mind games and seek attention to boost their egos. Its crazy how people can do such a thing to one another and then say, We are just friends.

 

Totally learned my lession but this time it was too late since i already fell hard...

[Woggle]

answer... because some of us don't believe that players or commitment phobic males qualify as a real man. They just happen to have a penis.

 

 

We don't hate men. We hate players and commitment phobic males because they destroy trust and pollute the dating pool for genuine men and women who are sincerely looking to build a loving partnership based on mutual support and care.

 

What I don't get is people who defend those other guys and keep them in their circle of friends.

 

So are you saying that out of all your female friends every one of them is an angel that treats the men in her life as nice as pie? It's not like women shun their friends who act the same way so why look at just men?

[salparadise]

answer... because some of us don't believe that players or commitment phobic males qualify as a real man. They just happen to have a penis.

 

Translation: if he said he wanted a relationship and got me nekkid, then he's supposed to be hooked, and the woman has first right of refusal. If they don't play by my rules they aren't real men.

[RedRobin]

Translation: if he said he wanted a relationship and got me nekkid, then he's supposed to be hooked, and the woman has first right of refusal. If they don't play by my rules they aren't real men.

 

 

Translation: I like to mislead women and string them along, because it makes me feel important. Or maybe I'm just a coward. Haven't decided. I don't have anything else in my life that makes me feel important... so this works just fine. *shrug*

 

It's also a lot easier than being upfront or recognizing that our goals aren't compatible, because if I did that, I wouldn't get what I want... which is to avoid being a responsible, accountable human being for as long as possible. That sucks and is no fun.. and besides, my friends and other men think I'm cool.... not to mention that women who are also looking for casual sex are kinda yucky. If I didn't lie to the ones looking for a relationship, I'd only get sex from hoes.

 

 

High fives all around.

Edited February 6, 2014 by RedRobin

[Woggle]

Translation: I like to mislead women and string them along, because it makes me feel important. Or maybe I'm just a coward. Haven't decided. I don't have anything else in my life that makes me feel important... so this works just fine. *shrug*

 

It's also a lot easier than being upfront or recognizing that our goals aren't compatible, because if I did that, I wouldn't get what I want... which is to avoid being a responsible, accountable human being for as long as possible. That sucks and is no fun.. and besides, my friends and other men think I'm cool.... not to mention that women who are also looking for casual sex are kinda yucky. If I didn't lie to the ones looking for a relationship, I'd only get sex from hoes.

 

 

High fives all around.

 

Maybe he is 100% honest with women and then they get mad when they find out they can't tame him.

[Never Again]

Translation: I like to mislead women and string them along, because it makes me feel important. Or maybe I'm just a coward. Haven't decided. I don't have anything else in my life that makes me feel important... so this works just fine. *shrug*

 

It's also a lot easier than being upfront or recognizing that our goals aren't compatible, because if I did that, I wouldn't get what I want... which is to avoid being a responsible, accountable human being for as long as possible. That sucks and is no fun.. and besides, my friends and other men think I'm cool.... not to mention that women who are also looking for casual sex are kinda yucky. If I didn't lie to the ones looking for a relationship, I'd only get sex from hoes.

 

 

High fives all around.

 

Eh.

 

"Players" and "commitment phobes" come from both genders, and sometimes they're just folks that've been hurt too many times themselves to think that REAL relationships have any value.

 

Let's face it - a lot of people don't want to handle what REAL relationships and REAL love entails. They want thrills, chills, excitement and passion all day every day. They want infatuation and "falling in love"...not actual love.

 

At least 50% of the time, people will dump the supportive, caring, thoughtful partner who's actually looking to better their life because that's "BORING". Being fiscally irresponsible by spending all your money on toys, trips, alcohol and adventure is so much more FUN and EXCITING than sacrificing some of that valuable "party time" to build a successful, stable life to "settle down".

 

Today's world never stops, and rewards the selfish. Love yourself more than anyone else? Put your needs above everyone else's, especially your boyfriend/girlfriend's, all the time? Party all night, go on adventures, and DEMAND (don't ask) that your "needs" be met? Be outspoken, extroverted and have a borderline obnoxiously high level of energy? Congratulations, you're considered "attractive" because you're the forbidden fruit. No one can "tame" you, you wyld stallyn, but everyone sure wants to try.

[GemmaUK]

Maybe someone has posted this already... but I'm curious to find out why certain men are players and mess with women? Before this turns into a gender war post... I guess it could also flip around (women who play men?), however I feel the former is much more common.

 

Women- feel free to respond if you know the answer or have figured this out. (or have anything else to add for that matter )

 

Men- feel free to respond with your opinion... especially if you are a CURRENT or REFORMED player.

 

 

As I'm coming out of the haze and pretty much recovered from being played for a fool by someone who literally went through hoops to impress me and prove how much he cared about me, waited for months, then when all was said and done ended up playing games.... I'm just left wondering WHY? Why go out of your way to convince someone you care then play them for a fool and blame it all on them? WHY inflict emotional pain on someone? What is gained by it? Or is that just it... they don't even have concept of others' emotions and don't care.

 

I agree that some women walk themselves right into it and don't use any caution... and in a way ask for it. However this was a case where I was very cautious, we were "friends" for almost 2 years prior... then I was blindsided. So strange...

 

I have no idea..I have never experienced/got involved with a man I would call a player.

[NYWoman]

"We don't hate men. We hate players . . . "

 

Just curious who appointed you as the "We" spokesman.

 

Don't be so sure that you are speaking for your friends. Prior to my breaking up with my husband, I made the mistake of bragging to my friends of how

great he was in bed. It was only a matter of weeks before one of them decided that she would take a ride on his love tool. With her confirmation of how good he was, the rest of my friends made a beeline to his door and became steak eaters too.

[salparadise]

"We don't hate men. We hate players . . . "

 

Just curious who appointed you as the "We" spokesman.

 

Don't be so sure that you are speaking for your friends. Prior to my breaking up with my husband, I made the mistake of bragging to my friends of how

great he was in bed. It was only a matter of weeks before one of them decided that she would take a ride on his love tool. With her confirmation of how good he was, the rest of my friends made a beeline to his door and became steak eaters too.

 

Classic mistake––sorry for your pain. I guess you weren't a

fan?

[No Limit]

What's the benefit?

 

Sex.

[RedRobin]

"We don't hate men. We hate players . . . "

 

Just curious who appointed you as the "We" spokesman.

 

Don't be so sure that you are speaking for your friends. Prior to my breaking up with my husband, I made the mistake of bragging to my friends of how

great he was in bed. It was only a matter of weeks before one of them decided that she would take a ride on his love tool. With her confirmation of how good he was, the rest of my friends made a beeline to his door and became steak eaters too.

 

 

I'm sorry for your pain.

 

 

So far, I've been very fortunate to pick loyal, honest friends. I've also been a loyal friend to all of my friends. So when I say 'we'... I'd say everyone I know.... and likely lots of women here who haven't done these things.

 

 

Although, I do realize that in some demographics, that there are desperate women who will do just about anything to land a man. Very sorry again for what you went through. Still, if he were a loyal and trustworthy husband, he'd be hard pressed to follow through with that behavior... and would avoid women who would cause him to break his vows.

 

 

All I can say is perhaps figure out in advance why you chose this person to marry.

 

 

He likely had some of those traits before. Maybe he was a 'player' who convinced you he'd changed his stripes?? In that case, you were just renting him. Men like that don't ever really commit. They've always got one foot out of the door. I'd say you probably do 'hate' players as much as I do. But first you probably need to find a way to forgive yourself for picking him in the first place. That's hard to do, I know.

[RedRobin]

Eh.

 

"Players" and "commitment phobes" come from both genders, and sometimes they're just folks that've been hurt too many times themselves to think that REAL relationships have any value.

 

Let's face it - a lot of people don't want to handle what REAL relationships and REAL love entails. They want thrills, chills, excitement and passion all day every day. They want infatuation and "falling in love"...not actual love.

 

At least 50% of the time, people will dump the supportive, caring, thoughtful partner who's actually looking to better their life because that's "BORING". Being fiscally irresponsible by spending all your money on toys, trips, alcohol and adventure is so much more FUN and EXCITING than sacrificing some of that valuable "party time" to build a successful, stable life to "settle down".

 

Today's world never stops, and rewards the selfish. Love yourself more than anyone else? Put your needs above everyone else's, especially your boyfriend/girlfriend's, all the time? Party all night, go on adventures, and DEMAND (don't ask) that your "needs" be met? Be outspoken, extroverted and have a borderline obnoxiously high level of energy? Congratulations, you're considered "attractive" because you're the forbidden fruit. No one can "tame" you, you wyld stallyn, but everyone sure wants to try.

 

 

Yes. I agree. It comes in both genders.

[RedRobin]

Maybe he is 100% honest with women and then they get mad when they find out they can't tame him.

 

 

... at the risk of loading up this thread with my posts...

 

 

I've yet to meet a real 'player' who is 100% honest. Mostly they thrive on vagueness and empty promises. Either knowingly or unknowingly... doesn't matter to me.

 

 

It's one reason why I wait so long to become intimate after I meet someone.... or consider whether we are compatible for a relationship.

 

 

Every person has the potential to be a player... or seem like one... if they are confused or indecisive. I prefer not having to figure out the difference between those who are intentionally or unintentionally doing this.

[joystickd]

... at the risk of loading up this thread with my posts...

 

 

I've yet to meet a real 'player' who is 100% honest. Mostly they thrive on vagueness and empty promises. Either knowingly or unknowingly... doesn't matter to me.

 

 

It's one reason why I wait so long to become intimate after I meet someone.... or consider whether we are compatible for a relationship.

 

 

Every person has the potential to be a player... or seem like one... if they are confused or indecisive. I prefer not having to figure out the difference between those who are intentionally or unintentionally doing this.

Then they are liars not player. I guess I come from a different school of thought where players are honest. Think about it: How can you be a player of a game when you are dishonest?