She says she loves me, do actions speak louder than words

[Kevin811]

Been dating a woman for 6 months now. The problem is I'm super nice to her always doing what ever needs done. I take her flowers. Cards. Leave little notes for her fix her car. Wash her cloths. I always show affection. But get none in return. I don't think we have made love 10 times yet. Always has an excuss why not to. She says she loves me. But actions speak louder then words. When I ask her how she feels she gets mad and all bent out of shape. Can't even get a kiss. No more then a peck. In the six months we have been together she has not driven to my house Not once. I asked why. I get I don't no how to get there. I live 20 min away and she has been here a 100 times. But only when I have to go pick her up. One day I got a call about my uncle was told he passed away. I started to cry. I got what the hell you crying for. No hug. Didn't ask what's wrong. Nothing from her. I always tell her that I wished I could read your mind because if I could I'm sure I'd be gone. She always says no you wouldn't. Pls help lost and don't no what to do. Oh and by the way we are not kids. I'm 41. She is 47.

[TaraMaiden]

She is a 47-year-old mother figure and you are a 41-year-old doormat.

 

Sorted.

 

Now?

 

leave.

[Philosoraptor]

So what are the reasons you stay with her? If you're this unhappy why continue to waste what little time we have in this life on someone who makes you so miserable?

[d0nnivain]

She sounds cold.

 

 

If you want more emotional support then you are getting, you need to get it somewhere else.

 

 

Let this relationship go & move on.

 

 

Sorry about the death of your uncle.

[Kevin811]

She sounds cold.

 

 

If you want more emotional support then you are getting, you need to get it somewhere else.

 

 

Let this relationship go & move on.

 

 

Sorry about the death of your uncle.

 

I get nothing from her. Was hoping she would open up but she hasn't. Guess it's time to move on

[pteromom]

When I ask her how she feels she gets mad and all bent out of shape.

 

This is the biggest problem in your post. If you can't talk to her, your relationship can never grow.

 

You have to try to get her to open up and communicate, and if you can't, you have to leave her. Because you can't solve any of the other problems in your relationship until you solve this one.

[Kevin811]

She is a 47-year-old mother figure and you are a 41-year-old doormat.

 

Sorted.

 

Now?

 

leave.

 

How do you no she is a mother? Just don't understand why she says one thing then her actions show another. I've asked her to show something. It's always I will. But never happens. Then when I say I can't take no more. It's i will again

[TaraMaiden]

No.

I mean she is a mother FIGURE - to you.

She's treating you like a 16-year-old go-fer, not her partner and lover!

 

And you're taking it all, and rolling over and letting her kick you while you're down.

[Phantom888]

She is taking you for granted. You are being used. She doesn't appreciate you. You should leave. No need to wait.

[Kevin811]

No.

I mean she is a mother FIGURE - to you.

She's treating you like a 16-year-old go-fer, not her partner and lover!

 

And you're taking it all, and rolling over and letting her kick you while you're down.

 

Lover. That's funny. I don't even no what that is. I'm to the point where I feel like whatever I do is not good enough. I tell her actions speak louder then words and I get I don't wanna hear that

[StanMusial]

Lover. That's funny. I don't even no what that is. I'm to the point where I feel like whatever I do is not good enough. I tell her actions speak louder then words and I get I don't wanna hear that

 

She don't want to hear it, because she has no intention of changing her actions.

 

She doesn't sound like a very nice person.

[Kevin811]

She don't want to hear it, because she has no intention of changing her actions.

 

She doesn't sound like a very nice person.

 

She is very cold hearted. I kinda feel bad for her in a way. She will be alone all her life. She says she thanks god everyday for having me in her life. But the actions are not there. I'm gonna have to just tell her it's not working. Like I've said I've tried to be open. Tried to tell her how she makes me feel and nothing. It's like talking to a wall

[Raena]

Is there a reason for why she acts this way? Was she married before? What were her past relationships like?

 

The reason why I ask is because it seems like she doesn't want to open up to you, or maybe that's the way she was raised. Maybe she has difficulty with trust. I don't know. There has to be a reason why she would behave like that. Maybe she isn't into you. I don't know. I feel like there has to be more to the story.

 

It could simply be that she keeps things bottled up and doesn't know how to show love and affection. Someone who has been hurt or has never really been in a loving affectionate relationship would react that way.

 

Or it could be that she just isn't that into you.

[Kevin811]

Is there a reason for why she acts this way? Was she married before? What were her past relationships like?

 

The reason why I ask is because it seems like she doesn't want to open up to you, or maybe that's the way she was raised. Maybe she has difficulty with trust. I don't know. There has to be a reason why she would behave like that. Maybe she isn't into you. I don't know. I feel like there has to be more to the story.

 

It could simply be that she keeps things bottled up and doesn't know how to show love and affection. Someone who has been hurt or has never really been in a loving affectionate relationship would react that way.

 

Or it could be that she just isn't that into you.

 

Very good questions. She was married before and he cheated on her many times. She knows I would never do that. I'm opposite of what she was married to. I show affection. Show that I care. I'll sit down and talk. I don't yell or scream like he did. I'm easy going. She always says I'm nothing like him. I try to get her to open up. Once in a while she does. I keep telling her let ur walls down. She knows I would never hurt her

[Kevin811]

This is the biggest problem in your post. If you can't talk to her, your relationship can never grow.

 

You have to try to get her to open up and communicate, and if you can't, you have to leave her. Because you can't solve any of the other problems in your relationship until you solve this one.

 

I've tried I get I'm not used to talking. Guess her and her x would just tell and scream and never talk. I always say well I'm not him.

[eotdevice]

Sounds a little like my current girlfriend. She had an ex that treated her very poorly. I remember when first dating I asked how her day was. She told me no one ever asked her that. So I continue to ask from time to time and she has opened up some. But not as much as I would like. Also we hang out at her house alot, she didn't like coming to mine. Been here 4 times in 7 months. I do know that if she doesn't start to open up even more the relationship won't last. She is a nice girl but a bit too quiet right now.

[Kevin811]

Sounds a little like my current girlfriend. She had an ex that treated her very poorly. I remember when first dating I asked how her day was. She told me no one ever asked her that. So I continue to ask from time to time and she has opened up some. But not as much as I would like. Also we hang out at her house alot, she didn't like coming to mine. Been here 4 times in 7 months. I do know that if she doesn't start to open up even more the relationship won't last. She is a nice girl but a bit too quiet right now.

 

I text her every morning to tell her good morning. Always ask how her day is going. Always sending a sweet text. Always telling her how pretty she is. I do everything she never had before. Guess she was married to a real *******. But I do everything to make her feel special and wanted. But it's like pulling teeth to get her to open up. I no how u feel. It sucks

[pickflicker]

Been dating a woman for 6 months now. The problem is I'm super nice to her always doing what ever needs done. I take her flowers. Cards. Leave little notes for her fix her car. Wash her cloths. I always show affection. But get none in return. I don't think we have made love 10 times yet. Always has an excuss why not to. She says she loves me. But actions speak louder then words. When I ask her how she feels she gets mad and all bent out of shape. Can't even get a kiss. No more then a peck. In the six months we have been together she has not driven to my house Not once. I asked why. I get I don't no how to get there. I live 20 min away and she has been here a 100 times. But only when I have to go pick her up. One day I got a call about my uncle was told he passed away. I started to cry. I got what the hell you crying for. No hug. Didn't ask what's wrong. Nothing from her. I always tell her that I wished I could read your mind because if I could I'm sure I'd be gone. She always says no you wouldn't. Pls help lost and don't no what to do. Oh and by the way we are not kids. I'm 41. She is 47.

 

You're not her boyfriend, you're the help. And she doesn't look like she's changing any time soon.

 

You doing everything for her, you coming back again and again after she treats you badly - women don't want to have sex with those men. We want to have sex with confident men. You let her treat you like crap and you keep coming back and doing things for her. If you want respect, then you have to respect yourself, and you don't. If you did, you'd leave her.

 

So leave her.

[deathandtaxes]

Lover. That's funny. I don't even no what that is. I'm to the point where I feel like whatever I do is not good enough. I tell her actions speak louder then words and I get I don't wanna hear that

 

 

 

Huh? You're being a great guy. You're doing way more than your fair share in this relationship. There is a terrible imbalance going on. She honestly sounds sociopathic.

[ChessPieceFace]

Only problem I see here is that you've dated her about 5 months too long already.

[bronzon]

No.

I mean she is a mother FIGURE - to you.

She's treating you like a 16-year-old go-fer, not her partner and lover!

 

And you're taking it all, and rolling over and letting her kick you while you're down.

 

Hi TaraMaiden,

 

Question for you. Why is being nice to someone you care about considered being a doormat?

 

I used to do my girlfriend's dishes, etc, help out when she needed it. But she also said things like, "I feel like a bitch around you," or "You don't stand up to me."

 

Maybe I just never got taught this lesson in relationship school, but how exactly am I supposed to act around my girlfriend?

 

And TaraMaiden, shameless plug, please check out my thread and offer and advice if you can.

 

 

To OP,

 

Please have more dignity and self-confidence. There are other women in the world who will treat you better.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Been dating a woman for 6 months now. The problem is I'm super nice to her always doing what ever needs done. I take her flowers. Cards. Leave little notes for her fix her car. Wash her cloths. I always show affection. But get none in return. I don't think we have made love 10 times yet. Always has an excuss why not to. She says she loves me. But actions speak louder then words. When I ask her how she feels she gets mad and all bent out of shape. Can't even get a kiss. No more then a peck. In the six months we have been together she has not driven to my house Not once. I asked why. I get I don't no how to get there. I live 20 min away and she has been here a 100 times. But only when I have to go pick her up. One day I got a call about my uncle was told he passed away. I started to cry. I got what the hell you crying for. No hug. Didn't ask what's wrong. Nothing from her. I always tell her that I wished I could read your mind because if I could I'm sure I'd be gone. She always says no you wouldn't. Pls help lost and don't no what to do. Oh and by the way we are not kids. I'm 41. She is 47.

 

Guarantee she will leave you for a jerk. Dude where's your spine? Man up!! Stop doing ALL OF THESE THINGS until she shows she is invested too and not using you. Your patience is far greater than mine.

 

Demand respect and courtesy. Tell her she has to come to see you, do her own chores, etc. Some people are not very affectionate but that's not the biggest red flag. She sounds like a wench and don't always buy into the sob stories people tell you about exes. Some people never want to take responsibility for their part and blame it all on the other person to gain sympathy.

 

You don't sound like her boyfriend but rather her slave. Give her some space to miss you a bit. We teach people how to treat us and you've set a terrible precedent. You sound like a sweet guy and there are many girls (such as myself) awaiting a nice, respectful, attentive, BUT SELF RESPECTING man. Hang in there!

[seaniesson]

That's the trouble my friend...you are being too nice....And by saying that I don't mean you have to be horrible but don't 'overpower' her with affection all the time. The odd comment here and there, yes, but by constantly being nice you are putting her on a pedestal which is getting higher and higher and further away from your reach each time.

 

I had an ex just like your girlfriend (and only a few years younger than your girlfriend as well) and in the end the relationship ended because she was the same, hard to talk to, never came to mine, I guess we were not compatible.

 

If you are not happy and she isn't prepared to give you the time of day then you need to think to yourself, is it worth it? If not, find someone who makes you happy and who wants to be with you on an equal basis, don't settle for anything less as you will only be hurting yourself.

 

I hope you find what you are looking for...All the best.

 

 

(Ps fellow forum members....this is my first post after lots of browsing....please don't shoot me

[Kevin811]

Guarantee she will leave you for a jerk. Dude where's your spine? Man up!! Stop doing ALL OF THESE THINGS until she shows she is invested too and not using you. Your patience is far greater than mine.

 

Demand respect and courtesy. Tell her she has to come to see you, do her own chores, etc. Some people are not very affectionate but that's not the biggest red flag. She sounds like a wench and don't always buy into the sob stories people tell you about exes. Some people never want to take responsibility for their part and blame it all on the other person to gain sympathy.

 

You don't sound like her boyfriend but rather her slave. Give her some space to miss you a bit. We teach people how to treat us and you've set a terrible precedent. You sound like a sweet guy and there are many girls (such as myself) awaiting a nice, respectful, attentive, BUT SELF RESPECTING man. Hang in there!

 

I do stand up to her. Last few weeks I've really backed off. I don't see her everyday like I used to. My texts have gotten really short with her. The sweet things came to an end. I did notice she does. Not say she loves me anymore. No good night texts. I asked last week what's up with u. She said what do u mean. I said ur pulling away. She said well if you pull away then so will I. That's when I stood up and laid into her in a respectful way. By that I mean I was not yelling or screaming. Just a strong tone. I said I do everything for u. Go out of my way and do everything u need and to make u happy and ur still a missable bitch. I also said is there something wrong with me that u can't make love to me. Be close to me. I told her you think the grass is greenier elsewhere then go. But when u relize it's not I won't be found. And her past marriage. The truth. She always blamed him. But the more I see I kinda blame her. If this is how she is I can see how she pushed him to someone else. I wouldn't if cheated. I would if left first. And I did this back in oct in the outer banks I went off on her. And when I do stand up to her she says I don't do that. Or whatever just go. Sometimes she cries after I walk away. Her two kids 19 and15 tell her all the time she needs to be nicer to me.

[Hopeful30]

WAAAAAAAAAAAAIT a second. You've been dating for 6 months and haven't had sex even 10 times?!?!?!

 

I'm having sex problems with my current man and we had sex 10 times in the first week!

 

That would be my #1 concern. As I've learned in my current situation, sex is the first to go when something is up.

 

To answer your question, actions are WAY more valuable than words. I could tell any man that I loved him, but if I don't bang him.... well... it's pretty self-explanatory.