Emilia Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 I guess with an emotionally healthy man, we wouldnt' get into these stupid discussions in the first place, and if and when I did start showing interest he would like it and not run? Please tell me this is the case?! ha!! x Of course. It's not about ego boost, that poster was just trying to get a rise out of you. Disagreements and negotiating hurdles during dating is part of the experience but someone who is ready and is capable of a healthy relationship will communicate their point of view. It may or may not be to your liking what they say but healthy people don't enjoy the emotional rollercoaster ride, no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryBlossom200 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 Believe me I'm a tough cookie to crack, I don't make it easy for guys. I'm not really hard on them or anything, but because I'm happy being single and have a good social life I fit them in around my life and sometimes I just feel like being home on my own so they seem to enjoy working to see me. However, the two last guys pulled away for absolutley no reason at all. We had an amazing away together, he came back to mine for lunch, cuddled on the sofa - watched rubbish Xmas TV together and fell asleep. He left and texted me saying he had a great lunch with me, I said the samething too. And the next day, he had 'work' (it was a Sunday BTW) and didn't want to meet me and a friend. Totally crazy behaviour. It seemed that just as things were getting good he got cold feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Believe me I'm a tough cookie to crack, I don't make it easy for guys. I'm not really hard on them or anything, but because I'm happy being single and have a good social life I fit them in around my life and sometimes I just feel like being home on my own so they seem to enjoy working to see me. However, the two last guys pulled away for absolutley no reason at all. We had an amazing away together, he came back to mine for lunch, cuddled on the sofa - watched rubbish Xmas TV together and fell asleep. He left and texted me saying he had a great lunch with me, I said the samething too. And the next day, he had 'work' (it was a Sunday BTW) and didn't want to meet me and a friend. Totally crazy behaviour. It seemed that just as things were getting good he got cold feet. You two weren't compatible. You probably mesh with guys who are a bit more independent and less vulnerable. Seek those out. Not the highly sensitive, emotionally needy ones. They would require more of an 'in'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryBlossom200 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 Yeah you're right. I can't imagine any woman would want to go out with a guy who is so insecure?! I thought the neediness/insecurity would disappear after a while but clearly not. What kind of woman would put up with such nutty behaviour. I can't seem him ever finding a woman at this rate. Not that it's my problem It's someone else's now! Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 ... would go on a few dates and give him a chance, just pu tit down to nerves or something. Anyway, we had a few really nice dates and I felt really comfortable around him. But I still sensed hewasn't quite being himself. He knew that I had been hurt in the past a fewyears ago, so I have a few commitment issues but I assured him that I wouldcommit to the right guy. He mentioned very early on that he is ready for kids(we are both mid-30's) - again I was surprised by his honesty and forwardness A few weeks later, I started initiating things a little nothing big - just asked if he fancied going to the cinema etc but he started pulling back which baffled me. When I finally had enough (I'm not the type to put up with bad behaviour) I told him that his behaviour of acting hot/cold was confusing and that we either leave it or he start treating me normally. He opted to carry on seeing me, but he kept saying that he was worried about the commitment thing - that he would jump in/and I would jump out, that he would invest and I would run. So I instictively started saying that I liked him a lot and saw him as long term potential etc etc and he just disappeared! What the hell did I do wrong? He saw you as a flight risk. In life, there are no guarantees. But we can weigh the risk against the reward, and in this case for him the reward was not worth the risk. Don't bring your baggage on a date with you. Next time, it might be a guy that you really like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryBlossom200 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 I don't think it was that at all. I gave him a lot of green signals I was interested, I went away with him, actively wanted to spend more time with him, reassured him all the time. Yet he STILL pulled away. I don't think I could have won with this guy. The more I initiated things the more he pulled away. Sorry, I don't agree. Besides we ALL have baggage. The only reason I alerted him to mine is because he was so full-on a the start, so I needed him to realise I need to take things slowly. I think he just got scared off and maybe realised it wasn't something he wanted after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryBlossom200 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 Also, shortly before Christmas he said things were moving too fast and to leave it until after new years. So I did just that, I left him to it and carried on with my life. He got in contact with me on NYE and wished me a lovely evening. We met up a few days later and he seemed to be a bit baffled as to why I didn't contact him, I said that I don't chase men and because he said to leave it -I did just that. He seemed to expect me to break the silence/cave in and contact him. I said that I don't hang around for people to make their mind up about me, that I move on pretty quickly. He said he wished he was a lot more like me - that he could move on quickly without looking back. What on earth?! How am I supposed to respond to that? Mixed signals again, of head f**k? I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 He mentioned very early on that he is ready for kids(we are both mid-30's) - again I was surprised by his honesty and forwardness He opted to carry on seeing me, but he kept saying that he was worried about the commitment thing - that he would jump in/and I would jump out, that he would invest and I would run. So I instictively started saying that I liked him a lot and saw him as long term potential etc etc and he just disappeared! How early did you bring up the commitment issues? Whenever a girl brought this to my attention it was pretty much game over. Once that cat is out of the bag the burden of proof otherwise is on you. Why would he not believe you when you tell him that? Furthermore, you're in your mid-30's, if you want kids and a family you better figure out how to catch a man sooner rather than later. But it's completely nuts?! He said he was worried that we wanted different things - so I said I wanted the same things as him. He asked what were they? I said eventually marriage and kids. Again, he wants someone stable and ready for a relationship, not someone who is working on their "commitment issues". Maybe he thought you were just saying these things because you thought that's what he wanted to hear. I don't think it was that at all. I gave him a lot of green signals I was interested, I went away with him, actively wanted to spend more time with him, reassured him all the time. Yet he STILL pulled away. I don't think I could have won with this guy. The more I initiated things the more he pulled away. Sorry, I don't agree. Besides we ALL have baggage. The only reason I alerted him to mine is because he was so full-on a the start, so I needed him to realise I need to take things slowly. I think he just got scared off and maybe realised it wasn't something he wanted after all. Right, that's what I was trying to tell you, he got "scared off". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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