johndo Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 (edited) Hi, I am typing this just to waste time when i am at my lowest point at the moment. I am trying to get over my EX but having a very hard time doing so. I am keeping the NC rule and did not contact her for over 2 weeks now. i been trying to leave her for months now after some big fights we had and she was always calling and trying to come back to me and i always fell for it. the last weeks before i finally ended it she was actually exactly what i wanted her to be. she was sweat, caring and no more lies and her being like that screwed me up now because i only remember the last weeks instead of the horror that i had to deal with for the past year. she had a drinking and drug problem that i tried to help her through but it was getting to a point where i was loosing myself. I did fall in love with this girl and when i say fall in love i am saying very deep in love with her. Does not help also that i was EXTREMELY attracted to her and she was to me. I still think that she was the most beautiful women i have ever set my eyes on. but in the inside she had lots of issues, she's possessive, jealous, and aggressive when she drinks and does not take drugs. The only way to end the relationship was to drop her off home one day and i drove straight to the airport and took the next plane with no luggage or anything. when i landed she had just woke up and she called me to hear the phone ring internationally. she cried on the phone and since then we did not talk. this girl has hurt me emotionally, physically. we loved each other with passion and when we disagreed it was a nuclear bomb. I just don't know why i can't stop thinking about her, about how good she made me feel the last few weeks, how sexually attracted i was to her. i seem to forget all the lies, drugs and alcohol that went through the relationship. the headaches sleepless nights and how financially demanding this relationship was. i really don't know if i am in love with her at this point or it's a obsession/ego that is not able to let her go and imagine her be with someone else. because since i been with her i could not find 1 women that i could consider to my standards. it's like she has blinded me with her beauty. Edited January 16, 2014 by johndo
movingonnow1 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Hi, I am typing this just to waste time when i am at my lowest point at the moment. I am trying to get over my EX but having a very hard time doing so. I am keeping the NC rule and did not contact her for over 2 weeks now. i been trying to leave her for months now after some big fights we had and she was always calling and trying to come back to me and i always fell for it. the last weeks before i finally ended it she was actually exactly what i wanted her to be. she was sweat, caring and no more lies and her being like that screwed me up now because i only remember the last weeks instead of the horror that i had to deal with for the past year. she had a drinking and drug problem that i tried to help her through but it was getting to a point where i was loosing myself. I did fall in love with this girl and when i say fall in love i am saying very deep in love with her. Does not help also that i was EXTREMELY attracted to her and she was to me. I still think that she was the most beautiful women i have ever set my eyes on. but in the inside she had lots of issues, she's possessive, jealous, and aggressive when she drinks and does not take drugs. The only way to end the relationship was to drop her off home one day and i drove straight to the airport and took the next plane with no luggage or anything. when i landed she had just woke up and she called me to hear the phone ring internationally. she cried on the phone and since then we did not talk. this girl has hurt me emotionally, physically. we loved each other with passion and when we disagreed it was a nuclear bomb. I just don't know why i can't stop thinking about her, about how good she made me feel the last few weeks, how sexually attracted i was to her. i seem to forget all the lies, drugs and alcohol that went through the relationship. the headaches sleepless nights and how financially demanding this relationship was. i really don't know if i am in love with her at this point or it's a obsession/ego that is not able to let her go and imagine her be with someone else. because since i been with her i could not find 1 women that i could consider to my standards. it's like she has blinded me with her beauty. I'm sorry you are hurting and going through this. Just get a bit of clarity, you broke up with her? Can you explain why you ended it with her and how she hurt your emotionally? Was it just because you two were arguing?
Author johndo Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 (edited) I broke up with her because she use to disrespect me, she use to be very demanding of my time. But mostly because of the alcohol and drug abuse. she loved to do both and when she drinks she becomes very unpleasant, disrespectful and she did not care how much she would hurt me. The only way for her to be normal when she drinks would be to take drugs (cocaine). also once a month she needed to take MDMA and when i take this drug i loose 2 days to recover so i can't work of do anything and this started to affect my life, my relationship with family and friends..... Last month for the first time she actually got drunk after i made her a birthday party only princess's dream of. where everything was thought of to the smallest details. her family and friends where in OWHHHHH but after the drinking that night and i refused to take drugs or allow her to do so she went on a pscho mood and actually assaulted me with a metal vase. anyways it ended up being bloody on my side and i had left. next weeks after that she begged for forgiveness. this is just 1 incident but much much more happened before. it might help if you read this thread that i put up to explain the relationship ... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/437815-relationship-changed-my-life Edited January 16, 2014 by johndo
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 There's no magic formula to get over someone. It happens differently for different people but it takes time, more than 2 weeks. I have been helped by writing out a list of all the other person's faults & all the reasons we're better off apart then reading that over & over.
Chi townD Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Nope! Sorry dude. But, the moment the relationship turns to physical abuse, that should be a deal breaker. In your other thread, you wrote that one time while she was drunk/high and you were in NC she was sending you texts and photo's about sleeping with you and to come over. Finally, she stated that if you didn't come over there and have sex with her, she was going to find someone that would. Well, believe it dude! She didn't have a job, so where did she get the money to get drunk/high? That means someone was there to supply that to her and was probably still there when she sent that text. So, believe it. Dude, she's got her own demons to fight, you can fix her and you can make her become sober. That's a choice she has to make for herself. You hit your dealbreaker. That's not your fault, it was her doing. However, I was kind of shock to discover you leaving the country so abruptly! Wow!
Author johndo Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 i know that she did not cheat, she has money on the side. and going out getting high cost 10$ for a MDMA but again i agree with you 100% that she has her own daemons to fight and that i will be broken before i can fix her. Just letting go is the right thing to do. But is not easy, this is why i share my story on the forum and appreciate the support !!! I truly believe this hurts so much because it was the first time i fell in love. i dated women all my life and leaving them was as easy as 123 but this one hit me hard.
Author johndo Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Been 17 days no contact. Yesterday there was a event in my home town and she saw me and texted me that she can see me in the crowd. i asked if she saw me on TV or she is there... she never replied. After the event was done i noticed her in the back of a car with her GF and 2 guys in front. she tried to hide so i don't see her but i honked and waved hello with a smile and carried on my way after the traffic went moved. I find myself keep thinking of what she is doing. i keep imagining her partying every night and having much more fun than me. At this point i really don't think i love her anymore it just hurts to imagine her with someone else. i know it's selfish but it's easier said than done to stop thinking about what she is doing.... Tried to have sex with another girl even tho she was a 10/10 and extremely attractive i hated myself afterwards. This never happened to me and i am really weirded out on how much this person has affected me. During the day i am at work then work out but at night it's like impossible for me to sleep because all i am thinking is that she is out partying and having fun. even tho there is nothing else she has going on. just the thought of her having sex keeps me awake the entire night ! again i am just typing to type and get it over my chest...
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