Luke12345 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 A bit of background. Rocky 6 month relationship, she hurt me quite bad at the end, I think I hurt her a bit but only with the cold way I reacted to the whole thing she done (I won't go into it all now). So I broke up with her of course and said we should NC. We have mixed friends now from being together, mostly mine are now hers not vice versa (no disrespect but she didn't have many). This Saturday she was obviously talking to one of my friends saying she wanted to go out (his words to me from speaking to him earlier) so he invited her to this place called the Agincourt (rock club) which we all go to often, they've got a Mad Hatter's / Alice in Wonderland theme for the night which I really want to go to. Usually I'd go, dressed up too! no problem. But she will DEFINITELY be there and things aren't the best between us right now....by far! Now I don't want to be pushed out of somewhere I went to first just because she's there but would be the best way to handle this situation? How should I react if she starts talking to me? And how if she does the opposite and gives me the cold shoulder?
mantlefan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I feel the same way. It seems like almost everything that we shared, my ex (5 months out of a 5 year RS) is getting "custody" of. But really ask yourself if a turf battle is worth seeing that person who right now can hurt you more with a smile than most other people can with the most vile words.
Chi townD Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 A bit of background. Rocky 6 month relationship, she hurt me quite bad at the end, I think I hurt her a bit but only with the cold way I reacted to the whole thing she done (I won't go into it all now). So I broke up with her of course and said we should NC. We have mixed friends now from being together, mostly mine are now hers not vice versa (no disrespect but she didn't have many). This Saturday she was obviously talking to one of my friends saying she wanted to go out (his words to me from speaking to him earlier) so he invited her to this place called the Agincourt (rock club) which we all go to often, they've got a Mad Hatter's / Alice in Wonderland theme for the night which I really want to go to. Usually I'd go, dressed up too! no problem. But she will DEFINITELY be there and things aren't the best between us right now....by far! Now I don't want to be pushed out of somewhere I went to first just because she's there but would be the best way to handle this situation? How should I react if she starts talking to me? And how if she does the opposite and gives me the cold shoulder? Or worse! What if she brings a date? What if she starts flirting with other dudes in front of you? What if is leaves with a guy that she spent the evening making out with in a dark corner of the club? Dude, don't go, find something else to do. An "Alice in Wonderland" event isn't the ONLY thing going on in the world.
Author Luke12345 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I feel the same way. It seems like almost everything that we shared, my ex (5 months out of a 5 year RS) is getting "custody" of. But really ask yourself if a turf battle is worth seeing that person who right now can hurt you more with a smile than most other people can with the most vile words. Did you actually have this turf war or did u avoid the situation?
mantlefan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Did you actually have this turf war or did u avoid the situation? Well, I am still in the middle of deciding in a lot of cases. I have backed off a lot of our mutual friends. I have stopped going to the church my friend and I have been going to because she shows up there with him. But this thread here is one example of where I don't know what to do: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/454284-dinner-mutual-friends-ex-i The big one is going to be the nonprofit we both work for often, where we fell in love, and where we worked together well. I don't think I should give it up just because she is there, and she probably thinks the same in regards to me. I will just have to decide one day if that place means enough to me to make the slower recovery and pain worth it.
Mondmellonw Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 If I were you, I would definitely avoid seeing her/going to that party, at any cost. Chances are that yes, if she is not a big friend of your mutual friends, she'll bring another person... It can be a girl friend, or a guy, we don't know and most important: we shouldn't care about it, just about her. I don't know if avoiding this kind of situations makes us weak, but as I said: I will avoid her, and ignore her if she comes after you.
Mondmellonw Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Or, wait... Do you want to see her, or to go back with her? The answer you're looking for now depends on this.
herself Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Seems like your friends need to understand you guys are healing and in no contact and theyshould not be talking with her or inviting her to places you will be. That will only drag it out and keep her in your life. Sorry but if these were your loyal friends first she should not take any precedence and they should respect your feelings of moving on and cutting ties. Explain to them or take a break from group activities for a bit and go underground. Let things cool off and stay off fb where she will certainly be linked to everyone of your friends and pop up everywhere. Nc means nc everywhere. Dont go ANY where she will be until your healed & indifferent.
Author Luke12345 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Thanks all, my friends don't know what's happened so I can't blame them, but I will take your advice and not go in case. I don't want to get hurt anymore, maybe it's best I swallow my pride, be selfless and let her win this turf war.
Ordinaryday Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 if you have to go there then try to avoid her at all costs. if you bump into her and she says anything, just say you have to go. DON'T make small talk with her, ask her about her life, ask her if she has a new boyfriend, or anything. if she tries any of this on you don't answer the question, just excuse yourself.
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