mantlefan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Hi All, My ex and I worked together for 5 years and have a ton of mutual friends. I don't want to burn any bridges, so tomorrow night I am going out to dinner with a pair of those mutual friends. It's a little complicated, because although I get along OK with both of them, they are getting married next year at the place where my ex and I were talking about getting married. Even better, my ex is roommates with the girl, and will be the girl's maid of honor. They may ask me about how I am feeling in regards to my ex (5 months post BU, 5 year relationship, just found out 2 weeks ago my ex started to go after another mutual friend of all of ours just 2 weeks after the breakup, and now it seems like he is very much relenting on her advances). I want to tell the truth, but not get bogged down in it. something like: "Although it hurts to find out 5 months after the breakup that her feelings for [friend] may have been part of why she broke up with me, I am starting to see that getting out of each other's lives as much as possible is best for both of us. I miss her, but I am starting to learn that my priorities in life were upside down back then, and losing her has helped me get them back in order, especially with my faith. Plus, the way she and [friend] have been handling things makes me start to think I owe it to myself anyways to move on." That is all true. I do want to forgive my ex and my friend and move on, and I really think that it took losing my ex to see how messed up my life goals were, but at the same time, I just don't know how much I should actually say.
organizedchaos Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Hi All, My ex and I worked together for 5 years and have a ton of mutual friends. I don't want to burn any bridges, so tomorrow night I am going out to dinner with a pair of those mutual friends. It's a little complicated, because although I get along OK with both of them, they are getting married next year at the place where my ex and I were talking about getting married. Even better, my ex is roommates with the girl, and will be the girl's maid of honor. They may ask me about how I am feeling in regards to my ex (5 months post BU, 5 year relationship, just found out 2 weeks ago my ex started to go after another mutual friend of all of ours just 2 weeks after the breakup, and now it seems like he is very much relenting on her advances). I want to tell the truth, but not get bogged down in it. something like: "Although it hurts to find out 5 months after the breakup that her feelings for [friend] may have been part of why she broke up with me, I am starting to see that getting out of each other's lives as much as possible is best for both of us. I miss her, but I am starting to learn that my priorities in life were upside down back then, and losing her has helped me get them back in order, especially with my faith. Plus, the way she and [friend] have been handling things makes me start to think I owe it to myself anyways to move on." That is all true. I do want to forgive my ex and my friend and move on, and I really think that it took losing my ex to see how messed up my life goals were, but at the same time, I just don't know how much I should actually say. You're saying wayyyy too much. Its too emotional and it seems like you're hoping the message gets passed to your ex. all you need to say when the topic comes up is this: "Some things just aren't meant to be." no emotion and says alot. And when that gets back to your ex it will say alot to her as well. After you say that if the friends want to continue the conversation just tell them you'd like to talk about them or something else. 2
Recommended Posts