looking4_hope Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 If h and I are living in different states, would the 180 help at all? Or would it be less effective?
M30USA Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 If h and I are living in different states, would the 180 help at all? Or would it be less effective? Do you have children together?
carhill Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Based on this post, and your distance, my opinion is no. Unless he's sought and received some kind of help for his unstable behaviors, a healthy reconciliation likely would not occur no matter what you did. Kudos to you for loving your H and wishing to work this out; sometimes that's just not in the cards. I'd proceed with D and let that be the '180', though I'd look at it as moving forward in a positive way. What happens in the future is unknown. Good luck. 1
M30USA Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) Based on this post, and your distance, my opinion is no. Unless he's sought and received some kind of help for his unstable behaviors, a healthy reconciliation likely would not occur no matter what you did. Kudos to you for loving your H and wishing to work this out; sometimes that's just not in the cards. I'd proceed with D and let that be the '180', though I'd look at it as moving forward in a positive way. What happens in the future is unknown. Good luck. Agreed. The notion that "it takes two willing parties" only applies when there is no abuse or infidelity. Those who have abused or cheated on their spouse have the onus of solving their OWN problems on their OWN. Then, and only then, can two willing parties make it work. Without this prerequisite, you will either have a failed reconciliation attempt or a highly dysfunctional dynamic. Edited January 6, 2014 by M30USA
Author looking4_hope Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Do you have children together? There are step kids involved. His kids.
Author looking4_hope Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Agreed. The notion that "it takes two willing parties" only applies when there is no abuse or infidelity. Those who have abused or cheated on their spouse have the onus of solving their OWN problems on their OWN. Then, and only then, can two willing parties make it work. Without this prerequisite, you will either have a failed reconciliation attempt or a highly dysfunctional dynamic. There was no abuse involved. We'd both say hurtful things to each other but that was towards the end and i'm guilty of that too. He never laid a hand on me, and vice versa. When things were great.. they were great.. but our arguments (money, kids, spending time together) would get out of hand. Our communication was terrible. I can admit that i wouldn't listen because i was frustrated and didn't know how to tell him what i needed in ways he could understand, and i could probably say the same for my H. However, when we were able to communicate and got to spend time together.. it would be really good. We would be able to joke around with each other, be playful, agree on things.. etc.
Author looking4_hope Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Based on this post, and your distance, my opinion is no. Unless he's sought and received some kind of help for his unstable behaviors, a healthy reconciliation likely would not occur no matter what you did. I really want to go to counseling with him.. and there was a moment where he said he'd agree to it even planned coming here for a "vacation" and go to counseling.. then he just flipped and changed his mind.
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