peruano99 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Good luck Wistful girl on everything. I don't necessarily am looking for the perfect love because "true love" is subjective. 1
Author wistfulgirl Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Thanks Peruano99 - good luck to you too! Xxx 1
Kate9292 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 If you love your husband but are not "in love" with him and haven't been for a long time, maybe try to work out open marriage and see what he says about it. I can't imagine rest of my life without passion, it must have sucked to live like this
Author wistfulgirl Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Thanks Kate9292 - the problem with that suggestion is that (in my understanding) an open marriage is allowing each other to have sex with other partners....our sex life isn't the problem...well, we have plenty of sex but not intimate and connected. My problem is the lack of romance, passion and connection, not sex, so would still be longing for those things. I am quite a hopeless romantic at heart, and can only feel strongly for one man at a time, hence why I took my A so seriously and wanted to be with him. Didnt want to live a double life and felt enormous guilt at what happened whenever we'd been together. Still pining over him (specifically) so don't think an open marriage would help, other than lay the foundations for further suspicion, jealousy and distance in our marriage xx
miguelcervantes Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 So whats your plan now wistfulgirl? Are you going to focus on the problems in your marriage and resolve them one way or another as a first step ?
Author wistfulgirl Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Yes I'm trying to focus on my marriage and just getting through every day at the moment. Some days are easier than others but feeling really sad at the thought if him with his GF tomorrow all loved up and completely forgotten about me. Know it's a pointless and self defeating thought but can't help it :-( xx
AlwaysGrowing Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 WG, the thing is that you can help it. If you know something is unhealthy for you then stop doing it. Redirect your energies and focus. It is a learned skill by doing not by wishing. Start your day by making a mental list of things that you are grateful for. Change the narrative in your head. 3
Author wistfulgirl Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Always growing - thank you. I know I have to control my negative thoughts, suppose its become a habit and that the whole situation has brought up more feelings than just being rejected in the current situation. Do you have any suggestions on how to take control of my thoughts and emotions? I've been in CBT which has helped to some extent but but still just feel so worthless and replaceable and disposable. Keep beating myself up over allowing this situation to happen and how much more valuable his new GF is than me that he can change all his patterns and push through his fears for when he knows I would have literally done anything for him. My thoughts keep going round in circles and all I come back to is that I just wasnt worth it but she is. *Posters - please don't bash me for being hung up over this, I realise I have no right to and am aware how selfish this makes me come across x
peruano99 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Always growing - thank you. I know I have to control my negative thoughts, suppose its become a habit and that the whole situation has brought up more feelings than just being rejected in the current situation. Do you have any suggestions on how to take control of my thoughts and emotions? I've been in CBT which has helped to some extent but but still just feel so worthless and replaceable and disposable. Keep beating myself up over allowing this situation to happen and how much more valuable his new GF is than me that he can change all his patterns and push through his fears for when he knows I would have literally done anything for him. My thoughts keep going round in circles and all I come back to is that I just wasnt worth it but she is. *Posters - please don't bash me for being hung up over this, I realise I have no right to and am aware how selfish this makes me come across x What's CBT?
Author wistfulgirl Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 It's Congnitive Behavioural Therapy - focused on the way people think about things that causes them distress (in laymans terms).
peruano99 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Okay, well I suggest you see a psychologist and talk to him. Have a good valentine's day.
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