What is it about them that compels us to put them on a pedestal in our mind?

[freebird31]

Most of us on here have went through some sort of loss. And majority, i think was with someone who left us or rejected us. Or maybe someone who we had to leave becuase they were no good for us. Why do we get so attached to the idea that they were our everything? Is it just the emotional attachment that makes it this hard for us....I just dont get it!

 

Finally after 8 months post BU and 3, almost 4 months NC, i realize my ex was no good for me... i miss him, i really do. But i look back and think, wat the heck was i thinking putting him on this pedestal in my head? hes just an ordinary guy. And I bet if I meet someone new who I really like, my ex will just be nothing but a memory.

 

I just dont get why we put them on this pedestal? Like they're the best thing that ever happened to us or something....really, they're not. Is it the rejection that kills us...that leads to this obession that we need to prove something to ourselves? Or is it the emotional attachment? Because on my ex's end, who was just as much invested in the relationship as I was, and in the end left me becuase of circumstances. He moved on pretty quickly and I am sure he probably never put me on this pedestal in his mind? I just question sometimes why rejection leads to this ...obessive behavior.

[CYBER77]

me too i'm kind of wondering wats up with these thoughts through i don't want her back or anything? this really suc...

[LadyM]

Rejection and emotional attachment - two of the most powerful human emotions. No wonder so many of us get messed up when our loves leave us.

 

Our wiring is for love, bonding and attachment. When those elements are removed, it causes extraordinary pain and suffering.

 

In my case, even though I know my ex is bad for me, and even though I knew that while I was with him, it makes not a bit of difference because I can tell you now that I still love him and would likely take him back should he ask. And I don't even know that it's "love" I feel, but I sure still feel attached to him and suffer from the burning sear of rejection.

 

Right now, I have placed him on the highest of pedestals even though I can easily list about five qualities of his that no one would want in a partner.

 

As you stated, it is absolutely obsessive, addictive behavior, the thought of which my rational, logical mind cannot make any sense.

 

It is a form of functional madness I have never before experienced.

 

And by this point, I feel it is here to stay.

[Procrasti]

Oh LadyM Ending your last post with its here to stay is soul destroying.

 

I Think I have to agree with you on every point you raised. I too have a list that no man would want in a partner and I have come to some truths about the the true character of my ex yet still , I would drop everything for her.

 

sometimes I run a scenario in my head . New man gets fed up and she come back to me . I am over the moon . But she is not who I made her out to be . And I really know that now.

 

If I start dating before her Mr Perfect dumps her , I am more likely not the take her back but I just can't facing dating right now .

 

Oh well . I hope you are wrong about it being here to stay.

 

Procrasti

[BC1980]

My mom was listing some of the truly unacceptable things my ex has done over the years, and I was agreeing logically. On paper, it seemed so obvious that he wasn't going to commit, and I even worried about it during the relationship. However, I still love him, and my heart cannot catch up with my head. I don't know why. My mom seemed bewildered that I haven't gotten over him yet at 8 months post breakup, but it's still raw many days.

 

I feel like my only course of action is to continue NC and remind myself daily of the reality. Hopefully time and perspective can rid me of these thoughts. I don't think I can be the same after this relationship. It has taken an emotional toll and left me bewildered that another human being could do such a thing to me. I'm worrie these feelings won't subside. That is my biggest fear.

[radiodarcy]

Rejection and emotional attachment - two of the most powerful human emotions. No wonder so many of us get messed up when our loves leave us.

 

Our wiring is for love, bonding and attachment. When those elements are removed, it causes extraordinary pain and suffering.

 

In my case, even though I know my ex is bad for me, and even though I knew that while I was with him, it makes not a bit of difference because I can tell you now that I still love him and would likely take him back should he ask. And I don't even know that it's "love" I feel, but I sure still feel attached to him and suffer from the burning sear of rejection.

 

Right now, I have placed him on the highest of pedestals even though I can easily list about five qualities of his that no one would want in a partner.

 

As you stated, it is absolutely obsessive, addictive behavior, the thought of which my rational, logical mind cannot make any sense.

 

It is a form of functional madness I have never before experienced.

 

And by this point, I feel it is here to stay.

 

My ex has been out of my life for three years now. And I still think about him a lot. Not in terms of him being on the pedestal but regretting that I put him there in the first place.

 

During the 2.5 years the relationship lasted he was ambivalent, emotionally abusive and (i strongly suspect, but can't prove) dated other women.

 

Granted I no longer have him playing on that continuous loop in my mind - - where I would obsess over every word, gesture, intonation that emanated from him - - but I still think about him much more than I would like to.

 

But seeing as he was my first on so many different levels - - first love, kiss, and sexual experience - - I've come to accept that he's been hard-wired into my emotional landscape at this point.

 

I guess accepting it is easier than fighting it, but I've tried to stop openly reflecting about him around my friends and family because I get the inevitable: are you sure you're *really* over him?

 

Which is frustrating. In terms of loving him. Yes I'm over that. But I just can't get past how bad things were and wish I had gotten out of that situation earlier than I had.

 

Staying in it as long as I did, did a real number on my self-esteem; which had never been particularly high but plummeted to subterranean depths when I was with him. I've been able to regain some of it, but I still have a long way to go.

[freebird31]

So then....maybe the real goal for all of us here is not that we should get over out exes. Why put energy into that. When you love someone that usually doesn't go away right. So why waste time trying to take away that love and "get over them." so maybe, the real goal for us here, is to put our energy into building the strength to walk away from some something we love because it's not good for us.

[LadyM]

It sure would be ideal if we learned from our mistakes. If we learned not to ignore all the blinding red flags that seem to tell our particular minds to "stay anyway and give it a go."

 

I am so afraid that the need to couple with another is so strong that I would again ignore the warning signs because the good stuff, well, it just feels too good.

 

Maybe we can try to heed the warning signs before we actually begin to love them. And maybe a big part of that is putting off the physical relationship because it seems all bets are off once that begins.

[LadyM]

My ex has been out of my life for three years now. And I still think about him a lot. Not in terms of him being on the pedestal but regretting that I put him there in the first place.

 

During the 2.5 years the relationship lasted he was ambivalent, emotionally abusive and (i strongly suspect, but can't prove) dated other women.

 

Granted I no longer have him playing on that continuous loop in my mind - - where I would obsess over every word, gesture, intonation that emanated from him - - but I still think about him much more than I would like to.

 

But seeing as he was my first on so many different levels - - first love, kiss, and sexual experience - - I've come to accept that he's been hard-wired into my emotional landscape at this point.

 

I guess accepting it is easier than fighting it, but I've tried to stop openly reflecting about him around my friends and family because I get the inevitable: are you sure you're *really* over him?

 

Which is frustrating. In terms of loving him. Yes I'm over that. But I just can't get past how bad things were and wish I had gotten out of that situation earlier than I had.

 

Staying in it as long as I did, did a real number on my self-esteem; which had never been particularly high but plummeted to subterranean depths when I was with him. I've been able to regain some of it, but I still have a long way to go.

 

I can relate to everything you said. Why did I remain in an abusive relationship? Why did I stay when it was clear he was losing interest? Clear he was looking for other women. He was so critical that my self-esteem also went to about 1000 below zero.

 

When did you finally stop loving him?

 

How often do you still think about him now?

 

Have there been any new loves in your life since the BU?

 

It is SO good to hear from someone who is many years past the BU. Gives a new and different perspective.

[Softie]

I wish I knew.

 

ROI I think - lack of return on investment. Investment of our love, trust, honesty and whatever else all thrown in our faces in the end.

[radiodarcy]

I can relate to everything you said. Why did I remain in an abusive relationship? Why did I stay when it was clear he was losing interest? Clear he was looking for other women. He was so critical that my self-esteem also went to about 1000 below zero.

 

When did you finally stop loving him?

 

How often do you still think about him now?

 

Have there been any new loves in your life since the BU?

 

It is SO good to hear from someone who is many years past the BU. Gives a new and different perspective.

 

Exactly! That's what drives me crazy the most! Why oh why did I stay in such a situation until my self-worth was ground down to nothing and completely blown to bits when he dumped me for good?

 

I know now though, that he was projecting his own low self-esteem onto me as a way to make himself feel better. I came across this article recently and it fits him to a "T": Are You Dealing With A ?Chopper?? When Somebody Keeps Trying To Cut You Down | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

As grateful as I am to be out of that situation, I still can't help but reflect on it -- the same way I would if I were in a near death accident.

 

And I'll be honest - - while the thought had never, ever crossed my mind prior to that time I was with him: I seriously contemplated suicide. The only thing that kept me from not doing it was who would find me in time to make sure my pets were taken care of. I knew it sure as hell wouldn't have been him.

 

To answer you questions:

 

When did you finally stop loving him? - That's a good question. I guess during the 10 months of hardcore NC I did. It gave me the opportunity to do what I needed to do in order to knock him off of that pedestal: get. ANGRY. :mad: Angry about how he had used me, and manipulated me, and taken me for granted.

 

But I think I knew I was over him for good when i ran into him earlier this year and once the initial shock had worn off, I felt... nothing: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/390270-whoa-ran-into-ex

 

How often do you still think about him now? - It varies. There are times when I can go weeks, sometimes up to a month without thinking about him. Other times I think about him every day.

 

I've been thinking about him a lot these days, as I came dangerously close to a guy I met online, who was playing similar games. Luckily it only lasted 6 weeks as opposed to 2.5 years with the ex. But it still took me awhile to walk away.

 

That's when I realized I really need to just not date and just focus on my self-esteem.

Have there been any new loves in your life since the BU? Not really. There were a few guys I was interested in. One I really liked. But he dumped me via email; admitting he had been dating another girl and would rather be with her. That really hurt. But I appreciated that he was up ront about it.

 

Another guy I really liked and was interested in seeing things develop more. But all he wanted was sex and nothing more. So that didn't work out.

 

And then this last guy seemed like the real deal. But whenever I would suggest meeting in real life (we met online) he kept making excuses. So that came to an end as well.

[xMetallica]

I could have written this post. Some days, I feel I can pull myself out of this hole, and others seem bleak. I can give myself a pep talk and go over the logistics, but my heart is still broken. I wonder where I will be in a year. I'm terrified I will still be like this, and I can't live in this pain. Even getting to next months seems overwhelming not to mention the rest of my life. Living the rest of my life seems so daunting at this moment, and I was once overjoyed to live my life with him. I can't think past a few weeks into the future due to fear.

 

This was a post by a user from a recent thread. I fear the same for my future. This coming year I go back to my routine except without a purpose -It's been hell these past couple of days. Can't imagine another year of misery. Now knowing she has a boyfriend.

 

For a year I held high hopes for it to work. I was told by different people to let it go she's just a girl, there are plenty of other women in the world while that is true there's not another woman that I care about like I do her.

 

Sounds logical for someone to want to move on and to think maybe this person really isn't meant to be with me or isn't right for me. But my heart feels very different. Here I am like a fkn idiot still lost for this girl. Made a fool out of myself plenty of times. But i did it because i care. Still holding on to hope that maybe one day we will be together. The problem is that the heart takes longer to heal than the mind.

 

Now that she has another man the feeling grows even stronger. These feelings are so recent don't want to meet somebody else. Don't want to be someone that leads another on knowing I still have very strong feelings for girl "A".

 

I wish it wasn't like this - this emotional attachment. Putting them on a pedestal. Feeling worthless because she chose a possible "better" person. I guess it's also because we want to prove ourselves that is not the case. I don't have a solid answer just rambling here.

[Jules78]

I am constantly thinking about the good times. I have said to myself repeatedly, "he really was so good to me"... WTF? I even have it in my mind that he will snap out of it and come back begging me for another chance again. We broke up 7 weeks ago. He met and MARRIED someone else 3 days ago. Again, WTF?!

 

I don't know why I am doing this to myself!

 

This was a post by a user from a recent thread. I fear the same for my future. This coming year I go back to my routine except without a purpose -It's been hell these past couple of days. Can't imagine another year of misery. Now knowing she has a boyfriend.

 

For a year I held high hopes for it to work. I was told by different people to let it go she's just a girl, there are plenty of other women in the world while that is true there's not another woman that I care about like I do her.

 

Sounds logical for someone to want to move on and to think maybe this person really isn't meant to be with me or isn't right for me. But my heart feels very different. Here I am like a fkn idiot still lost for this girl. Made a fool out of myself plenty of times. But i did it because i care. Still holding on to hope that maybe one day we will be together. The problem is that the heart takes longer to heal than the mind.

 

Now that she has another man the feeling grows even stronger. These feelings are so recent don't want to meet somebody else. Don't want to be someone that leads another on knowing I still have very strong feelings for girl "A".

 

I wish it wasn't like this - this emotional attachment. Putting them on a pedestal. Feeling worthless because she chose a possible "better" person. I guess it's also because we want to prove ourselves that is not the case. I don't have a solid answer just rambling here.

[LadyM]

My mom was listing some of the truly unacceptable things my ex has done over the years, and I was agreeing logically. On paper, it seemed so obvious that he wasn't going to commit, and I even worried about it during the relationship. However, I still love him, and my heart cannot catch up with my head. I don't know why. My mom seemed bewildered that I haven't gotten over him yet at 8 months post breakup, but it's still raw many days.

 

I feel like my only course of action is to continue NC and remind myself daily of the reality. Hopefully time and perspective can rid me of these thoughts. I don't think I can be the same after this relationship. It has taken an emotional toll and left me bewildered that another human being could do such a thing to me. I'm worrie these feelings won't subside. That is my biggest fear.

 

Of course your mom is bewildered that you haven't gotten over him. We are also bewildered they are still taking over our waking thoughts!

 

I find I really can't talk to anyone about this anymore as they will surely find me crazy. Family and friends mostly expect you to talk about it for a little while and then move on.

 

That's why I feel even more shame and humiliation. Knowing I can't talk to anyone, that no one in their right mind would understand this prolonged malady, for lack of a better word.

 

And this is just one more way my ex is keeping me down and controlling me, feeling so lowly that I should be over him already and no one understands why I'm not.

 

Not even me.

[LadyM]

This was a post by a user from a recent thread. I fear the same for my future. This coming year I go back to my routine except without a purpose -It's been hell these past couple of days. Can't imagine another year of misery. Now knowing she has a boyfriend.

 

For a year I held high hopes for it to work. I was told by different people to let it go she's just a girl, there are plenty of other women in the world while that is true there's not another woman that I care about like I do her.

 

Sounds logical for someone to want to move on and to think maybe this person really isn't meant to be with me or isn't right for me. But my heart feels very different. Here I am like a fkn idiot still lost for this girl. Made a fool out of myself plenty of times. But i did it because i care. Still holding on to hope that maybe one day we will be together. The problem is that the heart takes longer to heal than the mind.

 

Now that she has another man the feeling grows even stronger. These feelings are so recent don't want to meet somebody else. Don't want to be someone that leads another on knowing I still have very strong feelings for girl "A".

 

I wish it wasn't like this - this emotional attachment. Putting them on a pedestal. Feeling worthless because she chose a possible "better" person. I guess it's also because we want to prove ourselves that is not the case. I don't have a solid answer just rambling here.

 

That one line....."chose a possible "better" person"......

 

I know I have had great difficulty with this fact. It really has made me feel worthless because I absolutely believe he really has left me for a better woman. How he got so fortunate, I don't know, but he probably kisses the ground she walks on everyday, leaving sorry ole me as his dust in the ground.

[freebird31]

Of course your mom is bewildered that you haven't gotten over him. We are also bewildered they are still taking over our waking thoughts!

 

I find I really can't talk to anyone about this anymore as they will surely find me crazy. Family and friends mostly expect you to talk about it for a little while and then move on.

 

That's why I feel even more shame and humiliation. Knowing I can't talk to anyone, that no one in their right mind would understand this prolonged malady, for lack of a better word.

 

And this is just one more way my ex is keeping me down and controlling me, feeling so lowly that I should be over him already and no one understands why I'm not.

 

Not even me.

 

If it's really an emotional attachment that keeps us obsessing over them, then that would mean they would have to be thinking about us too ?? Because they were emotionally attached to us too at some point. Is it just easier to block something out of your mind, when you're the one that made the decision to leave? It just wouldn't make sense that the dumpee only feels this pain. I guess the rejection is what mostly kills us inside. I hate that. Knowing that I did not meet someone's needs kills me. And ladyM you had wrote earlier that the good times are just too damn good. And i hate that that is true. I look back at all the good times and reminisce and how happy I was and how I have never felt so much happiness before. And even just reminiscing on the laughs and the love we had together, so much love, I get pleasure just even thinking about it. I hate that I do this...but truth if the matter is that happy feeling hasn't come around since the break up and I have never experienced anything like what I have felt when I was with my ex. So it's hard to say that I'm really happy or better off alone. Because the truth is, I was much happier when I was with him.

[AnyaNova]

The inverse relationship between how much we value ourselves and how high a pedestal they are on.

 

As my vitamin levels have evened out and I KNOW that I have the energy, intelligence, and capability to succeed at whatever I put my hand to, my ex has come way down off of his tortured sensitive pedestal and back down on the ground where he had the choice to face his parents and insist on being who he actually was and seeing who he actually wanted.

 

And he chose the path of least resistance for himself. Also the most self-damaging, but the point remains.

 

Whatever holes are there in your self esteem, shore them up, because the lower you go, the higher they get!

[LadyM]

If it's really an emotional attachment that keeps us obsessing over them, then that would mean they would have to be thinking about us too ?? Because they were emotionally attached to us too at some point. Is it just easier to block something out of your mind, when you're the one that made the decision to leave? It just wouldn't make sense that the dumpee only feels this pain. I guess the rejection is what mostly kills us inside. I hate that. Knowing that I did not meet someone's needs kills me. And ladyM you had wrote earlier that the good times are just too damn good. And i hate that that is true. I look back at all the good times and reminisce and how happy I was and how I have never felt so much happiness before. And even just reminiscing on the laughs and the love we had together, so much love, I get pleasure just even thinking about it. I hate that I do this...but truth if the matter is that happy feeling hasn't come around since the break up and I have never experienced anything like what I have felt when I was with my ex. So it's hard to say that I'm really happy or better off alone. Because the truth is, I was much happier when I was with him.

 

All your thoughts resonate so strongly with me. I also haven't had that happy feeling since my BU. I also never experienced the joy with a man as I did with him. You are probably so right about it being the rejection that makes us feel so lousy. That I stopped meeting his needs is such a let down for me, too.

 

They were emotionally attached to us at one point in the relationship, but by the time they broke up with us, the attachment has been substantially diminished. Especially if they have a new love lined up. So, no, they are not thinking about us like we are thinking about them.

 

There is some comfort when I read posts like yours and it makes me feel a little less alone in my incessant thoughts.

[freebird31]

All your thoughts resonate so strongly with me. I also haven't had that happy feeling since my BU. I also never experienced the joy with a man as I did with him. You are probably so right about it being the rejection that makes us feel so lousy. That I stopped meeting his needs is such a let down for me, too.

 

They were emotionally attached to us at one point in the relationship, but by the time they broke up with us, the attachment has been substantially diminished. Especially if they have a new love lined up. So, no, they are not thinking about us like we are thinking about them.

 

There is some comfort when I read posts like yours and it makes me feel a little less alone in my incessant thoughts.

 

I guess the only thing we have left to do, is to just remain patient. And hope that something far greater than we expected will come our way. I know I can get let go of my ex, if and only if I meet someone who exceeds the characteristics of my ex. And if i meet someone who is just better for me and who i like a lot better than my ex. that is the only way i know I will ever fully let go....Until then, im not even ready to date again sadly I just need to focus on myself, i dont want to be that type of girl that jumps from relationship to relationship. I know that during this time being single, is going to be a little lonely and hard at times....i hate that. I dont know how I am going to get through these lonely days....I truly loved having a partner/relationship. I felt so complete. I hate that I cannot feel that way alone, or at least anytime soon. Its truly so hard to move on and let go, especially when you were so incredibly happy. How are you supposed to just let that go....? I guess its a survival trait we just have to adopt somehow...sucks. i hate this. I even remember when i was with my ex, i would thank God every night for bringing someone like him into my life and i never once took him for granted. I appreciated that I got so lucky to share that sort of love with someone and thanked God every night before I went to bed. I was so thankful.....but still, it was somehow taken from me, i just have to move on somehow...

[Sugarkane]

Dumpees still have feelings and tend to see everything with rose computed glasses. The dumper has The power and as the dumpee you don't feel like you have much control/power over the situation.

[LadyM]

Exactly! That's what drives me crazy the most! Why oh why did I stay in such a situation until my self-worth was ground down to nothing and completely blown to bits when he dumped me for good?

 

I know now though, that he was projecting his own low self-esteem onto me as a way to make himself feel better. I came across this article recently and it fits him to a "T": Are You Dealing With A ?Chopper?? When Somebody Keeps Trying To Cut You Down | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

As grateful as I am to be out of that situation, I still can't help but reflect on it -- the same way I would if I were in a near death accident.

 

And I'll be honest - - while the thought had never, ever crossed my mind prior to that time I was with him: I seriously contemplated suicide. The only thing that kept me from not doing it was who would find me in time to make sure my pets were taken care of. I knew it sure as hell wouldn't have been him.

 

To answer you questions:

 

When did you finally stop loving him? - That's a good question. I guess during the 10 months of hardcore NC I did. It gave me the opportunity to do what I needed to do in order to knock him off of that pedestal: get. ANGRY. :mad: Angry about how he had used me, and manipulated me, and taken me for granted.

 

But I think I knew I was over him for good when i ran into him earlier this year and once the initial shock had worn off, I felt... nothing: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/390270-whoa-ran-into-ex

 

How often do you still think about him now? - It varies. There are times when I can go weeks, sometimes up to a month without thinking about him. Other times I think about him every day.

 

I've been thinking about him a lot these days, as I came dangerously close to a guy I met online, who was playing similar games. Luckily it only lasted 6 weeks as opposed to 2.5 years with the ex. But it still took me awhile to walk away.

 

That's when I realized I really need to just not date and just focus on my self-esteem.

Have there been any new loves in your life since the BU? Not really. There were a few guys I was interested in. One I really liked. But he dumped me via email; admitting he had been dating another girl and would rather be with her. That really hurt. But I appreciated that he was up ront about it.

 

Another guy I really liked and was interested in seeing things develop more. But all he wanted was sex and nothing more. So that didn't work out.

 

And then this last guy seemed like the real deal. But whenever I would suggest meeting in real life (we met online) he kept making excuses. So that came to an end as well.

 

I LOVED that "chopper" article and that was my EXACT situation! Thank you so much for directing me (and lots of others!) to that link. I think they are words I need to reread daily to keep reminding myself of the mechanics of how and why I got myself into this situation.

 

Like you said, you can't help but reflect back to how you stayed in your situation until your self-worth was so diminished.....I feel the same way, but if we try to put a positive spin on it, we could easily still be with these abusive men. There are people out there who spend a lifetime in abusive relationships and we should look at it as a learning experience and that we are really blessed to have gotten out in a relatively short period of time. It could have been SO much worse!

 

I love that your pets are that dear to you that you considered them during the darkest time of your life. Aren't they just the best?! I'm so glad they were around for you and gave you a sense of purpose and obligation.

 

Your dating experience gives me hope. That you got out of this new relationship after six weeks instead of 2 1/2 years shows that we really can learn when confronted with similar traits in people. I think you did great!

 

That you can go weeks or even a month and not think about your ex gives me hope that maybe one day I won't be thinking about my ex so much. That is the worst of it for me. The constant thoughts. Thoughts of him and his new girl. I just hate it so much. I think it's just something I have to live with forever.

 

Maybe meeting new men also helped move your mind away from your ex? Sometimes I think that is the only way I'll stop thinking about my ex. And even though nothing has yet panned out with the new men you interacted with, I am absolutely sure there is a great man out there who will come along and treat you with the respect and love you so well deserve.

[flightplan]

For me, I think my ex can be summed up in one word..."Teacher". I know it may sound contrary, but really, she has been my "teacher". The breakup ultimately is about how I respond to the loss. It's made me dig deep inside myself to learn things about myself I didn't know or understand... until I lost her. Without the loss, I'm not sure I would ever learn the lessons I'm now learning. I've come to believe breakups are not about the person who left us, it's about an opportunity to understand who we are and what we can learn about ourselves from the experience. I'm much more forgiving of myself and have learned to love myself than I otherwise would have.

[LadyM]

I guess the only thing we have left to do, is to just remain patient. And hope that something far greater than we expected will come our way. I know I can get let go of my ex, if and only if I meet someone who exceeds the characteristics of my ex. And if i meet someone who is just better for me and who i like a lot better than my ex. that is the only way i know I will ever fully let go....Until then, im not even ready to date again sadly I just need to focus on myself, i dont want to be that type of girl that jumps from relationship to relationship. I know that during this time being single, is going to be a little lonely and hard at times....i hate that. I dont know how I am going to get through these lonely days....I truly loved having a partner/relationship. I felt so complete. I hate that I cannot feel that way alone, or at least anytime soon. Its truly so hard to move on and let go, especially when you were so incredibly happy. How are you supposed to just let that go....? I guess its a survival trait we just have to adopt somehow...sucks. i hate this. I even remember when i was with my ex, i would thank God every night for bringing someone like him into my life and i never once took him for granted. I appreciated that I got so lucky to share that sort of love with someone and thanked God every night before I went to bed. I was so thankful.....but still, it was somehow taken from me, i just have to move on somehow...

 

Wow, it sounds like he was such a lucky guy to have someone who appreciated him and loved him so much. Most people end up taking the other for granted, but you didn't. Your ex will be hard-pressed to find someone to care for him as you did.

[LadyM]

I am constantly thinking about the good times. I have said to myself repeatedly, "he really was so good to me"... WTF? I even have it in my mind that he will snap out of it and come back begging me for another chance again. We broke up 7 weeks ago. He met and MARRIED someone else 3 days ago. Again, WTF?!

 

I don't know why I am doing this to myself!

 

I am all too familiar with the hope of him snapping out of wanting to be with the new girl and come back to me.

 

It must have been absolutely crushing to find out that your ex just got married. It is almost unimaginable. Crazy stuff.

 

I am just waiting for the day that I hear that my ex is also married to his new girl.

 

I am so sorry you have to deal with this all.

[freebird31]

Wow, it sounds like he was such a lucky guy to have someone who appreciated him and loved him so much. Most people end up taking the other for granted, but you didn't. Your ex will be hard-pressed to find someone to care for him as you did.

 

Thank you for your kind words

 

(: