Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 What if they are too prideful. To admit they were wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 What is closure? Like really.. Thats a term thrown a round way to often. If there really anything someone can say or do that will PERMANENTLY make you feel content and allow you to close the book for good and not look back. the answer is NO. They can say or do things, and you might feel good for a lil but.. but then its back to how you felt before. Closure is TIME... . Detachment takes time.. Closure is a process. AND sometimes its never closed.. on really serious long relationships, i think those feelings linger and haunt you for a long long time 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Mine did (the ex before the most recent one) right before Christmas. He said he has thought of me everyday and can't really understand why. He is happily married but this has just bothered him and wants to talk (with his wife along so there is nothing creepy or sorted going on). I think in this situation he genuinely loved me but felt there were too many compatibility issues. He meet his wife at about the same time so I don't think he ever dealt with the emotions from breaking up with me. I have no issue with him reaching out and actually thought it took some balls. I forgave him long ago so I will certainly meet with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 This is pointless looking for the dumper to feel remorse, what if they call you and say, `I am so sorry i treated you like crap, forgive me?` Is that closure? Would you say, `Hey thanks now i can get on with my life`. More likely you would think you have another chance and they are reaching out when they are not. Forget it. If the ex does call. Ignore. if the ex texts i am sorry, ignore. Closure has to come from you. So stop clutching at straws. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Closure is a myth which at some point in my life subscribed to. You need to find your inner strength, hold your head high and know that you need no feed back from the one who decided to end it. Move forward no need to dwell on the past, focus on what actually matters. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Im not dwelling on the past really im just confused and Id like to understand my situation. I realize that I need to improve myself and just accept my responsibility in the relationship not working and move on but im not closing any doors. Im pretty sure she'll be back anyways. Even if she doesn't I make myself happy. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 What if they are too prideful. To admit they were wrong? Why is dumping someone wrong? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Why is dumping someone wrong? They aren't wrong - sometimes it is how they do it. In my case, I'm okay with being dumped by my ex but not HOW she did it. I guess I like to believe I'd have a lot more respect and consideration for the person I'm leaving by trying to make it as painless as possible. Not all ex's are bad, but sometimes their emotions and selfish feelings make them appear so when they are ending this with you. A lot of times, they want the best of both worlds regardless of what they put you through I think the ones who end it with you and cut you off completely are heartless too - sometimes a slight explanation and straight forward answer helps before going NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Well i agree with you to a degree but is there a good way to be dumped? I mean, if the dumper is nice then it could be worse. `Sorry your a great person but you just dont do it for me` Or is better?, `I hate you?` Or the text...`Its over`? (Now i disapear) Not sure.....but i think for me i would rather it was a little bit angry, at least when i am dumped its slightly passionate and aloof......Nice....couldnt bear that. They aren't wrong - sometimes it is how they do it. In my case, I'm okay with being dumped by my ex but not HOW she did it. I guess I like to believe I'd have a lot more respect and consideration for the person I'm leaving by trying to make it as painless as possible. Not all ex's are bad, but sometimes their emotions and selfish feelings make them appear so when they are ending this with you. A lot of times, they want the best of both worlds regardless of what they put you through I think the ones who end it with you and cut you off completely are heartless too - sometimes a slight explanation and straight forward answer helps before going NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
movingonnow1 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Well i agree with you to a degree but is there a good way to be dumped? I mean, if the dumper is nice then it could be worse. `Sorry your a great person but you just dont do it for me` Or is better?, `I hate you?` Or the text...`Its over`? (Now i disapear) Not sure.....but i think for me i would rather it was a little bit angry, at least when i am dumped its slightly passionate and aloof......Nice....couldnt bear that. I don't think there is a good way to be dumped at all...in my situation I think of how NOT to be dumped lol. For example, her leading me on, giving me mixed signals etc. All of these things were unnecessary and were done for her own selfish reasons to keep me around. I would have preferred her just cutting me off completely after telling me she is done with me and isn't interested rather then "I still like you" "I'm just trying to figure out myself" "We may get back together" etc etc etc 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 yes i can buy that. Just keep keeping us around...just in case....I need to find myself but if i dont i bet you are still available. Yes sad but true in many of our cases early on in being dumped. But you do move on and then seek no closure or answers. I don't think there is a good way to be dumped at all...in my situation I think of how NOT to be dumped lol. For example, her leading me on, giving me mixed signals etc. All of these things were unnecessary and were done for her own selfish reasons to keep me around. I would have preferred her just cutting me off completely after telling me she is done with me and isn't interested rather then "I still like you" "I'm just trying to figure out myself" "We may get back together" etc etc etc 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 I don't think there is a good way to be dumped at all...in my situation I think of how NOT to be dumped lol. For example, her leading me on, giving me mixed signals etc. All of these things were unnecessary and were done for her own selfish reasons to keep me around. I would have preferred her just cutting me off completely after telling me she is done with me and isn't interested rather then "I still like you" "I'm just trying to figure out myself" "We may get back together" etc etc etc Agreed. Dumping sucks no matter how you gift wrap it. So it's best to do it like a band aid - grit your teeth and rip it off quick! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2fargone Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Well i agree with you to a degree but is there a good way to be dumped? I mean, if the dumper is nice then it could be worse. `Sorry your a great person but you just dont do it for me` Or is better?, `I hate you?` Or the text...`Its over`? (Now i disapear) Not sure.....but i think for me i would rather it was a little bit angry, at least when i am dumped its slightly passionate and aloof......Nice....couldnt bear that. I think there is a good way. By being honest. It doesn't matter if the dumpee likes it or not, but please... Just be honest. And then be done. My ex was honest for the biggest part. What she left out is that there was someone else. But all the other things she said, that she still loved me, missed me... I'm sure it was true. And the way I know her, her saying 'I can't be with you right now' is also true, and has nothing to do with the other guy being in play. However, her lying and conceiling about the other guy is a dealbreaker for me. So while we were initially still talking like 'normal' I went NC.... The other part that comes into play is that what was true when we broke up might no longer be true now. So ye... I'm done. But yes, for me a good way to be dumped is having made the effort to not have to do it, and if so be honest. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 No. The act of dumping is closure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 Why is dumping someone wrong? I don't think dumping someone is wrong. I think that forcing someone to break up with you is though. My beef with relationships and my break up is that everyone makes such a big deal out of the "spark" disney, love songs, and films have created this false idea of love and commitment and what it really is. The spark ALWAYS fades it just takes longer for some to realize and one person is going to love the other more in relationships. I also hate the bs excuse that it's not meant to work (although I have never heard this from an ex) because anything can work if you put in the effort. I in no way think that dumpers are evil, rotten or, scum I do think they are selfish most of the time and definitely immature emotionally on some level. Point is if you can't commit or you don't think you want to get serious with someone for possibly the long-haul then don't date its a waste of time otherwise and taxing. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I don't think dumping someone is wrong. I think that forcing someone to break up with you is though. My beef with relationships and my break up is that everyone makes such a big deal out of the "spark" disney, love songs, and films have created this false idea of love and commitment and what it really is. The spark ALWAYS fades it just takes longer for some to realize and one person is going to love the other more in relationships. I also hate the bs excuse that it's not meant to work (although I have never heard this from an ex) because anything can work if you put in the effort. I in no way think that dumpers are evil, rotten or, scum I do think they are selfish most of the time and definitely immature emotionally on some level. Point is if you can't commit or you don't think you want to get serious with someone for possibly the long-haul then don't date its a waste of time otherwise and taxing. You realise that most of the time, people have the best of intentions to commit, but only later, realise that it's a pretty hard thing to follow through on? Look, I'm sure we call all stand to break up "better". But the need for people to apologise and suffer - it just seems petty. They fell out of love first, they ended up with the power, and the other person is cranky because of that. Time didn't waiting for remorse is time spent wasted. It's better to turn the expectation of improvement from them, into actual improvement of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I don't even know what closure is. I think some people keep seeking closure because they don't want to accept the breakup and move on. It gives them an excuse to continue ruminating on it. All of my past exes, I stil don't think there is any closure there, but I've moved on. I just don't think about them or the relationship anymore. It's not like we talked one last time and made peace with it all. Link to post Share on other sites
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