Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Like the title says? Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Mine didn't so I'm guessing no. They're too busy living their new lives and happy to be free of you. Basically they don't care anymore about the past RS so why would they need it? OR Their closure is the act of breaking up. They'd drive themselves crazy going over the pros and cons of BU while STILL in the RS. And when they finally reached their conclusion, they drop the bomb on you. They're finally free of the mental anguish. That's their closure. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Hmm thats strange...mine messaged me through text saying she wants tonapologize and that I deserve so much. I havent replied but I assume she'll be at a Christmas party im going too. Link to post Share on other sites
Apparition Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 It depends on the person. Some reach out to try and get back with you, some want to be friends, some you never hear from again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 I swear the only reaching out dumpers do for closure, is to see if they still got a hold on your life through breadcrumbs. Those breadcrumbs though, they are disgusting, they're very steal, the kind you wouldnt even give to Pigeons tbh. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 I don't understand why a dumper would need closure at all. But I do appreciate the replies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Hmm thats strange...mine messaged me through text saying she wants tonapologize and that I deserve so much. I havent replied but I assume she'll be at a Christmas party im going too. That's not closure. That's trying to ease their own guilt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Ahh that makes more sense what should I do then? Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Ignoring them is always a good course of action. She might want to talk to you at the party you're going to, but if you're not ready to be platonic friends with her then don't allow her to bring up the past. It's better if you don't talk to her at all. By easing their guilt, it's sending a message that what they did is okay. Sure you can forgive them in your own heart for what they did, but they don't need to know that. Forgiveness does not mean that their actions are acceptable. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 I will def keep up no contact then. I trust you part of me feels like there's more to it than that. But I won't settle for planton ic friends because I know what I want shes either with me or shes not im far from a doormat and she knows that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Good for you, show her you're not a doormat! I am curious though how this will pan out. Update us after the party. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Will do . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Mine did. She said she wanted closure and to "make peace" because we ended so badly. To me is seemed very selfish and self serving, it set me back a bit, but on the bright side I don't think I will hear from her again, even though I wasn't able to give her closure or "make peace." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 My ex and I had an amiciable split. So I don't knkw of that changes things. I cried once didn't beg or anything went no contact for two days and she contacted me...but you can read my story on here if you'd like. Link to post Share on other sites
Viking-Liz Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 I guess that depends. In august I broke it with my ex. We had been together for five years, and I love him as I love my friends. We are still in contact, and will probably continue to be so. I went straight into a new relationship though, I did leave him for another man. I didnt need any kind of closure. It was just lifting a burden off my shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 I guess that depends. In august I broke it with my ex. We had been together for five years, and I love him as I love my friends. We are still in contact, and will probably continue to be so. I went straight into a new relationship though, I did leave him for another man. I didnt need any kind of closure. It was just lifting a burden off my shoulders. True every situation is different but you left your boyfriend because the love changed and you no longer felt the spark I assume and took intrest in someone else while in a relationship still which happens and I don't mean to get off topic but I don't think you should string him along but thats just me. Back on topic my girlfriend left me for unknowm reasons but I still accepted the break up so if there's no clear reason or many but none of which make sense for the break up to happen then what's there to talk about why do you feel guilty and sad when I have done nothing to make you feel that way instead I gave you what you wanted and parted from your life. Why do you still want to talk or contact me not that its hindering my healing its just frustrating because you are 'confused' and im not. I dont know. Im kimda ranting lol and sorry for the grammar typing on my phone. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Mine didn't so I'm guessing no. They're too busy living their new lives and happy to be free of you. Basically they don't care anymore about the past RS so why would they need it? OR Their closure is the act of breaking up. They'd drive themselves crazy going over the pros and cons of BU while STILL in the RS. And when they finally reached their conclusion, they drop the bomb on you. They're finally free of the mental anguish. That's their closure. "Happy to be free of you" - Wow....That hit hard and it's the truth, as heart-wrenching of a concept as that is for me. Here I am, thinking about him, missing him, feeling sad that he left me for a new girl, all the while, not only is he not thinking about me, but the truth is he really IS happy to be free of me. These exes are not with us because they don't want to be. All of my longing for him doesn't change that. It's like how many more ways can I torture myself?! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 "Happy to be free of you" - Wow....That hit hard and it's the truth, as heart-wrenching of a concept as that is for me. Here I am, thinking about him, missing him, feeling sad that he left me for a new girl, all the while, not only is he not thinking about me, but the truth is he really IS happy to be free of me. These exes are not with us because they don't want to be. All of my longing for him doesn't change that. It's like how many more ways can I torture myself?! Yeah, it is painful and cuts deep. But for me it was a necessary realization. I'm currently reading Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus. (I couldn't touch the book when I was still suffering post-BU, but now I find it very helpful.) Anyway, it says that women's emotions are like the waves. It has a peak and it has a bottom and always in a cycle. I think for dumpees suffering because of a BU it's the same concept. We have to hit rock bottom first before we can start the climb again. Maybe you haven't reached bottom yet because you're clinging to something. But the quicker you reach that rock bottom, the quicker you can start your ascent again. And when the next wave comes along, it won't be as hard as the first time. So don't worry about "torturing yourself," your brain will eventually get tired of it and you'll start your path on being happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Yeah, it is painful and cuts deep. But for me it was a necessary realization. I'm currently reading Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus. (I couldn't touch the book when I was still suffering post-BU, but now I find it very helpful.) Anyway, it says that women's emotions are like the waves. It has a peak and it has a bottom and always in a cycle. I think for dumpees suffering because of a BU it's the same concept. We have to hit rock bottom first before we can start the climb again. Maybe you haven't reached bottom yet because you're clinging to something. But the quicker you reach that rock bottom, the quicker you can start your ascent again. And when the next wave comes along, it won't be as hard as the first time. So don't worry about "torturing yourself," your brain will eventually get tired of it and you'll start your path on being happy again. Gosh, I sure hope you're right that my brain will eventually get tired of the tortuous thoughts. I have been a little better than I used to be; I seem to rebound from the lows quicker and your description of the waves is exactly how I feel. I have had break ups before, but none of them have ever impacted me like this one. I know time is supposed to take care of it all, but it's been so long for me already and I really cannot imagine what will finally take these thoughts away. What if all of you are wrong and I just have to learn to live with this forever, like a rash that never goes away? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 My ex who dumped me hasn't reached out once she ended it. Not even for Christmas. She probably think or wishes that I died. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 My ex who dumped me hasn't reached out once she ended it. Not even for Christmas. She probably think or wishes that I died. Unless your love dumped you for reprehensible or illegal behavior, that's highly unlikely. For her, the relationship is finished and therefore she is not required to reach out to you, that's all. Why prolong the torturous? Regarding "closure" re: the dumper, most would reach out to assuage guilt. I myself, do not see what a dumper has to feel guilty about. I've been dumped before, and I don't expect "karma" to get them or wish for insects to infest their underpants (or something equally unpleasant!) Dumping someone is a necessary evil, like firing people. It's awful at the time, but in the long run, all parties are better off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Softie Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Depends on the person, depends on the relationship. So many variables. I have had two exs that haven't, which to be honest I was glad of in the end. I don't care about them anymore so really doesn't matter if they apologized or not. The latest ex is still a little raw so course I feel I wish he would, as much as I wish he would not. I would assume, for peace of mind and your own moving on, that they are NOT going to get in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 What would you say true remorse looks like for a dumper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Or regret for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Or regret for that matter. Dumper's remorse is apparently a thing. (I only learned about that here in LS.) When tables have turned and dumper comes crawling back only to find their dumpee doesn't want them anymore/has moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
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