Here we go again, venting, needing .

[TheVSilent]

I am going through a bad break up. For the last year I have been with a woman that is very controlling and emotionally unavailable. There were times in the relationship where I would get put down by the way I look, or that I wasn't a "man" because I didn't own certain things like bedroom furniture or didn't make a certain amount of money a week that I could spend on her. It was very superficial and made me feel empty. I have been dragging this along for a year now, but when we were at our best, it was unforgettable. In the back of my mind I kept thinking she would finally be a little nicer, be open to actually telling people I was her boyfriend and not just a friend. She was the type of person that would get mad if I asked to be claimed because people didn't need to know.

 

It wasn't that I wanted people to know, I just wanted her to back the relationship. We were best friends before we started dating, and we just do not see eye to eye. The last straw came about a month ago, she out of the blue told me she was taking a camping trip with some guy friends from high school. She told me this three days before she boarded a plane in which somebody funded, I have no idea who because she never has money. I took extreme offense to this and lashed out. I said some mean things, I couldn't help it, I said it was a mistake that I EVER got involved with her, and that she made me sick to my stomach because all I ever did was anything she wanted me to do but she just couldn't do the same for me.

 

This in turn ruined our relationship, of course she gave me the cold shoulder, and told me she was moving back home with her mom in NM. We are in TX, but here is the thing. We planned on moving in with each other about 3 months before any of this happened, against my better judgement mind you. She was between apartments and she moved ALL her stuff here. She has been visiting Peru, and she is coming back to get all of it the first full week of Jan. I recently tried to reach out to her to be civil, I just miss her and I don't know why, she told me that I was fishing for her attention and to stop, and that she would be here to get her stuff and didn't need help moving it. She has a child that is very attached to me and he will be here to. I feel like I just want to be civil and help her get it done but then I just don't even want to be around because I'm torn between wanting to work things out which obviously isn't ever going to work, or just being really crude because I just can't take how cold she has been toward me.

 

I am in a tough spot, just wanting some advice and was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation.

[Eau Claire]

I'm never sure about the purpose of this type of posting.

 

Often a long list of a partner's flaws or a list of all their wrong behaviour.

 

What answer do you want? '

Edited December 27, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xUnknown]

he wanted to vent and get some thoughts as to how to handle the situation with his ex coming over get her stuff. No reason to be a dick about it.

 

First, I would be as cordial as possible. Don't bring up the past. Just let her see that you are moving forward...fake it if you need to. That is all the case if you NEED to be there. If you can have a friend be there instead then I'd do that.

[Eau Claire]

No, he actually has some type of issue. Otherwise he would have broken this off long ago.

 

This isn't about venting. It's wanting some type of validation. He doesn't need it. He knows what to do. Next relationship...starts all over.

[nerdlingZA]

Eau claire is Right , this person knows what to do. ignore him people.

[xUnknown]

is this the same girl from these threads?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/372836-need-something-kick-me-into-gear

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/375654-i-need-realizing-truth

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/374667-am-i-being-emotionally-abused

 

Sounds like it to me. If this is the case my mistake Eau Claire - sounds like a broken record, getting the same answers but can't accept them.

 

 

TheVSilent, is this girl really worth all of your time, effort, money and thought? Look what shes doing to you. Look at the number of threads you've created...

[tlegend]

No, he actually has some type of issue. Otherwise he would have broken this off long ago.

 

This isn't about venting. It's wanting some type of validation. He doesn't need it. He knows what to do. Next relationship...starts all over.

 

Exactly. He is looking for validation for his reasoning and thought process. Even with your crude comment, you have validated his course of action to be polite and correct.

 

Thank you for your help, even if it was forward.

[TheVSilent]

I think I truly do have a problem. Yes it is the same girl, and no I am not seeking validation, I simply am unable to get over it. I don't know why I can't, or want to be the punching bag, but for some reason I keep letting it go on. Now for sure things are going to be over and it is for the best, I was just more/less wanting to see if anyone has dealt with someone like this and has it ever panned out any better than what I have been going through.

 

Come on now, this place is a place for venting and confusion and break ups, that is why I post here, I am sorry if it seems needy.

[tlegend]

I think I truly do have a problem. Yes it is the same girl, and no I am not seeking validation, I simply am unable to get over it. I don't know why I can't, or want to be the punching bag, but for some reason I keep letting it go on. Now for sure things are going to be over and it is for the best, I was just more/less wanting to see if anyone has dealt with someone like this and has it ever panned out any better than what I have been going through.

 

Come on now, this place is a place for venting and confusion and break ups, that is why I post here, I am sorry if it seems needy.

 

You've been given advice. The advice seems to be fairly straightforward and consistent. Maybe it's time you took the advice?

 

My apologies for thinking you were posting for validation. Seems as if you aren't even posting for that.

[William]

Our guidelines proscribe that topics on similar subjects be confined to one thread in the most appropriate forum, so we'll close this up. It appears there are a number of threads on this topic where discussion can continue and we'll look at merging those. Thanks for your participation!