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My Update Story and why NC works my heartbroken friends

TheMink

By TheMink
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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TheMink Member

TheMink

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Hey all, it's about 3AM on Christmas Day so I thought I'd take the opportunity to make a post on these forums. I think it has been a little over 8 months since I broke up with my ex, I'll link the original posts below for anyone that's interested. I'm making this point to give everyone that make still be roaming this forums that helped me out an update, and to provide everyone that is struggling through a breakup a perspective on how I got through that stage and what the future holds. I've been in a new relationship for nearly 4 months now so I think I am a great example for you guys to see that you will find someone better for you.

 

So firstly I was incredibly heartbroken when I was dumped, and like many of you I wanted to live in denial of her (or his) feelings or decisions, wanted to reach out to them and try to reason, and try to break the NC that is very much preached about on these forums. However there were several things that I hadn't realized

  1. Someone that is willing to lose you are not the people that you want to be in a relationship with
  2. That breaking NC and trying to talk to your ex does more harm than good
  3. They don't love you anymore

Because of this I made many mistakes, and inevitably made the experience much more painful than it should have been. In some ways I am glad that I made these mistakes because it was a massive learning experience. I'd like to tell you that there is some trick or something that you can do but there really isn't. However, these are the things that I did which helped me out.

  1. Did a massive health kick and started working out of which I look way better because of it
  2. Took the opportunity to develop a better relationship with my family
  3. Looked back on the relationship and focused on all the negative aspects of it
  4. And finally and most importantly stick with NC!!!!

I've seen lots of posts about people wanting to break NC (of which I did multiple times so I'm a bit of a hypocrite by preaching it), however you must listen to everyone when they say not to break it. Every time that I did all that happened was me getting hurt. Even though I was hurting immensely I forced myself to stick to it eventually. This did several things for me

  1. By blocking all online contact with my ex and her friends it stopped myself from seeing them online all the time
  2. She wasn't able to reach out to me which inevitably would of ended in me being lead on and hurt
  3. I wasn't able to find out that she has had a new boyfriend for the last 6 months (I only just found out yesterday!!)
  4. It appears that because of the NC and getting on with my life it's caused my ex and her friends to try and screw around with me and try to contact me (which I might note is incredibly annoying)

I've been told recently since breaking up with me my ex, a mutual friend has said that she has turned into a bit of a bitch. In a more overall summary since breaking up looking back on the relationship it's made me see that she really wasn't as attractive as I thought she was, she actually wasn't a very good girlfriend to me, and that our lifestyles just weren't right for each other. I have moved onto much bigger and better things, and met such a more loving and caring partner. Looking at her new partner, he really seems like a downgrade to me both physically and personality wise, as I've been told that none of her friends like him. It's is a very snobby way to look at the situation however it seems that I have found someone much better. I think I should really stress to you guys that we honestly end up being better off in the long run, it may not seem like it now but it is true as it is a great opportunity for ourselves to grow as people and learn from our experiences.

 

Don't worry guys, things get better. To all my Loveshackers out there have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

 

P.S. Christmas and New Years is not an excuse to break N.C!!!

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chris21422 Established Member

chris21422

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Posted

Very good post man! Hope others will read it! Way to go man!!

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