Wife Cheated on me with friends 16 years ago

[peruano99]

Tell it how it is. This is the kind of thing I used to do to other girls but never would I thought it would be done to my girl. I plan on kicking this bitch to the curb. I love my boys but I cant do it. I'll find me a legit girl in Asia. These hoes will do you really dirty. I just cant get over the fact someone else will have her.

 

Yeah, they got me good. I'll get mine in due time.

 

God Damn! They had my wife face down ass up and the whore is acting like she didnt know. Whats your opinion, she saw the other faces yeah?

 

Ugh what LOL .

[down2earth]

I dated her at 15, she moved away to Hawaii. I got sentenced to CYA till I was 21 and was released at 16-17. I reunited with her again and was locked up for parole violations for not finding a job and going to california without notifying my parole officer. I got out and went to college. Went to U of O for my undergrad and PSU for grad school. She went on to work at the big four, majored in accounting.

 

I found out about all this through 4play, and I figured she probably wants to get it off her chest. This is probably the safest way for her, she's probably scared of me. I've change and would not lay a hand on her, I'll just kick her to the curb. I have self control and no longer have impulse behavior. If it was the old me all those guys would get it. My heart aches when I think about her face down ass up.

[down2earth]

If you want to run a train with other guys on her, then I think it's best to separate...

 

One part of me wants to hurt her so bad. I want her to feel worthless. I want her to feel like dirt. I want her to feel like a low life whore guys just use and abuse. Then I can be satisfied within my heart, that would be ultimate revenge.

 

I want to show her family that she is a slut and trash, show her current friends she is a whore and has been trained.

[peruano99]

One part of me wants to hurt her so bad. I want her to feel worthless. I want her to feel like dirt. I want her to feel like a low life whore guys just use and abuse. Then I can be satisfied within my heart, that would be ultimate revenge.

 

I want to show her family that she is a slut and trash, show her current friends she is a whore and has been trained.

 

Uh I think it would be best to just separate. Do it for your children at least.

[aliveagain]

I dated her at 15, she moved away to Hawaii. I got sentenced to CYA till I was 21 and was released at 16-17. I reunited with her again and was locked up for parole violations for not finding a job and going to california without notifying my parole officer. I got out and went to college. Went to U of O for my undergrad and PSU for grad school. She went on to work at the big four, majored in accounting.

 

I found out about all this through 4play, and I figured she probably wants to get it off her chest. This is probably the safest way for her, she's probably scared of me. I've change and would not lay a hand on her, I'll just kick her to the curb. I have self control and no longer have impulse behavior. If it was the old me all those guys would get it. My heart aches when I think about her face down ass up.

 

The part that really gets me is these were or are your friends. The disrespect they showed you by gang banging your girl and than still hung out with you after the fact as your friends. Your wife knew who these guys were, they went to her place and she felt safe enough to be alone with them when her girlfriend left, she kept drinking with them and than singled one of them out. What girl goes to into a bedroom with a guy and bangs him with the door open when there's a house full of guys there? How is it she was too drunk to stop herself but could still tell that three of them ejaculated into her?

[Fluttershy]

This is no erotic story, I am really going through this right now! Why the hell would I lie about this, who has time to bs? If its not adding up can you explain why? Maybe your seeing something that Im not and she is not telling me everything. Let me get in a car accident and die tomorrow if Im lieing. Let me be cursed for life. I promise I would never waste you guys time like this.

The erotic story was how your wife could easily come up woth scenreos without having experienced them herself. That is NOT a red flag. Experience at doing new sexual acts can be but coming up with sexy stories? Any creative fiction writer in the world could do that.

I don't know you, I don't know if you are busy or not. Lots of people join these sites and make up wild stories for the heck of it. No need to be so dramatic. What I said still stands. Either this story is made up or your wife's story has a whole lot more to it then one evening letting herself be gang banged. As aliveagain said, if she was too drunk to resist or know she should resist she was too drunk to know how many guys came inside her. Let alone remebering it years later.

If You are really going through this then don't do anything you will regret later. If you are a good guy don't do acts of revenge. Don't abuse her or yell at her in front of the kids. Don't sabatoge her on FB. Do lots of reading online on recovery whether you stay or go. And don't rush yourself to make a descision on reconciling or seperating. You may change your mind a hundred times in a day and by letting yourself be okay with not deciding now you won't feel self pressure to kake a descision before you have had time to think things through.

[Oldspiceywolf]

I get it, this feels humiliating to you right now. I think your over reacting. She's a human, she's not perfect, she's not out baninging your brother right now, she was dumb girl who got train pulled on her. It happens for mor girls than many of us guys like to admit. I don't ask my wife how many dudes she's had, I don't ask her how many guys made her orgasm. I don't ask if I'm the best ever. I don't ask how big was the biggest. I don't ask how rich they were. I don't ask if they played sports. It doesn't matter!

I know this is less of an issue of this being the past and more of an issue of trust, pride, identity, infidelity, and morals but man you dug this out of her long and hard. If you wanted to know why did you want to know? You pulled it out of her with both hands all your might!

Maybe it is hot to you!

Look at what you wrote.

You use talking about her with other men as foreplay( you sound like you've done this for a while even if it's for the purpose of finding out some secrets).

You don't just talk about leaving her, you talk about turning her out!

When you use that type of foreplay are you stimulated? If so you need to question you desires and motives.

I don't think there is anything went with you wanting to see your wife with other men if you two real long hard look inside and that's what you find.

I don't want that for me but I do feel it's a big world and there's enough room for people who have all sorts of fetishes as long as nobody is really getting hurt.

I don't think you are making this up, I think your confused. Either way you are overreacting, you asked, she answered your bad bro! Do what you need to do to get your head around it, visualize if it gets you hot, don't if it doesn't. People don't spend enough time owning their own thought patterns and how their errand thought patterns.

Why did you want to know if she was unfaithful?(it's a long time ago under really strange and naive circumstances)

What did you imagine the worse case scenario to be before you found out?

What did you plan to do if you found out the worse case scenario?

If you planned to to leave her if you found out something you didn't approve of, why were you looking for reasons to leave your wife?

Do you want to be married?

If you never found this out would you want to be married to her?

Read "sex at dawn" by Christopher Ryan or better yet get the audio book from audible, if you don't have an account already you can download your first book for free(sorry for advertising I have no stake in audible). He talks about what sex is for us as animals and what is for us as members of a civilization and how those two sexlives interfere with one another and create chaos in our love and desires.

The situation your wife went through is primal but women are built to take multiple partners at once to maximize fertilization and men are built to have man quick encounters to maximize diversity and number of offspring. It's not hard to imagine how a young woman could find herself in this situation.

 

 

Don't judge your wife like that, you asked for this knowledge don't betray her trust by using this as a weapon to destroy her dignity. That's not cool and would be more shameful than your friends tagging your girl. I just can't qualifyyour relationship as fully committal when you were an incarcerated 17 year old if she didn't already have your child.

Prison rule #1 you do what you gotta do! That doesn't just go for the incarcerated!

I don't think she really cheated on you there and I don't think she is some dishonest piece of whatever to diserve this level of resentment. I urge you to look long and hard at every angle of why your in this situation.

I admire you for pulling yourself up and having dignity! Your not this weak to be melted by a situation of your own design, create he world you want to live in, only you have that power.

[peruano99]

If she was in a relationship with OP while being gang banged, then yes she did cheat on him.

 

Also OP answer me this, did the guys came inside your then girlfriend? If so, she was lucky she didn't caught any STD's.

 

Yeah OP I think it's best to take a break from seeing your wife and decide what you are going to do.

Edited December 24, 2013 by peruano99

[thummper]

I don't know if you're a troll or not, having not had access to this site for very long. If you aren't, I certainly can understand how you must be feeling. I haven't read much about women who've allowed themselves to be gangbanged. I have no clue as to why any female would permit herself to be so degraded, becoming nothing more than an anonymous sp3rm receptacle. How has your wife reacted since this all came to light? Does she share your disgust about being betrayed? Is she truly ashamed and remorseful and afraid after all these years of losing you? I know most would say kick her out, but since this was long ago, what kind of relationship have you two enjoyed in the intervening years. Except for this terrible soul-searing and nauseating betrayal , has she proved to be a good and loving wife and life partner and mother to your children? Lots to consider here. Thank God I'm not facing a gut-wrenching decision like this!

[A.Moscote]

Your wife has betrayed you in a very disgusting way. It's not a mere mistake, it's deliberate. That's very very painful.

However please don't be rash, take time to vent off and recompose yourself first. Then scrutinize it all about your relationship, marriage, and most importantly your wife as a person. Separation period and MC might help as well. Hell, snoop her all the way if you want.

 

One part of me wants to hurt her so bad. I want her to feel worthless. I want her to feel like dirt. I want her to feel like a low life whore guys just use and abuse. Then I can be satisfied within my heart, that would be ultimate revenge.

 

I want to show her family that she is a slut and trash, show her current friends she is a whore and has been trained.

Thank you. Right now I feel like treating her like **it. I feel like running a train on her with other guys and treat her like trash. She disgust me. I am so confused with my feelings. One minute I hate her, one minute I want her.

Don't let your emotions and desire get the better of your rational. Your wife succumbed to hers, don't join her.

 

...This is the kind of thing I used to do to other girls but never would I thought it would be done to my girl...

...I'll find me a legit girl in Asia. These hoes will do you really dirty...

huh??

[FrankieFrank]

Look yourself in the mirror for a good long time. When this took place, where were you? You were in jail for 90 days for a parole violation, so in other words, you screwed up big time for your mistake and if you would have behaved yourself and did the right thing by keeping your nose clean, none of this would have happened.

 

Oh.

 

So if someone goes to jail, their partners are fully entitled to cheat on them?

 

I, actually feel sorry for the now wife...she admitted her poor behavior that happened sooooooooo very long ago, and now she is being cast as a jezabel by a man she took an oath with well after the fact. I don't think I'd want to stay with a man that wants to add insult to injury in this matter.

What's up with those lame excuses and dramatic wording? You think she's a martyr or something? Maybe she should be made a saint?

 

The same "jezabel" woman not only did the disgusting train routine with x guys, but also withheld that fact from OP, knowing he would probably not marry or have children with her. Therefore she lacks any respect for OP whatsoever, because she doesn't allow him to actually make an informed decision about his own life by showing her true colors.

 

Disgusting.

[atreides]

I will say what i have in other threads. For me Girlfriend/Boyfriend is the stage before getting serious, in my opinion it is still exploration and discovery (flirting with commitment) and thus anything that happens before getting engaged or cultural equivalent I have a lot of leniency. However, anything post getting engaged is a very different story.

 

She also came clean with some coaxing, which is miles better than many and for the sake of argument, I will assume she has been well behaved since.

 

No doubt, the images are haunting and "slut" as many have said comes to mind but we all can have fresh starts. Maybe a little IC will help.

 

Whom i have more issue with... is these "friends" of yours, hopefully not so anymore, I would have a major issue with them.

[Iguanna]

Who cares if she cheated? Who marries a woman who does this kind of things? She may as well do it professionally and make some money out of it. If it were me, I would take my kids away from her. These women are not worth to have and raise kids.

[3blindmice]

Tell it how it is. This is the kind of thing I used to do to other girls

 

I don't understand how a man that stands in line to do a girl can call her a hoe when he's acting like a hoe himself. What puts a man above her, he's doing it too?

 

Does your wife know you used to do that?

 

I don't like the double standard that it's ok for the man but the woman is a hoe. Sounds to me like you both made the same mistake in your youth.

 

Why does your wife have to live to a higher standard than you?

[dichotomy]

Dr. Phil says the best indicator for future behavior is past behavior.

 

So we should expect OP to be in jail/prison again - his wife should worry about this time and mistake in his life - he is a thug and convict ?

 

This is a horrible situation, but it sounds like a very crazy time at 17 before you were both married for both of you. You in jail, bad boy, and her loosing her mind with some sex.

 

I don't have any advice other than you seem to accept your past bad choices and how you turned around. Let say you both get a get of jail card for this time?

[devilish innocent]

I'm not sure why you think that you should judge her on her past. She was a teenager. Young people often do dumb things, but then grow up and get wiser. With your bad boy past and the way you've made more of yourself, you should be the first person to know that.

 

Also, did I see you say in one of your posts that you did the same thing to other girls when you were younger? If so, I really don't think it's fair to judge her for being on the other side.

 

Don't get me wrong. I understand being really angry right now. You just found out about all of this. No guy likes to think of his woman being with another guy while they were together, let alone a whole train of guys. I don't blame you for being mad and having these mean thoughts.

 

I just think you owe it to her and your children to try to overcome these feelings and forgive her if you can. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I actually think counseling would be a very good idea for you at this point. I'd say talk to a therapist for a while, then see how you feel and what you want to do. Don't let your anger at the moment cloud your judgment.

 

Also, your friends didn't have the last laugh. They got to screw her once. You went on to marry this hot chick and have a beautiful family with her. That's getting the last laugh. Of course, if you lose all of that because of what they did in the past, then you're right, they will have had the very last laugh.

[bubbaganoosh]

Oh.

 

So if someone goes to jail, their partners are fully entitled to cheat on them?

 

The point I was making was, he was no angel himself. If he would have behaved himself in a better way he wouldn't have been in jail.

 

He made a mistake. So did she. We all make them. But before he starts pointing a finger and making snide remarks about her mistake, he should realize that he made one too and she didn't run him down for his. Be a different story if he was out working to support her but his ass was locked up. Think that's something to brag about? I don't think so. The last thing I would want to write about on a forum even using a "password name" is being locked up.

 

If he wants a divorce then fine, get one but don't do it thinking that she's a tramp and he walks on water.

[peruano99]

I'm not sure why you think that you should judge her on her past. She was a teenager. Young people often do dumb things, but then grow up and get wiser. With your bad boy past and the way you've made more of yourself, you should be the first person to know that.

 

Also, did I see you say in one of your posts that you did the same thing to other girls when you were younger? If so, I really don't think it's fair to judge her for being on the other side.

 

Don't get me wrong. I understand being really angry right now. You just found out about all of this. No guy likes to think of his woman being with another guy while they were together, let alone a whole train of guys. I don't blame you for being mad and having these mean thoughts.

 

I just think you owe it to her and your children to try to overcome these feelings and forgive her if you can. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I actually think counseling would be a very good idea for you at this point. I'd say talk to a therapist for a while, then see how you feel and what you want to do. Don't let your anger at the moment cloud your judgment.

 

Also, your friends didn't have the last laugh. They got to screw her once. You went on to marry this hot chick and have a beautiful family with her. That's getting the last laugh. Of course, if you lose all of that because of what they did in the past, then you're right, they will have had the very last laugh.

 

 

Judging by the way he posted yesterday, he isn't going to forgive her for that. So if he DOESN"T forgive her, her friends will have the last laugh? I don't see why you don't think he may just leave her.

 

OP can be a good father to his kid without his wife. I can't see any man forgiving a woman who cheated on him with multiple people.

[thummper]

And nobody here feels she has redeemed herself after 16 years? What kind of wife has she been for her husband over all that time? Has she strayed with anyone else, or has she been a faithful and loving life partner? Young people often do incredibly stupid things, is there no way for her to live this down?

[Tayla]

After further reading, things definitely do not make sense. Double Standards. So I shall let this poster sort it out as best he can. Hopefully the wife and kids are safe from his language and actions....

 

To the person who quoted Dr. Phil, He also said " change your attitude, change your life". Which the OP could use a dose of to aide in this quandry

[Iguanna]

And nobody here feels she has redeemed herself after 16 years? What kind of wife has she been for her husband over all that time? Has she strayed with anyone else, or has she been a faithful and loving life partner? Young people often do incredibly stupid things, is there no way for her to live this down?

 

I will answer with a question: how many men do you think would marry this woman if they knew what she did?

[julzfromsa]

16 years is such a long time. People change drastically in that time. What is done is done and i honestly dont believe for one second that it has any influence on your relationship you guys have now going forward. You are both different people and to be honest that what happened was in a different life. You should try forgive and forget, and if not forget, just forgive.

[thummper]

I will answer with a question: how many men do you think would marry this woman if they knew what she did?

Well, to answer your question, probably none, but how many of us had a sexual history (admittedly not as scandalous as this one) before we married. Did we share our past with our intendeds? Perhaps some did. I know Mrs. Thummper had several sexual encounters before I came along, as did I (some of which I am NOT proud of) but it made no difference to me. I loved her dearly ( and still do after 30 years). What she did before we married isn't as important as the fact that she has been loving and totally faithful to me since our marriage. To me, THAT'S all that matters.

[peruano99]

Well, to answer your question, probably none, but how many of us had a sexual history (admittedly not as scandalous as this one) before we married. Did we share our past with our intendeds? Perhaps some did. I know Mrs. Thummper had several sexual encounters before I came along, as did I (some of which I am NOT proud of) but it made no difference to me. I loved her dearly ( and still do after 30 years). What she did before we married isn't as important as the fact that she has been loving and totally faithful to me since our marriage. To me, THAT'S all that matters.

 

Well she still cheated on him. Your wife didn't cheat on you. With his outlook on this situation, he will leave his wife and get a divorce.

[peruano99]

I'm not sure why you think that you should judge her on her past. She was a teenager. Young people often do dumb things, but then grow up and get wiser. With your bad boy past and the way you've made more of yourself, you should be the first person to know that.

 

Also, did I see you say in one of your posts that you did the same thing to other girls when you were younger? If so, I really don't think it's fair to judge her for being on the other side.

 

Don't get me wrong. I understand being really angry right now. You just found out about all of this. No guy likes to think of his woman being with another guy while they were together, let alone a whole train of guys. I don't blame you for being mad and having these mean thoughts.

 

I just think you owe it to her and your children to try to overcome these feelings and forgive her if you can. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I actually think counseling would be a very good idea for you at this point. I'd say talk to a therapist for a while, then see how you feel and what you want to do. Don't let your anger at the moment cloud your judgment.

 

Also, your friends didn't have the last laugh. They got to screw her once. You went on to marry this hot chick and have a beautiful family with her. That's getting the last laugh. Of course, if you lose all of that because of what they did in the past, then you're right, they will have had the very last laugh.

 

...So he unknowingly married a girl who was in an orgy while being in a relationship with him, and he had the last laugh?

Edited December 24, 2013 by peruano99