Going crazy after discovering partner's affair with my best friend

[Arieswoman]

Hello woman scorned,

Firstly I really admire you for trying to make a go of this relationship. I wonder however, if you have realy thought things through.

 

I think you need to shift your viewpoint. Your husband's affair was of HIS choosing. The OW is not special, she was just available. If it hadn't been her it would have been someone else.

Don't contact her again, this is about you and your relationship and she doesn't figure in that.

Your husband needs to own the choice he made to cheat. It was not your responsibility.

Your anger is normal but don't let it take you over.

Please stick to individual counselling and I hope you can move forward. Staying in the relationship may not be the best way forward but only you can determine your course of action.

Edited December 18, 2013 by Arieswoman

[ClemsonTigers]

Hello woman scorned,

Firstly I really admire you for trying to make a go of this relationship. I wonder however, if you have realy thought things through.

 

I think you need to shift your viewpoint. Your husband's affair was of HIS choosing. The OW is not special, she was just available. If it hadn't been her it would have been someone else.

Don't contact her again, this is about you and your relationship and she doesn't figure in that.

Your husband needs to own the choice he made to cheat. It was not your responsibility.

Your anger is normal but don't let it take you over.

Please stick to individual counselling and I hope you can move forward. Staying in the relationship may not be the best way forward but only you can determine your course of action.

 

 

Ummm…they aren't married. She would only have to dump her boyfriend|babydaddy.

 

 

Speaking of, why aren't you two married, woman scorned????? You've got kids and are living together and it appears fidelity is important to you so an oath "forsaking all others" might have been a nice thing. Dating is a minefield of hurts. Absent the oaths|covenant either of you are free to date others. Considering his behavior maybe you should. He doesn't appear to be marriage material.

 

On the other hand, if he's going to stay and change what's your (both of you) plan? Surely this arrangement isn't working for you.

 

 

Let me clarify…I am not bashing you for not being married or minimizing your hurt. Boyfriend's cheating sucks. But realize deep down in the back of every entitled cheating boyfriend's head is the thought "It's not like we are|were married". Presumed fidelity in any long-term relationship is not wise but particularly in dating relationships. It's just not realistic. I've met|helped a lot of couples in my time and get to hear a lot more secrets and stories than the average person ~~~ I don't recall ever even meeting a completely monogomous couple that had been living together more than 10 years. Well, honestly there are some older ones (seniors~widowers) that don't want to re-marry for family and financial reasons but I'm not counting those.

[Clay]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It took me at least a week to click on it to read it. I feel so bad for you.

 

I hope you are doing better.

 

Clay

[confusedandhurt2002]

That's exactly what's needed around here. It's disgusting to see so many people endorsing the act of "making things work" with someone who has been having sex with another person. Get some dignity people.

 

Seriously? What's your story? Cheated on and left? Then go be mean to someone else who isn't trying to figure things out. There is plenty of time for her to figure that out.

[tiredofitall2]

Seriously? What's your story? Cheated on and left? Then go be mean to someone else who isn't trying to figure things out. There is plenty of time for her to figure that out.

 

That's because these people are perfect and immutable. They are without sin or without flaws. I'd wonder if they would also recommend divorce as a first option for other issues or is cheating they only deal breaker. Because even though it might be for them it might not be for others as well as there might be other issues that could possibly be deal breakers for others and not for people like him.

 

People should come here with an openness to give counsel and leave their own personal hangups behind. Never give absolute advise on what someone should or should not do. I personally believe marriages should be saved whenever possible, especially when there are children involved. When you marry someone you try to stick to your commitment even when the partner fails, it makes you the better person. If your partner is not willing to work through it, then you are no longer obligated to work it out. If there is abuse or violence then it is not healthy and perhaps dangerous. In such cases you owe it to yourself and your children to leave just to be safe.