xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 When you stop caring and move on - they come back. My ex (of 3 months) came back tonight. She showed up unannounced at my apartment. We spoke for probably hour and a half - two hours. Everything you would want to hear. She admitted she made a mistake, screwed up, wanted to do anything and everything she could to get us back - wanted to start as friends this time and not as "**** buddies", like how we started our relationship. We talked - I pretty much explained the things I never got a chance to, about what bothered me in the relationship, how i felt unappreciated, etc, etc... In the end, I couldn't just say "no" to her...I wanted to...but I couldn't. I realize that right now, its a no...but who knows, maybe down the line it will be different. I said, nothing has really changed from when we broke up (about wanting to start fresh as friends 6mo-yrs down the line)...we still want to start as friends, but now is too early - all the emotions will come back. She declined a hug, saying "I just can't...if I start, I'll never let go". If I hadn't realized that my relationship with her was that of a rebound, I don't know what would have happened. Obviously, I miss her and still care about her. I told her, "there is still that part of me in my heart that cares about you, but I'm not ready to give it back to you". She left my apartment...it was different this time. I still though, oh crap she's leaving...but I somewhat seemed okay with it. I saw her car drive away about 15 minutes later.
Mariposa10 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Hmmm, let see if I understood your post. So she wanted to get back together with you INSTANTLY? You were a rebound? How long were you two together? 1
Author xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Hmmm, let see if I understood your post. So she wanted to get back together with you INSTANTLY? You were a rebound? How long were you two together? In the reference to being a "rebound" read here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/446325-so-what-i-think-i-m-gonna-do-short-story-inside#post5377337 Obviously, it was more than just a rebound, but just another thought. It was more of the dependency, and I was in love with the feeling of being loved. We were together for about 2 years. We were broken up for 3 or so months. She drove from where she moved to (3 hours away), showed up unannounced. She said she missed me, wanted me back, wanted to work on things, get back to the good times, do anything she could, realized how bad she treated me, missed sharing her life with me, missed her 'best friend', wanted to start again as friends as a proper relationship should have (ie: not jumping right into sex).
Haydn Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Be careful wth this my friend, it can set you back after seeing her after all that time. Be cautious....... 6
Author xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Now, well, I've realized a bunch about myself, our relationship and told her that the past 10 months, I really was not happy. I gave her more of a "if it were meant to be in time it will happen" kind of answer. I know I made the right call. @Barky would approve hahah. I know it can. I was in utter shock when I opened the door. But when it comes down to it... I'm not willing to pass up another opportunity with girl A (read thread above) who I've loved my entire life (never was entirely over her even throughout my relationship with my ex) just to jump back into a relationship with my ex....nope. Not going to do that again...I'd be making the same mistake twice.
Mariposa10 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Now, well, I've realized a bunch about myself, our relationship and told her that the past 10 months, I really was not happy. I gave her more of a "if it were meant to be in time it will happen" kind of answer. I know I made the right call. @Barky would approve hahah. I know it can. I was in utter shock when I opened the door. But when it comes down to it... I'm not willing to pass up another opportunity with girl A (read thread above) who I've loved my entire life (never was entirely over her even throughout my relationship with my ex) just to jump back into a relationship with my ex....nope. Not going to do that again...I'd be making the same mistake twice. I remember one of your threads now!! Well, if you still have feelings for girl A, don't even think about getting back with your ex then!! Be honest to your ex, and try to focus on girl B? 1
Author xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 I remember one of your threads now!! Well, if you still have feelings for girl A, don't even think about getting back with your ex then!! Be honest to your ex, and try to focus on girl B? lol, close....Focus on girl A That's the one i've loved my life, hurt her, then got with B-my ex. This is pretty much the same situation over again..ditch A for my ex(b). Girl A and I have been talking more frequently since I saw her on Thanksgiving...thats when all the feelings rushed back and stuff. Thats where I'm focusing my attention.
Author xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Moral of the story...I was moving on, not looking back at the past. Moving on from my ex...then she came back and spilled her guts. I knew I would hear from her around the holidays. Funny story that happened last weekend that my ex told about.. her bff - Taylor her bff's bf - Mike Ex - Lisa Taylor and Mike got into an argument and Lisa was there...Lisa overheard Mike saying to Taylor " I almost pulled a Lisa right there". My ex (lisa) tried to let it go but confronted Mike about it meant ...he finally caved and said "meaning I almost dumped Taylor for no reason at all" **This all happened last weekend and I think drove in the point, yeah, she screwed up**
Mariposa10 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 lol, close....Focus on girl A That's the one i've loved my life, hurt her, then got with B-my ex. This is pretty much the same situation over again..ditch A for my ex(b). Girl A and I have been talking more frequently since I saw her on Thanksgiving...thats when all the feelings rushed back and stuff. Thats where I'm focusing my attention. Haha, I can't believe I got A and B messed up. I should just go to sleep So you're done with your ex then? Finito? 1
Author xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 (edited) Haha, I can't believe I got A and B messed up. I should just go to sleep So you're done with your ex then? Finito? Pretty much. Left option for the future open, but made that door a very slim crack. She came back wanting to be back 100% together, but she knew that I coudn't just say "yes" tonight and would have to think about it...I didn't think she'd expect me to give her a "no" either..which is more or less what I did. I left it as if it were meant to happen it were meant to happen. She wants to start fresh (even though we both know feelings would come rushing back), but 3 months isn't long enough to "start fresh". So it was left the same way we broke up, we'll see where we end up. For her this was an attempt to get me back...for me it was expressing the closure I already came to realize myself, and letting her know how I truly felt I was being treated etc. Edited December 14, 2013 by xUnknown
Softie Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 They don't always. My previous two exs never have nor would I want them too. One of them slept with someone else on the night of the day we broke up....yuk....his self esteem must have been zero.....do I think last ex will.....I am not sure, after 2.5 months I am still wanting to say a lot of home truths to him and vent my frustrations however this will pass. We could never get back together and if they weren't willing to work on it the first time, why would they want to put in the hard work, even more hard work that is required second time around?.. Sometimes it is a case of better the devil you don't know. 1
Author xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 They don't always. My previous two exs never have nor would I want them too. One of them slept with someone else on the night of the day we broke up....yuk....his self esteem must have been zero.....do I think last ex will.....I am not sure, after 2.5 months I am still wanting to say a lot of home truths to him and vent my frustrations however this will pass. We could never get back together and if they weren't willing to work on it the first time, why would they want to put in the hard work, even more hard work that is required second time around?.. Sometimes it is a case of better the devil you don't know. I guess thats true too... I knew eventually she would come around and realize what she did, how bad she treated me, how she screwed things up - but I latched onto that hope...that knowing she would. That only made me feel like **** even more and held me back from healing. I finally got over that and over those feelings, didn't care if she came back or not because I realized I wasn't happy. When I started working on me, let go of her and the past, being and focusing on me, was when she decided to come back. Just because your ex didn't come back yet, doesnt mean that down the line it won't happen. But you can't worry about that - this is what I did. They may not come back saying they want to work on things, but come back as a friend...whatever the case is - one way or another, things happen. I got my point across, she knows I don't want to get back with her.
JDPT Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 When I move on and fully recovery I still wouldn't want her to "come back". Her chapter in my life is now over, she is a big girl and can take care of herself, not need for me to know how she is doing in life. Not bitter or angry, just protecting myself as I am all that matters from this point forward. 2
Author xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 When I move on and fully recovery I still wouldn't want her to "come back". Her chapter in my life is now over, she is a big girl and can take care of herself, not need for me to know how she is doing in life. Not bitter or angry, just protecting myself as I am all that matters from this point forward. Yep, thats exactly how I was...I didn't want her to, I gave up that hope. I stopped focusing on the past and worrying about what she was doing, thinking, if she cared enough to come back and said screw it. It is what it is, I can now see past this fog and get on with myself. I realized I was better off alone than with her. 1
JDPT Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 Yep, thats exactly how I was...I didn't want her to, I gave up that hope. I stopped focusing on the past and worrying about what she was doing, thinking, if she cared enough to come back and said screw it. It is what it is, I can now see past this fog and get on with myself. I realized I was better off alone than with her. You nailed it. Once you start sorting yourself out is when you make room for progress. And realize that the past wasn't so "great" after all. 3
barky2 Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 They always come back. My advice to you is, take a few days to sit down and think things over. You have a little red rocket right now because she came back. You might not be thinking completely clear right now, as you think you are. Is this something you truly want? Honestly, starting out as friends or fwb, is the way to go. But. You're constantly going to be looking for more. You'll never be completely fulfilled. If you can take it slow, day by day, not becoming clingy you'll be fine. But instantly if you aren't completely fulfilled, you'll become clingy and she'll bounce right out the door. Take some time to realllllly think things over. Barky 2
Softie Posted December 14, 2013 Posted December 14, 2013 I've started to move along. The past was good but mostly because of my hard input and not his. He was not that good or great in the relationship. Unromantic, uncompassionate, cold at times, never made plans, had bad credit, took others help for granted, lived like a pig most of the time I could go on but no need. The biggest **** is starting again. But I've already made changes in me & am still working on some others to make me even more amazing than I was before.
Author xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 They always come back. My advice to you is, take a few days to sit down and think things over. You have a little red rocket right now because she came back. You might not be thinking completely clear right now, as you think you are. Is this something you truly want? Honestly, starting out as friends or fwb, is the way to go. But. You're constantly going to be looking for more. You'll never be completely fulfilled. If you can take it slow, day by day, not becoming clingy you'll be fine. But instantly if you aren't completely fulfilled, you'll become clingy and she'll bounce right out the door. Take some time to realllllly think things over. Barky Thanks Barky. And you're right...I knew she would eventually come back, but I stopped giving up hope on when. What I truly want, is to be happy...yeah, we had some great times together, but from January - September, I wasn't (I mean I was, but because things were off for so long, I realize that I wasn't at the time)...and I told this to her last night. I'm still in shock that she came over. Not necessarily that I turned her down by saying "not now", because my mindset has been that I'm over her - or at least in a better spot knowing that I put my happiness in her, not within myself. What she did and what she said was everything that I wanted her to do/say...two months ago. I really want to work on that other girl and building a relationship (or work towards that) with her. I'm at the same fork in the road I was at 2 years ago...literally. I took the path with my EX the first time... I know where that one leads already, right back to where I'm at now. I don't think I want to risk losing that other path for someone and something that didn't work out the first chance.
Author xUnknown Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 I've started to move along. The past was good but mostly because of my hard input and not his. He was not that good or great in the relationship. Unromantic, uncompassionate, cold at times, never made plans, had bad credit, took others help for granted, lived like a pig most of the time I could go on but no need. The biggest **** is starting again. But I've already made changes in me & am still working on some others to make me even more amazing than I was before. That's great that you've started to do that. Its always great knowing that you are bettering yourself in a way that you couldn't - or never had the chance to before. Things change so you can change and react with them. I'm glad you're doing that. Your ex sounded a lot like my ex...similar traits. 1
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