So this is what I think I'm gonna do --short story inside

[xUnknown]

So, I broke up with my ex 2.5 months ago. I've been doing great for the past 3 + weeks. I'm not thinking about her much and finally can go about my day without missing her. I'm not necessarily indifferent yet, but Im on my way there. I understand why we ended it and that things weren't going to work with us.

 

In the beginning, I knew this one girl since I was 6. They moved 7 hours away. Our families would visit each other a few times a year and we slowly developed into a "thing". I started going out with my (now) Ex. After going out with her for 2 months, this girl told me she loved me. I was shocked, confused - I didn't know what to do. I broke up with my ex for this girl. I then told this girl that I couldn't do it. She was 18, freshman in college, and I was 20, a senior. I was selfish, I couldn't do the distance. I loved her, but because of my legal situation going on, I didn't see it working out and ended up telling her that I can't do it because of these reasons.

 

This pretty much split up our families. I never 100% lost feelings for this girl. Now I think they are coming back.

 

2 years later, my ex and I were on the rocks. My therapist tells me to rekindle the friendship. I did. My ex and I broke up a week or so after. This girl knew this. This girl and I would text every 7-10 days (equal split between who would text first). She tells me she is coming to my state for thanksgiving and her family would come by. They did. It wasn't "good" but wasn't "bad", more of a whatever, kinda thing. When it came to saying goodbye, I saw this look in her eyes that seemed all to familiar to me...the kind of look "I can't believe he is leaving". Our eyes were locked as I was saying by to her family, but as if I was saying bye to just her. We both had these looks in the past when we had our "thing".

 

This thought sat in my mind for hours...I finally called her the next day asking her to come by my place because I didn't really get to catch up or talk to her much. She did. We discussed the past situation again and what had transpired. I kept saying "I don't know", because of how confused I was...she finally looked up at me with these "hurt" eyes, asking me "You don't know??"...I hugged her, kissed her on her forhead and then we kissed. We had quite the heavy makout session and she too said she was confused about how she felt. I said "I think thats what love does"...and I also mentioned how "I am afraid to say I love you because of everything".

 

It was her time of the month so we didn't have sex or anything like that. She did mention that she thought about "what it would be like" with me after I said goodbye the previous night.

 

She stayed until 5am, just snuggling, laying in bed, talking, kissing. Then she left to go back to her relatives where she was staying. We texted yesterday on her drive back home.

 

I didn't expect feelings to come back the way they did. When we visited at my parents house, it was fine...like I said, it was "whatever"....then when I left, it was like holy ****, I'm going to regret not seeing/talking to her. I can't do that. I missed her. Thats why I invited her over the following day.

 

I guess I'm curious about what I should do from here on out...or, looking for someone to agree with what I plan on doing. I guess right now I plan on keeping contact about the same as we have been doing for the past two months or so - texting every 7-10 days. I'm 95% sure I'll be seeing her and her family over New Years, so I figure keep the contact and see where we are then.

 

I feel that if we both didn't still have feelings, things wouldn't have happened between us the other night the way they had. Obviously I'm confused...I still care about her so much. I've always loved this girl...

 

I'm not looking for a relationship right now, being only 2.5 months post BU, but if it were anyone, it would be with this girl. My EX was the complete opposite of my type (as this girl also mentioned). I'm starting to think that perhaps my ex was my GIGS, and the more I think about it...I'm starting to realize that this is the truth.

 

 

TLDR: Girl I loved, ended things with were no longer friends, rekindled friendship, saw her over thanksgiving, ended up making out (would have had sex, but the "timing" was off due to her cycle). I plan on keeping contact every 7-10 days like we have been since I rekindled friendship and see where we are at New Years.

Edited December 1, 2013 by xUnknown

[justwhoiam]

I didn't understand much. Maybe try to retell the story using A and B to name the two girls, so that we don't mix them up.

 

The only thing I could tell is you come across as a jerk. Don't get offended, I'm just being honest. Asking the girl to come to you, you don't even pick her up. Then she leaves your house all alone at 5 am. No sign of being protective with her or worrying for her safety or anything. And this would drive a girl away in the long run, 90% sure.

 

It doesn't look like you're in love.

[xUnknown]

I didn't understand much. Maybe try to retell the story using A and B to name the two girls, so that we don't mix them up.

 

The only thing I could tell is you come across as a jerk. Don't get offended, I'm just being honest. Asking the girl to come to you, you don't even pick her up. Then she leaves your house all alone at 5 am. No sign of being protective with her or worrying for her safety or anything. And this would drive a girl away in the long run, 90% sure.

 

It doesn't look like you're in love.

 

 

OK.

 

Loved A my entire life. Never knew how she felt. Got into relationship with B. A told me she loved me, broke up with B to gather my thoughts. Ended up talking with A...then told A I can't do it. My legal stuff, distance, her being new to college --I just didn't see it working out. Month later went back to B for reconciliation, month and half later B and I were official again. 2 years later, B and I break up (read my threads). My therapist said to rekindle friendship with A because our families were pretty much broken up because I hurt her. I rekindled friendship. No intentions of ever getting back with A, just "making things right between our families".

 

Thanksgiving came, A's familiy visited. At the "goodbye" when I had to go back to my apartment, She had this look in her eyes... the "I can't believe you're leaving" look. I know this look...we've had it for years between eachother when it came to goodbyes. I called her the following day to see and talk with her (since I kept my distance and hung out with her brother thanksgiving day). She came over...we talked about everything. Thats when we started making out. She said she coudln't stay the night and HAD to leave.

 

I'm on house arrest. She (A) had to drive back to her aunt and uncles place so that she could leave the following day around noon to go back to their state. I asked her to stay over and she can stay in the bed while I'm on the couch, but she said she couldn't. So, we had like a few 30 min naps, to where an alarm ould go off so she could leave, but she would keep delaying it. At 5 am is when she decided she had to go since she texted her mom over an hour ago saying she was already on the road but hit traffic.

 

I haven't spoken or been in contact with my ex (B) for 2 months now. I'm not indifferent...but I'm a hell of a lot better. I even stopped coming here and posting for a few weeks because I was doing so much better. Im finally able to move on with my life without her.

[xUnknown]

Ideally I'd like to take things slow with A. I'm not ready for a relationship, but if I were to be with anyone, it would be her. I want to keep in contact with her, texting/talking every 7-10 days or so - like we have been since I rekindled the friendship. I'll be seeing her for New Years. I'd like to get some solid 1 on 1 talking and spending time with eachother and see how we both are feeling. We're both confused...we both have feelings for eachother.

[justwhoiam]

Now it's somewhat clearer.

 

I'm on house arrest.

Ok. That would explain why you can't leave your house. How do A's parents feel about you being on house arrest? Would they be OK with you going steady with their daughter? Also, how long will you be on house arrest?

 

Ideally I'd like to take things slow with A. I'm not ready for a relationship

You need to make this clear not just once, rather over and over again, so that she is really aware of it and can decide if seeing you is good for her.

 

I want to keep in contact with her, texting/talking every 7-10 days or so

It takes two for that kind of thing... so she needs to see if she'd be OK with that kind of deal. Probably not. She would be wasting her best years.

 

You need to settle things in your life, first. But taking things slow doesn't mean holding back one's feelings. It means thinking things out, plan, don't rush anything. If you get in touch with a soulmate once a week or 3 times a month, the risk is you kill any possible relationship, or you make it superficial. If it's just a temporary thing, then I guess it can be done, otherwise it'd have few chances to work.

 

And last thing: don't let her feelings for you rule your decisions. She says she loves you, and there's some empathy between the two of you, given the many years you've been knowing each other. But that doesn't automatically mean you love her nor that you're in love with her.

[xUnknown]

See my bold and italicized comments.

Now it's somewhat clearer.

 

Ok. That would explain why you can't leave your house. How do A's parents feel about you being on house arrest? Would they be OK with you going steady with their daughter? Also, how long will you be on house arrest?

It was all some BS reason as to why it happened anyways. I didn't deserve it. They all know me, who I am and where I came from. I just made a stupid mistake. They know this so its just a "little hickup" I guess you could say.

You need to make this clear not just once, rather over and over again, so that she is really aware of it and can decide if seeing you is good for her.

She knows that I just got out of a relationship and I think that is why I (as well as her) are so confused...like about what we're feeling. I plan on telling her that I want to take things slow instead of just jumping into a relationship with her. I know if she was willing, she would want to take it slow as well.

 

It takes two for that kind of thing... so she needs to see if she'd be OK with that kind of deal. Probably not. She would be wasting her best years.

I was referring to keeping in contact until I see her next, which would be New Years. If things go well at NY, figure out how we both really feel about eachother, then I can see us talking more than just once a week or so...again, I'm 2.5 months out of a 2 yr relationship with B. A is my first love and I still do love her. I'd want to take things slow and get them right instead of just jumping into something too soon and have it fail. If there is one person in my entire life I've ever wanted a relationship to work out, then it is this one. I did have doubts about my past relationship, so I should have used that as a sign....but essentially, if things start progressing with A, I don't want them to ever fail.

 

You need to settle things in your life, first. But taking things slow doesn't mean holding back one's feelings. It means thinking things out, plan, don't rush anything.

 

--this is exactly what I'm saying. I don't want to rush into a relationship. But I need to figure out what is best for me.

If you get in touch with a soulmate once a week or 3 times a month, the risk is you kill any possible relationship, or you make it superficial.

I hear ya on this. I don't want to bum rush her with talking every single day if she isn't ready. I just want to keep in touch and let the feelings she felt this past weekend sit in...I don't want to talk to her too often, but then again not often enough. In all honesty, even if I talk to her "not enough" (whatever that is), I know that when I see her, feelings will rush back. Its been like this for both of us for years now.

 

If it's just a temporary thing, then I guess it can be done, otherwise it'd have few chances to work.

 

She says she loves you,

She said when I rekindled the friendship (2 mo ago) that she'll always love me. I think shes afraid to say shes in love with me because of the past...which is exactly how I feel. I'm afraid and confused to...just as my gut is telling me she is as well

[xUnknown]

It doesn't look like you're in love.

 

I've loved this girl since I was in high school...the feelings never really went away - even with my past 2 year relationship. I think I'm afraid to let myself fall in love with her again because I'm only 2.5 months since a BU. Do I love yet, Yes...am I in love, I don't know...I feel like I'm holding myself back. Idk, I gotta do some soul searching. Again, this is all "fresh"...it just happened this weekend. I have to do some serious thinking about everything.

Edited December 2, 2013 by xUnknown

[xUnknown]

So, pretty much, this is a repeat.

 

Then

So I saw other girl, "A", end of July. Things were on the rocks with my (now) Ex. We talked things over about us. It was a nice, civil conversation. Though, I could tell she still cared. After arriving home from visiting, her dad and I skyped. Essentially, he told me I was the only one in her life, she cares deeply for me, and the one she ever loved. I was still with my ex at the time, so I was a bit pissed he said this to me - sort of like it wasn't his place.

 

Long Story Short.

---Ex and I ended up reconciling. We then broke up 2 months ago -on the rocks for 2 months before that. I issued ultimatums and that was it.

 

Now

Our family visited A and her family for Thanksgiving. She knew I was single, but surprised I didn't tell her. I told her I didn't want it to seem like I was running back to her. I figured I'd just let things happen this time. She, though I should have told her. After a few days, her mom talked to me when we were at a restaurant, pretty much right in front of A (she said she knew what we were talking about). Her mom essentially told me the same that her dad did a few months before - she loves me deeply, still has all my old notes/gifts I would give her, there was never anyone else in her life that was serious ect.

 

We talked the following day about the past. She said she feels like my ex always had this hold on me. I told her I disagreed, because EVERY SINGLE TIME I would see her, or we'd visit each other, feelings would come back...that I think its you that have this hold on me, because I've never done this with anyone. I think she started to see that from a different perspective, because she agreed that she knows its true, the feelings are always there when we see each other.

 

Anyways, last night when driving down, I broke down. I realized that exactly a year ago, I told myself

“a year from now, I want to be with her”.

Now, It’s a year later, and I’m more behind now than I was a year ago. I know how much I hurt her time and time again, but I never showed her how sorry I was. I would say it and give a genuine apology, but I’d never get emotional. I hate showing my emotion like that, especially to women where you’re supposed to be strong.

 

So, I pulled myself together a bit, and I called her.

I told her everything in that last paragraph. It was obvious I was just crying. I knew she knew. I started choke up again on the phone and my voice started to tremble. I told her I wanted to do this and get emotional when we were talking on the bed the other day (about the past, us, ect.), but my insecurities make me hold myself together because I’m not comfortable getting emotional like that infront of others.

 

She was very understanding in the conversation. I told her I'm not looking for forgiveness or anything, I just need to speak my heart and have her listen. She said she knows how sorry I am, that I don't need to ever say it, because my actions towards her show her how sorry I am. We talked a bit more and then the conversation shifted into a lighter topic.

 

So, in short, a year later, I'm back to where I was last year.

 

I've been on a few dates since I broke up with my ex, all of which have went well. Yes, its easier to get over someone the second time around. But, I think its time I do this right and just be alone for a while. She dropped me several hints about keeping in touch, being friendly, being persistent.

 

Since I have a problem with trying to control every situation instead of letting things happen, I think that's what I'm going to do. Work on me, focus on myself then see what happens. Keep in touch and be friendly.

Edited December 1, 2014 by xUnknown

[connor91]

I didn't understand much. Maybe try to retell the story using A and B to name the two girls, so that we don't mix them up.

 

The only thing I could tell is you come across as a jerk. Don't get offended, I'm just being honest. Asking the girl to come to you, you don't even pick her up. Then she leaves your house all alone at 5 am. No sign of being protective with her or worrying for her safety or anything. And this would drive a girl away in the long run, 90% sure.

 

It doesn't look like you're in love.

 

LOL. Stfu.

[justwhoiam]

LOL. Stfu.

Say thanks for understanding?