Author Khyla Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 ... I don't think that having a cam room is the typical way people in their 40s and 50s are looking for a date, or else I should take the suggestion someone made that we have to change techniques literal . On the contrary, a lot of guys are in there because they are lonely and looking for a human connection to a real person, thus why I have become so fond of some. For some they've come to feel they are truly in love. (Actually some of the models have married guys from their cam rooms). When I'm in my room, I dont feel alone. I feel i'm surrounded by friends. .....lately, i've had a lot of new guys send me private messages that they want to pay me for real life sex, which i had no intention of doing, ever (for pay, that is), and it's against the rules of the website to even discuss such business...
Author Khyla Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 will someone tell me what the hell a cam room is. I have heard of sites where men pay to look at women, is that it? Well, the website where I have my cam room is very unique. First of all it's FREE, and you dont even have to register or become a member to enter a "model's" chatroom. It's purpose is mainly to "meet" and chat with different women (no men allowed as models here. There are other sites for male models). If you like you can "tip", but it's not required. You can also request a private session with just you and the model. If you have a webcam and you want her to see you she can. So I hang out in my chatroom, in which only myself is allowed to be seen. Guys that like me and come back to chat time and time again do so because they say I am so different from the other models. I don't have a theme, I wear my regular clothes, except I started wearing panties again for the first time in years.LOL. We talk about sex alot but also about other random stuff. I sing and play my guitar, i do stretches and yoga. I cook, I dance seductively, and strip if tipped with a request to do so. I show off my much praised BJ skills with a remarkably realistic toy i found to keep me from sucking my fist every morning (explained in another thread). I enjoy watching their cams too. I HAVE FUN! Half the time I dont care if I'm not making any money, I do it for me, my sanity, and to feel good and laugh. The money is a bonus! They tip me if they want to. Or pay to take me into a more private sesssion.
salparadise Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 So I should have added to my list: normal man without dangerous hobbies. I just don't want to take the risk that my partner will die or become disabled because of an adrenaline high hobby... Another normal here, except for the uber-dangerous bike hobby I guess. I certainly don't try to change anyone's opinion if they don't like motorcycles, or the idea of dating someone who does... but the notion of it being all that dangerous is a misnomer. Granted, the overall statistics would make it appear so if you lump everyone together, but statistics don't apply equally to everyone. There are six risk factors that account for the vast majority of fatalities in motorcycling... alcohol, excessive speed, improper gear, lack of training, inexperience, and unfamiliar equipment. Removing those primary factors brings it into line with many activities that people don't think of as dangerous. I won't argue that it's risk-free, but it's not nearly the high-risk activity the public perceives it to be. I've been riding seriously for 25 years, have around 300k miles experience, numerous safety courses, always full gear, never drink and ride, always conservative and defensive. So far no injuries (knocking on wood). Fortunately there are plenty of women to date who don't see it as a big deal or a crazy thing, but there are also some who do. I put pics of me riding in my dating profile to filter out the Eeyores. It's actually a wonderful way to experience life and the world, and I'm not interested in meeting anyone who would try and convince me to give it up (as long as I'm safe). I met a woman recently who just got her motorcycle license at age 50. 2
salparadise Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Today I pulled into a parking spot at the grocery store, looked up and a beautiful woman in the car next to me was smiling and waving. It was a woman who I had taken out a couple of times months ago. We got out and chatted at we went in and then chatted some more as it seems we were mostly shopping for the same things. Damn, she's so gorgeous... smart, open, engaging, tall, slim, long dark hair, Ph.D psychotherapist. So I'm thinking what the hell is wrong with me... why am I not on this like white on rice? Well, she's ten years younger, twice divorced and has two kids still at home. I became an empty nester a few months ago. She'd like to get together. I said I'd be in touch and we'd talk about her project (and she grins at me)... she has this project that she'd like to get my input on, which of course is more about a reason to stay in touch than anything. She's kind of intimidating to be honest... probably because I know that if I gave it a chance I could fall hard for someone like her. She has a big personality, engages directly, locked in eye contact, really tall and self assured. No wiggle room. She knows what I'm thinking pretty much as soon as I do. She gives me butterflies and I'm not used to that. Guess I need to get my confidence pendulum swinging the right way.
Softie Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I'm 40 look more like 35 have fit body, fun personality, lots of hobbies & friends, good job and I struggle. Done OLD for ages now bit I think that the pool is too wide & people always looking at the next possible date to fully appreciate what is in front of them. Charity work didn't meet anyone nor at yoga not that that is why I did them. Think in new year I will try meet up. It's very hard these days to meet good men.
soccerrprp Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Will be 45 in a couple of days and did only OLD when I dated. No problems dating, but not easy finding a real connection. I finally discovered a wonderful woman and am in a relationship with her now, serious, but cautious. Softie, why do you think it's hard to find "good" men "these" days? Salparadise, dating is hard enough. Don't let a good thing get away w/o giving it a chance. Suck it up and see where it may go. I dated a woman like that and, on the inside, she is as vulnerable and unsure about herself as anyone else when it comes to relationships, etc.. She's a woman. Anyway, her being a psychotherapist should not stop you. I dated a psychologist and they can't read you any better than anyone else. She has no magic powers...
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 I certainly don't try to change anyone's opinion if they don't like motorcycles, or the idea of dating someone who does...[/url] You say this and then continue to give a whole explanation about why riding a motorcycle is not dangerous. That's contradictory. See that's another turn-off with men: that a lot of them cannot accept a woman's opinion and try to make her change her mind. Look how different our approach is. I tell a guy who rides a motorcycle: "Glad that you found a hobby which gives you pleasure. It makes you undateable for me though. All the best." And I move on. You on the other hand bother me with arguments about why motorcycles are not dangerous. As if you somehow think that my opinions are so weak that they change all the time. I am not interested in statistics and explanation on motorcycling. The fact is that I perceive it as dangerous and I don't want a partner who engages in dangerous activities. And that is my right and whoever wants to get along with me will have to start by accepting this!
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 She's kind of intimidating to be honest... probably because I know that if I gave it a chance I could fall hard for someone like her. She has a big personality, engages directly, locked in eye contact, really tall and self assured. No wiggle room. She knows what I'm thinking pretty much as soon as I do. She gives me butterflies and I'm not used to that. Guess I need to get my confidence pendulum swinging the right way. OK now I think I might start to understand why it is so difficult for me to get positive attention from men. To some extent you are describing me here (minus the divorces, the kids and the PhD - have higher education though): selfconfident but kind and emphatic, and present whenever I talk to someone. And I am sure my OLD profile totally gave that message. And yet I had few reactions and positive interest in my profile. Which actually made me doubt myself and feel like I had nothing to offer to a man (when I knew deep down that I really have a lot to offer). But I also meant business. It was clear from my OLD profile that I wanted something real and really good, and you would actually think that that is great. But maybe a lot of men then feel like there is no "wiggle room" as you put it nicely. Thank you for this look inside the male brain . I think this lady is interested in you. If you think a really good relationship could be possible with her, it might be time to leave the passive-aggressive behaviour behind and take a chance.
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Softie, why do you think it's hard to find "good" men "these" days? Because they are taken? Or because there are simply not a lot of good men? Or because the good men in their forties are only interested in women in their thirties? I think the middle aged women have never come better: educated, financially independent, in good shape, sporty, having learnt from their mistakes, with lots of love to give. And yet they are being overlooked by guys their age. Time and time ago I see guys my age go into a relationship with a woman much worse than many single women that are out there, but often younger and more showing them they "need" them. I really think that it has to do with the intimidation factor, though that intimidation is totally in the guys' head. I can't for the life of me not see why any man would be intimidated by the fact that his woman has a career, some money and is attractive. Wouldn't you simply be happy if your woman is like that coz it will make your life a lot easier? I surely don't see what is intimidating about that.
Woggle Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Because they are taken? Or because there are simply not a lot of good men? Or because the good men in their forties are only interested in women in their thirties? I think the middle aged women have never come better: educated, financially independent, in good shape, sporty, having learnt from their mistakes, with lots of love to give. And yet they are being overlooked by guys their age. Time and time ago I see guys my age go into a relationship with a woman much worse than many single women that are out there, but often younger and more showing them they "need" them. I really think that it has to do with the intimidation factor, though that intimidation is totally in the guys' head. I can't for the life of me not see why any man would be intimidated by the fact that his woman has a career, some money and is attractive. Wouldn't you simply be happy if your woman is like that coz it will make your life a lot easier? I surely don't see what is intimidating about that. I don't think most women really understand how much men hate feeling disposable in a relationship. They need to know that a woman has a reason and strong motivation for being with them.
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 I don't think most women really understand how much men hate feeling disposable in a relationship. They need to know that a woman has a reason and strong motivation for being with them. Not needing a man does not mean that the man is disposable. It means that the woman can find her way in life without a man in her life. Which should actually make her desirable to men one would think because it means that she is low maintenance. This "I want a woman who needs me" makes it sounds like men need a weak woman who is totally lost without a man in her life (for paying her bills, for repairing things in her house, for travelling to some place, etc...) These days, women WANT a man (for company, for affection, for intimacy,...) but they don't NEED him. As a woman, you cannot afford to need a man because it would mean that your life would totally collapse once he is gone (and these days you always have to take the possibility into account that a man can all of a sudden disappear).
Author Khyla Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 You are someone new. In grief counseling (and other counseling) its called rebirth. I still find it amazing. I dont plan on living much past hubby. Our home and its contents - any and all assets go to an animal shelter. Not to totally derail your thread - I think dating after 40 would be different. But it would be the same too. Same emotions and anxiety and instead of waiting for the phone to ring people would be looking at social media and sending texts. Thats a little sad to me and a sense of relief too - the anticipation is part of the fun. I'm just glad I never have to go thru that again. Oh, I think it's very different, at least for me.I never experienced the "dating" scene. We all just "hung out" or attended this scene or that scene, and every so often you'd "pair up" or do it, and if you clicked you hung out together for a while. Another big difference for me is the shift in confidences. Back then, I was very confident of my sexual attractiveness to any guy, and of a guys performance abilities. Now, I have to build myself up to the point of believing that men would still find me desirable, and would like to be seen with me. Then there's the problem of not knowing right from the beginning if a guy is just looking for a pal, and not a f--kbuddy or if he maybe has performance issues, or other health issues.... not to mention all the baggage and scars from past relationships, marriages, divorces, kids, grandkids! (Yikes! I dont have any of those yet!)
MixedUpChick Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Interesting thread, I was looking for something for "older daters". I just turned 50 and have been divorced for about 4 years now, I've been on various online dating sites for about 3. Similar to what other women have said, I'm finding that many men my age aren't interested in someone their own age. When men on any of the sites do contact me, I'm a little picky about who I'll actually meet in person, I don't think I met more than 12 last year & met less the previous years. This is primarily because 1) I don't get a ton of messages, and 2) I don't have high standards in the looks dept but they have to be attractive to me & many aren't, 3) I won't meet anyone who has a profile that's really poorly written, and 4) I won't meet anyone not age appropriate. Re: the topic of motorcycle guys - I wouldn't mind dating a guy who likes to ride, but I'd want him to at least be smart about his safety & wear the appropriate safety gear, including a helmet. I met a guy for lunch a week ago & he asked me if I've ever ridden, I told him I've never had the chance but would try it as long as I had a helmet. Then just to continue making conversation I asked him if he wears one? He went into a tirade about how it's his choice to wear one, if he lives or dies, etc. This was after he'd just spent time at the beginning of the date telling me how important his kids are to him, & how involved in their lives he is. I thought "hmm that's interesting, your kids are a big priority to you but you don't care if you don't live long enough to stay in their lives?"
Author Khyla Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Interesting thread, I was looking for something for "older daters". I just turned 50 and have been divorced for about 4 years now, I've been on various online dating sites for about 3. Similar to what other women have said, I'm finding that many men my age aren't interested in someone their own age. When men on any of the sites do contact me, I'm a little picky about who I'll actually meet in person, I don't think I met more than 12 last year & met less the previous years. This is primarily because 1) I don't get a ton of messages, and 2) I don't have high standards in the looks dept but they have to be attractive to me & many aren't, 3) I won't meet anyone who has a profile that's really poorly written, and 4) I won't meet anyone not age appropriate. [...] i dont have any experience with O.L.D. but I just dont get why a guy would be more interested in someone much younger who probably has children still living at home, rather than someone who is over and done with kids, is free, and looking for adventure. I totally get having to find them attractive. My problem is I would have to meet them or at least SKYPE with them to know that. I really dont have a "type" i'm attracted to. I just know if I am or I'm not. --a certain look, humor, or voice may or may not attract me... perhaps it's a sense of sincerity, idk I wouldn't have a problem with poor writing. Being young at heart but not immature is more important to me than chonological age.
MixedUpChick Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I wouldn't have a problem with poor writing. Being young at heart but not immature is more important to me than chonological age. For me, whether or not their profile is well written has been an indicator of general intelligence & a precursor to conversational ability. I've met some men in person who had poorly written profiles & were horrible conversationalists. I'm somewhat introverted so that made for painfully awkward silences at times. By poorly written, I'm referring to either being full of typos, or doesn't provide very much information - or both. First, the profile has to be decent, but then they have to be able to exchange a few messages that are portray them as reasonably intelligent before I'm willing to meet them. I agree with your comment about age, to an extent.
Author Khyla Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 For me, whether or not their profile is well written has been an indicator of general intelligence & a precursor to conversational ability. I've met some men in person who had poorly written profiles & were horrible conversationalists. I'm somewhat introverted so that made for painfully awkward silences at times. By poorly written, I'm referring to either being full of typos, or doesn't provide very much information - or both. First, the profile has to be decent, but then they have to be able to exchange a few messages that are portray them as reasonably intelligent before I'm willing to meet them. I agree with your comment about age, to an extent. I've met men who were practically illiterate, but were highly skilled in a trade, an art, or a hobby, or all three. I would consider these men as being just as intelligent, maybe even more so, and having a passion, drive, creativity, and resourcefulness that some of these intelligent-sounding guys lack. But then I can be OK with awkward silences. I'm not a great conversationalist myself. (Oh god, and when I'm a bit nervous, I find myself chattering away, giving too much information too fast ) To me, there's more fun stuff to do than chat. 1
Arieswoman Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Take heart girls, it CAN work out ! I divorced my 1st husband when I was 30. I was single for 15 years before I met my 2nd husband. In that time I used OLD as well as meeting men at various clubs and societies I joined. Nothing seemed to work, as I met some really nice guys but didn't fall in love with them. I also met some guys I was crazy about, but they didn't feel the same way. I also met my fair share of fruitcakes, losers, users and bums. I met my second husband when I moved to be nearer an elderly relative and joined a new church. Friends told me I was "too picky" and that would stop me finding anyone. I disagreed and kept the bar high to make sure I was meeting the "right" sort of guys. It worked for me and it can work for YOU as well !
MixedUpChick Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I've met men who were practically illiterate, but were highly skilled in a trade, an art, or a hobby, or all three. But then I can be OK with awkward silences. I'm not a great conversationalist myself. (Oh god, and when I'm a bit nervous, I find myself chattering away, giving too much information too fast ) To me, there's more fun stuff to do than chat. No matter how highly skilled he is, I wouldn't get along well with someone who was practically illiterate, that type of man wouldn't be a good match for me at all. I'm fine with some awkward silences when first getting to know someone, but if we're meeting for a drink/coffee/etc. so we can start getting to know each other, too many awkward silences mean we're really not talking, which means we're not getting to know much about each other... so that doesn't work for me, either 1
bubbaganoosh Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I HOPE IN THIS THREAD WE CAN SHARE WITH EACH OTHER. YOUR IDEAS, EXPERIENCES, etc I must have had my horns out today. (It's been over a yr since hubby died). I saw this guy at the market. I was humming "I got a brand new pair of roller skates" You got a brand new key! I was in my mid 50's and started dating a woman and all was nice, we got along and one night we took it to the next level. I went in to my bedroom and she standing on my bed doing a slow strip tease. My eyes got as big a silver dollars and she thought she was doing a real good job of turning me on. Why my eyes were so big was, she's in her underwear and wearing high heels. ON MY WATER BED!!!!!!!!!! I had to put a stop to it real quick. It was a waveless bed that felt just like a regular matrress but it contained a bunch of water. Now after that things settled down and we had sex. about two hours later she asked for more. Then around 1 AM she wanted it again. Now I'm 56 at the time. I had no problem getting up but not three times in 4 hours. I ain't a kid. I'm thinking that maybe she should have picked a younger guy. Where the hell was she when I was younger?. Next day I happened to notice a wet spot............under my bed. Damn high heels. 3
salparadise Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Sorry, this thread dropped off my radar... but it's a great thread. Catching up. OK now I think I might start to understand why it is so difficult for me to get positive attention from men. To some extent you are describing me here (minus the divorces, the kids and the PhD - have higher education though): selfconfident but kind and emphatic, and present whenever I talk to someone. And I am sure my OLD profile totally gave that message. And yet I had few reactions and positive interest in my profile. Which actually made me doubt myself and feel like I had nothing to offer to a man (when I knew deep down that I really have a lot to offer). Pink, I think you will do best sticking to what you're doing, talking about values, rather than trying to appeal to "most" men. My approach may be similar to yours. I put significant emphasis on empathy, awareness, humility, etc... the enlightenment characteristics. I realize that a lot of women would be attracted to alpha/macho/status stuff, but that's not who I am and it would be a wast of time to create a profile that attracts women who are impressed by that stuff. So I go for lower response rate but better matches and I think it's working pretty well. But I also meant business. It was clear from my OLD profile that I wanted something real and really good, and you would actually think that that is great. But maybe a lot of men then feel like there is no "wiggle room" as you put it nicely. Thank you for this look inside the male brain . I think emphasizing high standards can trigger a man's insecurity, make him hesitant. What we do not want is a woman looking for a perfect man because we know we aren't perfect and don't want to have to keep up a facade (some of us anyway). Women who talk about being picky (or create the impression indirectly) sound like an automatic fail. What we want is someone who can appreciate our strengths and accept our flaws. What we really want is a woman we can satisfy, one who can be happy and content in a good relationship. I think this lady is interested in you. If you think a really good relationship could be possible with her, it might be time to leave the passive-aggressive behaviour behind and take a chance. Well, I've seen her twice since posting this a few weeks ago. We are actually talking about the project, so it's not exactly a dating situation––yet. She did initiate a hug after our last meeting though, and this was in front of someone else. She also mentioned that she has more weekends free because her ex is back in the area and has the kids part of the time. I'm not sure what you mean by passive-aggressive behavior. I think we may have different meanings for that word. I am not playing mind games or anything. Did you mean passive rather than passive-aggressive? Care to elaborate? She is intimidating––no doubt about it. She's one in a million in terms of brains, awareness, empathy, attractiveness... I suspect that IQ is pushing the right end of the bell curve. And she has given me several unmistakable hints, so... gotta be ok outside of the comfort zone on this one.
Author Khyla Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 ... Another big difference for me is the shift in confidences. Back then, I was very confident of my sexual attractiveness to any guy, and of a guys performance abilities. ... Then there's the problem of not knowing right from the beginning if a guy is just looking for a pal, and not a f--kbuddy or if he maybe has performance issues, or other health issues.... not to mention all the baggage and scars from past relationships, marriages, divorces, kids, grandkids! ... The recent development from my attempts at aquainting myself with my neighbor is an example of these uncertainties: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/446738-widow-female-divorced-neighbor-male-never-met-fb-suggestions I really feel i like him as a friend now, but the lingering original feelings of just wanting to find a convenient f--kbuddy are confusing me and making me think i need to be more cautious and concerned about his situation and possible feelings. Damn! Maybe he's just being the same with me as he is with most of the neighbors on the street? Just being neighborly? idk.
mario_C Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Glad you all found hope in your love lives or pursuit thereof. I have none.
Aquanut Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 One of my bros is also in his 40s and divorced. We both like age appropriate women and are willing to date older women that we find attractive. The dating scene was a veritable smorgasbord for us. It was easy to get dates. You almost didn't have to try. They'd ask you out or at least communicate their interest with a big fat two by four across the head saying ask me out already. It was completely different than in our teens and twenties. What happened over the last 20 years? Did we fall in a bucket of pheromones along the way? Sex was never bad with women in their 40s. A lot of the women were extremely horny once their passions were stirred to the point where we can't keep up or even if we can still keep up its for her and not for us. My bro sustained a torn muscle during sex caused by his girlfriend's aggressive behavior in the bedroom. When I was 46 and doing OLD briefly my age search range was 36-52. I did briefly date a 29 year old gold digger who asked for my number at a bar. I had no idea how young she was due to the low lighting. I made sure my ex wife knew about that one. Everyone else I dated was within 5 years of me. 41 to 51. A 54 yr old yoga instructor with a beach house contacted me on line and told me I was was too young for anything but a fling but she was fadcinated by my hobby and would love to hear about my adventures. We agreed to meet one weekend at a restaurant near her beach house but I cancelled on her because my buddies wanted to go to a different restaurant that evening.
Author Khyla Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 ... You almost didn't have to try. They'd ask you out or at least communicate their interest with a big fat two by four across the head saying ask me out already. LOL It was completely different than in our teens and twenties. What happened over the last 20 years? Did we fall in a bucket of pheromones along the way?I think you answered your own question below: Sex was never bad with women in their 40s. A lot of the women were extremely horny once their passions were stirred to the point where we can't keep up or even if we can still keep up its for her and not for us. My bro sustained a torn muscle during sex caused by his girlfriend's aggressive behavior in the bedroom.LOL Odd though about the keeping up, I found that hubby and I seemed to switch roles as the years went by, where I ended up being the first to cum and then continued on to make sure he was satisfied. ... Everyone else I dated was within 5 years of me. 41 to 51. A 54 yr old yoga instructor with a beach house contacted me on line and told me I was was too young for anything but a fling but she was fadcinated by my hobby and would love to hear about my adventures. We agreed to meet one weekend at a restaurant near her beach house but I cancelled on her because my buddies wanted to go to a different restaurant that evening.Oh, is that you, Larry? lol --just for the record, no, I'm not that Yoga instructor ---, not 54 either, but I am curious if you ever did get together with her. ... also curious what your hobby is. Do you find it is this hobby that has helped with your attraction? It's great that there are so many available men my age, but why is it that all of them are looking for a LTR rather than being happy with an uncomplicated, temporary FWB deal. After meeting me in my chat room, just like the neighbor across the street, they don't seem to be interested in just a fling with me, rather they all make me feel like I might break their hearts or expose their vulnerability if I slept with them, so they wont even consider a one-night stand. I have to commit to wanting it to be more first. And my life is in such a state of upheaval right now, that i dont feel i can do that. I just need a f--kbuddy right now damnit!. It seems there are a lot of young studs out there who would offer their services, but I'd hate to be the cause of possible lifelong damage to a young impressionable heart.
Author Khyla Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Is it really that unusual for the woman to always be on top? Hubby and I would change it up as far as positions went in the earlier years. But as the years went on, (with the exception of a quickie doggy style) we seemed to gravitate toward me always being on top, just because it was the best for both of us that way. I really hope I can find a new partner who likes it best that way.
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