okay to break no contact on Christmas?

[berkeley1987]

i've been feeling lonely and down lately. we've been broken up since spring and NC since holloween. missing my ex girlfriend and thinking about reaching out but don't know what to say. so i'm think of using xmas as a way to break the ice. a lot of ppl have been asking about me and my ex, and i can't take it. i just want to be back in each others lives, as partners, or at least friends.

[rec88]

For me, being lonely and missing my ex isn't a good reason to contact. It is a good reason to take some time to myself and think of something that will actually help.

 

i just want to be back in each others lives, as partners, or at least friends.

 

Make sure you think this through VERY carefully. It doesn't turn out well for anyone else on here. Ask yourself why your situation would be any different.

[Zahara]

i've been feeling lonely and down lately. we've been broken up since spring and NC since holloween. missing my ex girlfriend and thinking about reaching out but don't know what to say. so i'm think of using xmas as a way to break the ice. a lot of ppl have been asking about me and my ex, and i can't take it. i just want to be back in each others lives, as partners, or at least friends.

 

It's not okay to break NC.

 

You can't be back in each others lives as partners because you are broken up.

 

You can't be back in each others lives as friends because you are still emotional.

 

Missing her isn't a reason to break contact. It's a reason and sign to keep NC and stay on your path to healing. If you need a reminder, go back and read your threads. It will give you a sense of what contact could possibly do to you, especially when you aren't over her and you are vulnerable.

[fixing]

Do not break NC sir. Seriously do not do it.

[KathyM]

I have a suggestion. I'm sure others will likely not agree with me on it though. There was a counselor who recommended to his client, who wanted to get his girlfriend back, that he send her a gift of perfume. No contact other than sending the gift, unless she contacts him first. Then every time she wears that perfume, she will be reminded of you, and that will make her start to miss you and think about you. But your continued no contact will become very hard for her when she is thinking about you, but you are not there for her. Eventually, she will contact you because she is reminded frequently of you by wearing the perfume. This counselor swore by this strategy. You may want to have the Christmas gift of perfume delivered, with your name on it, but do not contact her. It worked for his clients.

[polynomial]

I have a suggestion. I'm sure others will likely not agree with me on it though. There was a counselor who recommended to his client, who wanted to get his girlfriend back, that he send her a gift of perfume. No contact other than sending the gift, unless she contacts him first. Then every time she wears that perfume, she will be reminded of you, and that will make her start to miss you and think about you. But your continued no contact will become very hard for her when she is thinking about you, but you are not there for her. Eventually, she will contact you because she is reminded frequently of you by wearing the perfume. This counselor swore by this strategy. You may want to have the Christmas gift of perfume delivered, with your name on it, but do not contact her. It worked for his clients.

 

why play such mind games? they're broken up for a reason and no good could come from this..

[berkeley1987]

I have a suggestion. I'm sure others will likely not agree with me on it though. There was a counselor who recommended to his client, who wanted to get his girlfriend back, that he send her a gift of perfume. No contact other than sending the gift, unless she contacts him first. Then every time she wears that perfume, she will be reminded of you, and that will make her start to miss you and think about you. But your continued no contact will become very hard for her when she is thinking about you, but you are not there for her. Eventually, she will contact you because she is reminded frequently of you by wearing the perfume. This counselor swore by this strategy. You may want to have the Christmas gift of perfume delivered, with your name on it, but do not contact her. It worked for his clients.

 

 

idk, that sounds kinda creepy.

[KathyM]

idk, that sounds kinda creepy.

Suit yourself. I'm just telling you what this counselor advises to his clients, and it has worked for them.

[rec88]

a lot of ppl have been asking about me and my ex, and i can't take it.

 

What exactly can't you take? If it's the questions themselves, you won't fix that by talking to your ex.

[organizedchaos]

i've been feeling lonely and down lately. we've been broken up since spring and NC since holloween. missing my ex girlfriend and thinking about reaching out but don't know what to say. so i'm think of using xmas as a way to break the ice. a lot of ppl have been asking about me and my ex, and i can't take it. i just want to be back in each others lives, as partners, or at least friends.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/447739-xmas-day

[berkeley1987]

What exactly can't you take? If it's the questions themselves, you won't fix that by talking to your ex.

 

ppl say, do you miss her? do you guys still talk?

 

it bothers me, because of course i miss her, and ppl know i'm depressed from it still.

[AlphaC]

Suit yourself. I'm just telling you what this counselor advises to his clients, and it has worked for them.

 

That counselor must have creepy clients, btw, if I were to send a bottle of perfume to my ex two things will happen for sure

 

1. I will be out of $100

2. She will take the bottle and flush it down the toilet

 

If your counselor is giving you this advice you need to get your money back!!

 

To all those dumpees out there, for xmas give your ex the ultimate present, NOTHING. Don't even bother responding to their emails, texts, etc. It will just prolong the misery, they wanted you out of their life so you owe them nothing. A lot of people have rich personal investments in their exes and I understand why it's so hard to move on but you have to. You have but so much time on this planet, every day you sit around , moping about your ex is one more day wasted that you will never recoup!!

Edited December 10, 2013 by AlphaC

[rec88]

Ya it's annoying. People who aren't in your position don't understand how dumb those questions sound. I had a canned answer that would usually make a graceful transition to another topic. It was something like, "Ya it was really unfortunate, but I'm doing my best. Thanks for asking." *smile*

[KathyM]

That counselor must have creepy clients, btw, if I were to send a bottle of perfume to my ex two things will happen for sure

 

1. I will be out of $100

2. She will take the bottle and flush it down the toilet

 

If your counselor is giving you this advice you need to get your money back!!

 

To all those dumpees out there, for xmas give your ex the ultimate present, NOTHING. Don't even bother responding to their emails, texts, etc. It will just prolong the misery, they wanted you out of their life so you owe them nothing. A lot of people have rich personal investments in their exes and I understand why it's so hard to move on but you have to. You have but so much time on this planet, every day you sit around , moping about your ex is one more day wasted that you will never recoup!!

Well, of course, if the relationship was horrible and they split on really crappy terms, she is more likely to trash the perfume and it would just infuriate her to get it. But that's not the feeling I'm getting from the OP, who still has romantic feelings towards his ex and still believes that she has them for him. If he is determined to get her back, it might be worth trying what this counselor recommends to his clients. His strategy has worked for them.

[d0nnivain]

NC is a way of heeling but one size doesn't fit all. If you want your EX back, & it sounds like you do, if you break NC you will end up hurting all over again when she doesn't want the same thing. It's like ripping a scab off; you just bleed again.

 

 

If it will make you feel BETTER by sending her Christmas wishes, go ahead & do so. If you think the magic of the holiday will send her back into your arms, don't contact her because it probably won't & then you will feel more miserable than you do now.

[ponchsox]

ppl say, do you miss her? do you guys still talk?

 

it bothers me, because of course i miss her, and ppl know i'm depressed from it still.

 

Depression is a YOU problem. She is not going to make you happy. You have to be happy with yourself first. Who cares if you miss her? She doesn't want to be with you!

[berkeley1987]

i just want to wish her "merry christmas."

 

i don't expect her to come running back to me, i just want us to be civil again. built up a friendship.

 

who knows what will happen.

[berkeley1987]

Why do you need to be friends with her?

 

because she was my best friend before she was my lover. i miss her period.

[berkeley1987]

Well, if there are plenty of potential lovers out there, there are definitely plenty of potential friends out there. It's hard to do the reverse. Particularly since deep down, you want a reconciliation, not just a friendship.

 

You need to let her go. If she dumped you, she needs to make the first move.

 

 

i know i should let things happen naturally. i don't want to force anything to happen, but i just want to wish her merry christmas to show i'm no longer angry and bitter.

[BC1980]

i know i should let things happen naturally. i don't want to force anything to happen, but i just want to wish her merry christmas to show i'm no longer angry and bitter.

 

Resisting the Temptation of Making Contact With An Ex at Christmas | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

I always plug this site, but it has an answer for literally everything

[BC1980]

Her site is pretty awesome and should be mandatory reading around here.

 

It totally should be. I wish I had found it sooner. I actually have one of her blog posts pulled up on my phone that I read to remind me why I am in NC and why my relationship didn't work.

[Simon Phoenix]

I have a suggestion. I'm sure others will likely not agree with me on it though. There was a counselor who recommended to his client, who wanted to get his girlfriend back, that he send her a gift of perfume. No contact other than sending the gift, unless she contacts him first. Then every time she wears that perfume, she will be reminded of you, and that will make her start to miss you and think about you. But your continued no contact will become very hard for her when she is thinking about you, but you are not there for her. Eventually, she will contact you because she is reminded frequently of you by wearing the perfume. This counselor swore by this strategy. You may want to have the Christmas gift of perfume delivered, with your name on it, but do not contact her. It worked for his clients.

 

Is this real life?

[Simon Phoenix]

i just want to wish her "merry christmas."

 

i don't expect her to come running back to me, i just want us to be civil again. built up a friendship.

 

who knows what will happen.

 

Yep, you aren't ready. You still have hope that it will result in a chain reaction that brings her back to you. It would be a bad idea.

[KathyM]

Is this real life?

Of course. I wouldn't use fictitious stories. This was told to me by a counselor who has been in the field for many years. I could see that it may work for couples who still have feelings for each other, and where the breakup did not have a lot of animosity involved. Might be worth a try. It couldn't hurt. Doesn't require any communication, just mailing the gift.

[Simon Phoenix]

Of course. I wouldn't use fictitious stories. This was told to me by a counselor who has been in the field for many years. I could see that it may work for couples who still have feelings for each other, and where the breakup did not have a lot of animosity involved. Might be worth a try. It couldn't hurt. Doesn't require any communication, just mailing the gift.

 

That's manipulative and extremely creepy. I don't care how much or little animosity there is, that would come off as extremely weird. That counselor was either joking with you or needs to run laps.