Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2005 Author Posted January 2, 2005 No, just forget it. All I am saying is I thought we were friends more than anything. That all. I found out differently. You guys help me to think of it differently and that is all that matters.
veronese Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 I am a wife, not an OW, but hearing what you have to say has made me stop and think again about the women my husband had friendships with. I do understand how bad it must feel when they pull away like this. I can understand how bad you are feeling and hope you start feeling brighter and happier soon. Whether we 'deserve' the cr@p given to us is neither here nor there..... we still feel like cr@p. Hugs to you, don't let the wanker get to you so bad..
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 [ I AM NOT CRAZY, I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A JUST SEX AND A RELATIONSHIP. I was quoting this. Please remember that De Nile is a river.......you may have thought you were friends, but you never actually were.
johan Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 I just got burned unexpectedly. Maybe I trust the wrong people sometime. Maybe I thought I was too good to be used. You know, stuff like that. I agree with this part especially. It seems like people having out-of-proportion reactions to a break-up are mostly having a hard time dealing with their own failings. Either they underestimate them or overestimate them in a big way. A lot of times it comes out as anger or depression, but the bad feelings won't get resolved right if you don't figure out how to forgive yourself and trust yourself. It's not easy to face it when you've put your own happiness and well-being so much at risk. And look how much you contribute to your own misery. You can't really blame the other person in this case. You know in your heart you should have known better. Revenge wouldn't fix how bad things got messed up, but maybe you could put some of the anger to rest if you put your life together and rose above this mess you've gotten yourself into.
GirlDown Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock I am NOT defending the poster-but you bet your ass there are some of us who demand and COMMAND respect, regardless of who or what we are. respect is earned. it's hard to be respected by doing something blatantly disrespectful.
Mr Spock Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Mmmm Hmm and of course, even if a person isn't doing anything "blatantly disrespectful" they've still got to earn respect, yes? So what the heck is your point? You seem to equate adultery with murder....as if the posters on the OW forum are subhuman. They're not. They're not pedophiles, and this ain't prison. Don't drop the soap.
GirlDown Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock Mmmm Hmm and of course, even if a person isn't doing anything "blatantly disrespectful" they've still got to earn respect, yes? So what the heck is your point? You seem to equate adultery with murder....as if the posters on the OW forum are subhuman. They're not. They're not pedophiles, and this ain't prison. Don't drop the soap. first of all, i'm laughing at "don't drop the soap" second of all, my comments were aimed at this jv chick and her married man regarding her situation. everyone should be respected. however, it is difficult to understand why she would expect to be respected by a man who already showed such a lack of respect to a woman he already married. i still think that, and i think it in any case, even those without jvjrose.
inturmoil Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 The best revenge is living well. Remember that. I know exactly how you feel, but I think you should just step aside. I have felt that need for revenge just as you feel it, but it wont do YOU any good. It will just make you a worse person. Start working out, show him that you are WAY better off without him, and when he wants another booty call, deny deny deny.
inturmoil Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 when my MM ended things i was hurt. Its one thing when the man ends it. I know the pain of having if just be over, and the OM forgettig to tell YOU about it. It does hurt,but she is right, it will pass.
inturmoil Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by littleflowerpot i don't believe that part. i think she was emotionally invested but is trying to kid herself about it. She's protecting herself by saying that she was using him for sex. Human nature.
inturmoil Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup And because of that, it shows at sometime you DID mean alot to him and I'm sure he did love you alot too. Do not allow him now to take that away from you. Things change, people's feelings change for whatever reason. But again, don't turn this on you. He messed up and you're hurting bad. It will be okay eventually. Be strong and just take it day by day. whichwayisup is right. Dont let anyone take the love you shared away from you. If you let them take that away then you just feel like a slut. I am in your shoes now. He loved you, and maybe there is something he didnt tell you. maybe his wife found out, and he has been forbidden to talk to you. How long has it been since the "breakup"?
Author 9Lives Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 GirlDown Mr Spock and Johan and littleflowerpot Thank you all for responding. I am over it. Through all of the response, I realize that he was not a friend to me. I thought he was and that is why I was hurt more than anything. So living well is the best way to handle this. I can do that. Moving on now that I have a better understand of why he would be so mean...I can do that now. BOTTOM LINE..I was played. Now I know. veronese I was surprised by your response. It was very good . Happy New Year!!
Author 9Lives Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by inturmoil whichwayisup is right. Dont let anyone take the love you shared away from you. If you let them take that away then you just feel like a slut. I am in your shoes now. He loved you, and maybe there is something he didnt tell you. maybe his wife found out, and he has been forbidden to talk to you. How long has it been since the "breakup"? The break up has been a month now. I was deceived.m Maybe I deceived myself. I am not really sure at this point. I am just glad that I now understand why. I learned. Just because I was his friend, does not mean he felt the same way. First time for everything. So beware. Good luck to you.
SummerRae Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Just don't go boiling any bunnies. LB, lol, I'm sorry, I'm laughing sooo hard from what you said that I'm crying. No offense jbjrose, but your first few posts did remind me of Fatal Attraction. After reading your other posts I'm convinced that you are completely sane, you were just feeling justifiably pi$$ed. Please just try to heal from this. Focus on YOU. Make you a #1 priority. Move on and know that what comes around goes around and this man will get his share if he hasn't already. Good luck!
Author 9Lives Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 Oh yes. I am sane. I am kinda dump at times and evil when I think I have been mistreated no doubt. That guy should be thanking his luck stars for you all here. I have naked pictures of him that was getting ready to show up everywhere. I was going to disrespect his but sooooo bad that he would have hated he even met me. But I have learned here that it is not worth the time to get even. I am sure I would not have regretted it any time soon. Like I said, I THOUGHT, we were friends that was dump of me. I guess I should have know better. I am ready to move on.
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 I have naked pictures of him that was getting ready to show up everywhere. I was going to disrespect his but sooooo bad that he would have hated he even met me. LOL! Well, thinking about it isn't a crime...So if it makes you feel better to wish hateful s*** on him then do it and keep on venting here until it's gone and you feel enlightened! I'm glad that we are all helping you through this horrible time. You are strong and will get through this. One day you'll look back at it all and just think 'whatever, I'm better off and wiser now'.
Author 9Lives Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 I will actually feel better now by just moving on. I want to do that instead. He is not worth a another angry moment.
Leaf Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Its a bumpy road girl.. trust me.. the roller coaster will go up and down. Dont beat yourself up if you fall back again with your feelings, it all part of the process.
GirlDown Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by jvjrose I will actually feel better now by just moving on. I want to do that instead. He is not worth a another angry moment. good for you. if you want a man, find one who will love you and isn't going to make you second best. you're worth more than that and you know it. good luck.
DoggyDog Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 JVJ... It will be a month and a week since my MM ended things. Leaf is right in saying you will have ups and downs. In fact, I have real downs this past week after X-mas and New Years...But I DID NOT do the REVENGE thing, though I truly thought really hard on doing...Instead...Nothing...Do Nothing. I know too that he loved me but it had to end...He wasn't leaving the W and had told me he was comfortable (ours was LDR besides for 20+ yrs)...You will feel so much better down the road not giving them the time of day....You have more class than that...As do all the OW....They expect us to get revenge and by NC ....no nothing...that will get to them more...Just as your wondering how can they just go on with their life without you and not care or call YOU to see how your doing. That alone should give you the strength to not bother with them either. As I see it, why waste our energy on them when they could care less about you..Stay strong and stay away from any MM..bad enough I'm not ready to deal with any man right now since I've not been out there in 20+ yrs and maybe never will .. So be it...We come in alone and we go out alone...Yet truly we are NOT ALONE....God loves US.. L DD
Author 9Lives Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 Yeah, actually I really feel much better. I always knew our relationship was going to end. My pride and feelings were hurt. To me, it was a friendship though it was sexual. That is where I made my mistake. It was not a friendship. I was his friend by respecting him and keeping cool but he really did not see me a friend I guess. The funny thing is that before this happen, he actually texted me and said, Happy Thanksgiving and that I really was truly a friend to him. He appreciated that. He knew that I was treating him with respect and as a friend but he knew that he wasn't really one to me. He tried to come back one time and I told him that we could not because he said does not believe women and men can be just friends. So it was alot of back and forth. He was not consistent but I was. This last time was my breakpoint. I was tired of the revolving door. The last time was the worst THAT is where the angry kicked it!! I was ready to spit in his face. He never really respected me now that I think about it. He was out to get what he could. He realized that I was a good person and really did not want to hurt me but he knew his intension was to get it and go away like it never happen. The relationship lasted longer than he expected because as he got to know me he began to like me as a person but deep down inside he still wanted to just run. He would toil back and forth. Then he started going to church and then feeling guilty and all that jazz. So the emotional rollercoaster began. It was more of his feelings he was having problems with not mine because I was cool. I was okay with the relationship because I knew it was temporary. He just started to act like a jerk and that hurt my feelings. I started feeling mistreated and for no good reason. So that is my story for the most part. I am going to be just fine. I am planning a trip to Las Vegas to kick up my heels in about 3 weeks. So it is going to be fine. I realized that I was the friend, he wasnt. That the way it goes sometime.
Author 9Lives Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by DoggyDog JVJ... It will be a month and a week since my MM ended things. Leaf is right in saying you will have ups and downs. In fact, I have real downs this past week after X-mas and New Years...But I DID NOT do the REVENGE thing, though I truly thought really hard on doing...Instead...Nothing...Do Nothing. I know too that he loved me but it had to end...He wasn't leaving the W and had told me he was comfortable (ours was LDR besides for 20+ yrs)...You will feel so much better down the road not giving them the time of day....You have more class than that...As do all the OW....They expect us to get revenge and by NC ....no nothing...that will get to them more...Just as your wondering how can they just go on with their life without you and not care or call YOU to see how your doing. That alone should give you the strength to not bother with them either. As I see it, why waste our energy on them when they could care less about you..Stay strong and stay away from any MM..bad enough I'm not ready to deal with any man right now since I've not been out there in 20+ yrs and maybe never will .. So be it...We come in alone and we go out alone...Yet truly we are NOT ALONE....God loves US.. L DD Are you saying you dated a mm for 20 years?
SummerRae Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by DoggyDog JVJ... It will be a month and a week since my MM ended things. Leaf is right in saying you will have ups and downs. In fact, I have real downs this past week after X-mas and New Years...But I DID NOT do the REVENGE thing, though I truly thought really hard on doing...Instead...Nothing...Do Nothing. I know too that he loved me but it had to end...He wasn't leaving the W and had told me he was comfortable (ours was LDR besides for 20+ yrs)...You will feel so much better down the road not giving them the time of day....You have more class than that...As do all the OW....They expect us to get revenge and by NC ....no nothing...that will get to them more...Just as your wondering how can they just go on with their life without you and not care or call YOU to see how your doing. That alone should give you the strength to not bother with them either. As I see it, why waste our energy on them when they could care less about you..Stay strong and stay away from any MM..bad enough I'm not ready to deal with any man right now since I've not been out there in 20+ yrs and maybe never will .. So be it...We come in alone and we go out alone...Yet truly we are NOT ALONE....God loves US.. L DD LDD, your story was truly touching, especially the end part. We do come alone and go out alone. It's hard some days to realize that but it's true. Thank you for reaffirming my choice to move on. It is hard some times. I have wasted almost 5 years! And at 25, I sometimes think I'm "ruined" as far as trust goes. But then I remember God and his ways and know that God only helps those who help themselves. Who knows what he has in store for us! And LDD, you are in my prayers, I hope that you find someone to love and cherish!
CuteButVicious Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by jvjrose ... I really thought we were friends... I did not call him, text him, try to catch up with him. He just came back, told me his sad story, wanted me to be with him again..then changed his mind, then tried to just walk away without telling me...he was gone again....why he do that? You have answered your own question. He did it because you let him. You trained him, in a sense, that this behavior was acceptable, and so it will continue, until YOU stop allowing the disrespect. As far as revenge goes, does it really make you feel better? It sounds as if this man makes his own bad choices, digs his own holes and doesn't need any help from you. All that will come of this is that you will look like a troublemaker, no one will trust you or want to associate with you, because you have blabbed everyone else's business or made up stories to everyone. In the end, you will look like a jackass, and he will look like the victim, when truly, neither one of you is. The best thing for you to do is to move on. And when that phone rings again, and you see his number on the caller ID, DON'T ANSWER IT. Remember the disrespect, remember this anger, remember the hurt, and walk away.
DoggyDog Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 JVJ In answer to your question....Yes, I was with my MM for over 20 yrs. We met when I was 30 and he was 25....My story is a love story TRULY....He was my prince charming and because of that I was very happy. He was from another state but worked in my City 5 days out of the week.....that's how we met. We also lived together for the 5 yrs til his company left the City...that was another death to me.....So, in answer to your question "YES, I was loved and left by my MM of 20+ yrs....(sad) L DD
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