Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by GirlDown i don't understand these OWs that think they can demand all this respect. if you're with a man who doesn't respect his wife enough not to f&ck other women, what makes you think he should he respect you? do you think you just so happen to be the woman he needed to make him learn his lesson and turn him into the model of faithfulness? please. you signed up for this. I am NOT defending the poster-but you bet your ass there are some of us who demand and COMMAND respect, regardless of who or what we are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by izzybelle jvjrose, whether anyone else will agree or not, any of those who have been there know what the anger you're feeling feels like. how all consuming it can be, to feel betrayed and in your anger want to strike back at the person who has hurt you the most. this will pass. when my MM ended things i was hurt. and much of that hurt eventually turned to anger. and there were so many times i had my little "plans" to hurt him back. he had given me some jewelry that, for me, held a lot of emotional value. his wife knew about me and there were so many times i wanted to put them in an envelope and mail them to her. not with any note, but just knowing that she would show them to him and he would know. i wanted to send him a particular piece of lingerie, again something that i knew he would recognize. but in the end, i didn't. it wasn't because i knew it would cause him pain, it wasn't because i knew it would cause him more trouble, i didn't do it because i know i'm better than that. whether people think i'm naive or not, i know he didn't hurt me maliciously, the way things worked out weren't what either of us intended, it just unfortunately was the way it played out. i did expect, and so did he, that his marriage was over and we would be together, but in the end he did what he had to do. but losing the friendship is the hardest. mine was a LDR and i miss my phone and email buddy, but i know he has to figure this all out for himself. the anger will pass. aside from a moment of "giving him what he deserves" you will get nothing from the revenge. he and his W, depending on how their situation works out will be getting enough revenge on each other! your best revenge is moving on, getting past him and beginning to feel that he's part of your past, one that you've learned from and have moved on. I am going to take your advice because I think you are right. I am going to also take the other girls advice which is...just staying silent. I guess the anger is part of the healing. I am going to follow it. I am very happy that I shared this with you all. I am going to have to just go threw the pain of being betrayed. I will be fine.... THANKS TO THOSE WHO HAVE SUPPORTED ME....NOT PUT ME DOWN. YOU GUYS HAVE MADE ME A BETTER PERSON. FOR THAT I THANK YOU. ONE OF YOUR FIRST GOOD DEEDS OF THE NEW YEAR!!! It will come back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 i'm really glad to see that there are some people defending her anger. affairs may be wrong but oftentimes we stay involved because we love the guy and we make stupid and misguided mistakes. sometimes it takes getting angry to see our own worth. and when i read her initial post, it sounded to me like she was hurt and angry but most of us feel that way in ANY relationship when we realize we've been used. i didn't think she'd actually carry out plans to hurt the guy. honey, don't feel bad for being so angry. it's healthy. you are worth being treated with more respect. maybe you made a mistake by becoming involved with the guy but that doesn't mean you have to lay down like a beaten dog forever. part of healing is to learn to love yourself again. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Everyone needs to rant and vent about the feelings they have now and then. Just try not to look like such a turd when you do it. Link to post Share on other sites
DewDrop Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Gee Whiz lady be the bigger person and move on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by littleflowerpot i'm really glad to see that there are some people defending her anger. affairs may be wrong but oftentimes we stay involved because we love the guy and we make stupid and misguided mistakes. sometimes it takes getting angry to see our own worth. and when i read her initial post, it sounded to me like she was hurt and angry but most of us feel that way in ANY relationship when we realize we've been used. i didn't think she'd actually carry out plans to hurt the guy. honey, don't feel bad for being so angry. it's healthy. you are worth being treated with more respect. maybe you made a mistake by becoming involved with the guy but that doesn't mean you have to lay down like a beaten dog forever. part of healing is to learn to love yourself again. Yes, as stupid as it sounds, I felt betrayed for no good reason. Used and left to deal with my feelings. I felt like he came back for one day to dump cum in me and dump his problem on me , and off again with his life. THAT HURT. I thought we were friends. Not lifetime lovers. FRIENDS. He used me and left. Wow! Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by DewDrop Gee Whiz lady be the bigger person and move on! she kinda already said that, didn't she? she was VENTING. Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Everyone needs to rant and vent about the feelings they have now and then. Just try not to look like such a turd when you do it. sometimes when you feel like a turd it's hard not to look like one! as LFP said, the end of a relationship with a MM, moral judgements aside, is like the ending of any other relationship. and we go through a grieving process of sorts (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), it's natural, and we all work through the stages at our own pace. and the beauty of this site (most of the time anyway) is that we can come here to rant and get that anger, frustration, and sadness out and hopefully find some understanding and support to move on! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Very true. I was kind of bothered by JVrose in this thread, because it doesn't make her sound very emotionally mature. But I most certainly recognize her right to pour out her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 OI!!! I just realized that I went through something similar LAST year with the termination of a relationship......I suppose I didn't sound very emotionally mature then either Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock Very true. I was kind of bothered by JVrose in this thread, because it doesn't make her sound very emotionally mature. But I most certainly recognize her right to pour out her feelings. most of us rarely sound very emotionally mature when we're pissed off and hurt. we're just human and it's human nature to throw tantrums sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock Very true. I was kind of bothered by JVrose in this thread, because it doesn't make her sound very emotionally mature. But I most certainly recognize her right to pour out her feelings. I dont think I am emotionally immature. Maybe I am. I just got burned unexpectedly. Maybe I trust the wrong people sometime. Maybe I thought I was too good to be used. You know, stuff like that. But hey, that is why I am here. To grow. How would you like it if someone DUMPED CUM IN AND PROBLEMS ON YOU A LEFT? I bet you would be angry too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 How can you state that you're angry at him for leaving when you yourself said you were just using him for sex? That's mostly what I'm curious about. Friends, Schmiends.... Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock How can you state that you're angry at him for leaving when you yourself said you were just using him for sex? That's mostly what I'm curious about. Friends, Schmiends.... i don't believe that part. i think she was emotionally invested but is trying to kid herself about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 SPOCK, I used him for sex does not mean I did not have to respect him. You understand? If while we were in the mix and I wanted to start seeing someone else, I would have given him the courtesy of telling him I am moving on and why he cant be with me that way. I would not have said ...f***k you...bye. Friends, girlfriend,,,,friends. Just because you are sexual does not mean you dont deserve respect. Is that what it means to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by littleflowerpot i don't believe that part. i think she was emotionally invested but is trying to kid herself about it. I agree wholeheartedly Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by jvjrose SPOCK, I used him for sex does not mean I did not have to respect him. You understand? If while we were in the mix and I wanted to start seeing someone else, I would have given him the courtesy of telling him I am moving on and why he cant be with me that way. I would not have said ...f***k you...bye. Friends, girlfriend,,,,friends. Just because you are sexual does not mean you dont deserve respect. Is that what it means to you? But if you were just a lay, you wouldn't BE friends, you wouldn't be anything to him thusly not getting closure, not getting informed of who else he's diddling. You can't hold someone else to your standards of behaviour. I think you're pissed off because you liked him and it hurts to find out you're not as special to someone as you thought you were, doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 i don't believe that part. i think she was emotionally invested but is trying to kid herself about it. There is some truth to that because I was only seeing him Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Gee Whiz lady be the bigger person and move on! Hmm Gee DD...That's real nice support. Kinda easier said than done don't ya think??? I wish I had thought of that during my past breakup in relationships, or just 'getting' over something...If it was that easy then NONE of us would ever post about anything or vent period!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 But if you were just a lay, you wouldn't BE friends, you wouldn't be anything to him thusly not getting closure, not getting informed of who else he's diddling. You can't hold someone else to your standards of behaviour. I think you're pissed off because you liked him and it hurts to find out you're not as special to someone as you thought you were, doesn't it? But that is just it. We werent just lay. We spend alot of time together. Not just having sex. We talked alot too. It was more of a friendship style of relationship not a lay relationship. I am telling you what went on. I lay relationship does not have alot of contact outside the time of laying. This guy called me every single day, and talked to me for hours. This went of for 9 months. We shared alot. It was not just sex. I AM NOT CRAZY, I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A JUST SEX AND A RELATIONSHIP. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 But that is just it. We werent just lay. We spend alot of time together. Not just having sex. We talked alot too. It was more of a friendship style of relationship not a lay relationship. I am telling you what went on. I lay relationship does not have alot of contact outside the time of laying. This guy called me every single day, and talked to me for hours. This went of for 9 months. We shared alot. It was not just sex. And because of that, it shows at sometime you DID mean alot to him and I'm sure he did love you alot too. Do not allow him now to take that away from you. Things change, people's feelings change for whatever reason. But again, don't turn this on you. He messed up and you're hurting bad. It will be okay eventually. Be strong and just take it day by day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 I am already better because I came here. I know what a sexual relationship is. This was not it. But you are right, feeling change, people change. Men say this, then they want that. I can deal with that....again is the the disrespect thing. That is my biggest beef. Him leaving was not a issue. I expected him to leave. I am not saying I did not feel it when he left but I expected that. I could handle that. That did not anger me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 I NEVER SAID YOU WERE CRAZY I can type in big black letters too. I do think you're sailing down the Nile river..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 I do think you're sailing down the Nile river..... What does that mean please? Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock I NEVER SAID YOU WERE CRAZY I can type in big black letters too. I do think you're sailing down the Nile river..... i'm confused too. did you mean to post this in the other thread with the manic-depressive girl? Link to post Share on other sites
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