Just been dumped by my very first girlfriend.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't understand, but I guess that's the point. It's not supposed to be understandable.

 

No, it doesn't.

 

How could one feel like a failure because somebody loves you a lot, even if you don't love them as much. You're making it sound like there is something to be won or lost.

 

Because you are putting them on a pedestal that they don't want to be on. A person wants to find their equal, not someone who worships the ground they walk on and kisses their feet.

[somedude81]

SD, you really can't think of any reasons she wanted out? She mentioned: cheating, the weight, the oral, and you were way more invested in this short term relationship than her. Add it all up and you're really that clueless?

She was worried I was going to cheat from a conversation we had several months ago about me thinking I would cheat in a math class. I had never actually cheated at school or on her. So there was nothing to want an out from.

 

As for the weight and oral, I brought those up because I thought they may have been issues, and she kind of agreed with me, but not so much in a way that they felt significant.

 

And yes, I was more invested in it than she was. I still don't see how that was a problem. I was sure to give her plenty of space and not be needy. I held myself back quite a lot.

[Eternal Sunshine]

People want out because they don't want to be with you anymore. It's as simple and complex as that. Emotions are hard to explain. She gave you a bunch of reasons to rationalize her decision. You know what last guy that broke up with me told me? That I'm not a good problem solver. That was his reason. I seriously burst out laughing.

 

Nowdays I wouldn't even bother asking. I just shrug and say OK.

[somedude81]

What I just realized, is that from all of this that just went on, I have no reason to be mad at her. I just can't be.

 

That's good for me because my anger was just building and building as time went by.

 

Though now I'm mad at myself for a mistake I made months ago but I know that thinking that was is foolish and the feeling will pass.

 

I want to get over her in a quick and reasonable time so I can find a girl I have an even better connection with.

[Els]

This is great, IMO. You've learnt a lot since you started this R: how to ask girls out, how to take them out on dates, the importance of communication, what to do, what not to do - and most importantly, how to cope with a breakup. All of this will stand you in better stead for your next R; experience with LTRs is always helpful, IMO.

 

You're right in that you should close the door and do your darndest to heal ASAP. Good luck!

[clia]

That means she was telling me, that she thinks she should have been in love with me after five months of dating, which in my mind, is just stupid. Also, the last time she was five months into a relationship was three years ago, when she was 18. I really hope that her views on love had matured since then, but I guess not.

 

In every long term relationship I’ve been in “I love yous” were exchanged by around the three month mark. In fact, I think 90 days is about the average for most people. I wouldn’t stay with a guy who hadn’t told me he loved me after six months – that is plenty of time to decide how you feel about someone. Also at six months (or even five, if you want to start splitting hairs), you know damn well whether you are going to get to that point. So, I don’t have any problem believing that she was telling you the truth. I think it was actually really mature of her to put it that way.

 

If it wasn't obvious, I'm pissed at what she did and is currently doing to me.

 

It’s illogical to get pissed at her because she decided you weren’t the right guy for her. I know you haven’t been through this before, but the entire process of dating is all about determining whether you are with the person you want to be with for the long term. Just because you start a relationship with someone doesn’t mean it is going to last, and it doesn’t mean the other person owes you some duty to spend tons of time working on a situation they have already decided they don’t want to be a part of anymore. The way this typically works is that little things start to add up, and then the person realizes that they can either do better or find someone more compatible. There’s nothing wrong with not being compatible – it just means you can go find someone you are compatible with.

 

Apparently the biggest issue was the thought that I could lower my morals enough to cheat in school and that I could cheat on her. That wound was festering in her for a long time.

 

I don't know if other women are as paranoid about cheating as she is, but it's something I know how to talk about now.

 

To me, this isn’t even about cheating in a relationship – it is about your moral compass. The fact that you apparently considered cheating in your class seriously enough that it turned into a discussion with her would be a pretty big red flag for a lot of people. It says a lot about you. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a person who would consider cheating either.

 

You keep saying that everything was so wonderful and this appeared out of the blue, yet the other two things she mentioned (and don’t believe those three things were it) were completely within your control and you should have been aware of.

 

I think this all of this is a great learning experience for you.

 

She also briefly mentioned that me putting on weight wasn't helping things, but my looks weren't really what attracted me to her in the first place.

 

Why did you gain weight? Starting to let yourself go six months in is not a good sign for the future. But surely you recognized that you had gained weight?

 

She also didn't appreciate me asking for oral when I knew she doesn't like doing it. She felt I was pressuring her.

 

If you knew she didn’t like giving oral, why did you keep asking for it? I think that is really disrespectful and dismissive of her feelings. (When a guy acts like that, a woman may start to feel like she is nothing more than a receptacle for his dick.) Were you really so clueless that it didn’t occur to you that it might be annoying to her?

 

But if you like oral that much, you will ultimately be better off finding a girl who also likes it so you don't have to keep asking for it. Sexual compatibility is simply another facet of overall compatibility.

 

I also learned that some women can completely keep their feelings to themselves and just not tell you when something is wrong. I'm sad that she kept things to her self for two weeks before I even left on my trip. I wish we had been able to talk about it.

 

Talking about it wouldn’t have accomplished anything for her. She had already basically decided that the cons outweighed the pros.

[somedude81]

In every long term relationship I’ve been in “I love yous” were exchanged by around the three month mark. In fact, I think 90 days is about the average for most people. I wouldn’t stay with a guy who hadn’t told me he loved me after six months – that is plenty of time to decide how you feel about someone. Also at six months (or even five, if you want to start splitting hairs), you know damn well whether you are going to get to that point. So, I don’t have any problem believing that she was telling you the truth. I think it was actually really mature of her to put it that way.

Really, at three months?

 

As for staying with a guy if he hadn't told you that he loves you after six months, would you have said it before then, or wait for him to say it?

 

I may have been in love with her, I don't know. I certainly felt more strongly about her than any other girl in my life, but I don't know how you're supposed to know that you are in love.

 

Also because of my life experiences and depression I was always afraid she would suddenly leave me..........so I was waiting for her to say "I love you" first. Then I would say it back to her.

 

I wish she would have told me that she loved me. Stupidly enough, a very long time ago I had a quick thing with an 18 year old and she told me that she loved me after a week. Of course I know she didn't mean it then and we didn't even have sex. But it was still very odd to me that I was with this girl for so long and we even had unprotected sex and she never said she loved me.

 

It’s illogical to get pissed at her because she decided you weren’t the right guy for her.

I was getting pissed at her because she was refusing to talk to me. I absolutely had no know why she ended it. Thank God she finally gave in two weeks later.

I know you haven’t been through this before, but the entire process of dating is all about determining whether you are with the person you want to be with for the long term. Just because you start a relationship with someone doesn’t mean it is going to last, and it doesn’t mean the other person owes you some duty to spend tons of time working on a situation they have already decided they don’t want to be a part of anymore. The way this typically works is that little things start to add up, and then the person realizes that they can either do better or find someone more compatible. There’s nothing wrong with not being compatible – it just means you can go find someone you are compatible with.

The thing is, I never knew that we weren't compatible. I thought we were pretty much the opposite of not completable and that there were no reasons for us to break up for a long time. We had very similar personalities and interests and we never fought.

 

And no, the issues wouldn't take a long time to work on as they were really minor.

 

 

To me, this isn’t even about cheating in a relationship – it is about your moral compass. The fact that you apparently considered cheating in your class seriously enough that it turned into a discussion with her would be a pretty big red flag for a lot of people. It says a lot about you. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a person who would consider cheating either.

Yeah I realize now how huge of a deal that conversation was. And I wish I answered completely differently.

 

The background to that story is that I only had two college classes left in order to get my degree. Business statistics and calculus. I had failed stats two times before, was on my third attempt and had already failed the first two exams. Also, I had already failed calculus twice before and am going to take it in January.

 

Somehow it came up that I would consider cheating to pass the class so I could finally leave college and get started on my career. Now I've been going to college off and on for 13 years (more on than off) and had been at the current school since Fall 2008. I'm absolutely sick of college and I want to get my degree and start being an adult. She was unable to accept my reasoning.

 

The conversation never got heated and it never crossed into any other form of cheating but she has a strong moral code and is very keen on working her ass off to get things done. I thought the conversation was over and done and don't even know how it ended. But it obviously had a very big impact on her. We never talked about anything similar again.

 

Why did you gain weight? Starting to let yourself go six months in is not a good sign for the future. But surely you recognized that you had gained weight?

How could I not?

 

She's an amazing cook and when she cooks she always made a lot of food. Plus we started going out to eat at least once a week which is something I've never done. Plus I was in campus working either in class or in tutoring so I was doing math from 12:30 to 6 and I never made it to the gym. All in all, I gained about 10lbs. So I had a bit of a gut, but she did as well though I never said anything about her weight other than that she looks fantastic naked.

 

 

If you knew she didn’t like giving oral, why did you keep asking for it? I think that is really disrespectful and dismissive of her feelings. (When a guy acts like that, a woman may start to feel like she is nothing more than a receptacle for his dick.) Were you really so clueless that it didn’t occur to you that it might be annoying to her?

 

But if you like oral that much, you will ultimately be better off finding a girl who also likes it so you don't have to keep asking for it. Sexual compatibility is simply another facet of overall compatibility.

Yes I should have stopped asking for it. I think she did it for me a total of three times in six months, and it always felt amazing. I had no issues at all with giving her oral. She never told me to stop asking but I should have understood what her resistance to do it meant.

 

The other reason I asked for oral was that when we have sex, I tend not to last that long till before first orgasm. But I'm almost always ready to go again right after. Basically one orgasm isn't always enough for me, and she wasn't always up for having sex twice. Though when it did happen, it was amazing.

 

As good as sex was, we probably weren't 100% compatible, but being with her was the best sex of my life, and in that five month range, I had more sex with her than with every other woman put together. So there was no way I was going to break up with her over that.

 

You keep saying that everything was so wonderful and this appeared out of the blue, yet the other two things she mentioned (and don’t believe those three things were it) were completely within your control and you should have been aware of.

 

Talking about it wouldn’t have accomplished anything for her. She had already basically decided that the cons outweighed the pros.

I've been saying that everything was so wonderful and that it appeared out of the blue until yesterday. I had no idea that we were even close to a breakup path. Her biggest reason, the conversation about cheating was out of my mind 10 minutes after we stopped talking about it. My weight was never and issue. I only asked for a blow job about once every three weeks. Yes I knew she didn't like giving them, but I hardly thought it would be a real issue, and I don't even know if they were. I'm the one who brought it up last night.

 

I strongly believe that she should have brought up any grievances she had a long time ago. When she first started to get second thoughts I wish she would have asked me about cheating in school and I would have told her that I'd never do it and that I've been working very hard in my class. She also could have asked me to please stop asking for oral.

 

Those are things that she could have talked about, and any other issues there might have been, even if she said there were no more.

[MrCastle]

More than likely she was grasping at straws trying to come up with logical reasons for why she wanted out of the relationship. She thought you would cheat on her because you mentioned you were considering cheating on a test? Come on man.

 

She probably thought it would do you more good if she gave you concrete reasons for breaking up with you as opposed to her saying "I'm just not feeling it anymore."

 

If those issues were in fact real, she should have tackled them head on. The fact that she didn't says she wasn't all that invested.

 

In any event, it's over with and now you have closure. At least you had six months of good sex with a girl you found attractive. Can't complain.

[somedude81]

More than likely she was grasping at straws trying to come up with logical reasons for why she wanted out of the relationship. She thought you would cheat on her because you mentioned you were considering cheating on a test? Come on man.

I think about it the same way you do. I thought it was a stupid conversation and a reason.

 

But knowing her as well as I did, I can definitely see it eating her up because of who she is. She's prone to way over-analyzing things.

 

She probably thought it would do you more good if she gave you concrete reasons for breaking up with you as opposed to her saying "I'm just not feeling it anymore."

 

If those issues were in fact real, she should have tackled them head on. The fact that she didn't says she wasn't all that invested.

I don't know if she wasn't that invested. There really isn't any more reason, there was still other stuff about her not being single that long since her last relationship, me liking her more than she likes me and so on. Either way, she had decided to break up with me almost a month ago and once she made up her mind, there was no changing it.

 

In any event, it's over with and now you have closure. At least you had six months of good sex with a girl you found attractive. Can't complain.

It's more than just the sex, but yes, I got closure and had a good thing for a while.

 

My complaint was that it I feel like out of the 20 years or so of my life that I've been miserable because I wanted a girl in my life, (starting at age 13) I've only been allowed six months of happiness.

 

I'm also scared that it will take me a very long time to get this close to a woman again.

[clia]

In the grand scheme, you are better off. In your next relationship you at least have a point of comparison. I hope that this relationship has at least helped to up your confidence.

 

Really, at three months?

 

Yes. Love obviously develops over time and gets deeper the more you get to know a person, but for me it's either there or not by three months.

 

As for staying with a guy if he hadn't told you that he loves you after six months, would you have said it before then, or wait for him to say it?

 

I wait for the guy to say it first. I prefer a guy who takes the lead like that in the relationship, and I've had the best relationships with guys who are crazy about me and want to tell me they love me first.

 

I may have been in love with her, I don't know. I certainly felt more strongly about her than any other girl in my life, but I don't know how you're supposed to know that you are in love.

 

You just know.

 

Also because of my life experiences and depression I was always afraid she would suddenly leave me..........so I was waiting for her to say "I love you" first. Then I would say it back to her.

 

If you felt it, you should've said it. But I wonder if you were even feeling it. When you feel it, there is no question. You want to shout it from the rooftops. You look at the person, hug the person, think "God, I love you so much." Etc. Now, sometimes you start feeling like this way too early, when you know it is infatuation, hormones, and maybe not love. So, you hold back a little bit, you think it, wait until a reasonable amount of time has passed, and then you say it. Honestly SD, if you weren't feeling that by this point, I think this wasn't the right girl for you anyway.

 

I wish she would have told me that she loved me.Stupidly enough, a very long time ago I had a quick thing with an 18 year old and she told me that she loved me after a week. Of course I know she didn't mean it then and we didn't even have sex. But it was still very odd to me that I was with this girl for so long and we even had unprotected sex and she never said she loved me.

 

Well, a week is crazy! (IMO). It may have also felt odd to her that you were with her for so long having unprotected sex and never told her you loved her. It goes both ways. That kind of thing can lead to feeling like the guy isn't that into you, so you start pulling back. I have no idea if that is what happened here, but in my experience it starts to get really awkward when the months tick by and no one is saying "I love you." That is why I said I end the relationship. If you aren't even feeling that googly emotion early on in the relationship, it isn't going to lead to anything lasting IMO.

 

The thing is, I never knew that we weren't compatible. I thought we were pretty much the opposite of not completable and that there were no reasons for us to break up for a long time. We had very similar personalities and interests and we never fought.

 

Well, obviously there were a lot of ways in which you were compatible or you wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. But that doesn't mean that it all fits just right. Sometimes little things start to matter more than you would think. Also, she is still pretty young and is still figuring out who she is and what she wants.

 

And no, the issues wouldn't take a long time to work on as they were really minor.

 

Well, they weren't minor to her -- otherwise she wouldn't have ended the relationship. What may seem like no big deal to you may be a big deal to her.

 

She's an amazing cook and when she cooks she always made a lot of food. Plus we started going out to eat at least once a week which is something I've never done. Plus I was in campus working either in class or in tutoring so I was doing math from 12:30 to 6 and I never made it to the gym. All in all, I gained about 10lbs. So I had a bit of a gut, but she did as well though I never said anything about her weight other than that she looks fantastic naked.

 

It's unfair of her to criticize your weight if she also gained weight. Which makes me think this was just an excuse.

 

As good as sex was, we probably weren't 100% compatible, but being with her was the best sex of my life, and in that five month range, I had more sex with her than with every other woman put together. So there was no way I was going to break up with her over that.

 

Look at the bright side -- now you can find a woman you are more sexually compatible with.

[MrCastle]

I think about it the same way you do. I thought it was a stupid conversation and a reason.

 

But knowing her as well as I did, I can definitely see it eating her up because of who she is. She's prone to way over-analyzing things.[/Quote]

 

Even if that's true, understand that this is on her, not you. If she equates you tinkering with the idea of cheating on a test to save your ass (if it's for that class you absolutely need to pass to graduate) with cheating on her with someone else -- that's an insecurity on her part from being burned in the past with infidelity. It's not something you did. Now, we all have our views on cheating on tests -- but that's all it should be, the test. The topic should have been you cheating on your test, not "well if you'd cheat on a test you'd cheat on me." Like I said, that's an insecurity that at one point or another, was going to rear its head.

 

 

I don't know if she wasn't that invested. There really isn't any more reason, there was still other stuff about her not being single that long since her last relationship, me liking her more than she likes me and so on. Either way, she had decided to break up with me almost a month ago and once she made up her mind, there was no changing it.[/Quote]

 

Her admitting that you like her more than she likes you is enough. She was not as invested as you were. Hence why she ended things the way she did 1.) without warning 2.) immediately went no contact and told you explicitly she did not want to talk to you in the days following the break up.

 

She's moving on as quickly as possible because her feelings for you pale in comparison to your feelings for her. This needs to be understood as it will help you move on quicker, knowing that her emotions for you were not the same level of intensity as yours were for her, and you never want to be with someone who cares less about you than you do them.

 

 

It's more than just the sex, but yes, I got closure and had a good thing for a while.

 

My complaint was that it I feel like out of the 20 years or so of my life that I've been miserable because I wanted a girl in my life, (starting at age 13) I've only been allowed six months of happiness.

 

I'm also scared that it will take me a very long time to get this close to a woman again.

 

It will only take long if you take a while to heal. This was your first girlfriend, not your last. You have more experience under your belt now and have a better understanding of relationship dynamics. You have to remember the good times and disregard the bad. When I have nasty falling outs with women, I look back on the fond memories of which can't be changed or taken away. I'm not saying the relationship was just sex -- but for someone who had no one/nothing in their romantic life, to go from that, to six months of constant sex with someone they found attractive and had a connection with -- that's a pretty good deal. Look back at those times and pick yourself up.

[Els]

Three months sounds about right for me.

 

If those issues were in fact real, she should have tackled them head on. The fact that she didn't says she wasn't all that invested.

 

Many people don't learn how to actually handle conflict and communicate problems until they get some real-life experience. It's a huge factor in the low chance of late-teen or even early-twenties relationships surviving. Sometimes they deal with the problems by simply brushing it under the carpet, until the straw breaks the camel's back.

 

It's still likely she wasn't all that invested, but the communication thing would probably still be an issue either way.

[somedude81]

How am I supposed to take all these comments that she wasn't that invested in me?

[Els]

Well... as a statement of fact, I suppose. Not from us (we don't REALLY know your R), but from her.

 

There is no shame in having loved more in a R, especially in what was your first R. Heck I loved more in both my 1st and 2nd Rs, and have only found an equal in this one. It's part of the whole 'experience' thing.

 

Live and learn.

[somedude81]

Well... as a statement of fact, I suppose. Not from us (we don't REALLY know your R), but from her.

 

There is no shame in having loved more in a R, especially in what was your first R. Heck I loved more in both my 1st and 2nd Rs, and have only found an equal in this.

 

Live and learn.

I mean the more I see those it makes me feel a loser that I wasn't able to get her to care about me. But that doesn't make any sense because I know she did.

 

Basically, what does it even mean that she wasn't that invested in me? And how did we get so close if she wasn't?

 

At one point a few months ago she told me that she was feeling close to falling in love with me.

 

Now I'm being told that she never liked me?

[Els]

I don't think she 'never liked you'; from what you've told us about her, she sounds like a rather straight-laced girl, so I doubt she would have been with you for so long if she had 0 interest in you. It's more likely she was invested to a degree, but just not as much as you were, and then all those things happened that reduced her interest level, and she didn't know how to communicate them.

[organizedchaos]

I mean the more I see those it makes me feel a loser that I wasn't able to get her to care about me. But that doesn't make any sense because I know she did.

 

Basically, what does it even mean that she wasn't that invested in me? And how did we get so close if she wasn't?

 

At one point a few months ago she told me that she was feeling close to falling in love with me.

 

Now I'm being told that she never liked me?

 

 

 

Just chill, man. Stop over analyzing this. You don't GET someone to care about you. And she wouldn't have slept with you if she never liked you. Just let it go.

[MrCastle]

I think casual would have been more beneficial to both of you. I don't know who suggested being exclusive but I would wager that coming off a relationship and entering a new one probably felt draining. Maybe she thought she was ready for another relationship, but emotionally she wasn't.

 

Yes she was attracted to you as you guys were intimate, but overall, as everyone is saying -- your investment level was higher.

 

She was coming off a bad break up, probably still feeling the lingering effects of that regardless of what she told you.

 

And you were in love since this was your first ever real girlfriend. Two different schools of thoughts.

 

I know you are saying "well, she said this," and "she told me that," but actions speak louder than words. I don't know if she had been giving nonverbal cues all along that this was coming to an end or if she really did blindside you but for her to say she had been thinking about breaking up with you for a month leads me to believe there were certainly moments in her actions that would have tipped you off.

 

But again, it's all a learning experience. Hopefully you take what you learned here and apply it to the next girl. For example, let the next girl know that verbal communication is important to you. Expressing feelings, being open, and addressing issues -- no matter how big or small -- is important to you. You want to be able to nip any problems in the bud as soon as they arise, so talking about feelings is valued. No internalizing feelings. Make that clear to the next woman.

Edited December 18, 2013 by MrCastle

[Simon Phoenix]

How am I supposed to take all these comments that she wasn't that invested in me?

 

As more reason to move the fu*k on and to stop ruminating and rehashing in your head. A bit harsh, but it happens. You fell hard and fast and she didn't. Doesn't mean she didn't value you when you were together, but for whatever reason, it just didn't completely click for her.

 

And you can't make someone care about you. That's their choice, their free will. If you learn anything from this situation, it's that you can't control another person's feelings and you can't, nor should you want to, manipulate someone into feeling something for you.

Edited December 18, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[suladas]

As more reason to move the fu*k on and to stop ruminating and rehashing in your head. A bit harsh, but it happens. You fell hard and fast and she didn't. Doesn't mean she didn't value you when you were together, but for whatever reason, it just didn't completely click for her.

 

And you can't make someone care about you. That's their choice, their free will. If you learn anything from this situation, it's that you can't control another person's feelings and you can't, nor should you want to, manipulate someone into feeling something for you.

 

Simon, it's been a while! Surprised to see you still posting in this section.

 

SD the best thing you can do is just forget about this girl, she was your first and likely will be somewhat special to you in that way, but analyzing it does no good.

 

The best thing you can do is say, f*ck her, forget her and move on. There is nothing else to do, she ended it, she's not worth another thought. Her breaking up with you meant she doesn't want to be with you, reasons don't matter. And guess what, even if you knew the real reasons (she likely fed you a bunch of BS) she has no interest in working on them. By breaking up with you, she thinks her life is better without you in it, harsh but it's the truth.

 

You made the classic mistakes it's fine, but the best thing to do if someone breaks up with you is walk away and forget they exist. The reasons don't matter at all, frankly I would tell them not to waste their breath.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon, it's been a while! Surprised to see you still posting in this section.

 

SD the best thing you can do is just forget about this girl, she was your first and likely will be somewhat special to you in that way, but analyzing it does no good.

 

The best thing you can do is say, f*ck her, forget her and move on. There is nothing else to do, she ended it, she's not worth another thought. Her breaking up with you meant she doesn't want to be with you, reasons don't matter. And guess what, even if you knew the real reasons (she likely fed you a bunch of BS) she has no interest in working on them. By breaking up with you, she thinks her life is better without you in it, harsh but it's the truth.

 

You made the classic mistakes it's fine, but the best thing to do if someone breaks up with you is walk away and forget they exist. The reasons don't matter at all, frankly I would tell them not to waste their breath.

 

It's addictive. I'm long since recovered, but I like to try to help others. How are things?

[somedude81]

So I emailed her last night because there was something I forgot to ask her and the posts here reminded me of it.

 

"Did it bother you that I liked you more than you liked me? Assuming you believe that my feelings were stronger than yours."

 

She just replied to me.

 

"Yes. I felt guilty about that."

 

Damn, seems like you guys were right, especially stringchick.

[smuggy95]

I'm 33 and just got broken up with in a almost 1 year relationship. It was my first, and i'm a fairly normal and likable person- besides having been a virgin and totally single this whole time and out of my element (i'm used to being confident in every other part of my life).

 

It was the same thing. She just didn't feel it anymore.

I was all about it. Because I've never had anything else. I don't know how more awesome it could be with someone ...imagine a girl who loves you and is so turned on by you she can't wait to do oral on you- and just who knows?!

We don't know. We've never had anything else besides this- but our exes knew it wasn't right for them. They weren't giving us what we deserve- let's believe them. let's see what it's like when we do get what we deserve. It's probably way better than we can know.

 

She did you a favor. Mine did me a favor. Accept it with pride and dignity.

[Leigh 87]

Hey honey, I am so sorry to hear about your pain right now:(

 

 

You will be fine, you just have to feel all kinds of **** in the meanwhile. Until you're fine.

 

Break ups just plain hurt. No way around it.

 

I am a very positive person myself, and you should have seen my break up thread with Andrew after almost 3 years together... I can't bring myself to go back and read it.

 

 

 

How are you doing? Probably not that swell! But hopefully better than when the thread was first made...

[TheFinalWord]

Hi SD,

 

First, I wanted to say I am really sorry for hard this experience has been for you. I am sorry for the breakup and how it has impacted your life.

 

I know it is hard to see now, but this is a real growing experience for you.

What is interesting, is that with each relationship, you learn more about yourself. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. They are there to help you grow into the person you need to become.

 

Staying stuck in a relationship that is over, can really nullify the potential lessons of the experience.

 

One thing I would recommend is to get all of the relics of the relationships out of your life. Delete the pictures, block the facebook, delete the number.

 

For your own your own healing, you have to go no-contact. Right now, you are constantly reliving the dead relationship. You have to accept her decision. For yourself and for your growth. If there is any hope, constantly e-mailing her (and allowing her to keep you on the backburner) is completely removing any chance for a re-connect later down the road.

 

This woman cannot answer why she was no longer in love, if she ever was. All you are giving her is reasons to remove any guilt she has for breaking up with you. If this was a healthy relationship, and she really loved you, she would have told you how she felt about you mentioning the cheating BEFORE breaking up with you...not weeks later as an afterthought. No one is perfect, we can all list flaws and things people have said that aggravate us. Love overcomes imperfection; that's the beauty of it and one way you know it is love and not just a fleeting romance. Not that imperfections are ignored, but that you still love the person despite their flaws.