beach Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Why don’t you rock her world with a bluff. Tell her that you want a divorce. The courts always give full custody to the mom and you won’t fight it. A son needs to know his mom and this might be the only way for it to happen. Then she might realize you are the only reason she can work all those hours at her golden job and not take you for granted. No wonder her bosses love her. She works all those hours for free. The courts do not generally give full custody to the Mom. IF both parents request custody - and it's in the best interest of the child - then they USUALLY each get half the time with the child. It would benefit the child at this point - because the Mother would be forced to actually spend time and energy with the child. Nothing changes if you leave it the same. Change is going to be up to you. 1
Fluttershy Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I know a man whose wife stopped careing for her son. And her husband. It was all about her, her hobbies and career. She chose family and then changed her mind. Then when her husband and her started fighting because of how stressful home was she had an "exit affair" only she had a few guys lined up that didn't know about each other. They were in diffierent cities. She chose one (it failed in less than a month and abandoned her husband and son. The husband ha no idea about the cheating as they were all ldr. Until she left and told him. It has been six years and she only sees her son once a year in the summer. She is from boyfriend to boyfriend. Last I heard she was in a hick town working a minimal wage job (yeah apparently her "career" bombed.) her husband is remarried with step children and seems to be happy. Happier than he was before. Here is the thing. Up until she took off he enabled her. He bought her what she wanted and followed her plans. He picked up he slack. He fought and argued with her when he even says he should have just put his foot down. He even let her leave with a lot more than she was entitled too and did not seek child support. And then she tried to take their son a few years later to her city. And he woke up and put his foot down. He fought back. And got stronger. And kept his son and got child support. Don't think for a minute she'll come around. Some people never do. But by doing a 180 on her you may get the message out to her that her behaviour is not okay. She can either improve it or there is the door. 4
beach Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Since work stresses her out enough not to participate much at home - why not suggest she start looking for a new job that demands less of her energy/time?
JThompkins Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I feel very sorry for your situation, I do feel you need to divorce immediately. The moment she told you that you guys will not be having much sex beyond once every 5-6 weeks, but that if she got with a new guy she would be "going at it like rabbits" would of been the moment I divorced her. It would of simply been the end of the discussion, I can't imagine how someone could say such a thing to their spouse. She does not sound like a bad person, but she does sound like a bad wife.
SJC2008 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 She's controlling, manipulative and passive aggressive. She resents you and that is why she won't have sex with you. Controlling people have a victim mentality and are never at fault for anything which is why she stop counseling as soon as the spotlight was turned on her. I don't know why she resents you but she does. You may not have done anything for her to do so but the way controlling people think with their victim mentality it can happen with out cause or with very little cause. You have been frank with her which is good. You need to have a seroious talk with her and tell her she needs to start looking at herself or you will file divorce. 1
somedude81 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Could you arrange a business trip or something that would cause you to leave town for a couple of days? This would force her to stay home and put effort into maintaining the home and take care of her son. Overtime start giving her chores to do with the house and child then lavish praise on her when she does them. dreamingoftigers post really stuck out to me and there is a chance that your wife feels that she is unneeded at home because you do everything. 1
beach Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 There is a thread here that could be you in several years. It's a long read - but worth looking at it since it is similar to your situation. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/274558-25-years-together-time-end
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Hmmmm I wouldn't say she regrets it, it was as much her idea as it was mine to have him. She was an amazing mum whilst he was a baby, but once he turned into a toddler, it's almost like she didn't want to know as she was always too busy with work. I wouldn't say addict, I probably watch way more than her! She maybe watches it once a month or so (that i'm aware of) judging by internet history. A proper manner? In her eyes, she sees herself as a full time worker/part time mum. But problem is, work tires/stresses her out so much, so all she wants to do in an evening is collapse and rest, and on weekends, she wants a bit of "me" time as she's been at work all week.... And yes, I know exactly what you're thinking right now... she should go back to the single life if she wants that! Sometimes I think to myself, because I work shifts (more hours than her at the office over the course of a month), I'm home way more than her. So to some extent, if chores need to be done, and i'm home, why shouldn't I do them? Would that expectation be there if the roles were reversed? Probably, yes. I've not seen much of her this week due to different shifts, but still deciding the best and initial course of action. Got some good ideas on here in the past few days alone, so thank you very much for that... kinda serves the purpose of writing this thread! You're right. I do feel like the only time she lifts a finger and does anything, is when i'm at work. When we are at home together, she barely does anything, other than a monthly spring clean of the flat. I do tell her than I love her and I miss her, but whenever I ask if she's missed me or our son, she says she's been too busy to sit and think about missing anyone. Yeah, the child ignorance is what baffles me completely. surely it's him that's missing out as much as her? Holy crap. You are literally wasting your life! You only get one silly. Why let her make you this damn miserable... You would be happier single. Also this comes from experience if you act like a vagina most women will treat you like one. You have to push back here! I bet if you filed for divorce she would screw your brains out for months!
IndigoB Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Again, I know she's at the gym when she says she goes, as she always goes with a friend of mine. Tell us about your friend.
IndigoB Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Tell us about your friend. I register and with my first post seemed to have killed this thread! Would like to hear from the OP if he's still around?
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