Why am I still with my wife?

[Eivuwan]

Honestly, I don't believe in being the only one making all the effort. While you may be pressuring her, it is because you have legitimate needs. You have also tried what I see as very healthy methods of conflict resolution such as going to a counselor. Sure, people don't like to be told that they are making mistakes or being selfish or whatever, but a mature considerate person would be able to take the hit to the ego and do what is appropriate. She is either very selfish or just very insecure. Either way, it's not your job to fix her or change her. I came from a divorced family and that is much better than seeing your parents in a dysfunctional relationship everyday just going through the motions. You may think this is better for your kid now, but do you really want this to be the kind of relationship model that he grows up learning from?

[mik3yc]

Can you really live a love of little sex, no acknowlegment of your special occasions? little effort with your son? With you?

 

Something about this sentence just really hit hard. This sums up the title of this thread really... and to be honest, give me a much clearer answer.

[Eivuwan]

I don't agree with bwright. I mean that might work when you have two people invested in a relationship. Sometimes it is great to see a man step up during troubled waters, but I feel any further effort with this woman will be wasted time.

 

I mean bwight wants you to cherish her when she gets home. Cherish her for what exactly? Being a lousy mother? Not doing household chores? A clear inability to compromise and work on the relationship. Bwight your relationship and its dynamcis are completely different to Miks so I feel you advice is not relative to his situation.

 

"If you are unhappy just go..." Mik this isn't real love. Just look at threads all over this site of men and women willing to do anything to make a relationship work, to save a relationship in trouble. I mean she is cherished at work boo fcu King hoo. If she put the same effort into her relationship and child she would be cherished at home too. The love of a child is so special and to just let that slip..........

 

There is something fundementally wrong with this woman. I know you don't want to leave and have a broken home and divorced next to your name but trying to make her open her eyes or change her ways will leave you beyond frustrated. Why she puts so much effort into work and not her family only she knows. Or maybe she doesn't. Something appears to be missing in her life and she uses work to fill this gap instead of her family. I can't begin to tell you how unhealthy this is.

 

Things will only change unless she becomes self aware and she is nowhere near ready for that. Staying will only prolong this agony. She refuses to compromise, has quit therapy and seems happy to plough on because it suits her. Can you really live a love of little sex, no acknowlegment of your special occasions? little effort with your son? With you? Dude it will only get worse not better.

 

The harder you try the more validition you seek from her the worse you feel. She is programmed in such a way that right now compromise is impossible. I know you want to fight the battle but honestly this war is lost. No amount of cherishing her will change that fact.

 

It takes real courage to leave. But think of this is a dice. A life with her is a 2 or 3 which she seems happy with. By having the courage to aim higher you can roll a 5 or a 6. It's short term pain to long term happiness. If you stay and I think you will you will understand my post better in two years...

 

I completely agree. I bent over backwards to try to change for an ex who thinks he contributes the most in the relationship. I was thinking that I should work really hard to save the relationship because I loved him and all that. But when it finally ended and I found my current boyfriend who treats me very well, it's just like WHAT THE **** made me stay in that relationship for so long?! Although at the time I couldn't see what I see now. Sometimes you just have to take the risk to have a better life because I am very certain that if you stay in this relationship doing what you are currently doing or doing even more, nothing will change. I think if you do more she will just be more certain that you are the one who is wrong in the relationship and is trying to make up for it or something.

[Johnsmith1003]

Apologies in advance for the long rant!

 

My wife hand I have been married for 3 years, but been together for 6. I'm 34, she's 31. We have a 3 year old boy and have our own place.

 

I'm not even sure where to start!

 

We both work full time, I work 12hr shifts, but only average about 15 days a month... it suits my lifestyle as it means I get to be with my son a lot more. Even though, over the course of a month, I work more hours per month than she does. I have him 2/3 days a week on average, the other days he's at childminder. My wife works Monday - Friday, 9-5.30 and has our son 4 days every 5 weeks (as I work 2 weekends in a row). She has become obsessed with work. She goes into work as early as possible. When i'm at home with our son, she'll aim to get to work for 8am. She'll finish for 7pm. She spends no time with our son. In the morning, aside from saying hello to him, she'll rarely change his nappy, change his clothes, brush his teeth, nothing. In the evenings, as his bedtime is 7pm, she'll come home just as i've got him to sleep, then wake him up again to say goodnight.

 

This happens everyday during the week, apart from when i'm at work, when she has no choice. She does no chores either during the week. As i'm at home with him, i'll clean, do the washing, dishes, hoovering, tidying, absolutely everything, bar cooking. Even though more recently, i've started cooking more, so she doesn't even have to do that. Come weekends, she says she's so tired with work, that she wants a break and to relax, so doesn't make up the lost time with our son.

 

She's extremely stressed from work, always telling me how stressed she is, always suffering from migraines. I support her as much as I can. She absolutely loves her work and the people there though, so she'd never consider quitting. For example, when he's due at the childminders (which is 30 seconds from her work), she'll ask me to either drop him off so she can go work early (even though shes driving past it!), or ask me to collect him at the end of the day, which means going out of my way, driving to her work to collect the car seat, picking him up and then coming home.

 

We went to Spain last month for a week. She took my laptop so she could do work emails (which she did every morning for a couple of hours). She used my iPad and iPhone to facetime her work colleagues too.

 

Our son is not close to her at all. He's so attached to me. It would be easy to boast/brag about it, but it's horrible seeing him not close to his mum. He's only ever really naughty for her, as I simply think he's no respect for her. She's fully aware that she needs to spend more time with him, but just tells me she has no choice but to spend all these hours at work, as she's so stressed.

 

I feel like I've brought our son up on my own.

 

Thats work and parenthood out the way. Now onto our relationship as husband and wife.....

 

We do not have a physical relationship. We only kiss to say hello and goodbye, even then that's just a peck. We sleep together once a month or once every 5/6 weeks. Since August, up until now, we've slept together 3 times. I want it maybe 2/3 times a week. She says she doesn't need/want it anymore than she currently does, therefore it will never change. If she's not in the mood, it won't happen, and she won't allow me to get her in the mood. Never any foreplay. She believes that once every 5 weeks is how its "supposed to be", when you've been together for as long as we have?! Also says that if we split and she got with a new man, she'd be at it like a rabbit, as that's just what you do with someone new, when it's exciting. It's hurtful, not only hearing her say things like that, but that she has no interest in pleasing me. I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever met, so of course I desire her and want to ravish her...

 

I've tried being romantic, taking her out, massages, candleit baths, candlelit meals, flowers at home and work, nothing. I can't possibly do more for her in the way of housework as I do all of it now!

 

She used to ask me to massage her in bed every night. She's now put a stop to that. Reason being that I was offering her massages more often, and she thought I was using massages as a "sex substitute". Everytime I either try it on, talk about it, literally anything to do with sex, she just says I place too much "pressure" on her. Seems to me that's she's put a block on anything I got pleasure from. She hates the thought of me watching porn (even though I know she watches it when I work a nightshift). But I probably watch more porn now than I did when I was single!

 

I told her that i'm only human, i'm not a robot, and that I have needs. She hasn't touched me sexually in well over a year.

 

It was my birthday a fortnight ago. Didn't get a card from her and nothing bought from her on our sons behalf (which I always do for her). She said we could go shopping and I can buy myself something. When I chose something, she asked me to pay for it and she'll pay me back as she hadn't been paid yet. Did I get any "special occasion" sex or a blowjob? You already know the answer to that. I was so upset that she'd made zero effort for my birthday, it's only 1 day a year!

 

There's literally no benefit to being with her. I could deal with the sex thing (probably) if she was an amazing wife and/or an amazing mum, but she's neither. She does nothing for me. The only thing she's passionate about is work.

 

We've been to marriage counselling, she chose to stop as she felt it wasn't helping her. She's now against any form of therapy....

 

What do I do? I feel so lonely and miserable, but i'm married!

 

This saddens me. I'm very sorry you're going through this. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, but sometimes there's just those instances where it falls apart, and there's no gluing it back together. Please, for the sake of your woes and your child, throw the divorce papers at her. Hate to say it, but it's bringing you both down. She has no time for your son and he's already resenting her for it! The foulest thing is neglecting her son, and your birthday. EVEN when my wife is FUUUURIOUS with me for something I stupidly did, she'll still kiss me on the cheek, mount me and buy me something I choose for my birthday. Even then.

[bwright42tx]

I completely agree. I bent over backwards to try to change for an ex who thinks he contributes the most in the relationship. I was thinking that I should work really hard to save the relationship because I loved him and all that. But when it finally ended and I found my current boyfriend who treats me very well, it's just like WHAT THE **** made me stay in that relationship for so long?! Although at the time I couldn't see what I see now. Sometimes you just have to take the risk to have a better life because I am very certain that if you stay in this relationship doing what you are currently doing or doing even more, nothing will change. I think if you do more she will just be more certain that you are the one who is wrong in the relationship and is trying to make up for it or something.

 

I now my advice isn't/wasn't for everyone. I'm not suggesting he bend over backwards, or change who he is for her. Just how he approaches her.

 

While the relationship wasn't exactly the same...my wife was contributing little of value both inside and outside the home. She was a stay at home mother, but I contributed significantly more in terms of effort, chores, etc. around the house.

 

My wife felt horrible about what she didn't do, and all I did was add pressure to that with my attempts to "fix" her/it/sex, etc. . .

 

Maybe his wife wants to be a better mother and wife, but doesn't know how to deal with those feelings of inadequacy and just throws herself into her work, the one thing she feels good about/at.

 

If I had posted my situation here 10 years ago, I'm sure the resounding advice would be to try counseling, if that doesn't work then get a divorce. And yet here we are happily married.

 

I'm not saying it's worth it for him or he should do it, but it can be done even when only one person wants to work at it. But he has to decide if she/the marriage is worth it.

[oldshirt]

The problem I have is, and this may sound very wrong.... but I could read book after book and make a load of effort etc, but as selfish as it may sound, why am I the only one making efforts here?

 

We've talked and talked until the cows come home... the reality is, she says nothing is going to change, she doesn't want me to leave, but if i'm that unhappy, I should just go. She's not gonna change, as she has the life she wants. I do everything for her, why should she?

 

If I read a good article in a book, magazine, or even on a forum, something that makes sense and may help... i'll show it to her... she'd read the first paragraph and lose interest. If I talk to her about sex, I get the "oh not this again" response.....

 

I've downloaded the married men primer book, so will give it a read!

 

Please read the "Primer" cover to cover and sign up on the forums there and tell your story there and let them help you.

 

Do NOT tell her you are reading that and do NOT show it or any other books or articles to try to get her to change. This is not about fixing her, it is about empowering and fixing YOU.

 

Let's face it, she has no need to change. She has it made. She has people at work fawning all over her and She has Little Mr Suzy Homemaker at home changing diapers and cooking and cleaning for her and she doesn't have to lift a finger for it. She'd be crazy to read an article and want to change all that.

 

The key point of the "Primer" is you get your balls Velcro'd back on, start looking good, start taking the leadership position of your home and family back, and start getting a more masculine frame and hopefully your wife will start to feel some attraction and desire for you again (women are innately attracted to the Lord of the Manor, not the housekeeper, butler or the nanny)

 

The hope is she will follow you into your new reality.

 

If she doesn't and does not get any attraction for you, since you are looking better, in charge of yourself and your destiny better and have a more masculine frame, someone else will.

 

You will have done everything that you can and if she still doesn't want you then you leave her along side the road and find someone else that more closely shares your values and who will be more appreciative of you and will desire you.

[Eivuwan]

I now my advice isn't/wasn't for everyone. I'm not suggesting he bend over backwards, or change who he is for her. Just how he approaches her.

 

While the relationship wasn't exactly the same...my wife was contributing little of value both inside and outside the home. She was a stay at home mother, but I contributed significantly more in terms of effort, chores, etc. around the house.

 

My wife felt horrible about what she didn't do, and all I did was add pressure to that with my attempts to "fix" her/it/sex, etc. . .

 

Maybe his wife wants to be a better mother and wife, but doesn't know how to deal with those feelings of inadequacy and just throws herself into her work, the one thing she feels good about/at.

 

If I had posted my situation here 10 years ago, I'm sure the resounding advice would be to try counseling, if that doesn't work then get a divorce. And yet here we are happily married.

 

I'm not saying it's worth it for him or he should do it, but it can be done even when only one person wants to work at it. But he has to decide if she/the marriage is worth it.

 

I am glad things work out for you, but regardless of what the OP tries, I think the thing to keep in mind is what is his limit. OP, how many more chances are you going to give her before you call it quits? How much more time before it is no longer worth it?

[bwright42tx]

I am glad things work out for you, but regardless of what the OP tries, I think the thing to keep in mind is what is his limit. OP, how many more chances are you going to give her before you call it quits? How much more time before it is no longer worth it?

 

I agree completely. He needs to figure out what his limit is, and then work within that context. Either by working to change himself as oldshirt has suggested, or working on his relationship with his wife and his attitudes as I have suggested, or by simply making his expectations known and delivering the ultimatum to her.

 

And then he needs to stick to it.

 

Whatever he decides.

[beach]

I can't see how she's invested in the M - or even interested.

 

Hand her divorce papers - and explain since she's unwilling to participate she's left you sad and lonely - and no other option.

 

If you feel alone in the M - you may as well be alone.

 

Request custody.

[Complexit]

I'm sorry for your pain.

 

She has checked out of your marriage - her fault. You have tolerated it - your fault (I only mention this to help with your next relationship).

 

Steps to take:

 

1. Confirm she is not having an affair - whether this requires a PI or whatever, just sort it. This will help in many ways but at a minimum, will exclude the commonest reason for this sort of behavior.

 

2. Arrange your finances to cope with a divorce.

 

3. Arrange your emotions to cope with a divorce - you know you best - this will be hard but you can do this.

 

4. File for divorce.

 

5. Don't chicken out on 1-4. Seriously. No excuses about how more back rubbing, consideration, not talking about sex etc by you might have prevented this, yada yada.

 

If she responds to step 4 with genuine remorse and is willing to make significant changes, you may wish to reconsider....after the changes are in progress.

 

I doubt she will be genuinely bothered and you probably already know this...her contempt for you is palpable and I'm sorry to say that your 'excessive' tolerance and bending over backwards has made this worse (note - not saying the original issue was caused by you) but that reacting by more cooking, cleaning and childcare is just the thing to breed contempt in a certain sort of successful career woman. They adore the 'real' men, tragically but that's just the way it is with some (not all, of course).

 

Lesson for all: tolerating disdain and contempt from a spouse is always a mistake. Learning how to recognise it early and resist it gently but firmly is a vital skill to develop.

 

My 2 cents.

[bwright42tx]

Lesson for all: tolerating disdain and contempt from a spouse is always a mistake. Learning how to recognise it early and resist it gently but firmly is a vital skill to develop.

 

Agreed completely. One of the most needed and often times most lacking skills, gentle but firm resistance, not just to disdain and contempt, but to a lot of things.

[beach]

You can't force her to want to participate in the M and family.

 

Since she shows no signs of participating - eliminate her!

 

But honestly, she shows signs of an affair at work.

 

IF she's SUPPOSED to pick up your child at a certain time - DO NOT do it for her!

 

 

It's one thing to ignore you - it's completely detrimental for her to ignore her small child's needs and needing a mother role model.

[oldshirt]

I agree to an extent that if you were to file on her today she would not be too upset and broken hearted about it. She has no real reason to fear divorce. All she would lose in a divorce is her fulltime babysitter and housekeeper. ....and she May have to fork over some child support.

 

Otherwise I'm pretty sure she has a BF on the side and the thought of losing daily contact with her child won't bother her a bit.

 

In essence, the threat of divorce has no impact on her. in her eyes all a divorce would do is give her more freedom to be with her BF more and give her more time at work and to run around with friends. She'd sign the papers in a heartbeat if put in front of her right now and shed walk away with a smile and still be a crappy mother and a bad ex-wife.

 

I am sounding like a broken record but please read the 'Primer' and follow the MAP steps outlined in that. If you put in several solid months of growing some balls and taking back some leadership in your home and marriage you may at least get her to step up to the plate in being a more involved mother and get some respect for you so that if you do ultimately divorce, she will at least take some responsibility in being a coparent with you and being involved in the child's life instead of you being the sole parent while she is out living the single life completely free of all parenting responsibilities.

[oldshirt]

Any updates Mik?

[Me and You]

Hi Mik, I just wanted to say sorry for what you are going through, and wanted to ask has your wife been evaluated for postpartum depression, this can occur days, weeks, months, and even years after childbirth. I ask this because not only is she distant from you she is distant from your son as well. This is a pretty good sign (not a definite sign) something psychological could be going on with her along with the fact that you stated she gets migraines. I think having her evaluated can help tremendously in figuring out if your marriage is salvageable or not. Woman that have affairs (not all) check out on their mates not their mates and child (I said not all), so it makes me think it could be something else. If it is not postpartum then I think you need to document and keep track of everything you do, because unless she doesn’t want custody it is usually granted to the mom unless the dad can prove reasons why it shouldn’t be granted to the mom.

Edited December 8, 2013 by Me and You

[Sparty97]

"She won't go away for a night without our son. She's weird about it. She'd go away with work twice a year for 4/5 nights (part of the job) and has stated she'd happily go away for a week or 2 without him, but as long as I'm there so i'm the first thing he sees when he wakes up. Doesn't like the thought of him waking up and not seeing his mummy or daddy. She's so weird!"

 

I hate to say it, but this makes it sound MORE like she is having an affair. How convenient that she goes away for several nights but doesn't want you to come along so someone can be with your child. The next time (if you haven't filed for divorce before then) I would think about hiring a PI local to where she is traveling to check up on her.

[mik3yc]

Ok, time for an update. I've also been reading the Primer book people mentioned on here....

 

We've had conversation after conversation. The biggest topic of conversation being our physical relationship. She's said that by my bringing up the topic of sex, or when we are both in bed and I try and touch her anywhere that's not her back, that i'm trying it on with her and it's too much pressure. She said I barely give her even 5 minutes to come to me. All the talk of sex and "pressure" that I place on her, puts her off and she wants it even less. She wants me to wait for her to come to me. Though I don't understand what she's waiting for, and when I ask, she can't give me an answer. On Christmas day, we woke up and I jokingly suggested a Christmas blowjob. Well, half joking! With that, she turned round and told me that I always have to ruin things..... said that she had actually planned on doing exactly that, but now by saying that, I've put "pressure" on her, so she doesn't want to do it. I basically talked myself out of a blowjob but no idea how. Put me on a real downer on that day of all days.....

 

Now she's been on the contraceptive pill for years. Towards the end of December, after a few drinks one night (and after making a real effort not to try anything on with her for weeks), I tried it on. She told me to stop as she hasn't been on the pill, it had run out. We had condoms nearby, but that clearly that wasn't gonna happen. When I asked how long she'd not been taking the pill, she said about a week or so, as she'd run out. Had no urgency or interest about getting more anytime soon, was just a case of getting them "whenever". It took her until yesterday to get a new batch of the pill from the GP. And she won't take them until after her next period, in a fortnight or so. I guess it just reiterated to me that sex is so low down on her agenda, she couldn't even be bothered about the pill. She would have sex with condoms on but prefers without.

 

Saying that, we did sleep together once this month (the 3rd time we've slept together since August!). Even that turned into a row. She got on top, and I know she climaxes so quickly that way, that I wanted to prolong it... so I tried changing positions... she got mad, saying that i'm never happy, even when we're having sex, got off me and rolled over to sleep and cried....! Early hours of next morning, we did finally have sex. But it's that feeling now, that no matter what I do/don't do, it'll be at least a month before sex is an option again.

 

Oddly though, the past few weeks, since we had our last big conversation about sex, she's a lot happier in herself, much more relaxed and we do seem closer.

 

The sex topic was a biggie, but the other issue mentioned in this thread is our son. He's not been well since the start of the year, with various bugs going round, mainly a bad cold, though he's now recovered. But using last week as an example... I was off work from Thursday until yesterday. I had him at home all day Thursday, all day Friday, whilst he was sick. Not the easiest of jobs! On Saturday, the wife went to the gym all morning for 2 spinning classes (I know she was there before anyone says anything!). Came home for 10 mins, went to the hairdressers for 2 hours. Finally, got home about 3pm. We then went to the shops together. So she spent as good as zero time with him, bearing in mind he still wasn't 100%. On Sunday, I had football in the morning, she spent the whole time I was out, doing work emails on the laptop. When I got home, we dropped our son at my parents as we went to the theatre that day. So again, spent no time with him.

 

I just can't seem to fathom, why she doesn't feel like she's missing out? He started preschool this week... she dropped him there yesterday and called me, crying, saying how upset she was. So it's not that she doesn't care, but I don't know if it's laziness or not?

 

But as I say, she's the happiest and most relaxed i've seen her in a long time. The sex thing clearly isn't going to change.... but my thinking has changed more towards the fact she's not having an affair, she simply has lost almost all her desire for sex... it's just not that high on her list of priorities....

Edited January 15, 2014 by mik3yc

[Eivuwan]

I don't know what you want us to say that hasn't already been said. The sex is just a symptom of underlying marriage issues.

[mik3yc]

Yeah, you're not wrong. I don't actually know what I want someone to say, or what there possibly is to say. I guess I just needed to vent.... It's just so frustrating as we don't argue, we get on fine...

[stillafool]

What are you going to do about this situation you are in?

[mik3yc]

I really don't know. I mentioned going to see a sex therapist - she doesn't feel comfortable talking about sex with an outsider. Mentioned marriage counselling again - she says it didn't work for her last time, so therapy of any kind is out the window.

 

I can't help but feel like I'm putting my own selfish needs (sex) in front of having a happy(ish) family unit. I love nothing more than waking up every day, seeing my boy, putting him to bed, playing with him etc... and it's not like me and the wife argue constantly. It's just the feeling of constant rejection by my wife that I can't deal with. She says the stress of her job is the biggest influence of her unhappiness and the only other thing that makes her unhappy is when I "go on at her" about our physical relationship....

[juicygirl]

The wife sounds bored.

 

I've seen this before, a lot of women lose respect for the man when he becomes a house husband, not saying it's right but it does happen.

 

Also, it would be interesting to hear what you've done wrong in the relationship? All I've seen is what the wife did/does wrong etc, so naturally people will say, she's crap leave her, but relationships are two people and if one person has complaints the other person often does too.

Has she told you why she spends so much time at work?Does she feel she's supporting the family? Is she getting attention that you no longer give her? Are you nagging her for sex, (because that is not sexy)or is the sex boring. I'm not asking to be mean, just want to cover all the bases, but it does sound like you've made up your mind to get out of the marriage already.

[beach]

Some people just seem extremely selfish - and your wife lookalike she's one of them.

 

What about your son? What about your needs?

 

Do you intend to live the rest of your married life feeling like you're low on her priority list? Those feelings of rejection are bound to settle in and have a negative impact on your self esteem.

 

You state you don't fight - but you listed scenarios that you do argue or that she gets mad. Which is it? I think you stuff your feelings down so not to fight - why not just have a big fight where YOU tell her exactly what a selfish and self centered biatch she is?

 

Tell her!!!

[mik3yc]

The wife sounds bored.

 

I've seen this before, a lot of women lose respect for the man when he becomes a house husband, not saying it's right but it does happen.

 

Also, it would be interesting to hear what you've done wrong in the relationship? All I've seen is what the wife did/does wrong etc, so naturally people will say, she's crap leave her, but relationships are two people and if one person has complaints the other person often does too.

Has she told you why she spends so much time at work?Does she feel she's supporting the family? Is she getting attention that you no longer give her? Are you nagging her for sex, (because that is not sexy)or is the sex boring. I'm not asking to be mean, just want to cover all the bases, but it does sound like you've made up your mind to get out of the marriage already.

 

I've also wondered if she's bored, to the point that i've asked her... she's said no. When i ask about work, she tells me it's very demanding, and that she has no choice but to work 10+hour days (going in at 8am and finishing at 7pm whenever possible), when her working hours are 9am-5.30pm. As for supporting the family - no. Financially - I earn a fair bit more.

 

If she's getting attention elsewhere, then I've no idea about it. I don't nag about sex, but she knows exactly how important it is to me and how I feel about. I'm made to feel like I can't talk to her about it, as she either says "not this again" or she'll say to wait for her to come to me.

 

With regards to me wanting out... I really, really don't... but I feel I have no choice as I feel she doesn't respect me as a man any more.

 

I'm not perfect, i'm often grumpy (especially first thing in the morning!) But I will bend over backwards to make her life easier.... maybe she does just see me as a doormat, maybe that's why she's just not that into me? She tells me she loves me way more than I do and often tells me how happy she is.... talks about holidays, moving house, i'm baffled though as she can't seem to care about the issues right in front of her.

[mik3yc]

Some people just seem extremely selfish - and your wife lookalike she's one of them.

 

What about your son? What about your needs?

 

Do you intend to live the rest of your married life feeling like you're low on her priority list? Those feelings of rejection are bound to settle in and have a negative impact on your self esteem.

 

You state you don't fight - but you listed scenarios that you do argue or that she gets mad. Which is it? I think you stuff your feelings down so not to fight - why not just have a big fight where YOU tell her exactly what a selfish and self centered biatch she is?

 

Tell her!!!

 

I guess the only "need" I have is to have what I deem to be a healthy, regular physical relationship. not just sex, but long, lingering kisses at the very least! As for our sons needs... she seems oblivious to them. She'll often cry herself to sleep stating that both myself and our son wouldn't even notice if she wasn't around anymore. That's how little impact she has in our lives and she knows it.

 

It's not that we don't fight, it's more a case of we don't constantly fight. We have the odd argument here and there but what relationship doesn't. I definitely am guilty of keeping things hidden so as not to fight, as I'm usually just too tired to have a fight... sometimes I just want an easy life!