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Ack!! Can't seem to get my heart to catch up with my head!!

LostConfused123

By LostConfused123
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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Hello Everyone,

Some of you may know my story but in short, I was the dumpee. He let me go.

 

Almost 6 week NC. Got a stupid breadcrumb a couple weeks ago but whatever.

I KNOW in my head it's his loss and I deserve way better than an immature mind f##### !

I have done all the "right" things, blocked him everywhere, deleted contacts and pics, made new friends, rekindled old friendships, love my job and working hard, get hair and nails done, go out with friends. . . etc. etc.

 

The relationship was only seven months but I just can't seem to shake it.

I was looking so forward to arriving at 3 months NC. I'm halfway there and thought, surely at 3 months I will be so over this!! Now, I'm not so sure.

 

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and thought "It's really really over" I don't know if I have ever let that sink in all the way.

I guess I'm getting impatient with myself for not being further along. I dodged a bullet and will someday find a man that deserves me and wouldn't dream of letting me go.

 

Has anyone else known with their whole being a break up was for the best and still felt totally lousy???

 

This makes little sense and I'm beginning to get a little scared that I won't let it go already!!!

Ugh!!!

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msalek89 Established Member

msalek89

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Feeling the same... It's going to be a year and my heart still belongs to him. There is nothing wrong to feel this way, you have already done everything that you need to do. You can't control your heart from feeling a certain way. I guess you learn to live with it. I feel that until I don't date somebody that lights up a spark inside, I will continue to feel this way. Good luck to you.

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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Feeling the same... It's going to be a year and my heart still belongs to him. There is nothing wrong to feel this way, you have already done everything that you need to do. You can't control your heart from feeling a certain way. I guess you learn to live with it. I feel that until I don't date somebody that lights up a spark inside, I will continue to feel this way. Good luck to you.

And best of luck to you as well. Thank you for sharing with me.

 

I haven't dated or anything. Don't really want to. I guess I wouldn't be completely opposed to the idea if I found someone that I liked.

I kind of envisioned myself getting over him and really enjoying the holidays with no romantic drama. I thought it would be good for me to have a fun holiday being single and focusing on my family and friends and all the other blessings in my life.

 

It's almost laughable now to think I could move on that painlessly. . . I guess it is what it is and my heart is being stubborn and stupid!!!! LOL!!! Nothing new there :D

 

Anyway, thanks again ((hugs))

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msalek89 Established Member

msalek89

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Yea I have dated like 2 guys since the break up but nobody worth my time. One days we will wake up looking back and thinking "wow, can't believe that is over with". I'm sure it's not your first break up, so just like the others one passed, this one will too. Thanks for the hugs :)

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BlessYourCottonSocks Established Member

BlessYourCottonSocks

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I hate those moments when you wake up in the middle of the night and that sense of doom hits you and you're like "omg, it's really over". It's harsh and takes your breath away. I HATE that feeling. I laid in bed all night, awake, just so that wouldn't happen. I'm prone to anxiety attacks when under stress so I'm afraid I'll start getting them now.

 

You're doing so great though hun! 6 weeks is awesome!! Keep going, I look up to you! Really, 6 weeks is a long time because I can't even imagine 6 hours!

_________

 

I know my breakup was for the best. He would never be the man I want him to be because he is unavailable and see's things different than I. BUT *****, it hurts sooo horribly. I keep running in circles today looking for the cure, so to speak, to end this fuzzy depressing feeling. I'm just afraid I've come to the conclusion that this pain has taken off it's shoes and settled in.

 

Keep coming on here, talk to us...you have been a huge support for me, hopefully I can be that for you too.

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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I hate those moments when you wake up in the middle of the night and that sense of doom hits you and you're like "omg, it's really over". It's harsh and takes your breath away. I HATE that feeling. I laid in bed all night, awake, just so that wouldn't happen. I'm prone to anxiety attacks when under stress so I'm afraid I'll start getting them now.

 

You're doing so great though hun! 6 weeks is awesome!! Keep going, I look up to you! Really, 6 weeks is a long time because I can't even imagine 6 hours!

_________

 

I know my breakup was for the best. He would never be the man I want him to be because he is unavailable and see's things different than I. BUT *****, it hurts sooo horribly. I keep running in circles today looking for the cure, so to speak, to end this fuzzy depressing feeling. I'm just afraid I've come to the conclusion that this pain has taken off it's shoes and settled in.

 

Keep coming on here, talk to us...you have been a huge support for me, hopefully I can be that for you too.

I'm so glad I have helped even just a little.

You sharing your story here helps me tremendously and many many others that you aren't even aware of.

I'll definitely be hanging out here for a while and even after this nightmare I think I always will just to help the ones in boot camp.

((hugs))

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

Posted
  • Author
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I hate those moments when you wake up in the middle of the night and that sense of doom hits you and you're like "omg, it's really over". It's harsh and takes your breath away. I HATE that feeling. I laid in bed all night, awake, just so that wouldn't happen. I'm prone to anxiety attacks when under stress so I'm afraid I'll start getting them now.

 

You're doing so great though hun! 6 weeks is awesome!! Keep going, I look up to you! Really, 6 weeks is a long time because I can't even imagine 6 hours!

_________

 

I know my breakup was for the best. He would never be the man I want him to be because he is unavailable and see's things different than I. BUT *****, it hurts sooo horribly. I keep running in circles today looking for the cure, so to speak, to end this fuzzy depressing feeling. I'm just afraid I've come to the conclusion that this pain has taken off it's shoes and settled in.

 

Keep coming on here, talk to us...you have been a huge support for me, hopefully I can be that for you too.

I'm so glad I have helped even just a little.

You sharing your story here helps me tremendously and many many others that you aren't even aware of.

I'll definitely be hanging out here for a while and even after this nightmare I think I always will just to help the ones in boot camp.

((hugs))

headinthecloud Established Member

headinthecloud

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Everybody deals with the pain of loss differently. Some go out and find a replacement immediately or have sex with multiple partners to help boost their ego. Others take the higher road and sort out their issues instead of causing more pain to others. For many, the 3mos mark is a rough patch that sets you back (happened to me) but then you soon get back on track. For others they've fully recovered at 3mos. There is no chronology as it's personal to you. Don't judge yourself. Be kind. Be patient. Love yourself, you're healing from a personal loss. It's emotionally traumatic.

 

Things will start to get better, but there wil be roadblocks along the way that will make you feel like you're back to square one. The good news is that the feelings pass, you can't fight them, just have a plan for how to deal with them when they do arrive. Keep moving forward and believe in yourself - you will get through this.

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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A little ironic.

Last night I went to sleep feeling. . . well not great but a sense of peace I guess that it's over and I will be not just happy but beyond happy one day.

I really felt like even if he came back, I wouldn't want him because I would never want to go through this pain again.

 

I thought FINALLY my heart is agreeing with my head.

 

I dreamt that he called last night. I was painting my bedroom gold while I answered the phone. He said " HI, this is _____" I'm ashamed to say that I remember how great it felt to hear is voice. I told him to hang on so I could put my brush and gold paint down and when I returned to the call, he had hung up.

I felt sick and so sad when I realized it was just a dream.

 

I guess my brain really needs to purge him.

I don't think it has any deep meaning or anything. I haven't dreamt of him in weeks.

 

Weird how even "dream breadcrumbs" can hurt like the real ones.

BlessYourCottonSocks Established Member

BlessYourCottonSocks

Posted
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A little ironic.

Last night I went to sleep feeling. . . well not great but a sense of peace I guess that it's over and I will be not just happy but beyond happy one day.

I really felt like even if he came back, I wouldn't want him because I would never want to go through this pain again.

 

I thought FINALLY my heart is agreeing with my head.

 

I dreamt that he called last night. I was painting my bedroom gold while I answered the phone. He said " HI, this is _____" I'm ashamed to say that I remember how great it felt to hear is voice. I told him to hang on so I could put my brush and gold paint down and when I returned to the call, he had hung up.

I felt sick and so sad when I realized it was just a dream.

 

I guess my brain really needs to purge him.

I don't think it has any deep meaning or anything. I haven't dreamt of him in weeks.

 

Weird how even "dream breadcrumbs" can hurt like the real ones.

 

In your dreams, your subconscious mind (the one that influences your actions/feelings) is trying to also understand and cope with the break up. It's those thoughts that we aren't aware of and can't really coast or have control of. And in sleep, we are our must vulnerable to those thoughts/dreams.

 

Hang in there, every day we are getting closer. Every treacherous moment we have is one less treacherous moment to indifference.

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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Indifference!!

I absolutely can not wait for that day!!!

 

Never thought that word would become so meaningful to me.

  • Like 1
letsplaygofish2 Established Member

letsplaygofish2

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I've also been having a hard time getting over my ex who broke up with me twice. So many back and forths, I finally deleted his number. Our last conversation (where I was upset that he already was on OKCupid again) ended with me professed my undying love despite the fact that he keeps running away. And his response was, "You need psychiatric help".

 

You know what, I think people do process things different. I was thinking about this driving home from yoga this morning, why do we hang on to good memories and can so easily forget the bad ones? Why do we self sabotage when deep down we know we deserve something better?

 

I guess that's human nature...

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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I've also been having a hard time getting over my ex who broke up with me twice. So many back and forths, I finally deleted his number. Our last conversation (where I was upset that he already was on OKCupid again) ended with me professed my undying love despite the fact that he keeps running away. And his response was, "You need psychiatric help".

 

You know what, I think people do process things different. I was thinking about this driving home from yoga this morning, why do we hang on to good memories and can so easily forget the bad ones? Why do we self sabotage when deep down we know we deserve something better?

 

I guess that's human nature...

Good question. My guess is our addiction to them. Even though we know they are bad for us, everything in my body (brain, heart, cells) are screaming otherwise. Like full blown screaming!!!

 

Awful place to be. I get why NC is so crucial because the "screaming" is becoming less and less.

 

Best of luck to you! You are AWESOME!

forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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Hey there,

 

Three months is really nothing...I've had relapses two times on the third month mark. It's usually the most difficult time because shock goes away and you find yourself alone with your feelings.

I'd say, six months is more realistic. Just hang in there.

  • Like 1
letsplaygofish2 Established Member

letsplaygofish2

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Ugh, I guess it's going to be a bumpy ride! I just started NC two days ago... here we go! :)

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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Hey there,

 

Three months is really nothing...I've had relapses two times on the third month mark. It's usually the most difficult time because shock goes away and you find yourself alone with your feelings.

I'd say, six months is more realistic. Just hang in there.

Hi,

I'm on 6 weeks and have read numerous threads on here what a beotch the 3 month mark is.

I will definitely come here and vent if I get tempted to relapse.

 

Actually dreading that mark. Ugh!!!!

 

Best of luck to you! ((hugs))

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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Ugh, I guess it's going to be a bumpy ride! I just started NC two days ago... here we go! :)

The first few days (for me anyway) were really tough. After you get a couple weeks (I know, seems like 2 years) you will feel better. . . Still sucky. . . but not as much.

 

I'm here for you, and so is everyone else.

Stay strong! ((hugs))

letsplaygofish2 Established Member

letsplaygofish2

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It's been back and forth since mid-October, so my senses have dulled down a bit. Though the confrontation was just on Sunday, I have reopened those wounds and subjected myself to emotional harm. Anyway, I just read this "Narcissist as a failure" and I think that's exactly what he is right now... he wasn't like that when I met him. Oh well!

letsplaygofish2 Established Member

letsplaygofish2

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Oh and thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm kind of stuck in a rut right now, glued to this website and waiting for the right moment of courage to strike. Of course, I have a meeting in an hour... so I'll have to get up soon.

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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Oh and thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm kind of stuck in a rut right now, glued to this website and waiting for the right moment of courage to strike. Of course, I have a meeting in an hour... so I'll have to get up soon.

You're most welcome. You sound really smart and super strong.

 

I'm glued to this website too. . . Hahaha!!

I thank God for it!!! Truly been s lifesaver.

 

((hugs))

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