HeartbrokenNewbie Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I was wondering if anyone else was convinced their ex will come back... starting to wonder if Im losing my marbles or if this is normal? x Im 4 months post BU x
whiteknighted Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I agree. They're not coming back. This is the eventuality we need to prepare for. That way, if they do come back we can be pleasantly surprised; otherwise we will spend the rest of our lives in limbo waiting for them. Now, as to how to prepare for them not coming back... I really don't know the answer to that one, I'm struggling with it right now myself. 2
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Im quite happy to move on and am doing so and realistically I cant see anyway back but I just wondered if this was normal to think that they will come back just seems odd ! x
Wings Of Love Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Strangely, when my first ex left I had this overwhelming feeling that he would come back. I didn't hear from him for more than a year but still couldn't shake the feeling. But then he walked back into my life and we got close all over again...only for him to use me and break my heart a second time. So I was right, just not in the way I expected. I now have a similar feeling about my most recent ex. 4 months post BU, just like you, and can't shake the feeling. But I'm much more wary this time, I refuse to be hurt like that again. Of course, it may just be wishful thinking for both of us. Try not to think about it, keep telling yourself that it's over for good and try to let go. If he comes back, that's great! If not, you won't be as bitterly disappointed. Good luck. 1
Eddie007 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 All of my past exes have come back in one form or another. I have been both the dumper and dumpee. I am at least on speaking terms with all my exes with the exception of the most recent (the one that brought me here) I have only gotten back together with one of them though. We got in a fight and she left. We were split for about a month. She came back and we lasted another 3 years or so.
radiodarcy Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 nope. not a one of them. frankly i think this last one was relieved that i went NC :/
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 That is exactly how i feel, I could understand thinking this straight after the BU as that would probably be denial but 4 months later when Im well on the road to recovery and getting on with life it seems odd to still think it x I guess time will tell but I am more than prepared for life without him x
whiteknighted Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Yes! Well, certainly I hope it's normal. My ex told me outright 3 months ago that he won't ever be showing up at my door to try and win me back! One month ago he said "I wish I had been able to feel differently" about me at the time of the split. So, deep down I still have this belief that he might come back but I know I need to get over it by myself, before I'm faced with even more irrefutable evidence that he doesn't want anything more to do with me ever again!
xUnknown Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 So here is my opinion. It depends. I think it depends on what you two had, how you two ended it, how long you were together. I think I'm starting to consider the fact, maybe even realize, that my EX of 2 years, was my GIGS. I was with my EX (B), then broke up with her for girl A who I've loved my entire life (known her since I was 6, great friends, always had a thing together)...but couldn't do the distance. I was selfish and wanted/needed someone closer to me. My ex wasn't even my type. She was the complete opposite of my type. I was dependent on B for my happiness. I broke As heart. 2 years later, my ex(B) and I break up, I rekindle the frienship I lost with A. I had no intentions of anything ever happening or getting back with A. We saw eachother thanksgiving and things just started happening. I never stopped loving A, even while in my relationship with B...and it seems she feels the same way. So I would say it depends, I came back to start again just as friends, but the old feelings came back. Now A and I are both confused about our feelings because we both still love eachother... B (my ex-whom is the reason I came to these forums) I haven't spoken to in 2 months. Doing much much better. Can finally move about my day and not even worry about her. Thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/446325-so-what-i-think-i-m-gonna-do-short-story-inside#post5377337
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Yes. Throughout our relationship, I always thought " he wouldn't leave for good.. he loves me way too much.. it wouldn't be it for us, he'd still love me" He never came back. He found a young model who he is happier with (I am assuming) The end. OH - I may add, he did not just readily leave me. For a month or two, he did.... still think it wasn't the end for us, indefinitely. He couldn't handle the thought of me with other guys. He went crazy when he found out about me and another guy hooking up. He still had a "hold" one me. For months. He didn't let me go, yet he didn't take me back, either. 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Oh and a recent ex did come back. He disappeared end of September, came back early December. Over two months later he comes back out of the blue. Apologised for disappearing, and promised to never do it again. He disappeared 3 days later. I knew he was full of sh*t though. Lucky I have a guy I am smitten with who I met the day my ex came back. 1
Robbyrob Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Always depending on the situation: me and my gf had to break up in a good way because she had to go to another country for 3 years. we couldnt forget each other and were so in love. she loved everything about me and said im the guy she was always loooking for. we had the best dates ever, hard to copy and surely only things which are never to forget.I saw her again just for 3,4 days when she visited her family back home after 1.5 months abroad but she wasnt herself know, she was cold. i was sad knowing not to see her for 3 years possibly. this time can change a lot. after 3 weeks without hearing from her she said she doesnt want a crying bf. she said it helped her to move on, because before she couldnt forget about me at all. now im going my way and will also move to another country. i mean i love everything about her, but im not sure if she will ever come back. she even said we were a great couple. how will she get rid of that ''crying'' thingy...time will decide. ill go my own way and date new women. but im getting stronger and who knows maybe we will get back in contact some day and be in the same country
barky2 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 All of my past exes have come back in one form or another. I have been both the dumper and dumpee. I am at least on speaking terms with all my exes . Boom. Same. They somehow weasel their way back in even just to relieve guilt, sometimes yearssssss later. And when you no longer give a rabbits turd. Barky
Shaine Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I dont believe my ex will come back. But i still have 20% hope that he will come back. And im trying to crush it
throw_away_30 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Nope. And as much as I miss her now, I don't want her back.
Transplant Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Agreed with Barky and Eddie - they all came back in some shape or form, some to relieve guilt and some to feel more definitive closure (even if it was initiated at their hand), some wanted to try again and some wanted a final, 'F-off' (in as many, or more words). I made the mistake of taking one back, and bless her heart, she tried inexhaustibly hard to make the second go 'round work, but she didn't care for me the way she originally did. The biggest difficulty in taking them back or trying to get them back are the expectations that invariably loom about. I juggled my gums many a times saying I didn't have any expectations when I did get back together but I did; I just didn't realize it until it all started again. All I was left with was pain which later gave way to regret. These ex's had a season or seasons in our lives and they are in the past and the past is occasionally a nice place for a vacation but it's no place to live. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 No, and they usually do not return. After two-years, for me, I highly douby I will hear anything from her. Nor would I want too. Not after all she has done. She can keep her heartless distance, and I will be more than well pleased. No need to be a doormat, and leave everything open and out for a dumper(or dumpee) to return. Such hope only serves to chain one down to the past, that will never be any different. This, depending on circumstance of break-up. 2
theonlyjuan Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Nah, I hope not anyway. Last time I saw her she acted a bit funny and always seems like she is no where near as happy now. It ain't my problem though. She is only 20, ages to meet new guys
headinthecloud Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 That is exactly how i feel, I could understand thinking this straight after the BU as that would probably be denial but 4 months later when Im well on the road to recovery and getting on with life it seems odd to still think it x I guess time will tell but I am more than prepared for life without him x Let go of the hope of what could have been. He's never coming back. If he does, it probably won't be for love but rather to fulfill his own selfish needs. It's awful but try to accept that he doesn't love you. 1
bobby326 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I highly, highly doubt it. It's been 2 months of NC and she has not reached out, no breadcrumbs, no how are you or even happy thanksgiving. I think the biggest reason why she will not reach out is she moved back to her home town where she is with all of her extended family and friends from high school. She basically was able to start a new life, new job etc. All of that has kept her busy and I am sure she is excited to be with her family and friends all of the time now. It sucks in the sense that I wonder a lot if she did not move away, if she was still around here would she be reaching out to me. It has def made it easier for me knowing she is gone and is never coming back. She may have thoughts of "what if" but she would not be willing to leave her family/friends again and figures she will meet someone new up there. Worst part about her leaving is how she treated me, she made out with some guy when she was drunk and acted like it was not a big deal, highlighted all of my faults and only mentioned the negative aspects of me and our relationship. I know that's a defense mechanism though and to justify what she did, leaving me out of no where, not talking about our issues and cheating on me she had to act like I am this terrible person, now I am sure her family thinks low of me, a real shame after I invested 4 1/2 years and basically supported her for most of those years.
cavalier99 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 They are never coming back. And if they do appear they are different and so are you. So the person you fell in love with is esentially DEAD. Cav, 1
hotpotato Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I was wondering if anyone else was convinced their ex will come back... starting to wonder if Im losing my marbles or if this is normal? x Im 4 months post BU x It's pretty soon after a breakup, and I think you still idolize your ex. It will wane with time.
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