Could he become violent?

[samsungxoxo]

You aren't adding things up together.

We're not talking about other people at this moment. Your talking about yourself and what you understand. It isn't nice to twist a discussion of this variety into being about yourself. Nobody needs to earn your approval before they're permitted to ask for support, compassion, or understanding. Simply put: Who cares if she's undeserving of your own compassion? The world doesn't revolve around your whims.

I did explain why I might appear radical and some might confuse me for judgmental. Yes, the world doesn't revolve around my whims but when I keep hearing this, it's like telling them to wake up already and get out while they can.

[oldshirt]

25 years ago this was called being a man.

 

 

Wrong.

 

 

25 years ago I was in my mid 20s and dating. It was still early warning flags of impending abuse back then. There was more horse-sense in the world back then and if some guy was showing early warning signs of abuse, people were quicker to point it out and say if he ends up mistreating you, it was your choice to stay.

 

Abuse and violence were no more accepted then than it is now.

 

The only thing different back then was in how some of the laws were written. It was still illegal to beat your wife or GF but the judges and juries were such that if some gal was too dumb to ditch some guy at the early stages of abuse they didn't have a whole lot of sympathy and she had to file a formal complaint and testify. In other words is she wasn't willing to do anything about it, the judges and juries weren't going to either.

 

Now days the laws have been changed so that if there is physical evidence of abuse, charges will be filed by the state whether the victim makes a complaint or not.

[spiderowl]

He's controlling and there are veiled threats. I think you are going to have difficulty getting out of this one. These kind of guys like to be in charge and usually won't tolerate a woman leaving them.

[Editbee]

OP besides sex can you care to explain me what exactly you see in him? I'm the type that would dump a man for lesser things and what you're describing isn't something I would overlook at all.

[me85]

Yes, you should be very concerned. Being controlling and "joking" about violence even 10% of the time is far too much. He isn't funny. His behaviour is disturbing and likely only to get worse.

 

I am speaking from experience. He is showing you plenty of warning signs. Get out now.

 

YES! Get out NOW. This describes my ex to a T. I spent nearly 3 years of my life thinking "oh well, it's not THAT bad..." Um, yes it was, I was being controlled psychologically and didn't even realize it.

 

He started out the same way as you are describing your boyfriend's behavoir and it was only a matter of months before my ex became physically abusive. On top of of verbally and emotionally. He thinks men are better than women...always "cracking jokes" about how the woman should bow down to the man...

 

This guy simply does not respect women. It's not you...he wouldn't respect any other girl either. This guy has serious issues (control issues) and I strongly advise you to follow your instinct and go with your gut on this.

 

He is potentially dangerous to you physically. Guys who always just "joke and play" like my ex does are fully capable of really hurting you. And it's only a matter of time before they do.

 

Don't learn the hard way like I did.

Edited November 30, 2013 by me85

[Editbee]

another female who chooses to stay with a violent junk guy.

Yet the ones who aren't into that and has once dumped a cheater on that very same day (can't understand how many women still stay after getting cheated on either; it was over for me on that day), are single and waiting for years. Once in a while we get hit on, only to be approached by phony PUA, men trying to push for sex very early, men against marriage, slut-shaming hypocrites and basically nothing but leftovers.

 

In a way, I'm starting to agree that at some point certain girls might have contributed a role into this. They are probably acting like that because that's the type of behaviors that's been accepted over the last decade or so. I'm starting to think that pretty soon it's going to be the end of healthy, committed long-term relationships, sexual values, morals and monogamy.

[Woggle]

He clearly sounds like an abuser but it sounds like you are somewhat turned on by it.

[me85]

Also, the sex stuff is a MAJOR red flag.

 

My ex and I had great sex and I'm very, um, let's just say I have a very healthy playful sexual appetite...but my ex was SO sexual and SO into women and SO intense and expressive about it that it was disturbing and sometimes made me uncomfortable and uneasy.

 

It's a sign of psychological problems and personality disorders.

[894hjk]

Ok so 1 month on and I'm on here telling you that we were play fighting

And then he put a cushion over my face and punched

Me. This didn't hurt but it left me with a black eye! Omg

 

It was my idea to play fight not his. He hasn't been aggressive

Since I posted b4.

[GemmaUK]

Ok so 1 month on and I'm on here telling you that we were play fighting

And then he put a cushion over my face and punched

Me. This didn't hurt but it left me with a black eye! Omg

 

It was my idea to play fight not his. He hasn't been aggressive

Since I posted b4.

 

You need to get some help from the police or social services and get out.

 

This isn't a matter of doubt any longer.

[somedude81]

Ok so 1 month on and I'm on here telling you that we were play fighting

And then he put a cushion over my face and punched

Me. This didn't hurt but it left me with a black eye! Omg

 

It was my idea to play fight not his. He hasn't been aggressive

Since I posted b4.

OMG!

 

Why were you still with him?@?!?!!?!?!

 

Did you not have enough red flags since you first made this thread?!?!?!

 

Why do women date guys like this?!?!!?!?!?!?

[Art_Critic]

Time to leave and never look back, while you may excuse this behavior you need to try and remember that you are in a relationship that is mildly abusive and heading towards getting really abusive, as such you are living in the fog and can't quite see it all and are excusing his behavior, I implore you to dump him now and never look back and if you do and he won't leave you alone then you need to seek immediate help with the police.

 

Oh.. and take a picture of your black eye...or if you feel you are in danger now then you need to get this act of domestic violence documented and you need to go to the police..

[Art_Critic]

This is a wheel that can be eye opening for some

 

Violence Wheel - Domestic Violence

[894hjk]

Ok so I am the original poster and since that first post my boyfriend and I have had a normal, peaceful month.

 

Then last night I was in a bad mood and we were messing about on the bed and I suggested we have a play fight. We did and halfway thought he put a cushion over my face and punched me. Now it didn't hurt at the time but then after we had a play fight/mess about he kept saying "are u ok babe ." Every 30 secs which I thought was weird.

 

Then I went to the loo and ...yikes, saw a black eye. Therefore he must have put more weight into the punch than what I originally thought. He also asked if he could punch /wind me in the tummy and he did punch (not hard but not soft) me in the tummy. I was also fighting him back and managed to kick him off the bed which was funny but he didn't like it.

 

I'm not used to men like this. I will never ask him to play fight me again. Tonight I have asked him to sleep at home so I can think.

 

I wish I could fully see him for what he is.

[GemmaUK]

I've been dating a man for 5 months, it's gone well apart from some weird things he says /does behind closed doors. These r the things he's does...

Are they early warning signs?

 

1. Is very domineering in bed (I like that but I wonder if he can't differentiate between real life)

2. Has twice pretended to throw me down the stairs

3. Has twice suggested he would punch me

4. Gets aggressive during competitive games and calls me stupid and idiot a lot in a nasty tone

5. Hates woman and thinks men r above woman

6. Wants to be waited on when he's in my house

7 drives very fast like a maniac

8 play fights with me and takes it to far

9. Pinches me and takes it too far

10. Never let's me pay for anything and spends a lot of money on me

11. Will only have sex on his terms

 

Having read the above list u will all no doubt think I'm insane to ask this! It's 10% of the time he's like that and 90% kind and gentle. He has a good job, up together friends but is vague about his parents.

 

Shall I dump him!?

 

Re-read the above and all the posts since.

Add to the above.

 

12. I suggested a play fight and halfway through he put a cushion over my face, punched me and gave me a black eye.

13. He asked if he could punch me in the stomach and he did.

 

These are only minor things for now.

 

The last thing that happened to a close relative of mine was that her husband lifted her up and threw her against a wall where he had only just thrown the evening meal she had cooked for him together with the plate that she had served it up on.

He didn't want what she had cooked for him that night.

[894hjk]

I dumped him btw.

 

He still has my keys and his stuff is bagged up here.

 

All seems weird looking back. He says he was just messing about and I want to believe it as then I don't have to come to the realisation that I have been a victim of some kind.

[nescafe1982]

I dumped him btw.

 

He still has my keys and his stuff is bagged up here.

 

All seems weird looking back. He says he was just messing about and I want to believe it as then I don't have to come to the realisation that I have been a victim of some kind.

 

Good for you. Put as much distance as you can between you and this guy.

It's lucky you got out before many of these violent, controlling tendencies turned into life-threatening injuries and abuse.

 

And once men like this start hitting, they are very, very difficult to escape. They tend to stalk, follow, harass their exes.

 

So put in the distance. No contact. Keep your head down. With a little luck he won't try to rope you back in. Stay safe.

 

Oh, and change your locks. For real. It might sound paranoid, but you never know with a controlling personality like this guy seems to have.

[readynow]

Good thing you left him - but he will be back begging. He is an abuser and he could have killed you with that punch! And asking if he could punch your stomach? Gosh!

 

Don't let him come back. Do this for yourself and your son.

[894hjk]

He called me last week and then his best mate friend requested me on fb. I ignored both.

I keep thinking we were only play fighting and the violent requests r a sexual thing only, like a kinky Bdsm thing. We did a lot a weird stuff in that department n I think I may have given him the wrong impression?

 

Who knows.

 

It's still a gamble I don't wanna take.

[894hjk]

Doesn't help with valentines day approaching:(:(

[soccerrprp]

The sex is great.

 

I just think he is capable of being abusive.

 

He goes a little too far. Puts doubts in my mind.

 

Leave. When you think this.....leave. Why are you changing your perspective on this guy from the original post. He's rough in bed to "kinky" to sex is great.....what is it?

 

Most of the time he's sweet is not the time you should be worried about. It's the other 10 or 5 or 1% of the time. Yes, you have warning signs that suggest that he is potentially dangerous. He's already shown that he can be physically discomforting....and you feel that he can be abusive. Leave.

[894hjk]

I left him a month ago

[894hjk]

I'm scared of being alone and I'm not scared of him.

 

When u r not violent yourself or have not been around violent people its kinda hard to understand them and think that people can actually b like that, that's why it takes a while for woman to leave.

[894hjk]

I meant I'm not scared of being alone!

[soccerrprp]

I left him a month ago

 

Good.

 

I'm scared of being alone and I'm not scared of him.

 

When u r not violent yourself or have not been around violent people its kinda hard to understand them and think that people can actually b like that, that's why it takes a while for woman to leave.

 

You know that violent people exist. I don't think women don't leave b/c they don't understand, rather, they tend to become too emotionally invested and become blind to the obvious at times.