What do I do???

[Mushybrain]

I'm really not sure what to do. My brain really IS mush. I've been confused and crying for days.

 

I've been dating a really great guy for the last year, and the first 10 months were incredible. There was a point where I felt like I couldn't wait to live with him...but a month ago I began to realize that I just don't feel the way I expect to at a year into a relationship.

 

He's sweet, thoughtful and considerate. he really is one of the most amazing people I've ever met, but there's something that feels like it's just not clicking.

 

He's not perfect by any means. he's had a rough time at work the past two months and I can see it in his face. He's been tired all the time. I'm a really high energy and loud person. I need to be busy all the time and my sense of humor is a little off the wall. He's always been quieter and more laid back, but could keep up with me. He's always encouraged me to do what I want and be myself, but I feel like I've had to hold myself back recently to not overwhelm him.

 

He used to plan fun stuff or would jump to come see me, but the last two months it's been up to me to initiate when we'll see one another. It's been up to me to decide when we'll see each other and what we'll eat. I mean, he's made some plans to come see me but cancelled them. It was for my benefit I guess since I have a lot on my plate too, but it frustrated me because I wanted to see him. I'd remind him of some things I wanted to do hoping he'd take the hints and we'd do them, but he always tells me "that sounds great, let's do that sometime!" and then it never happens. I used to see him multiple times a week, but for the last month I've only seen him once a week and we seem to be doing the same thing. I have more fun when I go to karaoke every week with my friends than when I'm with my boyfriend.

 

We used to text back and forth all day. Then it just all slowed down. We stopped joking as much as we used to. It just felt like the energy vanished.

 

I'm happy whenever I get a text from him, but I feel like I don't miss him enough when we're apart. I still think about him all the time and often buy things that remind me of him, but the draw just isn't there anymore. I'm happy to see him, but not excited.

 

The thing is, he hasn't done anything wrong. Even though he's tired and hasn't been as active the past few months, he's still been loving in his own way. He made me a really thoughtful gift, took me to see my favorite movie, been trying to share television shows with me that he thinks I'll like. Things have just been a little boring.

 

A month ago I still felt it. I'd flirt and send sexy pictures. But now I just don't feel the romantic connection. I don't get it. I was SO into my boyfriend when we began seeing each other. My heart skipped a beat when he first held my hand and I'd honestly never been happier with someone before. He always treated me with respect and love, and I've made real connections with his family. I don't want to lose him or them.

 

I feel like this is my fault - like there's something wrong with me. I just don't know what. All of my relationships before this have either been FWB or have been really awful. I've never really been single before. When one relationship ends, I find something else right away. I feel like I could have had something great here, but that I rushed into it. I rushed into this relationship after my last boyfriend, who was fun but used me, dumped me and I feel like I got too close too fast. I fell in love so fast and now it's all slowed down. It feels like this relationship went backwards and I've ruined it.

 

I'm also realizing that I have no idea where I want my life to go anymore. I'm in my late 20s and I thought I knew, but now I've got no clue. I don't know if I ever want to settle down or start a family, where my career is headed, if I want to travel more or be more stable...and lately I've been attracted to women as well, which is new and confusing.

 

I'm afraid that if I stay with him and figure out that I want different things, like if he wants to get married and I decided I don't, that I'll just be holding him back from finding the person he should really be with. I don't want to stand in the way of that.

 

I just don't know what to do. I really do love my boyfriend so much. The thought of leaving him is making me cry now. But I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. Every time I thought I really was in love with a guy in the past, he was a jerk that treated me like crap. But this relationship should have been perfect. I mean, I know no relationship is perfect but this one has been really great. There's just a lot of negativity in his life right now and he's in a rut because of it. I don't want to hurt him more, but I can't stay with him just because I feel bad, right?

 

I just don't want to waste his time trying to work on something that I don't feel in my heart. I feel like it'd be for the best to let him go, but the thought of doing that really hurts.

 

What should I do????

Edited November 22, 2013 by Mushybrain

[Logan oO]

Have you tried actually talking to him about how you feel?

 

He is having a hard time and because you aren't the centre of the universe any more, you are thinking maybe it's time to end the relationship?

 

You seem like you really do care, and IF you do, then ending it shouldn't even cross your mind, every single relationship since the dawn of time has patches where that 'spark' fades.

 

Perhaps you could try surprising him, taking him to see his favorite movie?

 

I hope this all doesn't sound harsh, it's just an opinion.

 

Don't give up because of a bump in the road

[Mushybrain]

We've talked a few times about his job.

 

I told him months ago that it felt like he was unhappy all the time. I told him that hurt me.

 

He won't complain unless it gets really bad. But whenever I tell him he needs to leave that place, we get into a small fight cuz he tells me he can't. Not unless he gets a new job first.

 

I feel like ****. I really don't want to hurt him, but I feel like it'd be for the best.

 

I feel like I need time alone to figure out who the heck I am. I've never had a year on my own before.

 

But I'm afraid I could be making a terrible mistake if I leave him.

 

This really sucks.

[thompkevin]

I think you need to talk about you not feeling the spark in your relationship anymore. It's completely normal for relationships to fade away with time. It's not really a reason to breakup. But the other things you mentioned (like never being single, not knowing what you want in life, not being in love) could be a reason to breakup.

 

The only way to find out is talk to him. If possible, try taking a break for a while. Or maybe talking to a counselor.

[Confusedguy81]

so the guy is having a hard time and you are gonna flee? Sounds like my ex. See, my ex and I heated up quick and then my mom passed away. I had a rough time and my ex couldn't take it. I tried to fake it but it was rough. She left and I'm glad. If Im gonna be with someone, I want to be with someone that can deal with the rough patches as well as the good patches.

 

Not to sound cold, but I would let this guy go. You sound like someone who only wants the good and not the bad.

[2fargone]

You sound like my ex. Exactly the same. It seems like it's all about you and how you feel....

 

 

If the spark is gone, bring it back instead of waiting for it or fleeing.

[Mushybrain]

I guess I always thought you should just feel the romantic connection...

 

I mean, I can't change how I feel, right?

[Confusedguy81]

I guess I always thought you should just feel the romantic connection...

 

I mean, I can't change how I feel, right?

 

depends on how much you work at it. The spark comes and goes in relationships. If the spark lasts for an extended time, then there should be concern. You should also take initiative regarding the romances and see if anything comes out of it.

 

My perception of this is that you have always had FWB for the most part. This is a great way to have your cake and eat it too. You have feelings for this guy and you are noticing what a relationship is-a series of highs and lows. If you can't take the lows or aren't willing to give it an extended chance, then break up with him.

 

Also, this guy sounds like a good guy so when you do dump him, don't do the friends thing and string him along. He seems like he deserves better than that. If you are gonna let him go, then really let him go.

[Never Again]

Like many posters, I can say this sounds eerily familar.

 

Your boyfriend should be putting in more effort, but you need to open up to him and get him to open up.

 

I'll bet you that there's more bothering him than you think. He's trying to be "tough" and spare you from his thoughts, and it's eating him alive. Trust me, I've been there. You've put up with the rough patch these last two months, but it's gone on long enough - by suffering silently you've been guaranteeing the end of your relationship.

 

I'll just leave this here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/443931-why-relationships-fail

 

If you decide to end it, don't feed him those excuses. They may be legitimate reasons to you, but to him they'll be nonsense. They'll make him think you've got GIGS and he'll have hope. Just tell him it's over and leave. Keep your tears to yourself...they won't do him any favors.

 

If you want to work at it, then work at it. Don't wimp out by putting in a half hearted attempt

[headinthecloud]

Sounds like the honeymoon period is over and in comes the reality of what love is...and it takes work. There are a lot of "I"s in your post which tells me that you're not in love with him. You may love him and how he makes you feel, but you don't truly love him or you'd be more concerned about how to help him through this tough time. You need to sit with him and have a talk and tell him how his inaction is making you feel. RSs are all about communication. When communication breaks down, so does the RS. Good luck.

[Mushybrain]

depends on how much you work at it. The spark comes and goes in relationships. If the spark lasts for an extended time, then there should be concern. You should also take initiative regarding the romances and see if anything comes out of it.

 

My perception of this is that you have always had FWB for the most part. This is a great way to have your cake and eat it too. You have feelings for this guy and you are noticing what a relationship is-a series of highs and lows. If you can't take the lows or aren't willing to give it an extended chance, then break up with him.

 

Also, this guy sounds like a good guy so when you do dump him, don't do the friends thing and string him along. He seems like he deserves better than that. If you are gonna let him go, then really let him go.

 

Working at it could bring back the romantic connection?

 

Maybe I've got a little fairy tale view cuz I thought I just should feel it. I knew being romantic was important, but I thought you did those kinda things when you had those feelings, not when they faded away. Isn't that faking it?

 

The feeling that something isn't meshing has been there for about a month, but we've only been together for a year. We were so passionate and close at the beginning and now everything has slowed down. Doesn't that sound wrong? It really does feel like we went backwards. Maybe I feel that way cuz I've always been friends with my boyfriends before dating them but this relationship just happened. We barely knew each other and just started dating.

 

I've actually had more boyfriends than FWB, but I've never had a relationship last longer than a year. They all end for some reason around that point. That's another reason why I feel like I'm the problem...not him.

[Chi townD]

Well, sounds like a couple of things could be at play here. Welcome to the end of the honeymoon phase of the relationship could be one.

 

The reason why you might be losing those romantic feelings for him is because of his job (and the prospect of losing it). It stresses him out, makes him a little down in the dumps and tired. And I'm guessing that those are unattractive qualities for you.

 

But, here's the deal. That's life. People tend to get stressed out and tired. He's got a lot on his plate. And seriously dating someone exclusively is like a rehearsal for marriage. And some of those vows say for better or worse. Which means that you stick by your man even if he's having a hard time with things. You said he's wonderful, treats you right and is an all around good guy. Well, isn't that someone you want to fight for?

 

The phase he's in right now isn't going to last forever. And the thing is, you leave him now, you're going to miss out on a lot. And someone else can call this wonderfully great guy their own. And he will treat them the way a girl deserves to be treated while you adapt to the "life is one big party" attitude. But, that can leave you feeling very unfulfilled. Once the party ends, there's something to be said about curling up on the couch next to the person you love; sharing a tub of popcorn and watching a movie.

 

Now, here's the solution. COMMUNICATION!!! Talk to him. Help him try to get out of this funk. Try to understand what he's going through and LISTEN to what he has to say! Come up with some idea's that may help. Because if all you say is, "I'm not happy with this, that and the other.", then all you're doing is bitchin at him and he doesn't want to hear it. But, if you come to him with the things you're not happy about and bring some viable solutions to the table with you, then you working things in the right direction.

 

Just remember, nice guys that are going to treat you right don't come around that often. You really need to evaluate if he's really not the one for you. If you pull the trigger and end things with him, then you need to be strong enough to lose him out of your life for good. Remember, you dumping him is telling him that you want him out of your life. And you need to let him go find someone else to make him happy. He won't be able to do that if you string him along with the guise of him being "just friends" with you.

 

So, do you fight, or do you throw in the towel?

[Never Again]

Sounds like the honeymoon period is over and in comes the reality of what love is...and it takes work. There are a lot of "I"s in your post which tells me that you're not in love with him. You may love him and how he makes you feel, but you don't truly love him or you'd be more concerned about how to help him through this tough time. You need to sit with him and have a talk and tell him how his inaction is making you feel. RSs are all about communication. When communication breaks down, so does the RS. Good luck.

 

Well, to split hairs, I'd argue that the feeling she's looking for is to be "in love". That giddy spark of attraction. That's what's missing, despite all the love she claims to have.

 

Mushy, if you're anything like my ex, I'm sure you've tried in your own way. In fact, I can see you have - you've talked to him about his work.

 

You have to understand that sometimes you cannot just run away from misery. You have to tough it out. That's what your boyfriend is trying to do. He's suffering at work but knows he can't just leave - that just wouldn't be a solid, logical choice. Like many guys, he's making the choice that sounds right to his brain, not his heart.

 

He's not a mind reader. He can't see how badly you're hurting or the signs you're throwing off because he's too buried in this own muck.

 

If something is bothering you, you NEED to talk about it. You're LETTING yourself fall out of love with him because you're being just as passive as he is. Just cuz he's the "man" doesn't mean he has to lead all the time. Help him out or get out of his way.

[Mushybrain]

Well, sounds like a couple of things could be at play here. Welcome to the end of the honeymoon phase of the relationship could be one.

 

The reason why you might be losing those romantic feelings for him is because of his job (and the prospect of losing it). It stresses him out, makes him a little down in the dumps and tired. And I'm guessing that those are unattractive qualities for you.

 

But, here's the deal. That's life. People tend to get stressed out and tired. He's got a lot on his plate. And seriously dating someone exclusively is like a rehearsal for marriage. And some of those vows say for better or worse. Which means that you stick by your man even if he's having a hard time with things. You said he's wonderful, treats you right and is an all around good guy. Well, isn't that someone you want to fight for?

 

The phase he's in right now isn't going to last forever. And the thing is, you leave him now, you're going to miss out on a lot. And someone else can call this wonderfully great guy their own. And he will treat them the way a girl deserves to be treated while you adapt to the "life is one big party" attitude. But, that can leave you feeling very unfulfilled. Once the party ends, there's something to be said about curling up on the couch next to the person you love; sharing a tub of popcorn and watching a movie.

 

Now, here's the solution. COMMUNICATION!!! Talk to him. Help him try to get out of this funk. Try to understand what he's going through and LISTEN to what he has to say! Come up with some idea's that may help. Because if all you say is, "I'm not happy with this, that and the other.", then all you're doing is bitchin at him and he doesn't want to hear it. But, if you come to him with the things you're not happy about and bring some viable solutions to the table with you, then you working things in the right direction.

 

Just remember, nice guys that are going to treat you right don't come around that often. You really need to evaluate if he's really not the one for you. If you pull the trigger and end things with him, then you need to be strong enough to lose him out of your life for good. Remember, you dumping him is telling him that you want him out of your life. And you need to let him go find someone else to make him happy. He won't be able to do that if you string him along with the guise of him being "just friends" with you.

 

So, do you fight, or do you throw in the towel?

 

I guess those traits have been unattractive, but I know it's not his fault. He's been trying too. He's still tired, but he's been more cheerful most of the time. He still has his moments, but he's been getting better. He just bought my dad a gift too...no real reason. He was at a yard sale and saw something that reminded him of my dad. It was only $2, but it was super nice of him and it just makes me feel worse.

 

I still find him physically attractive. Just a month ago I was sending him flirty messages, I still enjoy having sex with him, but I don't feel that major chemistry or longing to show him affection anymore. I used to miss him so much if I didn't see him for 3 days. We just went 2 weeks without seeing each other! We texted and talked everyday, and I do miss him...but not like I used to. Shouldn't I miss him even more now that we've bonded over the last year?

 

I want things to work, it just really feels like something is off. It's just how I feel and I don't know what to do to change it.

 

I was thinking of asking to be friends if I broke up with him. The thought of losing him forever, of him just walking out of my life completely, is the absolute worst. I don't want to hurt him either, but the thought of him just vanishing makes me cry every time. I realize that's incredibly selfish of me so I won't string him along with that if I do leave him.

 

I'm not exaggerating when I say he's one of the most incredible people I've ever met. He's not clingy or needy. In fact, he's great at giving me time and space to do my own thing while he does his. He's never been jealous. He doesn't make demands of me or try to control me in any way. He's confident in the relationship and trusts me implicitly, and that makes me feel like a bitch right now.

 

He's always been willing to put up with my crazy schedule and antics. All my previous boyfriends tried to restrain me or tell me I spent to much time away from them. But I felt in love with even the worst of them...why not with this guy who's been nothing but great to me?

[Confusedguy81]

"I was thinking of asking to be friends if I broke up with him. The thought of losing him forever, of him just walking out of my life completely, is the absolute worst. I don't want to hurt him either, but the thought of him just vanishing makes me cry every time. I realize that's incredibly selfish of me so I won't string him along with that if I do leave him."

 

If you are gonna dump him, don't ask about the friend garbage especially if he has feelings still. The friendship should be decided by him, not you.

[Never Again]

No offense OP, but gawd you're a mess.

 

You lost interest because things got slow and you got bored. You "fell out of love" because you were bored but did nothing to change things besides MENTION things you wanted to do.

 

Life gets boring sometimes. Your relationship will not always interest you. If you get bored in the relationship...DO something, don't rely on your boyfriend it always do it. Defy those overused gender roles that people claim are so important to relationships.

 

If your boyfriend is boring, that's a problem. If the relationship is boring, that's totally fixable.

 

Your expectations are selfish and they're killing whatever's left of your relationship. Don't expect him to excite YOU - go excite HIM and I bet you'll be surprised at the result.

 

Or just dump him. Toss away something great if you feel you have to.

 

The being attracted to girls hasn't been really mentioned yet, and I've heard that line. My ex has only chased guys since.

 

You've probably lost attraction to your boyfriend because of the rough times, met someone that put the butterflies in your tummy again, and are trying to rationalize leaving. Sorry to be mean, but either talk to your boyfriend or leave him.

[Chi townD]

I was thinking of asking to be friends if I broke up with him. The thought of losing him forever, of him just walking out of my life completely, is the absolute worst. I don't want to hurt him either, but the thought of him just vanishing makes me cry every time. I realize that's incredibly selfish of me so I won't string him along with that if I do leave him.

 

 

 

Biggest oxymoron in the world! You going to break his heart and then ask him to be friendly about it? To demote him in your eyes and social stature?

 

If you break up with him, your going to risk losing him for good. And that's something you're going to have to live with. Perhaps, one day, you can be friends, but that won't be for a while. And maybe he'll introduce you to his pretty new wife that's 6 months pregnant with their first child. You could have coffee together!

 

I mean, Geez, wake up! Look at the way you described this guy to all of us. Hell, if I was a girl, I'd date him!

 

And you're going to give him up and probably zero in on the most f*cked up, stupid, douche rocket that could turn any girl into a miserable wreck for your next boyfriend.

 

I seriously think you need to talk to him. Work the issues. Biggest problem with the honeymoon phase; when it fades out, a lot of people are standing there looking at a complete stranger. What is a great relationship is when the honeymoon phase goes, you're standing there looking at your best friend, those are the relationships that are made of gold.

 

It's up to you. But, if you cut him loose, I think you would be making the biggest mistake of your life.

 

Just my opinion.

[Mushybrain]

When we first started dating, I used to ask him permission for all sorts of silly things. I travel for work and share hotel rooms to save money. One time, the hotel screwed up my room...they gave us a room with one bed instead of two. There were three of us that had to sleep in the room, and the other two were a couple.

 

I immediately called my boyfriend and told him what was going on. I told him that I understood if me sleeping in a bed with another guy would make him uncomfortable so I'd sleep on the floor. He laughed at me and very gently said "why the hell would that bother me? you're just sleeping in the same bed...it's not like you're going to DO anything. i trust you. sleep in the bed."

 

Any other boyfriend I had before would've demanded I sleep on the floor. They would've been jealous and uncomfortable. They would've put their foot down and told me that sleeping in a bed with another guy was inappropriate. But my boyfriend just shrugged it off...and i was so amazed. It felt like I was dating an adult for the first time instead of a child.

 

He always stepped forward with a solution or a suggestion when I had a problem. The second I had an issue, I'd hear the tone in his voice change. He's a really caring guy, and his whole personality changes when I have a problem. He'll suggest ways to fix it...but mostly he'll just listen and try to console me.

 

He's just in such a rut. He's not at 100% and I know that, but he just can't seem to get out of this funk. I'm just afraid of what he and I will accomplish over the next year if we stay together. Is it going to be like this?

 

I never really thought that feeling the romantic connection with someone...that really feeling the relationship in my heart...was as simple as attraction...

 

It just doesn't make sense to me. Why'd I get to this point in the first place? Even if he is going through a hard time and has been kinda wimpy and negative lately...the relationship has been so good. It should just work. Do I really only want to stay with sucky guys?

 

I saw him today, but couldn't bring myself to say anything yet. He was happy. Tired and kinda sluggish, but happy. I think he can tell there's something wrong though. It feels like we're both starting to drift apart now.

 

I feel like ****.

 

Chi Town D, you're right...I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid if making a mistake, but I don't want to hold him back from meeting someone else who won't have these kind of doubts. I don't want to hold him back from maybe meeting the person he's supposed to meet.

[Never Again]

Mushy, you make my head hurt.

 

I already know what's going to happen here:

 

You're going to hold it in, overthink it and over analyze it until you can't handle it anymore. You're going to come up with excuses, and reasons for why it's you...not him. You'll convince yourself of everything, tell yourself that it's for the best to just let him go because you don't feel "it" so that means that you two aren't "right" for each other....and you'll explode.

 

That's what my ex did. Couldn't give me a straight answer and couldn't keep her sh*t together.

 

You'll bawl your eyes out because you'll be confused and hurt, and the fact that he'll be so hurt will only make it worse on you. He may even think things have been getting better because you've stuck with him until this point and he's finally starting to pull himself out of that hole.

 

You'll cry all night, feel crappy for days, and question your choice...but then you'll decide that if you made a mistake you would've "felt it"...not realizing that all you're going to feel is relief from ridding yourself from this stressful situation. You've bottled it up to the point where you'll feel relief from escaping and guilt for hurting him...then you'll go have fun and forget about it. Who knows if you'll ever realize that you're making a mistake (and I think you are, but I'm biased) because you seem to associate "love" with how someone else makes you feel...and as soon as you find a new crush or live interest, you'll get those honeymoon period jitters that you're so used to...and you'll just brush this "great guy" off as just another breakup.

 

I fear that you don't know what relationships and love are really about.

Edited November 23, 2013 by Pfenixphire

[Chi townD]

When we first started dating, I used to ask him permission for all sorts of silly things. I travel for work and share hotel rooms to save money. One time, the hotel screwed up my room...they gave us a room with one bed instead of two. There were three of us that had to sleep in the room, and the other two were a couple.

 

I immediately called my boyfriend and told him what was going on. I told him that I understood if me sleeping in a bed with another guy would make him uncomfortable so I'd sleep on the floor. He laughed at me and very gently said "why the hell would that bother me? you're just sleeping in the same bed...it's not like you're going to DO anything. i trust you. sleep in the bed."

 

Any other boyfriend I had before would've demanded I sleep on the floor. They would've been jealous and uncomfortable. They would've put their foot down and told me that sleeping in a bed with another guy was inappropriate. But my boyfriend just shrugged it off...and i was so amazed. It felt like I was dating an adult for the first time instead of a child.

 

He always stepped forward with a solution or a suggestion when I had a problem. The second I had an issue, I'd hear the tone in his voice change. He's a really caring guy, and his whole personality changes when I have a problem. He'll suggest ways to fix it...but mostly he'll just listen and try to console me.

 

He's just in such a rut. He's not at 100% and I know that, but he just can't seem to get out of this funk. I'm just afraid of what he and I will accomplish over the next year if we stay together. Is it going to be like this?

 

I never really thought that feeling the romantic connection with someone...that really feeling the relationship in my heart...was as simple as attraction...

 

It just doesn't make sense to me. Why'd I get to this point in the first place? Even if he is going through a hard time and has been kinda wimpy and negative lately...the relationship has been so good. It should just work. Do I really only want to stay with sucky guys?

 

I saw him today, but couldn't bring myself to say anything yet. He was happy. Tired and kinda sluggish, but happy. I think he can tell there's something wrong though. It feels like we're both starting to drift apart now.

 

I feel like ****.

 

Chi Town D, you're right...I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid if making a mistake, but I don't want to hold him back from meeting someone else who won't have these kind of doubts. I don't want to hold him back from maybe meeting the person he's supposed to meet.

 

 

Okay, things are making sense now. So, I have to ask. Who's the other guy? There's someone else you're interested in. So, who is he?

 

Because the only other person that would give up such a great guy would be a girl that is absolutely bat sh*t crazy!

 

Therefore, it only leaves me to believe that you are interested in someone else.

 

So, who's the guy? And don't try to bullsh*t a bullsh*tter. I've been here too long.

[rogersm]

Honestly this sounds a lot like the way my ex broke up with me. Do not string him along and ask him to be friends. It is a cop out. Also an easy way to keep him around in case you dont find what you are looking for. This guy sounds like a great person. There is nothing wrong with not loving him. But, talk to him as much as you can before ending it. Communication is key. if things dont change then end it. Sometimes the spark just dissapears. But it really sounds like you are going to miss him the second he is gone from your life. So you really need to think about everything.

[Mushybrain]

Okay, things are making sense now. So, I have to ask. Who's the other guy? There's someone else you're interested in. So, who is he?

 

Because the only other person that would give up such a great guy would be a girl that is absolutely bat sh*t crazy!

 

Therefore, it only leaves me to believe that you are interested in someone else.

 

So, who's the guy? And don't try to bullsh*t a bullsh*tter. I've been here too long.

 

I'm not really interested in anyone else...

 

I've been going to an open mic night for a long time now. I sing, dance, have a few drinks...I go to relax and have fun after work with some local friends.

 

It's over two months since my boyfriend and I did anything that fun or exciting, or loosened up and had some drinks.

 

There are two friends that go with me pretty much every week (a guy and a girl), and I've been finding myself really attracted to both of them.

 

I really don't have anything in common with either of them! They're fun, and I feel this pull to each of them and I don't know why! I feel like being attracted to other people this way is a huge problem and means I'm really not in love with my boyfriend anymore

[Mushybrain]

I couldn't stop myself...I broke up with him yesterday.

 

I went away for a few days with friends and couldn't stop thinking about it. It hurt and was making me miserable and confused the whole time.

 

I texted him everyday, just like I always would. Pictures of where I was, what I was doing.

 

He didn't reply as often or say as much, so I think he felt that something was wrong. He still treated me so well though. I got a random "<3" text almost every day. Not the really sweet compliments or romantic things he used to send, but he was still be playful and affectionate sometimes.

 

I was happy everytime I got a text from him, but I felt like I should miss him more. Like hearing from him when I was away should make my heart smile like he used to...

 

I still thought of him everyday and sent him pictures of things that reminded me of him.

 

I realized I was calling him later and later at night...I'd stay up working or out having fun and would call him as I was about to fall asleep. I'd want to talk to him, but he'd hear how tired I was and would shoo me to bed telling me that we'd talk later...

 

I just couldn't take it anymore. I went over to his apartment and tried to let things be okay. I wanted to just cuddle up and watch a horror movie with him and have things return to normal. But I couldn't.

 

I sat down on his bed while he was at his computer telling me about movies he was looking up. He was really interested...I don't think he realized he was being kinda boring. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started crying. He immediately came over and held my hand as I told him that I didn't feel the way I thought I should...that I loved him so so much, but that something was off. I told him that I just didn't feel it in my heart anymore.

 

I told him all the reasons I thought why - never really having time on my own, dating too soon after my last boyfriend, that he and I got too close and too intense too fast and then slowed down, that I didn't know what I wanted....

 

I think he feels like he was a rebound.

 

Halfway through talking, he let go of my hand and just turned away from me. He admitted that he'd felt something slip lately, but he thought it was just because we were both stressed out and was trying to give me tons of space to deal with it....he blamed himself a little, saying that he gave me too much space....he felt that he let us drift apart.

 

I told him he didn't do anything wrong and that I never thought I was the kind of girl that needed to see someone all the time....but that if that was the problem, then it'd only get worse if he got a new job that wasn't near me.

 

He just laughed a little and said, "I was wondering when you'd realize you were too good for me." It completely broke my heart. I tried to tell him it was the other way around, but I was crying too hard.

 

He just walked me to the door and held me while i cried. He kissed me on the forehead while i told him that i just needed time to figure it out...

 

I made him promise not to stay home by himself...I told him he needed to go to his friend's house.

 

He didn't fight me. He didn't demand an answer. He just hugged me close then let me go when I said I needed time.

 

I'm at my best friend's apartment now. I had to stay the night because I couldn't drive home last night.

 

My head feels like a mess because I was up crying all night. When I got to her apartment yesterday, she asked me what was wrong, and I told her nothing was wrong. She asked me why I didn't and I really couldn't really explain it.

 

I told her about all the stuff he'd been going through. I told her about how he had forgotten to read a book that was really important to me even though he'd had it for a month. I told her about how work was stressing him out and we'd had fights over it, how he'd been making self deprecating jokes lately and been kind of lazy, how he'd canceled dates on me but did it for my benefit.

 

I told her how amazing he was at giving me time and space to do my own thing, how I didn't want to lose his family. I even asked her "what if i just made a terrible mistake?!"

 

He might be in a rut lately, but he's done so much for me. He's just this perfect guy, and a great fit for me...but i just don't FEEL it, something just isn't right...and i don't know why, i don't know why it doesn't feel the way it should and i just couldn't handle it anymore...

 

I wanted to talk to him or work on it, but i didn't know how to talk to him about it...and then it just all came tumbling out...i couldnt control it...

 

Nothing makes sense.

[Never Again]

Leave him alone from here on out.

 

Don't ever contact him again unless you realize you've made a mistake.

[Mushybrain]

Leave him alone from here on out.

 

Don't ever contact him again unless you realize you've made a mistake.

 

i'll try but it'll be hard. i don't feel like it was a mistake, but i feel like such a jerk for hurting him so much. it hurt me too i guess. i've felt like crap since, and i miss him.

 

i really wanted this to work out, and i really do love him so so much, but i just don't feel it in my heart anymore. it broke my heart to do this but i had to. there's just something wrong with me.

 

thank you for your advice everyone. i'll try to leave him alone. i almost asked him to be friends because the thought of him vanishing forever still hurts so much, but i know i might have to face that possibility.