Jbum5 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Or, after all this fuss, she simply discovered that she's a lesbian and had used the lube with one (or more) of her girl friends that night. The simple fact is that you may never know. What if she didn't cheat? The marriage is still over, she's not attracted to you anymore. There's no more for you. Don't be a clingy lovesick fool. Grow a pair. Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 just my 2 cents, there are stories here were the WS was just as checked out and said horrible things while in the A fog. But once exposed, the world flipped upside down and a few of them are in R. It is your life, i am not sure if you think she is worth fighting for or if this is just a hunt for the truth to move on from. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 My advice...start to detach.....hard core. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Have you moved money and closed joint credit cards? I would! If she intends to set up a new place - let her pay for it without it being your expense. Go get any belongings and furniture you may want - otherwise, she will hold on to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurts_Donut Posted November 21, 2013 Author Share Posted November 21, 2013 just my 2 cents, there are stories here were the WS was just as checked out and said horrible things while in the A fog. But once exposed, the world flipped upside down and a few of them are in R. It is your life, i am not sure if you think she is worth fighting for or if this is just a hunt for the truth to move on from. At this point, definitely more of the latter. I think it would take a miracle for her to come around, or for me to be satisfied with what occurred to the point of wanting to continue the relationship and put my self-worth on the line. Also realize that it's very likely that I'll never get the truth. The funny thing is, if she hadn't been so awful for the past year, I think it would be a lot harder to deal with that possibility. Today, I think I can accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurts_Donut Posted November 21, 2013 Author Share Posted November 21, 2013 I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry and that I hope you feel like you have places you can go to for support. Who is supporting you through this right now? That's definitely been a silver lining to this whole debacle. When things were going so poorly, it was really easy to try to fix everything or think that I could change what was going on and isolate myself. Also, I was still very protective of how others would view my wife. Lately, I've really been able to lean on loved ones and a couple close friends and have been really shocked by the outpouring of love and support. I definitely don't know what I would have done without them, and it's made this experience tolerable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 That's definitely been a silver lining to this whole debacle. When things were going so poorly, it was really easy to try to fix everything or think that I could change what was going on and isolate myself. Also, I was still very protective of how others would view my wife. Lately, I've really been able to lean on loved ones and a couple close friends and have been really shocked by the outpouring of love and support. I definitely don't know what I would have done without them, and it's made this experience tolerable. Keep leaning on friends and loved ones - you need support. You also should work with a counselor to help you sort out all of the emotions this betrayal is causing in your heart. For what its worth, it seems like you are are moving in the right direction and I think you are going to come out of all this just fine. I also understand you desire to have her admit to the cheating. If its really important to you then keep trying to get her to confess. Many posters have pretty much said "what's the difference?" - but some of them are former cheaters who don't understand what being a betrayed husband feels like. Do what you think you have to do but understand she may never tell you what you want to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurts_Donut Posted November 21, 2013 Author Share Posted November 21, 2013 Keep leaning on friends and loved ones - you need support. You also should work with a counselor to help you sort out all of the emotions this betrayal is causing in your heart. For what its worth, it seems like you are are moving in the right direction and I think you are going to come out of all this just fine. I also understand you desire to have her admit to the cheating. If its really important to you then keep trying to get her to confess. Many posters have pretty much said "what's the difference?" - but some of them are former cheaters who don't understand what being a betrayed husband feels like. Do what you think you have to do but understand she may never tell you what you want to hear. Thanks for the note and the context. FWIW, I've already contacted the last counselor that we sought couples counseling through and made an appointment for when I return home (she does divorce recovery work as well). I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. She recommended that we stop seeking therapy because it was only making things worse, but not before warning me that my wife had "some serious emotional issues that she needed to work through" that "will probably take years" while we were talking one on one. She also prepared me for the possibility (probability?) that my wife was having an affair. Should be interesting, if nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 It's great that you've felt supported by your friends and that you're going for counselling. If nothing else, it really helps to have a space where you pour everything out, it stops me mulling over stuff because I know I can save it up for that hour each week and get it all out at once. You really do find out who your friends are, don't you? It's wonderful when you realise how many people love you and care for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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