Is there no way back?

[Eddie007]

Lying in bed late last night. Anger started to run through me. I have been treated like absolute dog **** throughout this break up. To tell somebody you want to break up, then let them pour their heart out in a huge message, then tell them you will get back to them and just never do it is heartless.

 

It's the cowards way out, have some damn decency. Going around acting as though nothing has changed whatsoever, constantly posting on your facebook, constantly having a "laugh"...you said you loved me, you said it wouldn't be easy for you, it looks damn easy.I had insecurities, i made mistakes, but i loved you more than anything, and i was always there for you, and you apparently loved me.

 

Just completely blocking me from your life, as if i'm dead, that's the way people do things now? Seriously? The worst thing in all this is that i still love her, i'd still take her back, but she isn't coming back is she. She isn't feeling any pain whatsoever and doesn't even think about me i'm sure.

 

It's been...9 days since i last actually sent her a message, 14 days since i sent the huge message that she needed to think about and 12 days since i had any sort of contact from her whatsoever. Surely a time comes when she makes contact? I'm not using my facebook or snapchat or anything for a few days, i'm going to look as though i have fallen off the face of the earth. It's for my own good and plus, it'll bloody show her that i'm not always around.

 

Sorry, i needed to vent.

 

This is why you need to avoid Facebook.

 

My ex used to lay in bed and look at other people's Facebook pics and comment on how happy everyone looked. I would tell her of course they look happy. People don't take pictures of when they are sad and depressed. We take pictures to remember things. Who wants to remember being sad?

 

Do your best to avoid the temptation to look. It will only hurt you in the long run.

[supportwanted]

Had a moment last night when it all came out. Emotions ran through me while listening to Passenger - Let her go song. I just started crying and it was like it hit me like a tonne of bricks.

 

Today I made decisions about my life, i need to get out of this town. Looking for work in place a couple of hours away, or in Dublin where my friend lives. Even if we were still together, that wouldn't have mattered, but at least i would be away from this place. This will more than likely come after the holidays though.

 

One thing I know is that she is going to something in a bar on Saturday night. Now me and a friend had said we would go to this, it's going to be near the end of the night, and a lot of people will be there....well, it's the popular place to go. Problem is, I know if she is there, and i am there, we'll see each other. This will be the first time we have seen each other and i'm a bit scared. But i can't just not go, that's admitting defeat and putting the inevitable off i guess.

 

I'm just wondering what her reaction to seeing me will be, if it's from a far, she will probably go somewhere else in the bar or hide, if we pass eachother...i'd imagine it'll be her giving a polite stranger like Hi..!

 

How would you play it after what has gone on between us? Would you just go with a polite hello? I don't know what the outcome of that will be? Is that what happens everytime we see each other...I just don't know how it goes. I just have to promise myself not to get too drunk and try and talk to her if she doesn't talk to me. Either way, at the end of the night, i would imagine i will be upset...

[Phantomu]

ehhhh, do you HAVE to go to this bar?

I would advise not trying to run into her. It might not be a good idea. Say you see her talking to guys or something. WHICH she probably will. This will hurt you a ton. Do you think you're ready to deal with possibly being ignored? Or her rubbing her singleness in your face? Sounds like a recipe for a bad night my friend. You're thinking about what it will be like if you crossed paths. You're even going as far as not trying to get drunk because she's there. I know you REALLY want to see her but I think you should REALLY think about this because you might set yourself up for disappointment. When the others say go no contact. They mean NO CONTACT! that includes seeing her

Edited November 28, 2013 by Phantomu

[nevergoodenough]

If I were you, I would avoid seeing her at all costs

Just think of how you are going to feel when they walks past you and ignores you in person. You are going to lose hope and your depression will be 10x worse than it is. Don't do this to yourself. If you see her, you only make it less likely she misses you also. At least that's my approach. Someone isn't going to miss you if they can see you in the corner of the bar when they are there. Avoid this bar and keep your distance, doing so will improve your chances greatly.

[Salvatore85]

I'm still going with the no contact, obviously she hasn't contacted me. I have no choice, my mind won't let me think about anything else. I have to get her back in my life in some capacity.

 

I am still going to keep no contact, because i feel that she must at some point wan't to talk to me, even to say sorry for how she ended it. We got on so well, so funny and made each other laugh so much. It's just such a massive shame that we are out of eachothers lives right now.

 

We didn't break up over the honeymoon period being over, we broke because of my lack of ability to relax into a relationship where she told me exactly what she wanted and i still wouldn't believe it. I'm actually talking to somebody about my trust issues now and getting that sorted.

 

I'm sure at some point there will be contact. Once that starts, how would you go about showing her that i will have changed? Tell her she was right that i wasn't ready for a relationship? Tell her i talked to somebody about it all? I'm not sure.

 

Please let it go...this isn't going to end up the way you think. If you were only together for a few months odds are she just doesn't feel it anymore. But you've got to relax, get your whits about yourself and come up with a plan to attack this head on and get your life rolling again. Please don't sit around thinking you'll get her back bro, it's just not going to happen. I'm very sorry.

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, if you are checking her Facebook you aren't in No Contact. Block her now. And please don't try some lame-brained "I'll accidentally run into her" scheme. She'll think you are a stalker and be weirded out, which will just devastate you more.

[Haydn]

Go directly to your FB. Block her and any mutual friends you have. (They will understand) Trust me you dont want to know about her life in any shape or form. You are not on a piece of string! Also she does not need to know anything about your life anymore. If she did or does then let her stalk you. Keep a cool head and try to stay strong. Yes its hard but you will pull through enough to see that your actions today determine what happens tomorrow.

[nevergoodenough]

Dude, if you are checking her Facebook you aren't in No Contact. Block her now. And please don't try some lame-brained "I'll accidentally run into her" scheme. She'll think you are a stalker and be weirded out, which will just devastate you more.

 

Simon, visit my thread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/444538-so-broken

[supportwanted]

Oh guys, had a moment today.

 

I went to town to have a shop around for a couple of t-shirts and maybe some shoes. There is a department store, men up the stairs, women downstairs, have to walk by the womens section to leave the shop. Anyway, i went upstairs, had a look around, as i was coming down the escalators i come off them, look to my right and see one of her sisters ten or so feet away, looking in my direction and then past me, i just kind of smiled because it didn't look as though she was saying hello or anything. Beside her though was some shelving and stuff on it, i could see someone was behind it. So, in my head i have come to the conclusion that it was my ex....probably hiding from me.

 

I held myself together and kept on walking in my direction and straight out the door, got into my car and now i am home posting on here. Just feels like it seems like a game to them, check the weirdo out and now i'm hiding from him. Just feels like it's now a matte of it meant nothing to her, i'm being laughed at and people think i'm weird when all i did was actually love the girl.

 

My heart rate went up, i'd say i went red, i feel tears come at me as i walked to my car. Again, maybe it wasn't her. But i like to believe in life i'm a realistic person with some intelligence.

 

I need to sort my life out.

[fixing]

Well done for remaining so composed. The joke is on them, and if she is hiding from you, she is an immature little twat.

Seriously, it is a game now, and that game is, 'Appear like your over her'

 

She aint worth it anyways, the two faced bitch.

[Phantomu]

you see how running into them, even if it's an accident makes you feel worse?

It sucks man, I know. You gotta look out for yourself bro. We're all here for you

[supportwanted]

That's the problem with this small town. Impossible to get away. If i see her again, and she hides again or i see somebody laughing at me...I know i'l let fire,not at the time, but at a later date.

 

I'm a good guy, i try to be nice to people. That's now probably being taken as "look at that saddo and how he acted". I messed up at times in the relationship, but i never did anything so bad that i deserved the way it ended.

 

On one side, she could have hidden due to embarrassment. But she won't be able to hide forever. I just need to try and be the bigger person. She's spoiling any chance of friendship or being civil down the line if what happened yesterday were to happen again. It's a damn shame. Maybe i have had a lucky escape, just doesn't feel like that right now.

[supportwanted]

Struggling a lot tonight guys. None of my mates are around or going out tonight. So i have pretty much nothing to do, just like all week. So the problem now occurs with knowing that she is out.

 

It will be 3 weeks tonight since the row that started the break up. I just get the feeling that when she is out, she's now over me enough to go off with somebody else. I'm just feeling so panicky about it and so frightened to be honest. My brain is in overdrive, who it could be, how that will make her feel, that's finally it for her once it happens etc.

 

I'd just love to know her thinking. This seems like it would be easy for her to deal with. She's been through a big break up in the past. I know it's wrong of me, but i'd love to find out she had a **** night or anything like that, but i know that won't be the case and i can't stop thinking about it. How do i cope when i find out she has been with somebody else? How do i deal with any of the "someone else" thing. It's just so hard to feel like this..

 

Sorry guys, i know i come across like a bit of a weirdo.

[Meadowgreen]

Struggling a lot tonight guys. None of my mates are around or going out tonight. So i have pretty much nothing to do, just like all week. So the problem now occurs with knowing that she is out.

 

It will be 3 weeks tonight since the row that started the break up. I just get the feeling that when she is out, she's now over me enough to go off with somebody else. I'm just feeling so panicky about it and so frightened to be honest. My brain is in overdrive, who it could be, how that will make her feel, that's finally it for her once it happens etc.

 

I'd just love to know her thinking. This seems like it would be easy for her to deal with. She's been through a big break up in the past. I know it's wrong of me, but i'd love to find out she had a **** night or anything like that, but i know that won't be the case and i can't stop thinking about it. How do i cope when i find out she has been with somebody else? How do i deal with any of the "someone else" thing. It's just so hard to feel like this..

 

Sorry guys, i know i come across like a bit of a weirdo.

 

Hun, she sounds like a little witch and you sound awesome. she's being cruel to you because she is too emotionally stunted to be sensitive to other people, especially when she knows deep down how horrid she's been. Karma will bite her on the ass one day, believe.

 

How do you cope if she gets with someone else? What she does in her life without you is not your concern. DELETE HER FROM FACEBOOK if you haven't already. I see in a former post you talked about leaving this tiny-ass town you're in. Use her idiocy as fuel for your gameplan to get the heck outta dodge. Who knows? Maybe you'll move somewhere new and make a big success out of yourself. News travels fast in dinky little towns. Imagine her face when it gets back to her what you've done with your life...now how does that look for a theoretical future eh?

 

Stop looking to her to validate you as a person. You're so much better than her nonsense. Also, PLEASE delete 'Let her go' by Passenger off your MP3 player. I know exactly the despair that song conjures up and I cannot listen to it now. Don't torment yourself. This little cow has done plenty already.

 

Best of luck, m'dear. You can get through this, I promise you!

[supportwanted]

I very much blame myself for what happened. My insecurities and inability to just relax into the relationship became too much for her i guess. I'm stuck on that right now. This just makes me think i pushed her so far away it'll never come back.

 

Some may i had lucky escape. They may indeed be right. But you can't help who you fall in love with.

 

I need to just get a grip, get out for a while and sort my head out.

[supportwanted]

Increddible. Her sister...who sends absolutely everybody snapchats and doesn't seem to have a problem with me. Sent me a snapchat...well, everyone, of her and my ex and another person. Saying "Out tonight"...or something to that effect.

 

I went through a few minutes of pain, i'm just out the other side of it though. Little things just set me back. She looked good too.

[Chi townD]

Increddible. Her sister...who sends absolutely everybody snapchats and doesn't seem to have a problem with me. Sent me a snapchat...well, everyone, of her and my ex and another person. Saying "Out tonight"...or something to that effect.

 

I went through a few minutes of pain, i'm just out the other side of it though. Little things just set me back. She looked good too.

 

 

If you're receiving snapchats that involve her family (and probably your Ex as well) then you are NOT IN NC!!!!!

[supportwanted]

It's just it's so rude if i were to delete her sister. She did nothing wrong to me, and nether did her family really. I'm the type of person who worries all the time about what people think of me.

 

Thinking of escaping to London for a few days to see some relatives, spend next weekend there possibly, if i get up off my arse to do it.

[LadyM]

I very much blame myself for what happened. My insecurities and inability to just relax into the relationship became too much for her i guess. I'm stuck on that right now. This just makes me think i pushed her so far away it'll never come back.

 

Some may i had lucky escape. They may indeed be right. But you can't help who you fall in love with.

 

I need to just get a grip, get out for a while and sort my head out.

 

I find that when people are feeling insecure or jealous in a relationship it is mostly because on some level, their partner is most definitely contributing to that feeling.

 

If you bend over backwards to make sure your words and actions are consistently loving, respectful and affectionate, your partner will not have reason to feel insecure.

 

That's why you shouldn't beat yourself up over feeling insecure. If you think about it, in some way, her behavior provoked those feelings in you.

 

It is NOT your fault.

[Meadowgreen]

It's just it's so rude if i were to delete her sister. She did nothing wrong to me, and nether did her family really. I'm the type of person who worries all the time about what people think of me.

 

Thinking of escaping to London for a few days to see some relatives, spend next weekend there possibly, if i get up off my arse to do it.

 

It's not rude at all. It's necessary. She'd delete you in a heartbeat if the shoe was on the other foot.

[supportwanted]

Just update for you guys. I decided I needed to get away for a few days so I am travelling to London tomorrow until Sunday. I know she is going to a works party of my mates so I would prefer to be away from the urge to go to something i have no business being at just so I could see her.

 

My feelings at the moment are all over the place. I think I have got to a point where I feel I could cope without her, due to thinking there is somebody out there for me. But thinking constantly about what she is thinking, is she thinking about me, does she check my FB, does she get the urge to contact me etc etc.

 

I get through moments through the day where I am ok, but I think it's a false ok, as if i have it in the back of my head that one time, in the future, we'll meet and we'll get talking etc and once that happens i can re-ignite those feelings she had for me. It's false, but sometimes it gets me through the day. It shouldn't, but it does.

 

It's all false hope, I know that. I just don't see what other option I have until I find that somebody who makes me feel different. I feel very very alone right now.

[Meadowgreen]

Just update for you guys. I decided I needed to get away for a few days so I am travelling to London tomorrow until Sunday. I know she is going to a works party of my mates so I would prefer to be away from the urge to go to something i have no business being at just so I could see her.

 

My feelings at the moment are all over the place. I think I have got to a point where I feel I could cope without her, due to thinking there is somebody out there for me. But thinking constantly about what she is thinking, is she thinking about me, does she check my FB, does she get the urge to contact me etc etc.

 

I get through moments through the day where I am ok, but I think it's a false ok, as if i have it in the back of my head that one time, in the future, we'll meet and we'll get talking etc and once that happens i can re-ignite those feelings she had for me. It's false, but sometimes it gets me through the day. It shouldn't, but it does.

 

It's all false hope, I know that. I just don't see what other option I have until I find that somebody who makes me feel different. I feel very very alone right now.

 

I'm glad you're making an effort to get away for a spell, if only to resist the temptation of finding ways to bump into her. A lot of things have happened, things you still need to process, and you have a wounded ego as well as a heart to look after. That WILL take time and introspective, and no one can begrudge that of you.

 

The feelings you've described - the wavering feeling that you're okay when you're not, the despair, the fear of being alone, the regret - are all perfectly normal and no one would ever blame you for that. I do feel however that you're still keeping this girl on too high a pedestal. She can't begin to give you the respect you deserve while you're literally telling her with your actions that she's better than you (she's not. No one is.)

 

Iv'e got some homework for you:

 

There's a thread doing the rounds here started by a member who is REALLY hung up on his ex (to the point where we think he might be a troll, he just won't take on board anything we've told him) anyway, another member, MrBossMan wrote this...AH-MAZING dissertation on what you need to do to heal yourself. I highly recommend you give it a read. I think it'll give you some perspective, if not some hope that things will get better for you.

 

THEN, I want you to read the NC guide that EVERY veteran LoveShacker knows. Make this guide your bible - read it every night if you have to - and tear this weed of a girl from your being, root and stem. True healing from the pain she caused you will only be achieved once she's no longer in your system.

 

 

Your happiness in life doesn't begin and end with this girl, believe me. It begins and ends with you. Love yourself, respect yourself and acknowledge every good aspect of yourself because you do have them. We know it and you need to know it too. Once you give yourself the love and respect you deserve, you'll never allow yourself to be humiliated like this again, I promise you.

 

Best of luck with everything. You CAN do this, and you CAN be happy again.

[nevergoodenough]

My ex fiance of 4+ years told me the same things. We had made wedding plans, picked names for our kids etc.... She even told me if we ever split up she would never date again and just die alone. I always kept her laughing and we hardly ever fought.

 

She dumped me over 3 months ago saying she was no longer happy. She gave no other reasons. I packed my stuff and left. No begging no crying no pleading.

 

We have not seen or spoken a word to each other since that day.

 

As for Facebook. As soon as I got my stuff out of the house that day the first thing i did was change my status. 2 days later I deactivated my account. I have since re-activated it but have not gone to her profile at all. I dont want to see what shes up to.

 

I thought she was the love of my life. We seemed so perfect together, but i knew from past experiences there was nothing i could say or do to change her mind. Thats exactly what I said a did..... nothing!

 

I agree, I thought this OP was dating my ex lol. I have heard every one of those same things and I went with my ex shopping for an engagement ring like 5 days before we broke up. Not sayin' I don't hope, I'm just sayin' OP that we are all basically interchangeable.

[supportwanted]

Hey guys, thanks for that advice. I have just caught up on the forum since i got back yesterday so will look over it in more detail.

 

Just a little update. Spent a few days in London, enjoyed it, absolutely love it there. Seriously considering moving there in January/February if work becomes available. The one thing that is holding me back right now is the thought of it being a rash decision and that's the absolute final nail in the coffin that we will never get back together. Being in a different country. So holding off on it for a couple of months is probably the best solution, not in the hope we're back together, but that it gives me time to really heal first before moving somewhere new etc.

 

While i was in London i felt a bit better, maybe it was because i was on my own and could go through things in my head. I have come to a couple of conclusions. Bare with me here.

 

1 - Maybe i wasn't in love with her. Maybe i loved the fact i had a girlfriend and somebody who cared about me so much. That i loved having the option of meeting up with her, that i had somebody in my life in that capacity and said all the things she said. At time during the relationship it was difficult. She has a little boy and sometimes i wouldn't feel too comfortable asking if she would like to do something. I was edgy at times because her friends aren't my usual crowd, i liked them, but i found myself not really knowing how to impress them. I loved the anticipation of getting to see her, more than i loved actually being with her.

 

2 - I put my life on hold whilst i was with her. My attempts at looking for work outside of where we live were virtually zero. I did go on holiday with my friends whilst i was with her, but it was the beginning of the relationship and i just didn't relax.

 

3 - I am coming to the conclusion that I think i can get by without her. The problem i have is that i'm always reminded of her. I've been through a break up before, and it was horrible, so is this don't get me wrong. But i feel now, i could somehow get by, but it's now the thought that she will be and probably is happy now without me, looking at new potential partners etc. That's probably an ego thing, but it's heartbreaking.

 

I so want to break contact is some capacity, i don't think i'm ready yet though for any potential rejection of friendship or anything like that. I do need to get some stuff off her, it's not majorly important but it's some money i'm owed and a dvd player. I'm hesitant at contacting her about it. How i would go about it or anything. I would imagine i'll see her pretty soon, i have started going out with my mates again and the weekend she is usually about.

[supportwanted]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/443595-there-no-way-back

 

Hi guys, so above is the link to my story as some of you have been good enough to help me on.

 

I got back from London on Sunday. So it's now been a month since the break up pretty much, no contact between us in over 3 weeks until i messaged her on facebook on Monday. I said Hey how are you, i was wondering about getting a couple of my things back when she can, I also have a couple of her things and there was no rush...

 

She replied pretty soon after saying Hey i'm ok, of course i could, she's pretty busy this week so it'll be next week (she explained in the message why she was busy) and she will text me Sunday or Monday about when suits if that is ok.

 

I replied with ya that is fine, hope her and her son are doing well.

 

I know i broke no contact, but at some point soon i was going to have to receive these things from her, there is some money and other stuff that's mine. You should never read too much into replies from messages etc, but that was slightly different to her normal responses.

 

I know i know, i'm going against all the advice. I feel though, that I have to have some sort of plan, something that may give a glimmer of hope. She loved me, and broke up with me for reasons that were silly. I am moving to London at the end of January or February, once i know for a fact that there is no way back for us. I can't put my life on hold any longer than that/ I actually think she feels we may get back together in the long run, but if i go to London, that will never happen, and she won't know until i'm gone i guess...It's very confusing.