Jay C Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 i've heard this many times. but does it ever happen? my ex told me this herself, and maybe she may return. i brought it up with her, and she told me i haven't let go at all, which is true. hence why we're not back together. it's kinda ironic in a way. but if that's what it takes to get her back, might as well do it. so this is what i've learned on this subject: -disappear completely. -initiate no contact. -during that time of NC, they will start to wonder why you're not bothering them, and then start to miss you. -they will realize how much they love you, and they made a mistake. -you show you're no longer desperate or clingy. with this being said, do you agree with this subject?
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 No. No. No. This never works. NC is not a way to get somebody back! It's a way for the dumpee to heal by not having constant reminders. The dumpers don't need NC because they are already out of the relationship. Dumpers can implement NC to help the dumpee who isn't moving on. 9
2fargone Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 It works sometimes... But there are alot of variables. so it's not a rule or anything. And the people that it works on are not the best choices in relationships.... 2
Author Jay C Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 It works sometimes... But there are alot of variables. so it's not a rule or anything. And the people that it works on are not the best choices in relationships.... why aren't they the best choices?
cavalier99 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 They pretty much NEVER come back. Thinking this way will keep you miserable and in mental limbo. Kill all hope to start to heal. Cav 1
Sparky9 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 This is a post from Barky..... Read this. If there is a chance to get them back, this is how it's done.... I see alot of the same things being said, alot of the same questions are being asked so I want everyone to read this thread if you've just been broken up with, desire your ex back ect The first question everyone asks in a huge panic WHAT CAN I DO?! The very simple answer and I want you to re read this after you read it NOTHING!!! There is NO magical cure. You have to realise this, begging and pleading won't get you anywherw...OK wait maybe it will,maybe they do come back....OUT OF GUILT AND THEY WILL BE GONE AGAIN A SHORT TIME AFTER. You need to face reality, that yes, your relationship has ended. Its over. OK. So now we get that down....please...if you have still any doubts I want you to re read it before reading on. So now, what the heck do I do? You drop off the face of the earth and you COMPLETELY focus every bit of your being into making yourself happy again. No one can make you happy but yourself. NOONE. Go to the gym, hangout with family and friend...do not sit in the house You have no idea how important that is to get ur buns off the couch or out of bed. The world is beautiful. Every single member on here, past and present has been thru a heart break....as have I. I know the pain. I fought it for so long. Until I saw the light that everyone on Ls was screaming at me. LET GO. NOTHING YOU CAN DO WILL CHANGE THE SITUATION RIGHT NOW. OK so pressing on. Undoubtedly you've begged and pleaded and it didn't work. Duh. Stop now. Pick up ur balls or boobs and face the demons fighting and haunting you....get mad! Go look in the mirror and say bring it on! Scream!! Cry!! Let it out!!! So what happens if you've been dumped, they start seeing someone ect. Big freakin deal. Wait what? Yea who gives a crap. Sex is just that sex. They don't have a emotional bond like you guys who. My ex came back, that was the first thing she said, it was better with you because we made love...just didn't knock skins. Now I'm not saying to do what I did, ( I went out and got some the min I found out she was with someone just so i in my crazy head figured wed be even) but it did help later down the road. You have to realise something, what they are now getting is the physical fun part of the relationship....they are missing the emotional aide that you've always provided. The inevitable BREACRUMB. HI how are you I miss u I love you blah blah blah SHUT IT. Do not respond...its so critical you do not give them a damn inch on this. Most people ask how long do rebounds last. One person gave me the best answer..." could be the first burp or fart ...or 100years". Don't sit down and wait on it, it could last forever. My rebound lasted a month while my ex pulled nc on me...it drove me nuts. I realized who I really loved. My (ex's) rebound lasted 3 months...BC I begged and sat around, she admitted to me if I left her alone she would have come back sooner. You guys, you need to LEAVE THEM ALONE AND FOCUS ON YOURSELF. I ONLY GOT MINE BACK AFTER LETTING GO, LEAVING IT TO A HIGHER POWER , GOT MYSELF HAPPY AGAIN. Exs know when your pulling away, even when you haven't talked to them in a long time. They feel it. The MINUTE I walked out of a bar with my buddies and was truly happy, the minute I got in my car my phone rang....it HAPPENS like that. So now...I want you to trust and believe me....the ONLY way to get them back is to leave them the hell alone, get out of your depression , get back that confident person they fell inlove with. God someone should buy my ebook. All kidding aside tho...that's the trick. And you know what? Even if they don't come back, you are so close to healed ...someone you don't even know, you will love them just as much or MORE than your ex. Don't worry....they always come back. But when? Could be years man, so do what you want...but I sure as hell didn't wait. The reason I posted this, is because I came back after awhile, to pay it forward to people who helped me when I was down. But it seems like I'm saying the same thing over and over again. Threads after thread. LET THEM GO AND GET YOUR HAPPY SELF BACK. ONE SIZE FITS ALL. DO NOT CONTACT THEM! WHEN THEY ARE READY THEY WILL CONTACT YOU. NOTHING IS SEXY ABOUT YOUR PHONE BLOWING UP AND NEEDYNESS. NOTHING. In closing, I want you to take a deep breath, everything will be fine. I give you my word, from the bottom of my heart...you will be OK. Go for a walk. Start a thread. Help out other members....LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! THEY WANT YOU GONE? GOOD BITE ME, YOU GOT YOUR WISH. Thank you to everyone who's ever helped me here, and when people reply to your posts, don't take offense to it. They really are trying to help. " THIS TOO SHALL PASS" I have it tattoo'd on me for a reason. Barky 13
Ftheeastcoast Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 i've heard this many times. but does it ever happen? my ex told me this herself, and maybe she may return. i brought it up with her, and she told me i haven't let go at all, which is true. hence why we're not back together. it's kinda ironic in a way. but if that's what it takes to get her back, might as well do it. so this is what i've learned on this subject: -disappear completely. -initiate no contact. -during that time of NC, they will start to wonder why you're not bothering them, and then start to miss you. -they will realize how much they love you, and they made a mistake. -you show you're no longer desperate or clingy. with this being said, do you agree with this subject? You brought up that you're moving on to get her back? Wow, that's probably the worst thing you could do. Also, you need to stop using those bolded words as if it's guaranteed. You're moving on so that you can feel better again. 1
ByMyself01 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 When I broke up with an ex, I left him alone for 9 days and on the 10th day, he asked me can he talk. Some people take more/less time than others. It is true... They ALWAYS come back. More than half of my exes came back. Some just take longer than others. The good news is that all the ones who came back, I never wanted them again. Except, my recent ex and if he doesn't come back before I'm gone, he will be in that same boat. Well now, it's been 3 days and VERY low contact the 2nd day and NONE at all now and this point forward. This time though, I may have a longer wait time. Could be a few days like last time, months, or even years. But I feel in my heart he will be back. Will I want him back when he does is the question. 2
Author Jay C Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 When I broke up with an ex, I left him alone for 9 days and on the 10th day, he asked me can he talk. Some people take more/less time than others. It is true... They ALWAYS come back. More than half of my exes came back. Some just take longer than others. The good news is that all the ones who came back, I never wanted them again. Except, my recent ex and if he doesn't come back before I'm gone, he will be in that same boat. Well now, it's been 3 days and VERY low contact the 2nd day and NONE at all now and this point forward. This time though, I may have a longer wait time. Could be a few days like last time, months, or even years. But I feel in my heart he will be back. Will I want him back when he does is the question. in your case, the ones who came back, where they the dumpers or you?
cavalier99 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 in your case, the ones who came back, where they the dumpers or you? hahaha who cares if they come back. Why would you want to be with someone who dumped you? F*ck them. It is their loss. You need to work on your self esteem. This will help you move on. You shouldt even want them back even if they beg 5
Author Jay C Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 hahaha who cares if they come back. Why would you want to be with someone who dumped you? F*ck them. It is their loss. You need to work on your self esteem. This will help you move on. You shouldt even want them back even if they beg that's not funny. i'm sure a majority of ppl on here want to be with their ex's who dumped them. 1
Confusedguy81 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 NC is for you to heal and move on. Your EX may or may not want a relationship sometime in the future. That ultimately doesnt matter. What matters is that you come out stronger than before the relationship ended. Dumpees have a tremendous opportunity to make change to their own lives and improve their own lives because being dumped and in NC creates alot of introspection. 6
cavalier99 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 that's not funny. i'm sure a majority of ppl on here want to be with their ex's who dumped them. No it isnt funny at all to be pining after your dumper. It is a serious issue that will prevent you from recovering. Most of the people here who recover relativly quickly DONT want back with their exs or at least decide thay have enough self respect to tell themselves and do everthing possible the erase that person from their lives like the plague and go hard core NC. 5
J21 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I was the dumper of my ex. It has been 10 months of NC and I have been thinking about her a lot (even though I dated another girl for 1.5 month). If I am being honest, I do want her back. The thing holding me back is I'm not sure if she would take me back, and whether things would be as good as it was the first time.
todreaminblue Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 i've heard this many times. but does it ever happen? my ex told me this herself, and maybe she may return. i brought it up with her, and she told me i haven't let go at all, which is true. hence why we're not back together. it's kinda ironic in a way. but if that's what it takes to get her back, might as well do it. so this is what i've learned on this subject: -disappear completely. -initiate no contact. -during that time of NC, they will start to wonder why you're not bothering them, and then start to miss you. -they will realize how much they love you, and they made a mistake. -you show you're no longer desperate or clingy. with this being said, do you agree with this subject? seconded no it doesnt work........no contact help you move on and see exactly why you need to move on with distance as an ally to help you gain ground not distance as a tool to walk backwards...........deb 2
cavalier99 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I was the dumper of my ex. It has been 10 months of NC and I have been thinking about her a lot (even though I dated another girl for 1.5 month). If I am being honest, I do want her back. The thing holding me back is I'm not sure if she would take me back, and whether things would be as good as it was the first time. All cool bro. Just forget about her. If you were recovered id say give her a call and hangout in order to find out. But i really think that would be an aweful idea right now. 1
Confusedguy81 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I was the dumper of my ex. It has been 10 months of NC and I have been thinking about her a lot (even though I dated another girl for 1.5 month). If I am being honest, I do want her back. The thing holding me back is I'm not sure if she would take me back, and whether things would be as good as it was the first time. I would wait for her to contact. Dumpers seem to like to dictate the relationship (even after its over) by controlling the level of contact. The dumpee takes back power by not contacting which is the best. You dictated the end of the relationship. You should respect her right to reinitiate it if she so chooses.
Brown-Eyez Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 i've heard this many times. but does it ever happen? my ex told me this herself, and maybe she may return. i brought it up with her, and she told me i haven't let go at all, which is true. hence why we're not back together. it's kinda ironic in a way. but if that's what it takes to get her back, might as well do it. so this is what i've learned on this subject: -disappear completely. -initiate no contact. -during that time of NC, they will start to wonder why you're not bothering them, and then start to miss you. -they will realize how much they love you, and they made a mistake. -you show you're no longer desperate or clingy. with this being said, do you agree with this subject? i got him back: here's my story : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/442791-he-reached-out-i-took-bait-got-rejected-again 1
Author Jay C Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 This is a post from Barky..... Read this. If there is a chance to get them back, this is how it's done.... I see alot of the same things being said, alot of the same questions are being asked so I want everyone to read this thread if you've just been broken up with, desire your ex back ect The first question everyone asks in a huge panic WHAT CAN I DO?! The very simple answer and I want you to re read this after you read it NOTHING!!! There is NO magical cure. You have to realise this, begging and pleading won't get you anywherw...OK wait maybe it will,maybe they do come back....OUT OF GUILT AND THEY WILL BE GONE AGAIN A SHORT TIME AFTER. You need to face reality, that yes, your relationship has ended. Its over. OK. So now we get that down....please...if you have still any doubts I want you to re read it before reading on. So now, what the heck do I do? You drop off the face of the earth and you COMPLETELY focus every bit of your being into making yourself happy again. No one can make you happy but yourself. NOONE. Go to the gym, hangout with family and friend...do not sit in the house You have no idea how important that is to get ur buns off the couch or out of bed. The world is beautiful. Every single member on here, past and present has been thru a heart break....as have I. I know the pain. I fought it for so long. Until I saw the light that everyone on Ls was screaming at me. LET GO. NOTHING YOU CAN DO WILL CHANGE THE SITUATION RIGHT NOW. OK so pressing on. Undoubtedly you've begged and pleaded and it didn't work. Duh. Stop now. Pick up ur balls or boobs and face the demons fighting and haunting you....get mad! Go look in the mirror and say bring it on! Scream!! Cry!! Let it out!!! So what happens if you've been dumped, they start seeing someone ect. Big freakin deal. Wait what? Yea who gives a crap. Sex is just that sex. They don't have a emotional bond like you guys who. My ex came back, that was the first thing she said, it was better with you because we made love...just didn't knock skins. Now I'm not saying to do what I did, ( I went out and got some the min I found out she was with someone just so i in my crazy head figured wed be even) but it did help later down the road. You have to realise something, what they are now getting is the physical fun part of the relationship....they are missing the emotional aide that you've always provided. The inevitable BREACRUMB. HI how are you I miss u I love you blah blah blah SHUT IT. Do not respond...its so critical you do not give them a damn inch on this. Most people ask how long do rebounds last. One person gave me the best answer..." could be the first burp or fart ...or 100years". Don't sit down and wait on it, it could last forever. My rebound lasted a month while my ex pulled nc on me...it drove me nuts. I realized who I really loved. My (ex's) rebound lasted 3 months...BC I begged and sat around, she admitted to me if I left her alone she would have come back sooner. You guys, you need to LEAVE THEM ALONE AND FOCUS ON YOURSELF. I ONLY GOT MINE BACK AFTER LETTING GO, LEAVING IT TO A HIGHER POWER , GOT MYSELF HAPPY AGAIN. Exs know when your pulling away, even when you haven't talked to them in a long time. They feel it. The MINUTE I walked out of a bar with my buddies and was truly happy, the minute I got in my car my phone rang....it HAPPENS like that. So now...I want you to trust and believe me....the ONLY way to get them back is to leave them the hell alone, get out of your depression , get back that confident person they fell inlove with. God someone should buy my ebook. All kidding aside tho...that's the trick. And you know what? Even if they don't come back, you are so close to healed ...someone you don't even know, you will love them just as much or MORE than your ex. Don't worry....they always come back. But when? Could be years man, so do what you want...but I sure as hell didn't wait. The reason I posted this, is because I came back after awhile, to pay it forward to people who helped me when I was down. But it seems like I'm saying the same thing over and over again. Threads after thread. LET THEM GO AND GET YOUR HAPPY SELF BACK. ONE SIZE FITS ALL. DO NOT CONTACT THEM! WHEN THEY ARE READY THEY WILL CONTACT YOU. NOTHING IS SEXY ABOUT YOUR PHONE BLOWING UP AND NEEDYNESS. NOTHING. In closing, I want you to take a deep breath, everything will be fine. I give you my word, from the bottom of my heart...you will be OK. Go for a walk. Start a thread. Help out other members....LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! THEY WANT YOU GONE? GOOD BITE ME, YOU GOT YOUR WISH. Thank you to everyone who's ever helped me here, and when people reply to your posts, don't take offense to it. They really are trying to help. " THIS TOO SHALL PASS" I have it tattoo'd on me for a reason. Barky my ex kept getting on me for keep pushing to get back. she said we could have made it work out if i just let it come naturally, maybe i should do NC and let her come to me... 1
Author Jay C Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Maybe you should just go NC and give two phukks about whether she ever comes to you or not, because even if she does, It's O-V-E-R. that's not me, i got heart. she's always welcome to come back.. i just don't see how ppl can just stop having feelings for someone they love. 2
Author Jay C Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Where has anyone here told you that you have to 'stop having feelings for someone you love?" You clearly do not understand the concept of No Contact, or the reasons behind it. I respectfully suggest you read the link in my signature. Read it all. The Guide AND the thread. Then, you might 'get it'. Nobody is suggesting you quit having feelings. Everyone is suggesting you protect your heart from further damage. i know what NC is for, its to heal yourself and eventually get over your ex. its preventing more pain, by contacting them you're in it for getting shut down. i'm just saying that after all my begging and bothering my ex... maybe i should take a step back and let her initiate something.. my ex always kept talking about having 'US' again in the future... but i kept forcing, she told me she wanted to prevent all this, that i should i just listened.
Sparky9 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 You can't "stop" your feeling like that. The whole point of NC is to slowly allow it to fade. You will think about her/him every day...sometimes all day long...but it will begin to fade. The best thing to do is get YOURSELF happy. He/she fell in love with you when you were happy. Get there again!! Move on..lose contact...maybe at some point you both can reconnect. That is all you can hope for. I was unhappy in my relationship for 2 1/2 years...on the verge of calling it quits a few times. Had a weekend that I was done...that weekend she told me she was prego with out second child. Couldn't split it off then. I was having an affair at this point. 7-8 months later I realized I was in love with her again, and split with my affair partner. My now ex, found out about my long term affair a little over three months ago. We decided to try to fix our relationship...counseling..complete commitment etc. she decided 1 1/2 weeks ago she couldn't forgive me. I accept what I have done, and am going to love for my children and myself. I hope and pray every day that the contact we will always have with the kids will be a doorway back into her heart down the road.
mutant Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 i've heard this many times. but does it ever happen? my ex told me this herself, and maybe she may return. i brought it up with her, and she told me i haven't let go at all, which is true. hence why we're not back together. it's kinda ironic in a way. but if that's what it takes to get her back, might as well do it. so this is what i've learned on this subject: -disappear completely. -initiate no contact. -during that time of NC, they will start to wonder why you're not bothering them, and then start to miss you. -they will realize how much they love you, and they made a mistake. -you show you're no longer desperate or clingy. with this being said, do you agree with this subject? Yes sometimes this strategy works.. In fact I tried it and it worked perfectly and within a short duration of time. To be precise within a month. But two things are certain It doesn't change the person they were before the break-up. It doesn't change the person you were before the break-up. Even after getting back together, it is highly likely that you will break-up again for the same reasons as before. Getting your ex back is not an end in itself. In most cases it's a continuation of the previous situation. 2
cavalier99 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 that's not me, i got heart. she's always welcome to come back.. i just don't see how ppl can just stop having feelings for someone they love. Why would you always welcome her back? That is being a doormat and is also very unatractive anyway. And it isnt easy at all to stop having feeling for your EX. It hutrs. That is why we go NC. It is slow and sometimes painful process. But it seems to be the only way to move on and burn out those unrequited feelings you have. NC, time and killing alll hope will get you out of this. Cav 4
Author Jay C Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 In short? No, it doesn't work. Let her go to move on. For yourself, not out of some dwindling, pithy hope that she'll come back once she realises what she's missing. My ex pulled this stunt-he'd try anything to win me back (I was the dumper) when I told him all he needed to know when I dumped him. When someone dumps a person, often it's because they no longer are invested in the relationship, at least not to the extent that they need to be to continue in it. They've checked out, emotionally and physically. You can keep holding out hope that one day, she'll spring to her senses and come running back, but she probably won't, and you'll have just thrown good money away with the bad. Move on. my ex told me that. that she is no longer emotionally and physically attached, but the thing is she wants to be. she said it wouldn't be fair to me if we got back together because she can't give me everything right now. thats why i'm hoping this time apart will make her heart grow fonder.
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