Brown-Eyez Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 the following is a story of what a perfect idiot looks like: He broke up with me in August after a really really great two months together. He was never clear why he left me (I blamed myself because of my immature behavior). I stopped initiating any communication with him. But he started texting me sporadically a month later. Everyone told me they were just breadcrumbs & to ignore him. but i couldn't ignore because I still had such strong feelings for him He almost came over a month ago but it was last minute & i didn't feel comfortable. Then 2 weeks ago we started up full contact via texting & phone. he lives 4 hours away so we hadn't seen each other yet.. But this time i was stronger and held my own If he stopped texting me cuz he didn't like something i said I didn't chase him (as much) & keep asking why he went quiet (getting stonewalled is hard to deal with!!) i'd just wait until he contacted me again. I asked him to come see me and we set up a great meet up date for Friday. He was going to spend the night so i cleaned my house, bought flowers, and was set to make a nice dinner for us.. then 2 hours before we were to meet up he texts me he's not feeling well.. we text alittle about how he should take care of himself & i even invite him over early to my house (we were to meet at a local bar).. he doesn't reply to my invite.. but since he often goes quiet i figured he had taken care of himself i get dressed up (i looked good!) & text him that i'm on my way he immediately replies that he had said he was sick! i tell him yeah i knew that, but he hadn't said we weren't meeting.. he doesn't reply (no phone call either) he doesn't say he's sorry, nothing!! so there i am at home, all dressed up, clean house, dinner in the oven and he bails!! i drink the champagne i bought and ended up texting him a few more times that night about how he's missing out. he finally responds & just says he's been sick all day & wants to feel better. my last text was just wishing him well. i have not heard from him since i know i should be mad as hell but strangely i'm not I guess cuz i finally know its over FOR ME he's not interested enough i feel numb/sad i'm posting here because i'm so ashamed of myself for being so stupid!! i had thought that if we were in communication that meant something it doesn't i now have just lived what everyone here at LS warns about they said i was a 'textbook case' and they were right if someone dumps you & doesn't make serious effort to get you back but you go back to them anyway you're just going to get rejected all over again please, no, i told you so's i feel awful enough as it is and just need so some support for my stupidity maybe someone else reading this can learn from my hard mistake..
chris21422 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 He lose interest because he see that you are really hook on his bait.. When he contacts you, You need to show that you are not interested on him at all and that you have your own life.. Just get back to No Contact now and start healing... 4
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 He lose interest because he see that you are really hook on his bait.. When he contacts you, You need to show that you are not interested on him at all and that you have your own life.. Just get back to No Contact now and start healing... yes, thank you for reminding me of this stupid to have to play GAMES to have to hide your loving for someone not the kind of man i want to be with!!
lollipopspot Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Don't feel stupid. A lot of people would do the same thing. And sometimes it might even work out. Just do something different now, and write him off for good. Consider reading the book He's Just Not That Into You. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Don't feel stupid. A lot of people would do the same thing. And sometimes it might even work out. Just do something different now, and write him off for good. Consider reading the book He's Just Not That Into You. i appreciate your sympathy and i guess i'm happy i at least tried but writing him off for good is my goal now! yes, he was clearly 'not that into me' its a real hit to my pride..
athiria Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Taking care of yourself is all you can do now!
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 i'm at least grateful that he had the decency not to hook up with me and then dump me again! i would be feeling a thousand times worse right now!
Haydn Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I am so sorry, Hook line, sinker and copy of angling times! I would have made this same mistake not so long ago. If someone on this forum had not stopped me. (You know who you are). Just ignore, ignore, ignore. If he wants you, let him get down on his knees and pray you take him back. Dont have anything more to do with with this reactionist. Take care. 1
what_a_blonde Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 i'm at least grateful that he had the decency not to hook up with me and then dump me again! i would be feeling a thousand times worse right now! I wouldn't even go as far as to say he DID have the decency not to do that. Something else came up this time that made him absolutely not want to see you and completely stand you up. (a-hole) Maybe it was another date that was more appealing, or maybe he's just emotionally unavailable and doesn't care to think he's hurting you by his actions. But don't think he spared you anything. Someone like this will try to woo you back in a heartbeat, reel you into bed telling you he's "sorry" etc., then the next day you won't hear from them. I only say that because yes, I'm glad you didn't get into that position where you hooked up.. however in a month when you're feeling less upset about this, don't let him reel you in again. Stay strong. You know his game, he WON'T ever change. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 I wouldn't even go as far as to say he DID have the decency not to do that. Something else came up this time that made him absolutely not want to see you and completely stand you up. (a-hole) Maybe it was another date that was more appealing, or maybe he's just emotionally unavailable and doesn't care to think he's hurting you by his actions. But don't think he spared you anything. Someone like this will try to woo you back in a heartbeat, reel you into bed telling you he's "sorry" etc., then the next day you won't hear from them. I only say that because yes, I'm glad you didn't get into that position where you hooked up.. however in a month when you're feeling less upset about this, don't let him reel you in again. Stay strong. You know his game, he WON'T ever change. thank you for the support your words are sadly true so I plan to block him from having any contact with me so i can't cave anymore
Sugarkane Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I hope this motivates you to stay in NC now. It annoys me when dumpers play these flaky, stand you up games. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 I hope this motivates you to stay in NC now. It annoys me when dumpers play these flaky, stand you up games. thank you for sharing, who knew this is typical of dumpers?? at least I do now! and any one else reading my pathetic story
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 At least you found out at two months! My ex moved to my home town around 3.5 months and broke up with me at 4 months. You're now free and can find better. that sounds rough! poor you!! I totally can see how bad that would have been! i hope you have now found better!
Simon Phoenix Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 thank you for sharing, who knew this is typical of dumpers?? at least I do now! and any one else reading my pathetic story Well, we've been telling you the whole time (yes, I know this is a "I told you so" post, but come on, we've warned you in all of your threads, so I'm not sure why you are shocked by this).
Never Again Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Aye. It's pretty typical "get you on the hook" behavior. Breadcrumbing. Whatever you want to call it. They're only interested until they're sure they've still got you...then they lose interest again. They get the ego boost of knowing they *could* have you, then back off once they realize that there's a reality attached to that. 4
Sugarkane Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 thank you for sharing, who knew this is typical of dumpers?? at least I do now! and any one else reading my pathetic story It's common. They get off on it.
reddragon588 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Sometimes we have to touch the hot stove to know not to touch it again... but after a while, if you keep touching the hot stove then it's no longer a mistake and a sign that you subconsciously enjoy the pain this brings you. Examine why you keep responding and stick to NC. 2
Inviv_girl Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 the following is a story of what a perfect idiot looks like: He broke up with me in August after a really really great two months together. He was never clear why he left me (I blamed myself because of my immature behavior). I stopped initiating any communication with him. But he started texting me sporadically a month later. Everyone told me they were just breadcrumbs & to ignore him. but i couldn't ignore because I still had such strong feelings for him He almost came over a month ago but it was last minute & i didn't feel comfortable. Then 2 weeks ago we started up full contact via texting & phone. he lives 4 hours away so we hadn't seen each other yet.. But this time i was stronger and held my own If he stopped texting me cuz he didn't like something i said I didn't chase him (as much) & keep asking why he went quiet (getting stonewalled is hard to deal with!!) i'd just wait until he contacted me again. I asked him to come see me and we set up a great meet up date for Friday. He was going to spend the night so i cleaned my house, bought flowers, and was set to make a nice dinner for us.. then 2 hours before we were to meet up he texts me he's not feeling well.. we text alittle about how he should take care of himself & i even invite him over early to my house (we were to meet at a local bar).. he doesn't reply to my invite.. but since he often goes quiet i figured he had taken care of himself i get dressed up (i looked good!) & text him that i'm on my way he immediately replies that he had said he was sick! i tell him yeah i knew that, but he hadn't said we weren't meeting.. he doesn't reply (no phone call either) he doesn't say he's sorry, nothing!! so there i am at home, all dressed up, clean house, dinner in the oven and he bails!! i drink the champagne i bought and ended up texting him a few more times that night about how he's missing out. he finally responds & just says he's been sick all day & wants to feel better. my last text was just wishing him well. i have not heard from him since i know i should be mad as hell but strangely i'm not I guess cuz i finally know its over FOR ME he's not interested enough i feel numb/sad i'm posting here because i'm so ashamed of myself for being so stupid!! i had thought that if we were in communication that meant something it doesn't i now have just lived what everyone here at LS warns about they said i was a 'textbook case' and they were right if someone dumps you & doesn't make serious effort to get you back but you go back to them anyway you're just going to get rejected all over again please, no, i told you so's i feel awful enough as it is and just need so some support for my stupidity maybe someone else reading this can learn from my hard mistake.. Yes, Im reading this and yes I feel your story and how dump you think yourself is.. but honey arent we all? this is part of being the dumpee. I, too also considering myself as stupid. I feel like I never learnt the lesson I got. Best thing to do is just let it go. Thank you so much for sharing, I really want to write mine as soon as I got time. Looking for feedback from all of you LS'ers!
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 Ouch... everyone has to do this one once. It's ok. Look, second chances rarely work, and if they do, they guy will - I reapeat, WILL - crawl across broken glass to get back with you. I learned eventually, it wasn't worth going back, it's only worth going forward. It's ok. You need to learn by doing. I've done it, we've all done it. Now you know, that it's not worth it. Live and learn, it's the only way. You will get better at it. I'm still trying to get better at it... you never stop learning. Make room in your heart for someone else, this bloke just lost his last chance. Ok? thank you for your support! i guess i had to learn the hard way but learn I did!! this would have been our second chance and his horrible indifference to my feelings was the slap in the face i needed cuz i'm weak when it comes to him I found an app that blocks text & calls (Mr. Number) and now he's on that list! i no longer will know if/when he breadcrumbs me again i'm relieved that he no longer has control 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 Sometimes we have to touch the hot stove to know not to touch it again... but after a while, if you keep touching the hot stove then it's no longer a mistake and a sign that you subconsciously enjoy the pain this brings you. Examine why you keep responding and stick to NC. i touched the hotstove cuz i thought he was still the same person i knew before yes, i know that's part of this, that they stop being that person but he had become so attentive again (my biggest weakness is attention i think) i thought we had a chance must remember, there are NO exceptions to the rules, no situation is unique..
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 I wouldn't even go as far as to say he DID have the decency not to do that. Something else came up this time that made him absolutely not want to see you and completely stand you up. (a-hole) Maybe it was another date that was more appealing, or maybe he's just emotionally unavailable and doesn't care to think he's hurting you by his actions. But don't think he spared you anything. Someone like this will try to woo you back in a heartbeat, reel you into bed telling you he's "sorry" etc., then the next day you won't hear from them. I only say that because yes, I'm glad you didn't get into that position where you hooked up.. however in a month when you're feeling less upset about this, don't let him reel you in again. Stay strong. You know his game, he WON'T ever change. you are SO right! he actually did say he wanted to see me the next day (and acted like nothing had happened!) when i realized OMG he still wants to hook up with me i was like no way unless he shows some kindness/respect i told him that and he just ignored me again I AM FINALLY DONE!!
BC1980 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 i touched the hotstove cuz i thought he was still the same person i knew before yes, i know that's part of this, that they stop being that person I know it's hard to come to terms with this. That's been a particularly hard thing for me.
mickyd Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 There are 2 kinds of people in this world: 1. Sweet people with big open loving hearts who are committed to making a relationship work. 2. People who play games and believe that love and relationships are disposal. They are shallow and enjoy watching their ex suffer. While they enjoy the attention of you wanting them - they also find it unattractive and a major turn off. Type 1 people cannot understand how someone could possibly be turned off by someone loving, caring and wanting them - so this is very confusing and upsetting for them. My advice to you sweety, is that you are way too good for this prick (you went to all that trouble with dinner and he bailed - what an *******). Forget about him. Try to find yourself another type 1 person and be happy!!! 3
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 There are 2 kinds of people in this world: 1. Sweet people with big open loving hearts who are committed to making a relationship work. 2. People who play games and believe that love and relationships are disposal. They are shallow and enjoy watching their ex suffer. While they enjoy the attention of you wanting them - they also find it unattractive and a major turn off. Type 1 people cannot understand how someone could possibly be turned off by someone loving, caring and wanting them - so this is very confusing and upsetting for them. My advice to you sweety, is that you are way too good for this prick (you went to all that trouble with dinner and he bailed - what an *******). Forget about him. Try to find yourself another type 1 person and be happy!!! thank you!! he seemed like the type 1 person initially until he abruptly dumped me but his recent behavior is just simply inexcusable.. i'm really sad (& hung over ) today --what a miserable weekend I had!! and i now feel a large emptiness but i'll put one foot in front of the other and of course will eventually get past this assclown Here's to all us Type 1 sincere, loving people out there!! let's try and not let the shallow users destroy us 1
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