Terrified of asking someone out

[Sunshine87]

I'm all for women subtly taking the initiative sometimes, but only when the guy is responding positively.

 

You state that he knows how you feel and has started to back off. It's kind of clear that he is not interested. Why throw away all your dignity and pride because you want to jump his bones? It can't be that serious.

 

I wouldn't ask him out, instead I would continue to flirt him and take further action dependent on his responses. But if you must, then make it as casual as possible.

[filani]

@ Starla 33

 

Guys opinion here

 

It boggles my mind how most women still walk around with this idea that guys don't have anything to lose in the dating scene, like ....seriously?

 

He set up a date with you, put himself out there even to the point of admitting he was a little intimidated by your looks( yikes! You can bet he went home after the date and kicked himself for letting that information slip)

No Guy Mag or guy friends in this country would ever advise him to admit such a thing EVER ,much less on the First Date!

He feels he's already Come On Too strong and at best he feels he may look needy and now he needs to play it cool to salvage what's left of his dignity.

 

How many times have guys in general been told that such behavior is a major turn off? A hundred times? A thousand? You tell us cuz us guys have lost count!

 

Now despite his initial fumble, he's STILL keeping in contact by text to stay on course.

 

'But I told him I had a great time too, isn't that enough?' I hear you say? Uhm....No ,it isn't.

If I had a Dollar for every time a girl told me that after a date and then after I foolishly chased her ( ahh...to be young and naive again) only for her to finally say 'Let's just be friends!' I'd be a millionaire!

 

'I've asked guys out before and it didn't end well' I hear you say? If I got soaked with rain every time I went out last week and I called you on the phone to tell you that based on that I've made a decision never to leave home again because I hate getting wet! What picture of the sort of person I am would you have in your head ?

 

Yeah......that's what I thought.

 

Bottom line...the ball is in your court not his! You can either grow a pair of Ovaries and hit a homerun with a potentially great guy who by your own admission is definitely into you or choose strike out and wallow in your own self defeat!

 

Whatever choice you make, you need to WOMAN UP and take ownership of it!

[Keenly]

"I'm 49... I've only been with two women my whole life, my ex wife and a girl I knew when I was 19, for one night" You clearly have no experience in dating. no guy likes to be chased.

 

Incorrect.

[crude]

You clearly have no experience in dating. no guy likes to be chased.

 

If a man has to chase a woman, there's a good chance she's not particularly interested. If a woman chases a man, there's a good chance she IS interested in him. Many men have no problem with a woman actually wanting him, rather than just judging or using him.

 

And to the OP, it might just boil down to which is more important to you, being asked out by a man you might not be all that interested in, but HE asked, or asking out someone you actually ARE interested in.

[forgetmenot75]

I also poked him on Facebook and he didn't poke back. I mean, seriously, how hard is it to poke a girl back?

 

 

you have more answers here. he hasn't poke you because he's not interested in having further contact with you.

 

he's not that into you. next.

[forgetmenot75]

If a man has to chase a woman, there's a good chance she's not particularly interested. If a woman chases a man, there's a good chance she IS interested in him. Many men have no problem with a woman actually wanting him, rather than just judging or using him.

 

And to the OP, it might just boil down to which is more important to you, being asked out by a man you might not be all that interested in, but HE asked, or asking out someone you actually ARE interested in.

 

 

humm this is so wrong.

[forgetmenot75]

That's about right, and I'm with ya on the chasing part, but how many of us dudes don't like easy sex with a hottie from time to time? If she wants to throw herself at me and screw my brains out I'm not about to stop her!

 

That is because you're so desperate yourself because you had practically no experience with girls. but the average guy smells the desperation and avoids it.

[SweetCharity]

@ Starla 33

 

Guys opinion here

 

It boggles my mind how most women still walk around with this idea that guys don't have anything to lose in the dating scene, like ....seriously?

 

He set up a date with you, put himself out there even to the point of admitting he was a little intimidated by your looks( yikes! You can bet he went home after the date and kicked himself for letting that information slip)

No Guy Mag or guy friends in this country would ever advise him to admit such a thing EVER ,much less on the First Date!

He feels he's already Come On Too strong and at best he feels he may look needy and now he needs to play it cool to salvage what's left of his dignity.

 

How many times have guys in general been told that such behavior is a major turn off? A hundred times? A thousand? You tell us cuz us guys have lost count!

 

Now despite his initial fumble, he's STILL keeping in contact by text to stay on course.

 

'But I told him I had a great time too, isn't that enough?' I hear you say? Uhm....No ,it isn't.

If I had a Dollar for every time a girl told me that after a date and then after I foolishly chased her ( ahh...to be young and naive again) only for her to finally say 'Let's just be friends!' I'd be a millionaire!

 

'I've asked guys out before and it didn't end well' I hear you say? If I got soaked with rain every time I went out last week and I called you on the phone to tell you that based on that I've made a decision never to leave home again because I hate getting wet! What picture of the sort of person I am would you have in your head ?

 

Yeah......that's what I thought.

 

Bottom line...the ball is in your court not his! You can either grow a pair of Ovaries and hit a homerun with a potentially great guy who by your own admission is definitely into you or choose strike out and wallow in your own self defeat!

 

Whatever choice you make, you need to WOMAN UP and take ownership of it!

 

Lmao, I can take something from this, I think.

[SweetCharity]

he's not that into you. next.

 

I've always hated that saying. It doesn't apply to everyone. I don't understand why he'd flirt with me then if he's not interested. Men. Ugh.

[SweetCharity]

That is because you're so desperate yourself because you had practically no experience with girls. but the average guy smells the desperation and avoids it.

 

Can I point out that I'm not desperate? I haven't thrown myself at him and am fully aware there are other guys out there. It's just something I'd like to resolve.

[forgetmenot75]

I've always hated that saying. It doesn't apply to everyone. I don't understand why he'd flirt with me then if he's not interested. Men. Ugh.

 

 

I guess you hate it because its the truth?

guys can flirt still feel nothing. Why not? Flirting, even with girls they are not interested is fun for some of them. Bad thing you fell for that.

[MissPotato]

I'm surprised that many of you think guys don't like to be chased. Maybe it's a cultural issue cause i've heard several stories of my guy friends and they liked it, especially if the girl was smart and pretty (they first talked to them about the book the guy was reading in the train, or ask for help with their heavy luggage and then started the talk, things like that). In France there is not the "alpha-male" thing.

 

I think it's a good thing when women approach men cause female desire is more capricious (depends on the man behaviour, the moment of day/cycle, your self-confidence)... many things, whereas men would easily desire an healthy and feminine woman in shape.

 

If you fit this description, you have tons of guy that sue you in the street asking for your number or saying that you're beautiful, the barman offers you an extra coffe just to see you a longer time etc. Even if you're smart, with no mini-skirt... nothing to do with provocative clothes/behaviour. "Thanks to" (cause despite all, sometimes this is harassment) those guys, you know if you have your chances or not with men, and that you could make a single man happy. If he doesn't want you it's not a problem cause you have accumulated strong self confidence during all the day.

 

A woman who chase you is a woman who knows that she has the choice and certainly not a "needy woman".

[d0nnivain]

SweetCharity -- You are terrified for 2 reasons: 1) men do the asking more often than not; & 2) nobody likes rejection.

 

I wouldn't ask anybody out via text. It's too impersonal.

 

He may not have poked you back on FB because he didn't notice you poked him. My own husband has said to me in jest, hey I poked you last week. Aren't you going to poke me back?

 

He may be flirting with you because you are fun to flirt with but he has no interest in taking this farther. Also he could be hanging back waiting for a clearer signal.

 

Once at a singles function, I was talking to a guy & flirting. We mutually discovered he was in the market for a service I provide. Before I left, he asked for my business card which I eagerly handed over. When I gave it to him I assured him that I would be happy to help him professionally but I would be happier if he called for personal rather than business reasons. I winked as I said that then left.

 

He did call & we had dinner a few days later. During dinner he confessed that if I hadn't been so bold he never would have called because he thought I was out of his league.

 

My point in telling you all that is to suggest that if you don't have the wherewithall to straight up ask him out, at least make sure he knows he is more than welcome to ask you. Be bold, in that sense.

[Johnson1]

I'm just scared he won't respond though he's given me no reason to think that. Texting is the worst thing to ever happen to a courtship. Ever.

 

A word of caution, watch out for the Alpha dudes you mention. Since he probably bangs a lot of chicks who are also hot for him he'll probably be one of the types that would rather pursue, rather than be pursued. In other words, don't go pursuing the jock type, if that's what he is. It's the quiet, more reserved one's that don't mind women chasing them.

Edited November 16, 2013 by Vocals5

[SweetCharity]

A word of caution, watch out for the Alpha dudes you mention. Since he probably bangs a lot of chicks who are also hot for him he'll probably be one of the types that would rather pursue, rather than be pursued. In other words, don't go pursuing the jock type, if that's what he is. It's the quiet, more reserved one's that don't mind women chasing them.

 

Well I ended up meeting up with him at a bar the other night. I actually told him, "You must be used to girls throwing themselves at you." "Pfft, no" was his response. He's definitely a jock type. He was also what you would call a guy's guy. There was literally a circle of guys around him, and they were also of the bro variety. They also felt the need to cock block. I would say he's too in love with himself to chase women.