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Daydreaming and dreaming of getting back with my ex to relieve anxiety and sleep

Lennon

By Lennon
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Lennon Member

Lennon

Posted
Posted

My ex and I broke up with my two months ago,

She dumped me. We haven't been in contact for five days now.

I should have done this when she dumped me in retrospect, I may be further on than i am now in healing from this. I never loved anyone before her and loosing her has been the most painful and horrible thing i have ever experienced.

Mentally I am trying to push on and move on with my life and forget her.

However emotionally i haven't. Great memories keep popping in my head and bringing me to the verge of tears or like today ( today was tough ) I got home from work after keeping them at bay all day actually balled my eyes out for half an hour straight. ( i mean puffy eyes, snotty nose and soaking wet face, i haven't cried like this since i was a child )

To help myself sleep at night and to put any anxiety at ease. I take sleeping pills which don;t work and daydream of scenarios of us getting back together. (A phone call from her saying it was a mistake and she's sorry and will i take her back and were back together and i feel at ease, that kinda stuff, the **** movies has brainwashed us to believe life is like)

I know this isn't healthy. I want to give up hope. I want to move on. I'm tired of being in pain. Everything is about love, movies, tv shows, music, its like getting stabbed in the heart over and over. I want my happy cheeky self back.

My best friend of five years isn't even there for me. When he broke up with the love of his life three years ago, i literally didn't leave his side for three weeks, did everything together, even slept in the same bed, just to keep him up and his mind off it. I barely see him, he doesn't call or check to see how i'm doing. He's not being a good friend and I'm struggling, he knows how badly i'm taking this.

I need somebody to help me through this.

Advice

tips on how to push the memories and thoughts to the back of my mind

I have deleted her off facebook and blocked her. I have initiated no contact. Day 5. I hate opening my email box knowing that i'm expecting to see an email from her thats not going to appear and if it does it will only serve to crush me again.

God i have never been such a mess.

Isadora Member

Isadora

Posted
Posted

I can't really offer you any advice, because I am in a very similar situation right now. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! The dreaming makes it easier for a short period, but I know it's not good. I wish I could help you, but I'm in the exact same situation. Sending you lots of hugs, and I hope that the dreaming gets easier to avoid for both of us x

  • Like 2
radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

Posted
Posted

I am going through this stage as well. The rational side of my brain is telling me it's a normal part of the grieving process - - to purge itself of the memories - - good and bad.

 

But it's still irritating as I too wish I could just snap my fingers and get on with my life the way it was before him.

 

What I have been trying to do is allow some of those fantasies to come through. But then I force myself to turn then off for awhile and think about something else (which believe me is *not* easy to do).

 

Or I try to get busy doing things around the house, walk the dog, take a drive whatever. I also try to remind myself that this feeling won't last forever and that with time, I will get back to normal. After all, it's not like I haven't been through a break up before *sigh*

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

Posted
Posted

What you're feeling is absolutely normal. It's terrible and hurts like heck. I know, I went through it 5-6 months ago. You have to go N/C. You acknowledged staying in contact w/her has held you back. When my ex ended our relationship, I PROMISED myself I'd never contact her again and I didn't.

 

Keep yourself busy. Join a gym, work on yourself. Put in more hours at work. DON'T sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You sound young and trust me, you will in all likely hood go thru this a few times in your life. Billions of us humans go thru this and come out the other side just fine.

  • Like 1
Fufu Established Member

Fufu

Posted
Posted

The miserable days will be over.. it takes time but you will get there.

  • Like 1
geegee81 Established Member

geegee81

Posted
Posted

Ive been there... Just remain busy and occupied, and over time things will get better. I would not intentionally try to dream about the ex because you are just setting yourself up for further disappointment.

 

My dreams started off with positive happy memories of my ex. The last dream i had about him projected him as being dead. So whenever i begin to think of him, i say the word DEAD, and the thoughts subside.

crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

Posted
Posted

I hate opening my email box knowing that i'm expecting to see an email from her thats not going to appear and if it does it will only serve to crush me again.

God i have never been such a mess.

 

I agree with you , i am going through same ordeal. I am 1 month NC now , i have deleted FB and all apps where we used to text each other. It's been month i haven't checked my email either while knowing that i am gonna expect his email and it's not going to be there and it will kill my NC. Thinking that i am no longer on his mind is heart breaking. But there is nothing much i can do here. So i am just moving on. Though his bday is coming in 2 months , i don't know what i will do that time.

Simplysimon Member

Simplysimon

Posted
Posted
My ex and I broke up with my two months ago,

She dumped me. We haven't been in contact for five days now.

I should have done this when she dumped me in retrospect, I may be further on than i am now in healing from this. I never loved anyone before her and loosing her has been the most painful and horrible thing i have ever experienced.

Mentally I am trying to push on and move on with my life and forget her.

However emotionally i haven't. Great memories keep popping in my head and bringing me to the verge of tears or like today ( today was tough ) I got home from work after keeping them at bay all day actually balled my eyes out for half an hour straight. ( i mean puffy eyes, snotty nose and soaking wet face, i haven't cried like this since i was a child )

To help myself sleep at night and to put any anxiety at ease. I take sleeping pills which don;t work and daydream of scenarios of us getting back together. (A phone call from her saying it was a mistake and she's sorry and will i take her back and were back together and i feel at ease, that kinda stuff, the **** movies has brainwashed us to believe life is like)

I know this isn't healthy. I want to give up hope. I want to move on. I'm tired of being in pain. Everything is about love, movies, tv shows, music, its like getting stabbed in the heart over and over. I want my happy cheeky self back.

My best friend of five years isn't even there for me. When he broke up with the love of his life three years ago, i literally didn't leave his side for three weeks, did everything together, even slept in the same bed, just to keep him up and his mind off it. I barely see him, he doesn't call or check to see how i'm doing. He's not being a good friend and I'm struggling, he knows how badly i'm taking this.

I need somebody to help me through this.

Advice

tips on how to push the memories and thoughts to the back of my mind

I have deleted her off facebook and blocked her. I have initiated no contact. Day 5. I hate opening my email box knowing that i'm expecting to see an email from her thats not going to appear and if it does it will only serve to crush me again.

God i have never been such a mess.

 

 

 

You need to get back in the game. When your girl dumps you or changes the terms tell her your not accepting anything other than being her man. Tell her the doors open and you love her should she change her mind then Walk away and never look back.

Never contact her again, she will contact you at some point they always do but she won't until your over her. Unless you hear her say I want you back or something ignore everything else like" how are you" etc. no love letters, change your email address, no fb no nothing cut it dead. If she wants to contact you she has your number.

Now cry your heart out as often as you need to as it will relieve the tension and you will feel better. Next thing is think abundance. Go buy new clothes and make yourself feel amazing. Flirt with every woman you can. Go on dating sites and meet as many as you can until one of them takes your mind off her.

She is not the only girl in the world who can make you happy. Stop giving a *****.

Yes it's hard and you miss her. She probably misses you to so flip it round. It's her loss.

I'm 46 , I was married now divorced and had several serious relationships. The more distant you are the more they love you. I don't mean ignoring them I mean you have to be mysterious, let a girl wonder. Never let them truly know where your emotions are. You can tell a girl that you love her but do things that make her think. Not with other women but ignore her text or something act aloof. You got to date your girl forever. Always be in control but it has to be balanced it in your favour.

So chin up dude it will get easier in a few weeks if you stop the contact. It's the only way as what ever you say makes it worse. She has to fix this not you and if she wants you she will, if she doesn't go meet the hot girl of your dreams and forget her. There's millions out there.

  • Like 2
HorseLuck Established Member

HorseLuck

Posted
Posted

Never contact her again, she will contact you at some point they always do but she won't until your over her.

Yes it's hard and you miss her. She probably misses you to so flip it round. It's her loss.

I'm 46 , I was married now divorced and had several serious relationships. The more distant you are the more they love you. I don't mean ignoring them I mean you have to be mysterious, let a girl wonder. Never let them truly know where your emotions are. You can tell a girl that you love her but do things that make her think. Not with other women but ignore her text or something act aloof. You got to date your girl forever. Always be in control but it has to be balanced it in your favour.

 

:laugh: ..oh really? what's your theory on how to get a guy back, if you don't mind me asking?

 

OP, your safest bet is to go strict NC. You need to be patient with yourself, everyone recovers at a different pace. What you're experiencing is very common. Occupy and distract yourself with hobbies, work, your social circle. Also be mindful of your emotions. Allow them to stir, have a good cry. Be angry. If there were issues in the relationship that stemmed from you, work on them. I'm sorry your friend hasn't been there. I'm at a two month mark without anyone to really confide in. Slowly I'm progressing. You can do it too.

 

You can write a letter to her about how you feel, but don't send it. It may help to relieve some of what you have bottled up. Exercising is very beneficial as well. Don't rebound unless you're comfortable with the idea. It may make you feel worse. Baby steps! You'll have good weeks and bad weeks but you'll start to accumulate strength.

Simplysimon Member

Simplysimon

Posted
Posted
:laugh: ..oh really? what's your theory on how to get a guy back, if you don't mind me asking?

 

OP, your safest bet is to go strict NC. You need to be patient with yourself, everyone recovers at a different pace. What you're experiencing is very common. Occupy and distract yourself with hobbies, work, your social circle. Also be mindful of your emotions. Allow them to stir, have a good cry. Be angry. If there were issues in the relationship that stemmed from you, work on them. I'm sorry your friend hasn't been there. I'm at a two month mark without anyone to really confide in. Slowly I'm progressing. You can do it too.

 

You can write a letter to her about how you feel, but don't send it. It may help to relieve some of what you have bottled up. Exercising is very beneficial as well. Don't rebound unless you're comfortable with the idea. It may make you feel worse. Baby steps! You'll have good weeks and bad weeks but you'll start to accumulate strength.

 

No not a guy ,,,,a woman

Simplysimon Member

Simplysimon

Posted
Posted
:laugh: ..oh really? what's your theory on how to get a guy back, if you don't mind me asking?

 

OP, your safest bet is to go strict NC. You need to be patient with yourself, everyone recovers at a different pace. What you're experiencing is very common. Occupy and distract yourself with hobbies, work, your social circle. Also be mindful of your emotions. Allow them to stir, have a good cry. Be angry. If there were issues in the relationship that stemmed from you, work on them. I'm sorry your friend hasn't been there. I'm at a two month mark without anyone to really confide in. Slowly I'm progressing. You can do it too.

 

You can write a letter to her about how you feel, but don't send it. It may help to relieve some of what you have bottled up. Exercising is very beneficial as well. Don't rebound unless you're comfortable with the idea. It may make you feel worse. Baby steps! You'll have good weeks and bad weeks but you'll start to accumulate strength.

 

 

Do nothing at all writing, begging etc as it will rebound she will get angry. Women are hypergamous , they do not find sympathy attractive.

 

But if you want to try be my guest.

  • Author
Lennon Member

Lennon

Posted
  • Author
Posted

thanks for all the encouragement guys'

day 8 no contact.

deleted and blocked her off facebook

i'm going looking for any more let downs or being crushed

I still love and miss her, **** it she's the one who got cold feet and jumped ship.

I'm done chasing, maybe she'll realise somewhere down the line what she just threw away, I'm not saying i was a perfect boyfriend, but pretty damn near it I would think,

Caring, loving, romantic, funny, up for fun, stylish, hardworking, I am the first guy who cold make her climax through intercourse (multiple times also), i knew how to push all her buttons in bed. Good luck to her finding that again soon.

You don't fall in love everyday,

  • Like 1
chris21422 Established Member

chris21422

Posted
Posted

So funny I just dream of my ex last night.. She texted me regretting her decision of break and that she loves me.

 

Oh It feels so damn good but when I woke up.. feelsbadman.. We broken up for a 1 month now. :o

  • Author
Lennon Member

Lennon

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
You need to get back in the game. When your girl dumps you or changes the terms tell her your not accepting anything other than being her man. Tell her the doors open and you love her should she change her mind then Walk away and never look back.

Never contact her again, she will contact you at some point they always do but she won't until your over her. Unless you hear her say I want you back or something ignore everything else like" how are you" etc. no love letters, change your email address, no fb no nothing cut it dead. If she wants to contact you she has your number.

Now cry your heart out as often as you need to as it will relieve the tension and you will feel better. Next thing is think abundance. Go buy new clothes and make yourself feel amazing. Flirt with every woman you can. Go on dating sites and meet as many as you can until one of them takes your mind off her.

She is not the only girl in the world who can make you happy. Stop giving a *****.

Yes it's hard and you miss her. She probably misses you to so flip it round. It's her loss.

I'm 46 , I was married now divorced and had several serious relationships. The more distant you are the more they love you. I don't mean ignoring them I mean you have to be mysterious, let a girl wonder. Never let them truly know where your emotions are. You can tell a girl that you love her but do things that make her think. Not with other women but ignore her text or something act aloof. You got to date your girl forever. Always be in control but it has to be balanced it in your favour.

So chin up dude it will get easier in a few weeks if you stop the contact. It's the only way as what ever you say makes it worse. She has to fix this not you and if she wants you she will, if she doesn't go meet the hot girl of your dreams and forget her. There's millions out there.

 

Hey Simply Simon.

I really liked your input on this post and it seems you have quite a bit relationship experience and a woman's mindset. I was wondering if you could give me some input on this email my ex sent me exactly 14 days into my no contact. I have the info in this thread here. Pretty much what you say is to stick to no contact unless she is saying she loves me and wants me back pretty much isn't it. I'm not going to reply but this email just really got on my nerves for some reason.

cheers man

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/443792-ex-who-dumped-me-contacts-me-after-2-weeks-n-c

Edited by Lennon
forgot to add thread link
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