Thought I'd moved on but still can't get my ex out of my head.

[doittojulia]

Hello everyone, I posted on here 3 months ago about my ex and what happened between us. Since then I've moved on and started an awesome relationship with a new girl. She has an awesome personality, is very beautiful, and is just an all around great person. I've honestly never been with someone who has shown me as much affection as she does and who seems to care about me as much as she does.

 

I am very happy with her but for some reason I cannot get my ex out of my head. Even after all she put me through, the lies she told me, the fact that she broke it off and acted like I fell off the face of the earth, my thoughts still keep coming back to her and I keep missing her. I've attempted to go NC since August and I have not reached out to her. She has texted me a couple of times about payments on a guitar she got me and I broke down a few weeks ago and checked her twitter feed. Also, a few weeks ago she randomly sent me a picture of a record she found in a store of a musician we both liked and we had a brief conversation about it but we haven't talked since. That really confused me. We haven't had an actual conversation since July and she sends me that. For the next few days I kept expecting to hear from her but I haven't heard anything since. I keep going over the reasons why we could never be together in my head but for some reason this small part of me keeps hoping she will come back. After being dumped twice (the second time by the ex in question) for someone else, I definitely wouldn't do that to my current GF, and I don't think I could ever trust my ex enough to be in a relationship with her so I don't know why I am hoping for this.

 

Again, I am currently in a great relationship with an awesome girl. I am worried that my thoughts about my ex are holding me back with my current GF and I want to be able to give her my full undivided affection and not have these other thoughts in the back of my head, it's really not fair to her and she definitely doesn't deserve that.

 

Any thoughts on getting past these last few demons?

[Arty54]

Be grateful for what you have found in this new GF and embrace the relationship completely, we don't always get many chances in life to find people that we consider are better and more wonderful than our Ex. You know the pain you went through no doubt following the break up and this ex needs to be forgotten about and placed into your past.

Please do not spoil what you now have in your life!

[mikejensen3355]

That's really awesome you've found something new. A lot of us wish we could be where you are in the process.

 

I'm not there yet, I'm still at the point where I think about my ex all the time. But I don't think there's really anything you can do to just make it stop. Just don't let it truly effect your new relationship. Keep moving forward and do what you're doing and keep up NC and be grateful for where you are and give this girl all you can of yourself.

 

I think ultimately the more you keep moving forward and the longer you have NC going strong, you'll start to think about her less and less. NC since August really isn't that long, so just know that this is normal.

[Riou]

Do you love the new girl? Seems like she's a rebound,you are three months out of a 7 years relationship according to your thread. If you are still thinking of your ex you probably are not over her and the rebound is making you realise it.

[Purepony]

I agree with riou shes a rebound because you moved on too fast.

[LadyM]

Sometimes I think these ex's are like an addiction. It is so hard to get over the fact that someone we are so attached to does not want us anymore. And what a shame that the worse they treat us, the more we think about them!

 

The best way to give this wonderful new girl your complete attention is to have NC with your ex. Every contact you have with her will get you thinking about her again. Resist the temptation. She is not thinking of your best interest when she contacts you. She doesn't know or care that every contact actually harms your well-being.

 

You have been blessed with a new love. Do not let a toxic ex destroy your happiness. Put yourself first and NC will eventually alleviate thoughts of your ex.

[imissyoudear]

i think its totally normal. Maybe you comparing, maybe you miss her sometimes because things with the new girlfriend remind you of her, and most of the time it remind you of good things.

 

It's only 3 months so totally normal that you go through something like that. But if you notice it is more than that, and you would leave your current girl for your ex, well then you are probably in a rebound relationship.

 

Try to find out if you are, if not then continue normal, let it all flow, with time everything will be fine. Talk to your girl, tell her some things, and find out if its ok with her that you talk to your ex. Together you will solve such things very fast and everything will be fine.

[doittojulia]

Thanks for all of the responses, definitely helped provide me with some clarity. I've definitely thought a lot about whether my current GF is a rebound or not because I don't want her to be. Like some of you said, I am very lucky to have found someone like her so quickly. A big reason why I posted on here was that I'm worried that the thoughts about my ex are holding me back in my new relationship. Also, I definitely wouldn't leave my current GF for my ex. I've gone over the reasons we could never be together in my head a thousand times now and I could never trust her again after what happened between us. Like LadyM said, it's almost like an addiction. You make progress to get over them and then something re-triggers all of those emotions and you relapse.The last time we talked it sent me for a loop. I've maintained NC with her since and plan on continuing to do so. Let's just hope I don't hear from her anymore.

 

Again, thanks for the help!!

[crederer]

The thoughts are holding you back and they are there because you have not gotten over the ex fully. That doesn't mean you want her back, it just means emotionally you are not likely ready to date right now.