doittojulia Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Hi, I've gotten a lot of great advice from reading these threads and was hoping to get some help with my situation. I am 25 and got dumped a month ago by that "perfect" girl. We were only together for 8 months but this has hurt worse than when my previous ex and I ended our 7 year relationship. My current ex and I met online and clicked right away. She had been in two bad relationships before me and my previous one wasn't the best either. The baggage we both brought did weigh a little on our relationship but we were still happy we had found each other and had a healthy relationship. We are both teachers and had very similar personalities, interests, and got along great. She has a big family and I got along with them and fit in great. We went on a ski trip with them and visited her cousins a bunch of times. She bought me a really nice guitar for Christmas and we loved playing together. In April we went on a week long road trip to visit her aunt in Mississippi and went to New Orleans while we were down there. Everything was great... We had made a bunch of plans for the summer but then one day in early June she showed up at my place crying saying that she was worried I was more of a friend and that I was not very affectionate (I wasn't but neither was she). She also lost a bunch of weight during our relationship and said that she finally had confidence and wasn't sure if she wanted to date other people. However, we talked and agreed to work on the things that were bothering her. Later that week though she lied to me and said she was going out with a girlfriend when she really went out with a coworker who liked her. She claimed it was just as friends but I didn't believe her. I should have left her right then but I didn't want to give up what we had so we agreed to continue to work on things. However, things continued to go downhill from there. She went away with her family for a week and I could tell she was torn about what she wanted. Her reasons for being upset kept changing, we'd talk about one issue and then suddenly she would bring up something else. When then trip was over and we were both back together things were okay for a couple of days but then she finally dropped the hammer and ended things. I met her at her place and we had a long discussion. She was in tears and said that she couldn't keep dragging me along. She said that she just needed to be alone in order to figure herself out. I told her I understood and didn't put up a fight or try and get her to reconsider. She also said something along the lines of maybe in a couple of months she will have figured everything out and we could get back together but that I shouldn't wait around for her. I agreed. I left that conversation feeling okay. I was just glad it finally happened and I didn't have to stress anymore. I could tell that she really cared about me and was torn that she had to do it. We met up a couple weeks later to exchange some stuff and she I could tell that she was already moving on. I told her I was having trouble accepting everything and she just told me I needed to get over her. I was still very worried that this all had to do with this coworker who she had gone out with. I could tell that they texted all of the time when we were still together and I knew he really liked her. He is six years older than her and was supposed to be moving out to Vegas at the end of July so I though maybe she wanted a to have a no strings attached fling or something. I saw on facebook (on his page, she got rid of hers several months prior) a couple of weeks after we broke up that they had gone to a baseball game together and they obviously had something going on. Then the real kicker. The day he was supposed to be leaving for Vegas (about a month after we broke up) I checked his facebook and saw that he was staying here to be with her. Two days later I log on and I see she had reactivated her account and was in a relationship with him. I felt like I had gotten kicked in the stomach. I immediately blocked both of them and haven't tried to check their pages since. I did text her that day and told her how hurt I was and she said she was sorry but she thought I was over her already. We had a long conversation and I just said that I believed her when she said that they were just friends so it really hurt to see that they were together less than a month after we broke up (it also doesn't help that my previous ex got into another relationship while we were still together). We haven't talked since and I feel a little better but I am still thinking about her a lot. I loved what we had and never thought something like this would happen. The only contact I have with her is through twitter. I haven't un-followed her because she hasn't posted anything about the two of them on there (and even if I did I could still see what she posts). Anyways, I can't figure out what happened. Is this a classic case of G.I.G.S or something else? I know we weren't together for a super long time but it was still a very healthy relationship and we were both happy. It's been a week since we've last talked but I am still feeling bad. How do I take her off of this pedestal and stop hoping she'll come back?
Sneaky Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I read your story and honestly, she does not sound like a good person at all. She lied to you and went on a date with another guy while you were together. She doesn't deserve to be on that pedestal at all. Other than that I don't have too much advice. Keep up no contact and try to stay busy to keep your mind off her. Hobbies and interests help; reading, watching tv, working out etc. I'm not going to say you'll stop missing her or that you're going to give up hope because I still miss my own ex and every once in a while I catch myself getting hopeful for no reason. But it beats torturing yourself by keeping yourself updated of her life. Hope things improve for you. 1
Misfortune Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 It probably hurt more because you're still riding the high of infatuation. I don't know who honestly believes this "I need space"/"I need to find myself" baloney sandwich that's being fed to people. You just have to realize that she's deceitful and a cheat. She was probably hoping you never found out about her relationship and would come to you when she needed an ego boost, knowing how much you liked her. It's really funny how people bring their boo hoo "I was hurt b4 and never want to experience that again" stories into new relationships and then they hurt you. I guess they aren't getting hurt if they're the ones bringing the pain. "Space" is someone on the couch and someone takes the bed. What is this I need my own place, I'll be back in year and all that other stuff? If I'm glued to you so much, how did you manage to get that affair up and running? Am I too young and missing something? 1
Author doittojulia Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 I definitely agree with what both of you said. What really irks me about the whole thing is that she knew about how my ex treated me and why we broke up (she found someone else). She would literally get pissed when she though about how she treated me and talk about how bad of a person she was. Then she goes and does the exact same thing. I really think all of the "find myself" stuff was just a way for her to make herself feel less guilty. When I found out they were together and I texted her she kept telling me not to compare her to my previous ex. Well I guess you shouldn't have done the exact same thing!! The funny thing is I've since been able to forgive my previous ex. We were young and got engaged because we looked at it as the next step. Yeah, it sucked that it ended the way it did but it was bound to happen someday. I'm actually thankful because I definitely dodged a bullet (she's now pregnant with his kid). I guess this time around it was very unexpected. Especially when I was very happy.
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