haggard969 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 (edited) after the bar i was buzzed i drove across town n picked her up. its been about 10 days. we were flirting on text and drove by the river. n parked. we took shots and talked about our lives. she was making it seem like we haven't seen each other forever. all the love was still there. but it was locked in a cage n she wouldn't let it out. we told each other we missed each other etc. we went to her house threw the back door. when we were greeted by her dad. he had a big smile to see me.he told her when i was down stairs that she was making a good decision(thought we were together) we talked down stairs. she told me she had sex with the other guy. i already assumed they did. i could of had sex with her as well but she said id need a condom. we never used condoms n i felt grossed out so i avoided it. we slept with each other all night. i stared at her n watched her sleep. thinking. it wasn't what i expected. i wasn't happy n i felt love n hate for her. we talked in the morning some more while we were sober. she said she just wanted to let loose. n shes not entirely sure what shes doing. she wanted to get experience. i told her that this is all going to bite her in the ass. she said she knows but she hopes not. i said i hope not too. i said i didn't know what was going to happen in the future i asked if i was plan B she said definitely not. she said she has a little plan in her head. that she hopes plays through. she wants to do her thing on her own n let loose n down the road she wants to meet up n start a family. i told her i wont be waiting around. she knows but shes willing to take that chance. oh n we talked about the vacation. she wants me to take her. but i said I'm not sure. i almost wish i didn't go see her. it was a bad decision. i asked if she felt bad n why she didn't show emotion. she said she felt bad n i guess the reason why she wanted to call it off n let loose was because supposedly i intentionally pissed her off and laughed afterwards n she said id do it all the time. i said i didn't mean to. when i left we hugged. i said I'm not sure whats going to happen. i said that she did a lot of damage n hurt me badly. she said she knows. i told her to figure out her life then text me. but until then I'm gone. she looked unsure but she said ok. i was heart broken. n angry. i didn't like how she wouldn't talk about it. she kept the topic about pointless ****. n it made me mad how she had little emotion. i think she was avoiding the topic because she felt cheap n low. i asked her also if she was happy. she said she couldn't tell me. so now im at home. i wish i never met her. she was different. acted different. all this change. in just 10 days. so im going nc again. this time i want to forget forever. i don't know why she changed so much. but its free will. nothing i can do. i don't know if she will contact me or not. but I'm sure everyone was right. when they do come back. you wont want them back. because it will be to late. I'm guessing she will return right when i move on. i feel sorry for her. letting loose isn't all what its cutout to be. n it sucks because i love her so much i would probably pick her out of the trash n dust her off. so everyone thats that. i tried my hardest. got a few more blows to the heart. lost a lot more respect for her. what did i learn? people are cruel n unpredictable. there intentions are masked. you cannot trust anyone. including your self n own emotions. lying is human nature. we are the only creature that lies. its easy to break a heart but not to get yours broken. n for the greener grass on the other side. its not actually grass. its that fake sh*t on the golf course. i miss her. but life too her away. please comment n give advice thanks. Edited October 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Chi townD Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Uggh....*facepalm* welcome back to square one! 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 (edited) after the bar i was buzzed i drove across town n picked her up. its been about 10 days. we were flirting on text and drove by the river. n parked. we took shots and talked about our lives. she was making it seem like we havent seen eachother forever. all the love was still there. but it was locked in a cage n she wouldnt let it out. we told eachother we missed eachother exc. we went to her house threw the back door. when we were greeted by her dad. he had a big smile to see me.he told her when i was down stairs that she was making a good decision(thought we were together) we talked down stairs. she told me she had sex with the other guy. i already assumed they did. i could of had sex with her aswell but she said id need a condom. we never used condoms n i felt grossed out so i avoided it. we slept with eachotther all night. i stared at her n watched her sleep. thinking. it wasnt what i expected. i wasnt happy n i felt love n hate for her. we talked in the morning some more while we were sober. she said she just wanted to let loose. n shes not entirly sure what shes doing. she wanted to get experience. i told her that this is all going to bite her in the ass. she said she knows but she hopes not. i said i hope not too. i said i didnt know what was going to happen in the future i asked if i was plan B she said defenitly not. she said she has a little plan in her head. tgat she hopes plays through. she wants to do her thing on her own n let loose n down the road she wants to meetup n start a family. i told her i wont be waiting around. she knows but shes willing to take that chance. oh n we talked about the vacation. she wants me to take her. but i said im not sure. i almost wish i didnt go see her. it was a bad decision. i asked if she felt bad n why she didnt show emotion. she said she felt bad n i guess the reason why she wanted to call it off n let loose was because supposofly i intentionaly pissed her off and laughed afterwards n she said id do it all the time. i said i didnt mean to. when i left we huged. i said im not sure whats going to happen. i said that she did alot of damage n hert me badly. she said she knows. i told her to figure out her life then text me. but until then im gone. she looked unsure but she said ok. i was heart broken. n angry. i didnt like how she wouldnt talk about it. she kept the topic about pointless ****. n it made me mad how she had little emotion. i think she was avoiding the topic because she felt cheap n low. i asked her also if she was happy. she said she couldnt tell me. so now im at home. i wish i never met her. she was different. acted different. all this change. in just 10 days. so im going nc again. this time i want to forget forever. i dont know why she changed so much. but its free will. nothing i can do. i dont know if she will contact me or not. but im sure everyone was right. when they do come back. you wont want them back. because it will be to late. n im guessing she will return right when i move on. i feel sorry for her. letting loose isnt all what its cutout to be. n it sucks because i love her so much i would probably pick her out of the trash n dust her off. so everyone thats that. i tried my hardest. got a few more blows to the heart. lost alot more respect for her. what did i learn? people are cruel n unpredictable. there intentions are masked. you cannot trust anyone. including your self n own emotions. lying is human nature. we are the only creature that lies. its easy to break a heart but not to get yours broken. n for the greener grass on the other side. its not actually grass. its that fake sh*t on the golf course. i miss her. but life too her away. please comment n give advice thanks. You were CLEARLY more drunk than buzzed at least from your post last night. Even then, its still drunk driving....then took shots and drove more. Respect lost. She is using you as her backup and emotional tampon (and sex buddy). Thats all I have to say. Edited October 25, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing
Author haggard969 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 well i was an emotional wreck. i never used to drink. im just un intentionally slowly commiting suicide
Chi townD Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Yep, suicide is self inflicted.......just like meeting up with her that really wasn't necessary. Because, what exactly did it change? nothing.....
im_thedude Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Seek professional help! If your break-up has led you to drinking, and even worse, drunk driving, you are putting OTHER people at risk! 1
Mariposa10 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 well i was an emotional wreck. i never used to drink. im just un intentionally slowly commiting suicide what about people driving around you??? It's not fair, I don't want to get killed because of your irresponsibility! Don't be so selfish!
Author haggard969 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 i dont care ok. i just need help. no ones helping me. my damb perfect life is gone. n no one cares. i am the only person who cares about this. its not fair it should be her on this stupid website not me.
Mariposa10 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 i dont care ok. i just need help. no ones helping me. my damb perfect life is gone. n no one cares. i am the only person who cares about this. its not fair it should be her on this stupid website not me. Ummm, you just described like 65% of the users on this forum. We are all hurt!! We are all dealing with the same thing you're dealing!! Your situation is not unique at all, sorry to tell you that but you need to understand that. So next time you want to drive while being drunk think of all the families you can destroy thanks to your selfishness. What's so hard to understand?! 1
Mariposa10 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Do you still want to be with someone who did this to you? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/434286-can-someone-explain-me If so, have you thought about seeing a therapist?? I'm serious.
Zahara Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 i dont care ok. i just need help. no ones helping me. my damb perfect life is gone. n no one cares. i am the only person who cares about this. its not fair it should be her on this stupid website not me. You don't care? Well, good for you. I'm sure when you slam into an innocent bystander and you kill or cripple them for the rest of their lives, then maybe you'll get an ounce of your brain back and care, maybe just a little bit. You're a selfish person. Heartbreak is one thing but don't drag others into your mess. 1
NoLeafClover Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 When are you going to learn not to trust a woman ..especially after telling you that you're not plan B but but she wants to keep her options open and...get loose. She sleeps with another guy and you're pretty much still okay with that and end up with her. On top of that, without any shame, she is willing to sleep with you and asks for you to use a condom as if you are the one sleeping around with other women. I am all about safety first, but this is just ridiculous. Things don't add up here. You can either be her puppy and jump every time she says jump or you can be a man and realize this is not someone you would want to spend another ounce of breath in. Forget what she says. Look at her actions and what she's doing with no shame. She is playing both you guys and she'd doing a damn good job at it because she can. Where did the respect go..out the window? Are you really okay with getting someone else's sloppy seconds? You better start to man up, or you are going to be here doing circles till next year.
Mario79 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 You should take some time off. Get away from this, I mean get away not run away, right now your self esteem is pretty low and drinking is away of numbing the pain and not dealing with and it will just become a bigger problem to deal with later. She obviously means so much to you that youll do these things. You should seek help from family if you have any or go to them and connect with someone. Be resilient and look for a support system, going down the road of addiction will just make you go even lower.
Author haggard969 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 your all right. im being a complete idiot. i let her walk all over me. i became a puppet. im so embarassed and ashamed of myself. its emvabarassing because i was inlove with someone who did not love me. n all her sisters n friends new what she was doing months ahead while i thought everything was okay. i got played a wild card n it screwed me. im sorry everyone. look what love does. its a virus and eventually destroys you . she will learn. oneday when her hearts ripped out. as for me i probably wont return to this forum anymore maybe one day. i will stop drinking
Chi townD Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Okay dude, just calm down. Here's the rub. You got screwed over. You got dealt a bad hand and you feel like you're life is in the crapper. I've been there. Hell, we've all been there and some of us are still going through it. That's why people come on here for support and advice to get us through the most painful part of this. I've written this before. You're at the bottom, right? End of your rope. Well, that's it then! There's only one direction to go and that's up! But, YOU have to find the motivation to climb; we can't do that for you. We can be your cheering section and give you words of encouragement, but you have to do the work. We can also supply you with the tools you need to heal. You just need to use them. You already know the importance of NC. That's your best tool in the box, but you got to use it. There's a saying, the right tool for the right job. If you use the wrong tool on something what happens? It breaks or you END UP GETTING HURT!! So, be mindful of what you're doing and WHY you're doing it. i.e. using NC to get your Ex back. Wrong tool, wrong job. Using NC to heal, move on, take back your power and your life. Right tool, right job! Make sense? Now, I'm not gonna bash on you for the drinking and driving. (everyone else already took care of that). But, during this time, I think it would be wise not to drink. Now, you're a grown ass man and I can't tell you NOT to drink, but we tend to make stupid mistakes when we drink and especially after we suffer a loss (your relationship). We may end up drunk dialing, driving and (God forbid) suicide. So, until you get a handle on your life, I would strongly suggest to lay off the bottle. If you're having a hard time of things, I STRONGLY recommend that you see your Doctor. Tell him or her what's going on in your life. They may put you on some antidepressants for a little bit. There's nothing wrong with needing some meds to get you through the tough times. No shame in it. 1
JDPT Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 You are clearly not plan B. You are and perhaps have been for a while plan Z. Welcome back to day 1.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Ummm, you just described like 65% of the users on this forum! Ha!! Got to be closer to 95% your all right. im being a complete idiot. i let her walk all over me. i became a puppet. im so embarassed and ashamed of myself. its emvabarassing because i was inlove with someone who did not love me. Hey man, join the club. This, in itself, is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Happened to me. Happened to many others too. Now, how do you handle it? That is the $10,000 question. So, how are you going to handle it????
headinthecloud Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 your all right. im being a complete idiot. i let her walk all over me. i became a puppet. im so embarassed and ashamed of myself. its emvabarassing because i was inlove with someone who did not love me. n all her sisters n friends new what she was doing months ahead while i thought everything was okay. i got played a wild card n it screwed me. im sorry everyone. look what love does. its a virus and eventually destroys you . she will learn. oneday when her hearts ripped out. as for me i probably wont return to this forum anymore maybe one day. i will stop drinking I'm sorry you're going through this pain. You didnt deserve it. But you have to be kind to yourself. If you were still together and she was hurt I'm sure you'd console her. So take that empathy and hug yourself right now. It's ok to feel pain but know it will pass. One day you will feel better but you must work at it. Don't lie down and take it! Watch this clip from Rocky, it will help. Don't lie down...fight!
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 i dont care ok. i just need help. no ones helping me. my damb perfect life is gone. n no one cares. i am the only person who cares about this. its not fair it should be her on this stupid website not me. You SHOULD CARE!!!!!!! Unbelievable.
JDPT Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 NO ONE in life will propel you but YOU, no one. Internalize, embrace and accept this reality.
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