When does this pain end?!

[Froelich87]

You can check out my other two threads.

 

It's almost been a month since the break up. (No Contact was broken Friday... look at that thread before commenting about it)

 

Our 3 year anniversary will be on November 8th. How do you think she will be feeling? She told me to "ask another girl out on the 8th" during the break up talk.

 

The pain seems to be getting worse and I hate it so much. I was up at 4 this morning from a bad dream. (No detail, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about) and then I just laid in my bed for 3 hours trying to get back to sleep but all that happened was memory after memory. Very painful.

 

We were together almost 3 years. 1 1/2 years was long distance. She told me that she "needed" me here. I finally transferred last January 4 hours away from my home. 9 months later I'm dumped and I feel so lonely, sad and abandoned.

 

I don't want her back but I miss EVERYTHING.

 

I haven't fully grieved as far as crying goes yet. Sometimes I feel like it will happen but it just never happens. Is this normal for me not to cry?

 

I honestly don't know what to do with myself.

 

I feel like I will never love again. I feel like I won't meet anybody else. I'm 26 (I know you will say that I'm young) but I feel like it will be too late for me to love again. I'm scared of that.

 

I'm really hurting right now.

 

Any advice would be awesome. :-(

[mikejensen3355]

I wish there was something to say that's going to make it go away right now. But there isn't. And to be honest a month isn't a long time at all for this. The good thing is you don't want her back. Accepting that it's over and that it's never coming back is a big part of the battle. There's a horrible grieving process that goes with it that you're going through now but that's something you have to go through and at least you're choosing to do it now rather than keep hopes alive and delaying the inevitable.

 

The other thing you have to just accept is that it's going to hurt for a while. All you can do is take the necessary steps, like no-contact, betting yourself by being active, and meeting new people. It's all going to hurt and it's all going to be tough. There's going to be constant reminders in everything you do. You're not going to want to work out. You're going to be miserable meeting new people sometimes and you'll be distracted with thoughts of your ex and you'll go home feeling awful and that everything's a waste of time and that there's no point in living.

 

Know that this stuff is normal and we're all going through it. And that those things aren't a waste of time just because you don't feel better after it right now. It's a process. You have to just hang in there right now and take the pain and do some things you don't want to do. Survive each day. I know the pain seems unbearable but you are bearing it. It hurts like nothing else has. It's a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

 

But you will eventually start to feel better. And you will love again. I'm still going through it and I only feel a little better right now and my breakup was at the beginning of July. But even that little better has given me the hope that I will fully heal from this someday. We all will heal from this stuff. But it does take time and work and will-power. Don't try to get in contact with her, don't look at her facebook, cut her out completely.

 

You're stronger than you think and will make it. I honestly didn't think I would, I thought my life was over. But it wasn't, and yours isn't either. You will eventually heal!

[mammasita]

It takes time.....

 

Let yourself grieve, let yourself feel the pain. Face it head on, don't shove it under a rug and ignore it hoping it will go away. We've all been there, I promise it gets better.

[barky2]

It takes time.....

 

Let yourself grieve, let yourself feel the pain. Face it head on, don't shove it under a rug and ignore it hoping it will go away. We've all been there, I promise it gets better.

 

This^^^

 

Embrace what comes at you.

 

Embrace the pain and hurt and ups an downs

 

Go thru it dude

 

We've all been there.

 

I wish I could say something to end it but I can't

 

All I can say is like mammasita, that I do promise it gets better.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Froelich87]

This^^^

 

Embrace what comes at you.

 

Embrace the pain and hurt and ups an downs

 

Go thru it dude

 

We've all been there.

 

I wish I could say something to end it but I can't

 

All I can say is like mammasita, that I do promise it gets better.

 

 

I wish I could quote everybody's feedback in one comment. Thanks to all of you.

 

Barky, you've commented on my threads before. And honestly, I have been doing everything that you've told me to do. I've been doing everything that everybody has told me to do. I was doing great. I was mourning the loss at first but then I just dove face first back into the single life. She wanted me gone? Great. There is her wish. But everything went downhill after the NC (of almost a month) got broken. ( Please find my name and read that thread for a better understanding. A reply there of your opinion would be awesome, too. It's just called Broke No Contact... I think it's on page 3 or 4 )

 

But yeah, I've been doing better then usual the last 2 weeks until that happened. It obviously still hurt and sucked but I started to see a very slight glimpse of improvement. And then it happened.

 

One last question... if it was a decent relationship...mostly good minus fights, with a great bond... do the female dumpers ever feel grief or regret?

 

We were so close in almost every way. When the news broke she was so calm and collective about it... I think that killed me the most.

[ponchsox]

This^^^

 

Embrace what comes at you.

 

Embrace the pain and hurt and ups an downs

 

Go thru it dude

 

We've all been there.

 

I wish I could say something to end it but I can't

 

All I can say is like mammasita, that I do promise it gets better.

 

 

I wish I could quote everybody's feedback in one comment. Thanks to all of you.

 

Barky, you've commented on my threads before. And honestly, I have been doing everything that you've told me to do. I've been doing everything that everybody has told me to do. I was doing great. I was mourning the loss at first but then I just dove face first back into the single life. She wanted me gone? Great. There is her wish. But everything went downhill after the NC (of almost a month) got broken. ( Please find my name and read that thread for a better understanding. A reply there of your opinion would be awesome, too. It's just called Broke No Contact... I think it's on page 3 or 4 )

 

But yeah, I've been doing better then usual the last 2 weeks until that happened. It obviously still hurt and sucked but I started to see a very slight glimpse of improvement. And then it happened.

 

One last question... if it was a decent relationship...mostly good minus fights, with a great bond... do the female dumpers ever feel grief or regret?

 

We were so close in almost every way. When the news broke she was so calm and collective about it... I think that killed me the most.

 

I went through the same situation. It pissed me off to no end that she was so calm and collective about it. I think women are better off at keeping emotion out of it and thinking big picture. Guys tend to act like the world is coming to an end. I asked her several times if it was hard for her. She answered, why are you asking me, of course. I had to piss her off to get emotion out of her. It was wrong, but I wanted her to feel pain like I did.

[barky2]

I'll take a look at the old thread bro but first and foremost.

 

You coulda bought her a rolls Royce,brand new house on the ocean, been absolutely perfect to her and y'all still coulda broke up.

 

The thing is, something was wrong.

 

There's a reason why y'all broke up.

 

The thing is, you WILL torment the crap out of yourself if you wonder what you did wrong ect

 

Do they ever regret?

 

Sure some do.

 

Do some just move on?

 

Sure some do.

 

You have to stop wondering if she will, stop the hope.

 

Open up and be ok with, ok you know what...we are broken up and not together, she and I are both free and ok to do whatever we want.

 

You have to get over this hump.

 

Be ok with your situation!!!!!

 

When every you start getting down say fug it!

 

You will have down days, you'll have great days... But embrace the bad.

 

To answer your question,nothing is predictable but death and pooping.

 

I can't answer if She WILL regret it, but over time a lot do.

 

But I wouldn't hold out for her.

 

There's someone out there man if you give up,let go, that you will love the exact same if not MORE.

 

Let me see if I can find your other thread to get a background

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Froelich87]

 

I went through the same situation. It pissed me off to no end that she was so calm and collective about it. I think women are better off at keeping emotion out of it and thinking big picture. Guys tend to act like the world is coming to an end. I asked her several times if it was hard for her. She answered, why are you asking me, of course. I had to piss her off to get emotion out of her. It was wrong, but I wanted her to feel pain like I did.

 

Same here man. She did sound a bit pissed when I finally got it out of her. I was like what the f? It did't make sense to me. She was just agreeing with I had said without that much emotion at all. " You're right...3 years is a lot of memories and I won't be okay for a long time." Blah blah blah. Deep down I'm just like... That's it? Lol, after all we have been through, that's all you have to say to me? and then...to top it all off... you only want to get emotional and cry when I say that I WILL NOT be your "best friend"? Are you fuggin kiddin' me?! I straight up asked her, "by me being your best friend, is that going to make you get over me quicker?" and all she had to say was: "I don't know, I just don't want to be alone." .... SERIOUSLY?! I never really said much back... but in my mind I'm thinkin' I MOVED 4 HOURS TO BE WITH YOU!!! AND NOW IM ABANDONED IN SOUTHERN ILLINOIS!!!!!!!

 

Yeah, I'm going to school... which was a part of why I moved down... but I coulda went anywhere I wanted to go... SIU was at the bottom of my list. Only reason it made it was because of her.

 

 

And Barky... thank you so much man. I'm trying. Lord believe I'm trying to hang in there. I feel like I'm making all of the right steps but at the end of the day...I'm afraid that I AM hanging on to false hope in my mind....I'm afraid that I haven't let go...and dammit....I think I'm afraid of letting go in general. I just don't know how.

[ponchsox]

 

Same here man. She did sound a bit pissed when I finally got it out of her. I was like what the f? It did't make sense to me. She was just agreeing with I had said without that much emotion at all. " You're right...3 years is a lot of memories and I won't be okay for a long time." Blah blah blah. Deep down I'm just like... That's it? Lol, after all we have been through, that's all you have to say to me? and then...to top it all off... you only want to get emotional and cry when I say that I WILL NOT be your "best friend"? Are you fuggin kiddin' me?! I straight up asked her, "by me being your best friend, is that going to make you get over me quicker?" and all she had to say was: "I don't know, I just don't want to be alone." .... SERIOUSLY?! I never really said much back... but in my mind I'm thinkin' I MOVED 4 HOURS TO BE WITH YOU!!! AND NOW IM ABANDONED IN SOUTHERN ILLINOIS!!!!!!!

 

Yeah, I'm going to school... which was a part of why I moved down... but I coulda went anywhere I wanted to go... SIU was at the bottom of my list. Only reason it made it was because of her.

 

 

And Barky... thank you so much man. I'm trying. Lord believe I'm trying to hang in there. I feel like I'm making all of the right steps but at the end of the day...I'm afraid that I AM hanging on to false hope in my mind....I'm afraid that I haven't let go...and dammit....I think I'm afraid of letting go in general. I just don't know how.

 

Yeah, she told me she wanted to remain as friends, but I refuse to be friend zoned by an ex because they like hanging out with me or want no strings attached sex. That makes it about them. They didn't want to be with me for good, so I'm moving on to someone that does.

[Froelich87]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/433653-broke-no-contact

 

page 6 I guess.

 

Apparently everybody is going through this... I just posted this Friday lol

[Trick1004]

Froelich,

 

You'll get there man. You just have to give it time. I'm about five months into the end of my 3 1/2 year r/s with my ex and was a complete mess the first month or so but am doing so much better now.

 

I don't know how but I managed to avoid the begging and whatnot to her, I think her cold attitude toward me when she ended it had a lot to do with it. Her wanting to remain "friends" like she was doing me a damn favor, royally pissed me off.

 

Stick with NC until (and you will) reach a point where you just don't care anymore. Until you hit that point any contact you have with the ex will keep you in limbo.

 

Trick

[Froelich87]

Froelich,

 

You'll get there man. You just have to give it time. I'm about five months into the end of my 3 1/2 year r/s with my ex and was a complete mess the first month or so but am doing so much better now.

 

I don't know how but I managed to avoid the begging and whatnot to her, I think her cold attitude toward me when she ended it had a lot to do with it. Her wanting to remain "friends" like she was doing me a damn favor, royally pissed me off.

 

Stick with NC until (and you will) reach a point where you just don't care anymore. Until you hit that point any contact you have with the ex will keep you in limbo.

 

Trick

 

 

Thats the advice everyone is giving me and its been working. However, last night somebody commented on an old photo on FB. I went to reply and my ex's old comment was still there and I could see picture. How is this possible when I unfriended her snd blocked her?!

That sent me right into limbo.

any idea how that happened?

[Am4Real]

All said in a little hillbilly accent fashion but still correct and good advice to you nonetheless.

 

Time is on your side and against you at the same time.

 

Days will seem to take on longer duration than they ever did before and likely sleep is constantly interrupted. However time will work it's magic.

 

No one know how much time, although you were together three years and there is much hurt for you so be patient.

 

Definitely start a private journal to release your thoughts and frustration and post here often

 

 

I'll take a look at the old thread bro but first and foremost.

 

You coulda bought her a rolls Royce,brand new house on the ocean, been absolutely perfect to her and y'all still coulda broke up.

 

The thing is, something was wrong.

 

There's a reason why y'all broke up.

 

The thing is, you WILL torment the crap out of yourself if you wonder what you did wrong ect

 

Do they ever regret?

 

Sure some do.

 

Do some just move on?

 

Sure some do.

 

You have to stop wondering if she will, stop the hope.

 

Open up and be ok with, ok you know what...we are broken up and not together, she and I are both free and ok to do whatever we want.

 

You have to get over this hump.

 

Be ok with your situation!!!!!

 

When every you start getting down say fug it!

 

You will have down days, you'll have great days... But embrace the bad.

 

To answer your question,nothing is predictable but death and pooping.

 

I can't answer if She WILL regret it, but over time a lot do.

 

But I wouldn't hold out for her.

 

There's someone out there man if you give up,let go, that you will love the exact same if not MORE.

 

Let me see if I can find your other thread to get a background

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Am4Real]

The held in facts and eventual anger or agitation is often because they were thinking about the break up for weeks or months before it happened, tossing their positions and perspective around in their minds over and over again until they eventually came to their decision.

 

Once that decision was made, all they had to do was tell you about it. The decision that is. They are so worn out with thinking about the break up they are very ready to close the book on the chapter.

 

When they tell you, it's new news to you, you are just beginning to think about it (obviously) and this is a direct challenge to their closure on the subject. Questioning for information, even though all warranted, seems to bring on agitation.

 

This is not always the case, sometime the dumper plainly can not tolerate the dumpee for whatever reason, however I tend to go with the initial reasoning.

 

 

 

 

 

Same here man. She did sound a bit pissed when I finally got it out of her. I was like what the f? It did't make sense to me. She was just agreeing with I had said without that much emotion at all. " You're right...3 years is a lot of memories and I won't be okay for a long time." Blah blah blah. Deep down I'm just like... That's it? Lol, after all we have been through, that's all you have to say to me? and then...to top it all off... you only want to get emotional and cry when I say that I WILL NOT be your "best friend"? Are you fuggin kiddin' me?! I straight up asked her, "by me being your best friend, is that going to make you get over me quicker?" and all she had to say was: "I don't know, I just don't want to be alone." .... SERIOUSLY?! I never really said much back... but in my mind I'm thinkin' I MOVED 4 HOURS TO BE WITH YOU!!! AND NOW IM ABANDONED IN SOUTHERN ILLINOIS!!!!!!!

 

Yeah, I'm going to school... which was a part of why I moved down... but I coulda went anywhere I wanted to go... SIU was at the bottom of my list. Only reason it made it was because of her.

 

 

And Barky... thank you so much man. I'm trying. Lord believe I'm trying to hang in there. I feel like I'm making all of the right steps but at the end of the day...I'm afraid that I AM hanging on to false hope in my mind....I'm afraid that I haven't let go...and dammit....I think I'm afraid of letting go in general. I just don't know how.

Edited October 23, 2013 by Am4Real