Broke No Contact

[Froelich87]

It's been almost 3 weeks. I didn't do this on purpose. My phone just rang and I had no idea what number was calling me. I answered it and it was my ex girlfriend saying that her axel came off of her car and she needed help fixing it. I asked who it was again. ( Just because for some reason I couldn't believe that she was calling me ) I asked my brother while still on the phone if he could go and help her. She heard and said "You can't come help me? Fine, send your brother."

 

I told her that I was sending him and he would be there shortly.

It was so awkward and now I can feel the wounds reopening. I was doing so well. :-(

 

I know that I shouldn't be regretting not going and helping her myself because I just figured that it was only breadcrumbs and nothing good would have come out of it. I was thinking though, I had already just talked to her... why not?

 

In the end, I stayed here and my brother went. He is there now.

 

I was having such a great day until right now.

 

Please help!!!

 

My heart is racing and in a horrible way.

 

The wound has re opened and need people to talk to before I go insane.

[Froelich87]

I have deleted her number almost a month ago.

 

Have been complete no contact for almost three weeks.

 

The number she called me from wasn't her number (unless she got a new one)

 

So, had I known it was her calling, I wouldn't have picked up. ( At least I hope I wouldn't have. )

 

This pain hurts so bad. I was doing so damn good.

[AnyaNova]

Breathe. Stay calm. And block her number as soon as possible. You do not need to go through this..

.

You did the exactly right thing. Can you imagine what you would have felt upon getting home, if you had gone and succumbed to her breadcrumbs?.

.

You are doing good. You are holding the line. It is hard and it hurts like hell. With the possible exception of answering the phone, you did nothing wrong here..

.

It is a setback, but you will survive it. I intentionally broke NC, and thought that I was going to freaking die (not really, but close). I am still here, still breathing, so close to over my ex I can smell it, and you will be too, when you are ready..

.

But please, tell your brain the truth, that you did the right thing in sending your brother and sparing yourself pain!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

It's been almost 3 weeks. I didn't do this on purpose. My phone just rang and I had no idea what number was calling me. I answered it and it was my ex girlfriend saying that her axel came off of her car and she needed help fixing it. I asked who it was again. ( Just because for some reason I couldn't believe that she was calling me ) I asked my brother while still on the phone if he could go and help her. She heard and said "You can't come help me? Fine, send your brother."

 

I told her that I was sending him and he would be there shortly.

It was so awkward and now I can feel the wounds reopening. I was doing so well. :-(

 

I know that I shouldn't be regretting not going and helping her myself because I just figured that it was only breadcrumbs and nothing good would have come out of it. I was thinking though, I had already just talked to her... why not?

 

In the end, I stayed here and my brother went. He is there now.

 

I was having such a great day until right now.

 

Please help!!!

 

My heart is racing and in a horrible way.

 

The wound has re opened and need people to talk to before I go insane.

 

 

Hell, I wouldnt even have sent your brother. I like how you didnt go though that was pretty smooth (and even asking who it was even if you actually didnt.).

 

Anyways, you had no control over it and it sounded like you handled it okay. Again, I wouldnt even have sent your brother, but hey, whats done is done.

 

Just go back to NC and keep moving forward.

[Froelich87]

Thanks to both of you.

 

Yes, it was like a complete rush and now I feel like I am back where I started.

 

All I want to do is ask my brother if she asked about me, how she is doing, etc. but I know deep down that I shouldn't. I shouldn't know anything.

 

Why couldn't she have just left me alone? Why couldn't she had just called a mechanic or somebody else?

 

We haven't spoken in 3 weeks and out of the blue she thinks that I will just go to her aid like everything is fine?

 

This really freaking hurts.

 

Maybe now I get why you said that I shouldn't have even sent my brother.

 

But, I'm not a complete *******.

 

What would you have done differently? Just hung the phone up after she asked for help?

[dolita]

You did fine, by not showing up but mature enough to help

The one who should be feeling ashamed is her

[Froelich87]

You did fine, by not showing up but mature enough to help

The one who should be feeling ashamed is her

 

How so?

 

She doesn't seem like the person that I thought she was so I really doubt that she feels any shame. (Maybe she does, though.)

 

I was the one who told her that I'm going no contact and that I would contact her when I was ready. ( Which I really wasn't going to do. She thought we would stay friends, I'll probably contact her in a year or so... or just un block her from Facebook when I am healed.)

 

I just don't understand why she couldn't respect me.

[Froelich87]

Well, apparently Gabe (my brother) said that her phone wasn't working and she used some lady's phone and my number was the only one she could remember. Weird. I hate this.

[Froelich87]

I asked Gabe if she asked how I was doing or anything and he said that she asked about me last weekend. (Apparently he saw her at Riffs (a bar in our hometown during fall break) and she asked about me and he just said I was doing alright....said "she looked like she was going to cry") He said he didn't want to tell me about seeing her. But, Idk. I hope that now (even though she might had no choice to contact me) that she gets the drift that she was the one who wanted to be out of my life and me out of hers... so hopefully she realizes that I'm not going to be in it.. no matter what. She gets her wish.

 

This is so damn hard.

 

Please keep talking to me. I'm going insane.

:-(

[Simon Phoenix]

Honestly, you handled that fine. I would have told her to call AAA, but you did OK. I would stop asking your brother about her though.

[Sugarkane]

Honestly she couldn't have contacted anyone else?! That's why you pay insurance for.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, she was looking for him to "save" her. She could have easily typed in "AAA towing" or anything like that into the phone's internet and been able to find someone to tow her car but she was looking to get her ex to bail her out with no thought given to how he'll feel.

[lollipopspot]

You did great. A lot of people probably would have gone out themselves, instead of sending the brother - hoping for some relief or reconciliation or something - so you probably did better than most in that situation.

[Froelich87]

Yeah, she was looking for him to "save" her. She could have easily typed in "AAA towing" or anything like that into the phone's internet and been able to find someone to tow her car but she was looking to get her ex to bail her out with no thought given to how he'll feel.

 

If what my brother had said was true, do you think she should have still used another ladies phone to call triple A or something?

 

I am in no way agreeing that what she did was right.

 

I'm not trying to sound sexist by any means but maybe she just froze up in the situation and really didn't know who else to call.

 

Although, I do find it hilarious that she still called me because she knows I know absolutely nothing about cars so I really don't know what she thought how I could have helped in any way possible.

 

This was really hard for me to not go. Deep down I knew that even though the wounds re opened that would have been nothing compared to how I would have felt if I really did end up going there.

 

It feels good. Now she knows that I'm out of her life and she is out of mine. The way that she wanted it. That was her wish, I granted it.

 

She knows that I am no longer her responsibility. That I'm not "waiting on a damn leash" and crying over her.. wanting her to be with me.

 

She made the bed and she has to lie in it... the same way that I'm lying in this **** hole right now.

 

Maybe eventually she will finally realize all of this and either A) Regret it or B) has to deal with it. C) Maybe she just won't do either because maybe she's just that cold of a person. However, I've been with her for almost 3 years and I know that she really isn't that cold of a person. She's just a better actor then I am.

 

Keep em' coming people! This is actually making me feel better!

[Simon Phoenix]

If what my brother had said was true, do you think she should have still used another ladies phone to call triple A or something?

 

I am in no way agreeing that what she did was right.

 

I'm not trying to sound sexist by any means but maybe she just froze up in the situation and really didn't know who else to call.

 

Although, I do find it hilarious that she still called me because she knows I know absolutely nothing about cars so I really don't know what she thought how I could have helped in any way possible.

 

This was really hard for me to not go. Deep down I knew that even though the wounds re opened that would have been nothing compared to how I would have felt if I really did end up going there.

 

It feels good. Now she knows that I'm out of her life and she is out of mine. The way that she wanted it. That was her wish, I granted it.

 

She knows that I am no longer her responsibility. That I'm not "waiting on a damn leash" and crying over her.. wanting her to be with me.

 

She made the bed and she has to lie in it... the same way that I'm lying in this **** hole right now.

 

Maybe eventually she will finally realize all of this and either A) Regret it or B) has to deal with it. C) Maybe she just won't do either because maybe she's just that cold of a person. However, I've been with her for almost 3 years and I know that she really isn't that cold of a person. She's just a better actor then I am.

 

Keep em' coming people! This is actually making me feel better!

 

She could have froze up. You handled it fine. Honestly, the best thing you could have done was call triple A for her, but I think all in all, you passed this test nicely.

[StyleOnEm]

It doesn't matter what was going through her mind.

 

Don't rationalize the situation & assume how she processed it.

 

YOU are the only one that matters now.

[Froelich87]

I appreciate everybody's comments.

 

Here is where I stand: My brother told me that her phone is just screwed. Black screen. Can't even use it.

 

I sort of feel bad. Had this happened Sunday when she was driving back to school on the Interstate, she would have died. In which case I would have really been grieving.

 

She used a lady's phone to call the only person she knew (who apparently thought would be there for her) and I didn't go help. ( I guess all I would have done would have been call a tow truck since I don't know anything about cars but still) I guess this breaking NC thing kind of killed me because all I'm doing is beating myself up for it.

 

What I am about to say will probably piss some people off. Hell, I'm even pissed myself. I get pissed when I read people's threads and the person never listens to the advice and keeps making up plans to keep breaking contact.

 

I don't know. I was thinking about emailing her and saying that I didn't do any of it to spite her. I did it for me. She had a horrible day. But... at the same token, I've had a horrible month. And where was she?

 

I've taken all of the right steps to get over her and was seeing small glimpses of things starting to work themselves out. And this happens out of no where and puts me back into stage one again.

 

I'm not going to email her but the thought has continued to cross my mind.

 

I'm hurting really bad now.

 

I apologize for the novel... but please keep responding. :-/

[Simon Phoenix]

I mean, you did help indirectly. You got your brother there to help her. You don't owe her crap. You did fine. Don't cowtow and be a wuss now. You helped without making an awkward scene. You aren't at stage one -- you'd be at stage one if you went out there. And yes, I'll be pissed if you turn into a wuss and e-mail her apologizing for something you have no business apologizing for. Turn off your brain as much as you can. She's safe, you're fine. Don't overanalyze.

[JDPT]

You have nothing to apologize for, you went above and beyond and she should be grateful if not well screw her. Don't allow her problems to be yours. You don't owe her a thing, she is a big girl and can take care of herself.

[Axee]

After she broke up with you, she called to ask you to help her..She knew you will drop everything and come over..

 

This is so selfish and mean ..

 

You be strong and good that you sent your brother...

[Froelich87]

Thank you guys so much!

 

I'm still awake and I can't sleep. I definitely got it bad.

All those memories came rushing back to me like a natural disaster.

What used to be waves are now hurricane's and tsunami's if you guys catch my drift.

 

I can't stop beating myself up over this.

 

I guess the whole thing was just so unexpected and now my brain keeps over analyzing every little thing. I don't know how to make it stop.

 

I've been trying to keep my focus on other things but my mind keeps wondering back.

 

Any more advice would be so helpful.

 

I'm guessing this is going to be one of those all nighters. :-/

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't get why you are beating yourself up for this? I mean, you answered the phone, you sent help, I'm really not sure what you think you did wrong. Are you more distraught that you actually answered, or that you didn't physically go? Either way, this stuff is hard enough without you unnecessarily beating yourself up about a situation which you handled fine.

 

I guess you need to ask yourself what outcome wouldn't have led to you being all goofy. Not answering the phone? Or actually physically going? The first you couldn't help -- it was a phone number you didn't recognize. The second would have been pointless, you aren't a mechanic and you aren't at her beck and call anymore. You need to get a hold of yourself dude, you are massively overthinking this. If this was a test, you would have gotten a 92 percent but you are acting like you failed. I mean, I don't really get it.

 

Whatever you do, don't send a sad bastard apology. You'd be basically cementing yourself as her bitch if you do.

[geegee81]

You did good. You handled it the right way. Just make sure you block her number. She has to find another person to depend on when she needs help. Its no longer your job.

[Froelich87]

I don't get why you are beating yourself up for this? I mean, you answered the phone, you sent help, I'm really not sure what you think you did wrong. Are you more distraught that you actually answered, or that you didn't physically go? Either way, this stuff is hard enough without you unnecessarily beating yourself up about a situation which you handled fine.

 

I guess you need to ask yourself what outcome wouldn't have led to you being all goofy. Not answering the phone? Or actually physically going? The first you couldn't help -- it was a phone number you didn't recognize. The second would have been pointless, you aren't a mechanic and you aren't at her beck and call anymore. You need to get a hold of yourself dude, you are massively overthinking this. If this was a test, you would have gotten a 92 percent but you are acting like you failed. I mean, I don't really get it.

 

Whatever you do, don't send a sad bastard apology. You'd be basically cementing yourself as her bitch if you do.

 

 

You're completely right. I'm over thinking way too much.

 

Doesn't everybody in this situation though? Especially when the wounds and pain are still fresh? I mean it hasn't even been a month and whatever progress I was making just stopped the minute I heard her voice.

 

I'm not sure why I'm so distraught. I think it deals with a little bit of both.

 

It's just the regret. The would of, Could of, Should of's that come along with grieving after a break up.

 

My brain just starts over analyzing every possible scenario and for some reason I feel like "If you had gone at least you know that there's nothing left to regret, nothing left to question"

But I know that's B.S. because regret comes and goes no matter what situation.

 

I don't know. Today hasn't been good. The mornings have always sucked but this morning when I woke up I could feel the physical pain and emptiness in my gut.

 

Any advice to force your brain to stop thinking about her and over analyzing this situation?

[Froelich87]

Honestly, the biggest regret that I'm feeling now (and I realize that I'm going to read this and look stupid for it) Is that I'm not moved on.

 

I thought maybe if I went and helped her that she would realize what she lost and want to reconcile.

 

Dumb, I know.

 

Still, I didn't go.

 

She may hate me now. I'm sure those feelings towards me will pass if she's smart. She knows that she hurt me. She knows that I'm hurt. Even though, what she did was acted out because she had nobody else to call or go to she should still realize that it wasn't the right course of action. Hopefully she realizes this. But then again, she could just be completely heartless.