AnyaNova Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 (edited) Ugh!!!! I miss, yeah, cuddling. :-( It is cold and rainy. I want cocoa, a nice big thick comfy blanket. A nice movie and someone to cuddle with! Edited December 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator fixed code 5
JoelBarish Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 I miss the private jokes that only my ex and I would get. 2
Author AnyaNova Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 I miss those too, although, now it is more the idea of having someone who shares those jokes, not him in particular anymore. But on these cold and rainy days, I am like a kitty. I want to burrow in under the blankets with someone that I love who is nice and warm, and curl up and purr. Better yet. Cuddles, in-jokes, cocoa, thick blanket, and kitty. . . I swear winter is the worst time to be single and varying degrees of recently ex-ed. 2
Author AnyaNova Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Okay. After food, bubble bath, book, and bed. Missing cuddling isn't helping anything. 1
JoelBarish Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 It's okay to miss the cuddles. Your feelings are valid because they are your own. Just as my feelings are valid that I miss my ex and our inside jokes. Remember we can't hide from our feelings. It's part of the healing process. That sounds like a very cozy evening you have planned.
monkeymaid Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I'm with you guys! It is Friday night and I am sitting here staring at my clock because its all I can do to not look and see what she did today. Hell, I'm couch surfing to aggressively save money, so I don't even have a bed to sleep in. I think Id be happy with that, though I'm sure it would feel empty if I did. Anyway, you've got invisible friends through your magic computer box, so at least you're not alone! 1
Author AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Dammit dammit dammit dammit! So I got restless, and decided to go out on the town by myself. Which was fine and great. No problems there. Had a split second where I thought I saw my ex with another woman, but it wasn't him, the face was way too long, narrow, and normally shaped (my exes was kind of odd, in a way). So even that was fine. But then, there is this parking lot downtown, among a sea of small parking lots behind the main drag, that always disappears into a parallel universe, black hole, or vortex. And my ex and I managed to lose where we parked and had to walk back and forth on that street looking for the right lot, over and over. And I did, too, tonight. Had a bad trip down memory lane. And the time it happened, was the night before we were officially together, but I think that night we both knew that we were going to be together. Small pity party going on, but not too badly, and I will get it out of my system quickly. Miss cuddles! Miss coupledom! Want pancakes! (I think my extroverted sensing has taken the wheel, this is not good). That clinches it. Just relaxing fun for the rest of the evening. And exes can all go take a dive into the nearest lake. They leave us for GIGS, the leave us with real explanations, they leave us with plausible explanations, they leave us with flat damn lies, or in my case, they leave us bloody confused. But the upshot is. They leave us. Lets leave them. For good. In the past where they belong. :-p 1
Mr Scorpio Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Miss cuddles! Miss coupledom! Want pancakes! You know... one of those things is in your control and it can be as sweet as you want.
Author AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Mr. Scorpio, You are seven shades of awesome. I hope you realize that! :-)
Author AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 I'm with you guys! It is Friday night and I am sitting here staring at my clock because its all I can do to not look and see what she did today. Hell, I'm couch surfing to aggressively save money, so I don't even have a bed to sleep in. I think Id be happy with that, though I'm sure it would feel empty if I did. Anyway, you've got invisible friends through your magic computer box, so at least you're not alone! The church of the dumped, and a few of the dumpers, but not nearly as many. :-) At least we can congregate with others who will listen, and not after three weeks that the magic clock has ticked down and we should now be completely, "over it." :-p
monkeymaid Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Ive been in and out of a lot of relationships and this one has been by far the hardest to let go of. I am 4 weeks broken up on Sunday, but saw her (and slept with her) last saturday. I havent looked at her emails for 2 days (and counting), and I suspect this one will be on my mind for a while. The song "hurt" by Nine Inch Nails does me in every time. That line where he says,"my sweetest friend" ...i'm crying just typing it. She was everything and because I was depressed and couldnt figure it out, I let her go. I keep thinkning that I should have just held out longer, or kissed her one more time.She was unhappy, and I just wanted her to be happy. I am so sad now. I miss her so much and I just want to smile about anything, but I just cant seem to find somethign to be happy about. ...sorry about ranting, I just started typing, and it all just came out. I've been going out like you Anya, but everything is a trigger. Literally everything. There is no part of my life that she didnt permeate. Good for you for even being able to go out. Next time, you might even be happy I hope to get to where you are at anytime before the end of the year. The rule I heard for "Getting over it" is 1/2 as long as the relationship. If thats true, then I will be here for a long ass time. Hows your hot cocoa? ...or pancakes?
Author AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Ive been in and out of a lot of relationships and this one has been by far the hardest to let go of. I am 4 weeks broken up on Sunday, but saw her (and slept with her) last saturday. I havent looked at her emails for 2 days (and counting), and I suspect this one will be on my mind for a while. The song "hurt" by Nine Inch Nails does me in every time. That line where he says,"my sweetest friend" ...i'm crying just typing it. She was everything and because I was depressed and couldnt figure it out, I let her go. I keep thinkning that I should have just held out longer, or kissed her one more time.She was unhappy, and I just wanted her to be happy. I am so sad now. I miss her so much and I just want to smile about anything, but I just cant seem to find somethign to be happy about. ...sorry about ranting, I just started typing, and it all just came out. I've been going out like you Anya, but everything is a trigger. Literally everything. There is no part of my life that she didnt permeate. Good for you for even being able to go out. Next time, you might even be happy I hope to get to where you are at anytime before the end of the year. The rule I heard for "Getting over it" is 1/2 as long as the relationship. If thats true, then I will be here for a long ass time. Hows your hot cocoa? ...or pancakes? That song totally does me in too! Especially since I'm pretty sure part of my ex's deal was sending me away because he couldn't risk that I might hurt him in the future..my sweetest friend does me in, but for him, "everyone I know goes away in the end" really does me in. And given his incredible difficulty discerning his own self , basically, wants, needs, and desires from what everyone else wanted of him, or thing he should need, "I would keep myself, I would find a way." Makes me lose it. Part of my recovery was making myself stop listening to that song. In many ways, The lyricist captured my ex perfectly, I think, sans the reference to needles and drugs. The one thing I wish I knew, is did he suffer as much as I did while getting through this?
Author AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 (edited) This has been edited for double post. Edited October 19, 2013 by AnyaNova Accidental double post
monkeymaid Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 If he was trying to keep other people happy and meet others expectations, and he pushed you away because he didnt want you to possibly hurt him, then he probably bottled it up and hasnt processed anything. I have a fear of abandonment, so I know how that goes. Ive pushed away everyone who has gotten close to me since I was 6. ...EVERYONE. I have not made a friend since I was 6 years old. Im 30 now. I dont know any different, which is why Im going to therapy. psychodynamic and CBT. Anya, from someone who has pushed people away, I am sorry. Knowing what kind of pain Ive caused myself and everyone Ive ever really loved, I feel so sad and sorry for anyone who has to deal with that kind of push. It is because we are so open and scared taht we push you away. I know this doesnt make you feel much better, but I am sorry for you and him. You should know that this is 1 of the few cases where the dumpee actually didnt do anything wrong. We make you feel crazy, and that is all on us. It is our inner war, but you just got caught in the crossfire. I dont know your story, but I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! You are hurting but not because of anything you did. ...God I wish you were my ex on the other end of this thread.
Author AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 If he was trying to keep other people happy and meet others expectations, and he pushed you away because he didnt want you to possibly hurt him, then he probably bottled it up and hasnt processed anything. I have a fear of abandonment, so I know how that goes. Ive pushed away everyone who has gotten close to me since I was 6. ...EVERYONE. I have not made a friend since I was 6 years old. Im 30 now. I dont know any different, which is why Im going to therapy. psychodynamic and CBT. Anya, from someone who has pushed people away, I am sorry. Knowing what kind of pain Ive caused myself and everyone Ive ever really loved, I feel so sad and sorry for anyone who has to deal with that kind of push. It is because we are so open and scared taht we push you away. I know this doesnt make you feel much better, but I am sorry for you and him. You should know that this is 1 of the few cases where the dumpee actually didnt do anything wrong. We make you feel crazy, and that is all on us. It is our inner war, but you just got caught in the crossfire. I dont know your story, but I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! You are hurting but not because of anything you did. ...God I wish you were my ex on the other end of this thread. Funny. I was thinking the exact same thing. I wish I could tell him that I was wrong, that down the road we could be friends (only friends because I couldn't ever trust him not to push me away again), and that the thing we decided on was wrong. It was flawed. But I really wish that I could show him that everyone doesn't leave in the end. But he pushed me too far away and has made it clear he wishes no further communication at all. I really tried. And let me see if I can dig up a link to my story. It is truly something, anyway.
Author AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 My story can be found, here, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/428642-what-happened-i-don-t-understand And thank you for saying that it wasn't my fault. I'm not claiming to have been perfect, I made mistakes, but anyway. I don't know for sure that this was his issue, though I would be really grateful, if since you have struggled with it, if you think maybe he did too. I have wondered so much at what I could have done to change the outcome, and to help him through whatever it was. But I always come up empty.
Haydn Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I agree with you Joel, all the in jokes with my ex i miss so much. Anya, cuddles on a rainy day under the duvet. Me and my ex used to sometimes have a stay in bed all the day Sunday. DVD, Junk food. Making love......I miss it all so much. But its not coming back so i have to manage my heartbreak on a day to basis. Some days are good, some bad.....Some very bad. 2
Author AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Haydn, I hear you on the good days and bad days! Not having a great day here myself. Monkeymaid, I know reading that post and commenting is a lot to ask, but I really hope you do. I mean, if you think that's likely what was going on, it would really ease my mind to have an idea of what was going on and why it happened. Joel, should have stuck with the cozy evening plan. Oh well. 2
todreaminblue Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 i miss the conversations that were open with a guy i shared my life with my secrets with.....i miss the cuddles and the kisses.....I dont hwoever miss my ex...merely the physical and emotional closeness involved in a relationship..deb 2
JoelBarish Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Yeah.....I really want to make our right now..... 1
AllForNothing Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I'm a guy, but I am with you 100% on this one. I miss cuddles. Having someone to curl up under the blankets with would be Heaven about right now. There needs to be a cuddle network. If you're not looking for a relationship or the typical FWB/NSA setup, but just want someone to hold and be tender with, you sign up, you get someone in your area and bam - done. Who wants to kickstart Cuddle Finder? I'll chip in $1. /and uh I live in the Philly 'burbs if anyone local is reading this and liking the idea 1
loveofhorses1970 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I saw a story on the news sometime in the last two weeks where some chick started a "cuddle" company. She basically rents herself out to come cuddle with you.
Author AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 See now, where is the male version of that? But, its just not the same. I tried cuddling with a friend, and its nice, but it is just totally not the real deal. ; I wouldn't mind making out right now either. What sucks for me, is that I really have to be intellectually and emotionally attached to the person I am making out with. That kind of attachment takes time to create. I am really beginning to despair of ever finding someone who really clicks with me, who doesn't have major huge issues. :-(
Mariposa10 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I'm a guy, but I am with you 100% on this one. I miss cuddles. Having someone to curl up under the blankets with would be Heaven about right now. There needs to be a cuddle network. If you're not looking for a relationship or the typical FWB/NSA setup, but just want someone to hold and be tender with, you sign up, you get someone in your area and bam - done. Who wants to kickstart Cuddle Finder? I'll chip in $1. /and uh I live in the Philly 'burbs if anyone local is reading this and liking the idea This already exists! People get together and cuddle... the other day I saw there was gonna be a meeting like that in my town I found it super cool yet a little creepy hahaha
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