aaron11892 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) Was in a 6 month relationship, I was dumped 5 weeks ago. Been in NC for 3.5 weeks. The first 5 months were great, no arguments at all. The last month was when she began getting distant, not answering my calls, shorter texts etc. We never really had a big fight that would end a relationship. She said I smothered her and that I was her only topic. Maybe I did start to spend more time with her towards the end, but i'd never say i smothered her. She used to tell me I was the best bf she ever had and had never loved anyone like me. Talked about marriage, kids blah blah so I don't understand what happened. Was it exactly what she said that I was smothering her? First she said I didn't make enough of an effort which I thought I did and told her id see her more. The last week before BU I saw her 5 days in the week so I'm at a loss here. She ended it over text message which i find highly disrespectful, especially if i meant so much to her. Is there any chance she may come around if she loved me like she said she did? Also what could possibly be going on in her mind right now? 3.5 weeks no contact, could she be missing me and even think about contacting me? Edited October 17, 2013 by aaron11892 1
Never Again Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Firstly, talking about heavy commitments like marriage and kids in the first 6 months? That's a little much. Yes, it's okay to say "hey, I'd like these someday with SOMEONE", but if you guys had serious conversations about those things so quickly...well that could have contributed. Some relationships can handle that sort of light-speed commitment, but personally I feel that you shouldn't talk about any sort of heavy-hitting topics like that until you've progressed through the first year. Transitioned through most if not all of the honeymoon period and really seen the reality of your partner. That being said - it sounds like: 1.) This girl doesn't know what she wants. She tells you to put in more effort, but then to back off? Obviously I'm working with limited information here, but she needs to be more clear with what she expects from you and what she wants. You're not a mind reader. However, a lot of immature people like to think "if this boyfriend/girlfriend is *right* for me, they'll know exactly what I need and just give it to me". That's dumb, and so is anyone that believes it. 2.) She either doesn't respect you...or she's too weak/scared to break up in person. Either way, you're better off assuming she'll never come back. 3.) You have to move on no matter what you want. Go NC, give her the space she wants, and she'll figure it out. 1
barky2 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Based on what I went thru At first relieved. Then I went thru all the same side effects as a dumpee Lonely,sad,anger,acceptance. Some don't look back till years later. Some don't ever feel anything at all. But it hit me hard, I could only mask the pain for so long. Barky
Author aaron11892 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Based on what I went thru At first relieved. Then I went thru all the same side effects as a dumpee Lonely,sad,anger,acceptance. Some don't look back till years later. Some don't ever feel anything at all. But it hit me hard, I could only mask the pain for so long. Barky What happened next? Did you try to get back with your ex?
Author aaron11892 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Firstly, talking about heavy commitments like marriage and kids in the first 6 months? That's a little much. Yes, it's okay to say "hey, I'd like these someday with SOMEONE", but if you guys had serious conversations about those things so quickly...well that could have contributed. Some relationships can handle that sort of light-speed commitment, but personally I feel that you shouldn't talk about any sort of heavy-hitting topics like that until you've progressed through the first year. Transitioned through most if not all of the honeymoon period and really seen the reality of your partner. That being said - it sounds like: 1.) This girl doesn't know what she wants. She tells you to put in more effort, but then to back off? Obviously I'm working with limited information here, but she needs to be more clear with what she expects from you and what she wants. You're not a mind reader. However, a lot of immature people like to think "if this boyfriend/girlfriend is *right* for me, they'll know exactly what I need and just give it to me". That's dumb, and so is anyone that believes it. 2.) She either doesn't respect you...or she's too weak/scared to break up in person. Either way, you're better off assuming she'll never come back. 3.) You have to move on no matter what you want. Go NC, give her the space she wants, and she'll figure it out. She was the one to be bringing up the marriage and kids, I just spoke light heartedly about it but nothing serious at all. I think she watched too many disney films as a kid and if she never finds love like the films she'll move onto the next haha she'll be looking forever...
barky2 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 What happened next? Did you try to get back with your ex? Yes. And until after I tried everything I possibly could to get her back and she wanted no part of it u gave up. Let go and moved on. It wasn't until I truly got happy and let go is when she came back Not a second sooner. Barky
Mariposa10 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 There's a long interesting thread about this. It's not old, you'll find some interesting stuff there.
barky2 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) Submitted response twice on accident Edited October 17, 2013 by barky2 Submitted twice
Lizrd3000 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Your situation is almost like mine, except the part of where your gf told you you weren't giving her enough time. even the time period is the same, and she broke it off on a phone conversation. 3 days later went to a party with her class-mates, and kissed with one of these guys who looks extremely like me. anyways, I'm sure if you continue NC, she'll feel some pain, atleast some of it. don't pick up on her breadcrumbs, that's the only advice i can give you. you sound like a young dude, like me. (18 yrs) and your ex sounds immature, just like mine! as for me, I won't be taking my ex back if she came back begging at my door. I want to ask you something. Was the relationship you had really THAT great? Or was the image of a relationship you wanted blinding you? and were you hoping she'd change somehow? I'm asking because, in my case, the relationship wasn't even that good. I put more in than I got, she was hot and cold, and other silly stuff. my ex's break-up reasons was: she needs someone to be able to control her controll-ish behaviour. Lol, I know, I know. hilarious! But I know she was grasping for reasons to break-up, and get together with this guy from school. From what I've heard from mutual friends, she found out the guy wasn't as good as she thought he was. I'm expecting my ex to return to me and beg. Can't wait for that day! Aaaanyway, kinda drifted off. Ask yourself: do you really want to get back together with such an immature girl? Is the relationship really worth it? was it THAT good? Maybe it's time for you to think about all this, and figure out your answer. I myself, was blinded, but found out I'm better off myself, even if I'll be lonely, It's a great time to work on myself, get in shape, meet other girls. Succes is the best revenge!
chinacat sunflower Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I was in a very similar situation during my most recent relationship (I'm a girl though). He brought up what our kids would look like, discussed our future together, told me he loved me, introduced me to his family, the whole nine. He dumped me via text. According to him, he wanted space and I couldn't do that. 10 months later, I haven't heard a peep from him. Within 2 months he met someone else and has been with her ever since. Even though I am in no place to be giving you advice, do not hang on to any hope of her coming back. I was convinced for months that there was no way he could have went from hot to cold in such a short period of time. Even though I know NOW he is in an awesome relationship with someone else, there is still a very small part of me that is mind blown by this. Not a good thing to hold on to, because in reality, he is not with me, and she is not with you. If we were that important to them, we would be in their lives still. It's the worst feeling in the world, I know. Throughout the last 10 months I have had to deal with several life events far worse than him dumping me, yet it is/was the most painful and difficult thing to deal with. Do you, and stay off social media. If she wants you back, she knows how to reach you. The ball is in her court. I hope you feel better soon..... 1
Author aaron11892 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Yes. And until after I tried everything I possibly could to get her back and she wanted no part of it u gave up. Let go and moved on. It wasn't until I truly got happy and let go is when she came back Not a second sooner. Barky And how much time had passed from you letting go to her coming back to you? 1
Author aaron11892 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 There's a long interesting thread about this. It's not old, you'll find some interesting stuff there. Where is the thread? Link?
Mariposa10 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Where is the thread? Link? Actually is not that long... Sorry! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/432787-does-always-feel-bad-being-dumper#post5277817
Never Again Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 She was the one to be bringing up the marriage and kids, I just spoke light heartedly about it but nothing serious at all. I think she watched too many disney films as a kid and if she never finds love like the films she'll move onto the next haha she'll be looking forever... Ahhh, well good for you to not fall into that trap of moving too fast! Yeah, being a serial monogamist is a growing trend nowadays. It's "in love forever or bust!" That's probably why the average time between when a couple goes from married to divorced has shrunk to only 3 years haha. It's hard to compete with that stuff, but Like usual I see that Barky's brought up some good points. Just focus on being happy for you - find YOU again. That's the only chance, however small, you have for reconciliation. Move on and forget. If it's gonna hit her, it'll take awhile. My ex masked her sadness from the beginning and admitted as much. Covered it up just like a dumpee would by burying herself in work/hobbies/fun. She hit loneliness and found someone new to give her attention. Will she ever come back? Who knows, but I have to continue forgetting about her to find out.
forgetmenot75 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Some dumpers don't feel anything. they just move on to the next relationship and never look back. Some dumpers may feel guilty but that's nothing to do with love. Some dumpers just don't care whether you still care or not. They simply are not invested in you anymore. Sorry you're hurting
conf Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Some dumpers don't feel anything. they just move on to the next relationship and never look back. Some dumpers may feel guilty but that's nothing to do with love. Some dumpers just don't care whether you still care or not. They simply are not invested in you anymore. Sorry you're hurting In other words you mean that noone who is asking for second chance, does it because of love.
Never Again Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Second chances rarely work out. That's sort of a baseless assumption. However, for the sake of healing, you have to assume that there is never a chance for reconciliation. Hope keeps you in pain. 1
forgetmenot75 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 That's sort of a baseless assumption. However, for the sake of healing, you have to assume that there is never a chance for reconciliation. Hope keeps you in pain. No, its not. Do some research before giving your opinion. 1
malin819 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 My ex acted like everything was ok and played her little game that she had a great life partying and seeing her friends. When I started moving on...guess what?! She was miserable for the whole time we are apart (we still are) and she was begging me for weeks to take her back that I was the guy of her life and she could not live without me. Best tip...move on and live your life. Living in the past doesnt bring you anything positive
Never Again Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 No, its not. Do some research before giving your opinion. My opinion is based on the fact that it should be readily obvious that any information collected on this topic would be an incomplete data set, wouldn't take in all the different types of breakups and reconciliations, and thus could never be entirely reflective of reality. Also, the majority of the information that I have seen on this topic seems to be geared towards marriages, not relationships on the whole. Also, I think we all can agree that the majority of relationships do not work out, regardless of what number chance it is. The statistics are rather pointless when it comes to individual lives. What is important is that each dumpee needs to convince themselves entirely that, despite the circumstances they are facing, that there is no hope. Hope keeps you holding on, and hope hurts you more than anything else. 3
Author aaron11892 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 My ex acted like everything was ok and played her little game that she had a great life partying and seeing her friends. When I started moving on...guess what?! She was miserable for the whole time we are apart (we still are) and she was begging me for weeks to take her back that I was the guy of her life and she could not live without me. Best tip...move on and live your life. Living in the past doesnt bring you anything positive That sounds like what my ex is doing, just going out partying and posting pics from what people have said, I secretly hope she is dying inside because I know how good I was too her and I know how in love with me she once was. Btw how long after the BU did she start to beg for you back and did you take her back?
malin819 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 3 months but she kept me on a leash...and I was dumb enough to still care for her. She actedlike she was my girlfriend and I spent time and money on her. She always said we were just friends but acted like we were in a relationship. 3 weeks ago she txted me Monday morning after ignoring me for 3 days and when I replied I was going on a date...all hell broke loose. She txted and called all night begging for me to come back...she acted like that for 2 weeks and I believe now she is starting slowly to let go. One thing I have learned with all my exs: look at how they treat their parents because you'll get the same treatment. Don't fall for her since its all a push pull game. She even dared played that one week ago lol 1
Author aaron11892 Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 3 months but she kept me on a leash...and I was dumb enough to still care for her. She actedlike she was my girlfriend and I spent time and money on her. She always said we were just friends but acted like we were in a relationship. 3 weeks ago she txted me Monday morning after ignoring me for 3 days and when I replied I was going on a date...all hell broke loose. She txted and called all night begging for me to come back...she acted like that for 2 weeks and I believe now she is starting slowly to let go. One thing I have learned with all my exs: look at how they treat their parents because you'll get the same treatment. Don't fall for her since its all a push pull game. She even dared played that one week ago lol What was the reason you guys finished in the first place? My ex said I smothered her and that I didn't have much going on in my life besides her. This isn't true. I only started to see her more because she complained I didn't see her enough, I couldn't win either way. I think she will only miss you if the reasons for the break up weren't seriously bad like cheating or something. Anyway back to my question lol why did you guys finish? If it was similar to my break up then she's possibly missing me badly
malin819 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 She had gigs 3 times (we broke up 3 times during our RS) and everytime and she had sex with dudes during those breaks. When she found out that parties and drugs werent good like me well she came back and I didn't take her back Keep in mind now she didn't win and his accusing me for the failed RS and bla bla bla bla bla
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