mishy Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 So I am female over 35 and have decided that the most logical thing for me to do in my current situation is to give up on men completely. Rationally I know I am never going to find someone. It gets harder over 35, most men seem to be after sex only , and well I don't want to go down that road again. Ok so I have decided the best thing to do is give up all hope, remove online dating profiles etc, and just accept the fact that it isn't going to happen. If ONLY I could lose that last shred of hope inside tat I will find someone. So how do I get rid of that hope, since my rational side knows that I am not going to meet a decent guy? Short of a lobotomy how do I eliminate that hope and just let logic rule?
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I would probably go for lobotomy I'm nearly in the same boat. 1
Criticality Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Get some cats, maybe? Preferably half a dozen... That should do an excellent job at chasing any interested males away!
Els Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Last year, I met a couple who met and married in their 40s. Some of the women on this board alone (MmeC, Carrie, etc) have done the same. Not denying that it gets harder (I think it probably does), but you do yourself a disservice to assume that it's impossible.
fallenheart Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I logged in and saw this post and was like "wow, someone replied to my post!" but then I saw it wasn't mine.... Mine was here and it was even MORE depressing! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/378965-if-i-can-kill-every-last-glimmer-hope-i-can-finally-happy So yeah, I'm in the same boat pretty much. I guess we could meet up and just settle for each other. We won't be happy. But we won't be alone. 2
Disillusioned Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 This is exactly the reason why I really no longer care if I meet the right woman or not. At 46, I have as much use for sex as I have for a dead horse... but I still unfortunately attract the attentions of women who want me to be a daddy to their kids.
eotdevice Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Mishy, At 42 I was in the same boat. I was married for a long time and have three kids. Been divorced for a few years. Give yourself a break. Do something else you enjoy. I turned toward my hobbies and work. I had the same issues with finding quality women, or at least a woman that wasn't a drinker, insane (and I mean had been away in a rubber room and everything). Started to think I only attracted the complete loonies. But what I realized is that I needed a break. After 6 months away I came back and found someone I like and we will see how it goes. So while you may have given up hope short term, don't give it up long term. Take a break from it all. It helps!
fallenheart Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Romance and relationships are overrated. I'm a 24yr-old virgin male, have never been in a relationship, and don't give a damn about it. (In fact, the only reason why I'm here is because I like forums. It very well could have been an astronomy forum. . .) How the hell would you know? You've never experienced it! It'd be like me going to a forum about skydiving and telling them "skydiving is overrated. I've never done it and never given a damn about it." 4
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 You are writing yourself off because of your age. Society/culture encourages us to do this. The truth is people do and can meet at ANY age. What I'm saying is, it might happen or not happen. But DON'T write yourself off.
Criticality Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 If you can get to a place, where you're happy, satisfied and have an interesting life all by yourself, without having a partner, I think you might attract more men than you think or need. Yeah I know it sounds easy to say. A sorta fake it till you make it-advice. But it is a fact, that men (and women) are naturally attracted to people that radiate happiness, satisfaction and confidence. A yeah, work on making yourself content first, then the rest will probably follow. You've probably heard it before, but its really the best advice in your current situation. 1
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 I agree with the above. I've noticed people that attract the most attention are the people who act like they want it the least. It's like the person that hates cats having all the cats jump on them. There's something about someone who doesn't seem phased, can take it or leave it, that people find very attractive.
Polak Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Once upon a time, a female coworker whom I barely knew told me that she liked me. I replied, "Who are you, and why should I care?" That's actually rather humorous. 1
mario_C Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I agree with the above. I've noticed people that attract the most attention are the people who act like they want it the least. It's like the person that hates cats having all the cats jump on them. There's something about someone who doesn't seem phased, can take it or leave it, that people find very attractive. That's very true. When I feel the most hopeless is when I get the most O.L.D visitors, the most flirtatious looks on the train, etc. When I feel like really going for it, women run the other way But I don't quit! How do you quit, unless you're truly frigid/limp and have psychological issues that makes you afraid of being touched, affection and so forth? You can't!
Leigh 87 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 aw Mishy I know plenty of people who found their true love later in life. I know it is easier for some people over others. I tend to meet guys easily, probably because of my age and personality. The older you get, the harder it would get due to your looks slowly fading; however, I do know plenty of people who age gracefully if they work out for an hour 5 days a week and eat healthily. More than just physical appearance, it takes a certain strength in character, combined with a VERY positive outlook on life, for one to stay hopeful, yet remain happy single in the meanwhile. The happiest posters on here, Carrie T and MmeC, they seem to have developed enough knowledge and strength through their own failed relationships, to have just gotten on with life and thought that " if it happens it happens" The over riding factor I notice with such women, is they don't discount the fact that a decent guy could like them! They don't think " hmm, well it hasn't happened for me, no decent guy will ever fall for me" Sure. You don't attract decent guys that often that have worked out for you so far. Stay positive. Consider whether you have an underlying chemical imbalance that hinders your ability to think positively. If you just don't have much luck in finding guys who appreciate you, then learn to be happy as you are, single; but knock off your attitude. Assume you're awesome and will find a decent guy sometime in the future. Why not?
Author mishy Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 aw Mishy I know plenty of people who found their true love later in life. I know it is easier for some people over others. I tend to meet guys easily, probably because of my age and personality. The older you get, the harder it would get due to your looks slowly fading; however, I do know plenty of people who age gracefully if they work out for an hour 5 days a week and eat healthily. More than just physical appearance, it takes a certain strength in character, combined with a VERY positive outlook on life, for one to stay hopeful, yet remain happy single in the meanwhile. The happiest posters on here, Carrie T and MmeC, they seem to have developed enough knowledge and strength through their own failed relationships, to have just gotten on with life and thought that " if it happens it happens" The over riding factor I notice with such women, is they don't discount the fact that a decent guy could like them! They don't think " hmm, well it hasn't happened for me, no decent guy will ever fall for me" Sure. You don't attract decent guys that often that have worked out for you so far. Stay positive. Consider whether you have an underlying chemical imbalance that hinders your ability to think positively. If you just don't have much luck in finding guys who appreciate you, then learn to be happy as you are, single; but knock off your attitude. Assume you're awesome and will find a decent guy sometime in the future. Why not? naaa if you knew my resilience in all aspects of my life you would probably think i was the most optimistic person you'd ever met. So no, i dont have a chemical imbalance that stops me from thinking positively. Its the fact that i AM still thinking positively that is stopping me from giving up on men completely- hence my post *how do i give up hope*
Author mishy Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 That's very true. When I feel the most hopeless is when I get the most O.L.D visitors, the most flirtatious looks on the train, etc. When I feel like really going for it, women run the other way But I don't quit! How do you quit, unless you're truly frigid/limp and have psychological issues that makes you afraid of being touched, affection and so forth? You can't! lol if only i was frigid lol
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 You can also become gay. I am considering it 1
crazyinluv Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 NEVER give up hope.. My cousin who is in her 40's and is almost 50 and is absolutely gorgeous never gives up hope either. You just keep trying.. I really believe there is someone for everyone. Don't take down profiles, just work on improving yourself. We all die alone it's just sometimes you find someone fun to hangout with.. So, it's always good to meet new friends etc.
Author mishy Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 You can also become gay. I am considering it It has crossed my mind... if only i could actually do it.... wish i didnt liek men sometimes
todreaminblue Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I have two cats.... i have five cats three dogs two guinea pigs four fish five kids....three grandchildren...and two stray peoples actually three....its growing..... my hope is endless........never give up.......or give up and raise llamas in tibet...ill meet you there......and we will build a llama lovin empire...and fall in love with mountain men.....deb 2
Beast_117 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I've 99.9% given up on hope of ever getting a girl. I think that .1% will always be there though and that sucks. Hopefully by the time I'm as old as you it'll be gone.
Leigh 87 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 naaa if you knew my resilience in all aspects of my life you would probably think i was the most optimistic person you'd ever met. So no, i dont have a chemical imbalance that stops me from thinking positively. Its the fact that i AM still thinking positively that is stopping me from giving up on men completely- hence my post *how do i give up hope* Then what is the problem finding decent men? If you're positive, accomplished, you have a nice enough personality and you're not too odd looking; why are you so sure that there's not much hope? The main issue I see with most with women that I think hinders their dating prospects, is that they are simply going for the " hot" guys. They aren't attracted to the men that are attracted to them.
Leigh 87 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I've 99.9% given up on hope of ever getting a girl. I think that .1% will always be there though and that sucks. Hopefully by the time I'm as old as you it'll be gone. Umm... that's rude. She's not old. Why kick her when she's down?
Recommended Posts