daizy Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 My last post was asking about how I should approach my BF about a break... (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/431655-soon-take-break-my-boyfriend-4-years-how-deal) We discussed it, and even though he didn't want to break up (he didn't want a break, he said you can't go back if we break it off), a lot of the issues derived from his laziness which he showed no sign of wanting to fix, so we cried/hugged (he actually cried a lot with me) it out and had a "mutual" and peaceful break up which makes it so hard. I'm glad it didn't end in bad terms, but it ending so peacefully I almost regret it. I would say I totally regret it but I'm trying to hold on to those reasons why I did it and why it made sense at the time. Most of all I'm sad because he didn't fight for it. He told his friend he's upset he can't find anyone as great as me (his words) and he feels like he's losing a big part of his life so i don't understand why he couldn't just try harder. I also wish i tried harder but I know this is all my emotions being mixed up post-break up (thinking of all the what ifs). We haven't ended our status on FB yet or changed our passwords...Not really sure if we're going to talk about doing that before we do it or if one of us is going to make that next move... It's really hard, my heart aches, I have no appetite, I keep screaming and crying, (the next day was obviously really hard). I know that now I have to just deal with it and get on with my life the best I can but I can;t even be bothered to go to work. I guess I just really need to hear some words from other people who've been through this.. never been through a break up before.
JDPT Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Be prepared for pain. The first couple of months are the hardest and as stated you are already experiencing the symptoms. This time is crucia for you, it's when you need to take action and proactively pave your way. The last thing you want to do is remain stagnant as you can see life does go on with or without him. Reroute your thoughts when you think of him or question the integrity of your decision. Remain strong and know that in time this excruciating pain wil gradually subside making room for healing and growth. Be gentle with yourself. You will have many ups and downs, don't chant victory prematurely just hang thight. I always like to say, embrace your ups and learn from your downs. The emotions that you are experiencing and will experience in the next few months are completely normal. Accept and internalize that it's over for good. With regards to your social media account either delete or deactive it. You will only minimize future grief. Remember, this is your life now, you will first need to survive in order to live again. You are all that matters from this point forward. 2
Stealth3 Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 There is no such thing as a mutual painless breakup. If there is, both of you didn't care enough about each other. Be prepared to know that once you cross the line...there is absolutely no going back, things will never be the same. Grass might not be greener on the other side so beware.
Author daizy Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 No it wasn't painless, I said peaceful so no fighting. It was very painful.
Author daizy Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 Thank you for that. I'm going through some very high highs and low lows, I just hope it hurts less.
JDPT Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 In time it will. However, don't expect it to just occur, it takes a lot of work and dedication.
Author daizy Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 I'm so torn. It's been a month and couple weeks since me and my ex have split up, we dated for a long period of time. We finally broke up after I repeatedly brought up some issues to work out, we never did. He agreed on the break up and offered no solutions, so that was that. I sobbed, regretted it at first, but then worked really hard to move on and until now I was feeling fine. So finally and out of the blue he reached out to me and poured out his feelings, I then wrote him a letter a week later explaining that I needed space/time, and that I wasn't over our issues, and that I didn't have the energy to work it out right now. He then responded with the most passionate and romantic letter that I never even knew he could write. It was moving, he wrote all the stuff I've been wanting him to say in the beginning. He's a genuine/kind person and I think he finally "gets it", the only problem is.. the problems were there for so long that I slowly became less attracted to him physically over time, and slightly emotionally disconnected. I didn't really care for the sex, it was infrequent, we hardly saw each other, but we still care/love each other a lot. So basically i'm stuck between giving this another shot because our relationship probably deserves it, but I've also been enjoying this time alone to myself and my life not worrying about the relationship. Schools also been hectic. But i'm open to the possibility in the future. I just feel like that's selfish of me to ask, I don't want him to wait for me, but I'm also not ready. How do I handle this?
maiden555 Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I had a really really similar breakup almost a year ago. It sounds like yours almost down to a tee. If you're no longer attracted to him and it took such a drastic measure for him to express his passion to you... I'd say you're better off apart. Without knowing what his laziness entails (mine was a guy who wouldn't move out of his paremts' to make a life with me or show me passion) its hard to say whether he will get better. This was my most painful breakup. I was almost suicidal. His lack of fighting for me destroyed me amd triggered abandonment issues I didn't know I had. But in time I dated someone very passionate and proactive and although that ended (I'm nursing that breakup right now hah) it helped me realize that I want to be loved passionately and I deserve it. You deserve it! 1
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