HopefullyEntangled Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Hi everyone, Well I have been browsing this site and feel better now that I know that there are similar people in my situation and we are not the scum of the earth. Basically I met my person through mutual friends, but it was online and we have never met, thus no sex. We have been talking almost 7 months, and I know it may sound ludicrous but I am completely in love with him. He is my soulmate and I have never met anyone like him. We text/call all throughout the day, and the only reason I can stand this situation is because I do take up such a large portion of his time. I'm not ready to let go of him yet and I feel like I met him for a reason, but I guess I feel like they always say the same things. They have a son together and are engaged, and I feel that they are together for his child and I would never want to split a family up, obviously I am completely confused in this. I guess I just kind of wanted to vent a little bit to people that are actually in the same situation. It does scare me that people can be in these situations for decades, but I know that it will be me that has to leave this situation. I will have to decide one day that I deserve better, and do better for myself. Any advice is appreciated, I can't really discuss this with friends because they don't understand how I could have gotten involved with someone in the first place. Sorry it's so long, and thanks for your time, I am learning a TON from this site. <3
threelaurels Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 It does scare me that people can be in these situations for decades, but I know that it will be me that has to leave this situation. I will have to decide one day that I deserve better, and do better for myself. Why is that day not today? What are you waiting for? 1
Cali408 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Welcome to the forum! Go to this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/425366-how-do-you-cope Read all of Jlola's writings and it will all make sense. The time to move on is now. Save yourself the pain and suffering. There is no such a thing as a soulmate. 3
bentleychic Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I'm not sure if you're actually looking for advice. Welcome to LS. Take what everyone says with a grain of salt and try not to take it too personally. Some are quick to bash and be cruel or patronizing. The ignore button is your friend. Not all OW/OM, BS or MM/MW are created equal, unlike many here will try to tell you. Take the advice that you need and leave the rest. Good luck! 1
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 You two have not met in person and have a R that through the phone and texting/emailing? That leaves room for your mind to fill in the blanks in a positive way, to fill your heart up with soulmate fantasy thoughts and wishes. It's all good stuff, getting to know him, sharing and laughing but you are not part of his 'real life' nor IN his life enough to truly 'know' him. Sure you may know bits and pieces but you don't know what he's like when in a bad mood, or when he's stressed out. This guy is engaged and has a child with someone. Seems you're setting yourself for a big fall and a big hurt. 1
thecharade Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 HE, I wish that it would work out for you, I really do. But it just won't, for a variety of reasons. Pretend your friend is in this situation and not you; view it with your objective eyes. Women often lead with their hearts and quiet their logical side, figuring that positive emotions indicate a positive situation (we hope). But your emotions are leading you astray. Trust me, mine did the same thing. Good luck, but online Rs seem to have even less success than regular As, and THOSE don't usually work out well. Walk away with your logic leading the way. You won't regret it like you'll regret staying in this. Good luck. 1
Author HopefullyEntangled Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 I appreciate all of your feedback (forgive me for not quoting you individually as it's more of a blanket statement ) and I am looking at this from all sides. Today isn't the day because I haven't decided what I actually want to do. Honestly, I do think that everyone situation is slightly different and I take that into account as well. I guess I really just wanted to vent in a place where there were others that I could connect with. As of now, I love him, I am not asking him to leave his family and we are not planning some irrational future that will never exist. We try to take it day by day, as he knows that I am going to date and not wait for him. Idk what I was expecting really, but I do appreciate the harsh truths that go along with this, and the places of experience that this advice does come from. I realize I probably sound misguided, but I'm really just figuring it out he best I can for myself. Also, because I overanalyze I have thought all all possible scenarios and I know that 99% of them end with me being hurt. However, the heart wants what it wants and as smart as I am, I have to make the decision on my own, I realize that. So, I need my head to lead, and not my heart, and I believe that everything does happen for a reason and things run their course.
Author HopefullyEntangled Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Also, as far as OR are concerned, this isnt "easy", it isn't all butterflies. THere are highs and lows with any relationship and I've had my share with this one. I'm not naive to the fct that things could be different in person, but in dealing with video chats/phone calls/etc. I'm probably overly confident in my feelings for him. :\
RickFox Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 the heart wants what the heart wants eh? Nah that's a cop out statement. The heart is merely a muscle. What it really is is disregarding logic with emotion. That being said you need to run. Run far and run fast. Chances are you won't and nothing you read here will prepare you for the pain you're going to experience.
Recommended Posts