tokyo Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Pocky: You're assuming I haven't called her to the carpet before when I have, in fact, several times. Each time I have she always responds with "I don't know, I don't know!" If I force her, she'll walk away. Remember, I love her dearly. It's not easy to walk away from someone you love. Kooky: You are not the first to tell me she doesn't deserve me. Every one of my friends have told her "Don't let him go!" Tiki: I don't want to let go, but at this point, what choice do I have?! Do nothing, I think that´s the best, at one point in their life these people have to realize what they are missing and gather the courage to do something. If they don´t have the courage, then they are not really interested. Running after them will not help. She knows you are interested, but I think if you continue to stay with time she will respect you less and less. I do understand her in a way, I´m very indecisive and I prefer to be madly in love with someone otherwise I just can´t help it, I´d probably feel smothered, I´d feel bad for only giving half of me, for missing out opportunities (the biggest joke is that I don´t really date at all even when I´m single, it´s just the feeling of not being able to, if you know what I mean.... ). I can tell it from my perspective, if I really might fall in love with you, I have to have the feeling that you are not always available for me. People who are looking for "the one" are probably always wanting things that they can´t have. There must be a little bit of yearning involved and that´s what she´s missing with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 We always desire what we can not have And never appreciate what we do have.... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Your gf isn't the only one who is confused. You talk about your relationship "not progressing" and "not going where you want it to". Where exactly DO you want it to go? * Sex? * Marriage? * Declarations of love? Have you been clear with her about what you really are asking for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Your gf isn't the only one who is confused. You talk about your relationship "not progressing" and "not going where you want it to". Where exactly DO you want it to go? * Sex? * Marriage? * Declarations of love? Have you been clear with her about what you really are asking for? Very clear. All I have ever asked of her is to commit to "b/f-g/f." I have not asked for anything special. I just want to get to the next level. I want her to tell me that as of right now, I am the only one. Her indecisiveness only tells me that I am NOT or I am just not worthy. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Her indecisiveness only tells me that I am NOT or I am just not worthy. That's the first intelligent thing you've written in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 Originally posted by tanbark813 That's the first intelligent thing you've written in this thread. No, I think my comments regarding your immaturity was. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC No, I think my comments regarding your immaturity was. Just because I said something you didn't like, and wasn't what you wanted to hear, doesn't make me immature. Honesty is not immature. What I do find to be immature is investing 8 months in a girl who won't even commit to being your girlfriend, and then refusing to walk away from an obviously failed relationship. I would also call it immature to convert your religion in the vain hope it will win over a girl. That doesn't exactly show strong conviction in your beliefs, or a maturity of thought. Besides, do you really think I would be offended by something said by someone with a complete and utter lack of self-worth? Time to start being a man, bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 Originally posted by tanbark813 Just because I said something you didn't like, and wasn't what you wanted to hear, doesn't make me immature. Honesty is not immature. What I do find to be immature is investing 8 months in a girl who won't even commit to being your girlfriend, and then refusing to walk away from an obviously failed relationship. I would also call it immature to convert your religion in the vain hope it will win over a girl. That doesn't exactly show strong conviction in your beliefs, or a maturity of thought. Besides, do you really think I would be offended by something said by someone with a complete and utter lack of self-worth? Time to start being a man, bro. When you make childish comments like "find your balls" it tells people you are not to be taken seriously. Period. You obviously don't have the first clue about what being a real man is all about if you think insulting people is "telling it like it is." You don't even know what IT is. Off to the ignore list. I don't wish to waste any more of my time dealing with the likes of you. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Guys stop it Everybody once in a while is crazy madly in love with someone and is acting like a total dummy (been there, done it, heheehh ). And of course everybody around him is trying his best to help him and stop it and it never works. Anyway, I prefer to be passionately in love and make my mistakes (once). Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I don't wish to waste any more of my time dealing with the likes of you. No problem. Let us all know how it works out with the love of your life. Clearly you two have countless romantic years ahead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 Originally posted by kooky Guys stop it Everybody once in a while is crazy madly in love with someone and is acting like a total dummy (been there, done it, heheehh ). And of course everybody around him is trying his best to help him and stop it and it never works. Anyway, I prefer to be passionately in love and make my mistakes (once). Thanks, lol, but I am reasonable and have listened when the question was addressed. Again, I asked for if I should push or pull. I did not ask for anything more, I did not ask for advice on my manhood (nor do I question it). I have a problem when people assume they have the EXACT answer and that if I don't immediately agree they get upset. The brilliant part of life is everyone has opinions and the answer to my problem is to weigh in all the viable solutions and choose the best - NOT necessarily just assume every piece of advice is good or bad in my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Proto Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC The brilliant part of life is everyone has opinions and the answer to my problem is to weigh in all the viable solutions and choose the best - NOT necessarily just assume every piece of advice is good or bad in my situation. I can agree with this, but I can also counter that not heeding an overwhelming opinion from a group of people can indicate stuborness. I'm not gonna hate on you like a lot of the other people in this thread because it takes a real man to show the amount of dedication to this girl that you have, period. However part of life is picking and choosing your battles and doing that by listening to your gut. From what I'm getting your gut is telling you that the relationship is over...and I think listening to your gut is the BEST option in this case for you. I don't personally think that it's necessary for you to wait for her to actually say it to you, when in your heart you already know that it's done. It's like putting your hand on a hot frying pan and leaving it there, despite the fact that it HURTS LIKE HELL, to hope that the pan cools down on its own. Good luck man, but I just don't think this is healthy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 2, 2004 Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 Originally posted by Proto I can agree with this, but I can also counter that not heeding an overwhelming opinion from a group of people can indicate stuborness. True, but it also needs to be made clear that I know her better than anyone here and while I agree, I am a bit biased, I know where she is coming from. What I really wanted to know is "push or pull", I really didn't want advice I didn't ask for I'm not gonna hate on you like a lot of the other people in this thread Just one by my count. because it takes a real man to show the amount of dedication to this girl that you have, period. However part of life is picking and choosing your battles and doing that by listening to your gut. That's just the problem. My GUT is telling me to stick it out, to find a way. To poke, prod and do whatever I have to do to either help her "wake up" or "walk out." That's really where I am at now. I would lay my life on the line for her...but I will not wait forever. At some point, she has to fall to either side of the fence. And I need it to be within a reasonable timeframe. From what I'm getting your gut is telling you that the relationship is over...and I think listening to your gut is the BEST option in this case for you. I don't personally think that it's necessary for you to wait for her to actually say it to you, when in your heart you already know that it's done. It's like putting your hand on a hot frying pan and leaving it there, despite the fact that it HURTS LIKE HELL, to hope that the pan cools down on its own. Good luck man, but I just don't think this is healthy for you. Thanks. She's confused, I know that. My problem is if I push too hard, I push her away. But if she doesn't get going soon, I'll go anyway. Decisions...descisions. Life is full of them and no matter which one we make, it will always be the wrong one. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Wow, this thread really degenerated. Sorry about that. Confused, now that you have said that you have simply been waiting for her to say that you're bf/gf and exclusive, I would have to agree that 8 months is plenty of time. If you have any chance of getting her to agree, it will be by using a bit of NC and letting her experience the absence of you. She may realize that you're the best thing that ever happened to her, or she may just turn her attention elsewhere. OR you can continue on as you are, but sounds like it's really taking a toll on you emotionally. I wouldn't spend much time figuring out WHY she can't take the simple bf/gf/exclusive step. It's enough just to know that you have asked, and she has not agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Narcissistic much? You are one scary dude. It really is all about you, isn't it? You cannot fathom the possibility that this woman could possibly be rejecting you. Take a deep breath and realize that you cannot make this woman fallin love with you. She's had 8 months to do that. Respect her a little more. Respect the fact that she's letting you down gently. Say "Thank you, it's been nice getting to know you, you're a great person, and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way I would have liked." She has your number. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 3, 2004 Author Share Posted December 3, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Wow, this thread really degenerated. Sorry about that. Confused, now that you have said that you have simply been waiting for her to say that you're bf/gf and exclusive, I would have to agree that 8 months is plenty of time. If you have any chance of getting her to agree, it will be by using a bit of NC and letting her experience the absence of you. She may realize that you're the best thing that ever happened to her, or she may just turn her attention elsewhere. OR you can continue on as you are, but sounds like it's really taking a toll on you emotionally. I wouldn't spend much time figuring out WHY she can't take the simple bf/gf/exclusive step. It's enough just to know that you have asked, and she has not agreed. After having some talks with her mom, she confirmed that she is a slow, deliberant mover. She mentioned that she knows she really does like me and that if I just let her go at her own pace and let her make the choice (and not force it on her), she'll come around. Interesting she used the fishing analogy. If I show a little bait and move, she'll take it, but if I dangle it off her nose all the time, she'll swim away I like that she closed with "She's a very lucky woman to have you." Makes me feel a lot better. Thanks all. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 You still have my support Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 3, 2004 Author Share Posted December 3, 2004 Originally posted by kooky You still have my support Thanks Kooky. Like I said, I take everything with a grain of salt, mix it up and try and make the best of it all. That's really all we can do. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
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