2yr - On A break

[xUnknown]

So if anyone cares to read my longgg story, here is the thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/429554-break-gf-gigs-thoughts

 

Summary:

Essentially, things have been a bit off in our relationship (2yr and just started LDR because she moved 3 hrs away for work, 23M & 24F). Communication has been an issue for us. She is so closed off that I can't get anything out of her no matter how hard I try. Anyways after a week or so of sensing something was up (new guy my gf was running with a few nights a week and also works with told her he had a crush on her). We had "the talk". I said I was working on what I need to on my end and we need to communicate better....waiting for a response from her, I paused, she said nothing, then I followed up with "unless you think you need a break". I wish I could take that back because I just threw her a meatball right down the pipe, all she had to do was agree. She said she loves me, doesn't know if she's IN love with me, sparks seemed gone. She said she needs a break, but this isn't a break up (she mentioned this about 3 times because I told her I dont believe in breaks) but needed space. Also said she isn't changing her FB status or telling a lot of people (most likely because of drama)...just needed space to herself and time to think.

 

She said she "absolutely" can see us getting married if we figure out our problems. Sex has been an issue for a bit, most likely because of all this, she first said it was her BC.

There were 3.5 days of NC where she texted me, I made light convo...then had to talk to her about a package that got returned to sender that she had gotten me before we "went on a break". It's been another 2 days of NC, a total of 8 days since the talk. I just need advice if I should go NC all the way until she finally asks for a break up. I sense this other guy is pretty much telling her what she wants to hear and giving her attention, and she loves it (she has some self esteem issues).

 

 

Suggestions??

 

My thoughts were (1) go NC until she brings up ending things for good, then say - I told you I don't believe in breaks, I saw this as a break-up from Day 1. (2) give it a few more days of NC to see if she contacts me, then contact her Wednesday (4 days from now) or Friday (6 days from now) and pretty much be like, whats goin on..I think we both know what this is...

 

She said she'll keep some things at my place, and we'll do the things I had planned for the weekend she came up for the talk, next time she visits, and said she'll keep my apartment key. I feel these were methods of her leaving hope for me. I think if I initiate the discussion then I'm just making it easier for her to end things, vs, if I go NC she's gotta do everything..maybe end up not breaking up in the end...but who knows.

Edited October 6, 2013 by xUnknown

[Froelich87]

Listen, you are probably not going to want to hear this, but I am speaking to you in all honesty here. I just got out of a 3 year relationship. We also did the LDR for 1 1/2 and I was finally able to get my GPA up and transfer down to go to school and be with her this past January. She had the case of the gigs/ may possibly want to explore her sexuality/she may be bisexual. Idk. Anyway, we also "went on a break" Do yourself a favor and cut your losses now. If she was anything like my ex... she is using this time and already checked herself out of the relationship, she may also be too chicken **** to end this herself so she wants you to cut the cord. This is what happened to me almost 2 weeks ago. Now even though I was the one that ended it... I was technically the really the person who got dumped. Do NOT use this time thinking that you two will get back together. Start moving on with your life man. Don't make the same mistake that I did. Breaks are never good. Breaks are another way for somebody to let you down "easy" even though it never works that way. I will never agree to another break from another girl in my life again. If they don't want to work things out like two people in a loving in a relationship should... then bye bye. Trust me on this one.... do yourself a favor and end this now before you end up getting hurt way worse like I did. ( She was my first love, too. So trust me... I'm hurting BAD) Stay strong buddy

[melell]

I say go pretty quiet, but don't consider it NC, just consider it space.

 

Work out how much time you are prepared to give her. If you give her say, a month, then in a months time revisit everything, whatever the outcome is accept it and move on.

 

Maybe she will decide she wants things to work. Maybe it will be over for good. Time will tell.

 

This way you can prepare yourself for either outcome, and you haven't forced anything, a 'whatever will be will be' type of deal.

[xUnknown]

she may also be too chicken **** to end this herself so she wants you to cut the cord.

I agree man. She kept insisting it wasn't a break up, it was a break and breaks are good to gather your thoughts. She mentioned maybe coming back and starting fresh (we started our relationship based on hook-ups which lead into us having feelings for eachother). If what I think is going on with this other guy (I don't wanna jump to conclusions), but it definitely seems that she wants to not be in relationship. I asked if we are seeing other ppl on this break, she said no, relationship status stays the same, she doesnt want to jump back into a relationship and she doesnt know anyone well enough where she lives to...uhh. (then I said, hook-up with, she said, yeah that).

[xUnknown]

I say go pretty quiet, but don't consider it NC, just consider it space.

 

Work out how much time you are prepared to give her. If you give her say, a month, then in a months time revisit everything, whatever the outcome is accept it and move on.

 

Maybe she will decide she wants things to work. Maybe it will be over for good. Time will tell.

 

This way you can prepare yourself for either outcome, and you haven't forced anything, a 'whatever will be will be' type of deal.

Frankly, I feel 2 weeks and you should know. She gave me 3 when we first started dating and my previous "love" came back to me (we were together for 2 months and I said I needed a break to think about things). After 3 weeks she called me, we ended it, 2 weeks after I came back and she took me back. I hope this ends the same way for me...

 

She said that was my only chance and I won't get another one. So I know if I call to end things, there goes my chance...done for good.

 

I just don't see how someone can throw away 2 years of their life without even trying to work at it. It makes no sense to me at all..

[xUnknown]

-Do you guys suggest that I call first for the talk, or wait it out until she calls me.

-Give her 2 weeks (this coming Friday or maybe on a Sunday), or 3 weeks?

 

I frankly don't give a **** about FB relationship statuses, but I feel like that is a "loose end" and the more this break goes, the more she knows she still has me and demoting me into a "friend" to make it easier on her to break up with. Another thought would be to just make it single. When she asks me about it, just say, I got the hints. Take care. Leaving no room for closure (we all know how much women need closure from things like this).

 

I'm in new territory here people. My thought is the sooner I end it the sooner she can realize what shes missing out on. After 2 happy years, I know she will. Our anniv is supposed to be the 28th of this month.

Edited October 6, 2013 by xUnknown

[Froelich87]

It is sad to think about man. It sucks. I think the same thing. How can somebody you've been with for almost 3 years including a 1 1/2 LDR just end it like that... and be completely fine about it? When we were on our "break" the relationship status was still the same. Immediately after the breakup I decided to go full NC. Blocked her facebook, deleted her number. Sometimes its hard to try and check up on her... but I don't do it. I don't want to re open the wound. These women are just stepping stones for our ultimate significant others. My last piece of advice: I would keep the break up in the back of your mind for when you call her... but if you want it to work...do what I did...just so you know but don't get your hopes up, ya know? And like I have already said... it shouldn't take her time to know if she loves and wants to be with you. Something I should have realized when it happened to me. I honestly think women are almost always the same...I really believe she is taking this time to heal herself.... or to see this other guy. Either way it's not fair to you. So CONTACT IMMEDIATELY

[xUnknown]

It is sad to think about man. It sucks. I think the same thing. How can somebody you've been with for almost 3 years including a 1 1/2 LDR just end it like that... and be completely fine about it? When we were on our "break" the relationship status was still the same. Immediately after the breakup I decided to go full NC. Blocked her facebook, deleted her number. Sometimes its hard to try and check up on her... but I don't do it. I don't want to re open the wound. These women are just stepping stones for our ultimate significant others. My last piece of advice: I would keep the break up in the back of your mind for when you call her... but if you want it to work...do what I did...just so you know but don't get your hopes up, ya know? And like I have already said... it shouldn't take her time to know if she loves and wants to be with you. Something I should have realized when it happened to me. I honestly think women are almost always the same...I really believe she is taking this time to heal herself.... or to see this other guy. Either way it's not fair to you. So CONTACT IMMEDIATELY

My buddy went through the same thing twice. 4 yr relationship and then a 3 yr. He said he really liked the idea of just changing the status and not talking to her (but do this on Thursday or so). So if she texts me, i can be short with her and show her that she isn't my everything and I've moved on. I agree that this isn't fair to me and need to contact her ASAP and figure out the deal. But, then I'd be initiating it, not giving her the "space" she wanted, and making her feel like I broke it off and she gets the closure she wants. I definitely agree that she couldn't do it end it all at once to ease the pain and didn't want to take a **** all over me. I know that she is feeling this hurt too, how can you not after this long. I really want to call her parents or sister to figure out her deal.

 

Again, this is the 3rd day again of NC, I feel she should know by now what she wants (and I think we all know what that is). But I feel I may regret calling her to figure out what the deal is. I was thinking about just calling her to "check in" then let her bring it up. Thoughts?

Edited October 6, 2013 by xUnknown

[xUnknown]

I would keep the break up in the back of your mind for when you call her... but if you want it to work...do what I did...just so you know but don't get your hopes up, ya know?

 

CONTACT IMMEDIATELY

 

What do you mean, if you want it to work? You mean the relationship, or make ending it easier?

 

I'll sit on it some more. My days in mind to call her are tonight, Thursday, Friday, or Sunday to contact her. I though I would just make casual conversation and then see if she brings it all up. She should know if she wants to be with me. Her lack of willingness to work on communication shows me that she wants to check out. I feel if I do it on a sunday, she won't go "bull****" when the weekend comes.

Edited October 6, 2013 by xUnknown

[Froelich87]

If you want the relationship to work.

Honestly, if what we think is going to happen, its going to happen regardless if you give her the "space" she wants. Its up to you how long you want to beat around the bush and hold onto this.

Id find sooner rather then later.

[xUnknown]

If you want the relationship to work.

Honestly, if what we think is going to happen, its going to happen regardless if you give her the "space" she wants. Its up to you how long you want to beat around the bush and hold onto this.

Id find sooner rather then later.

 

Yeah, my friend said just to change my FB status "single". We're not "together" and my FB reflects that. Don't text her, nothing, just change it. In either case, I'll get a response from her. I just know I would burn a bridge and she wouldn't come back - not saying she would, but if she had a change of heart, I would want to know. As me being the one to "end it", then thats it for good...if she does, she may (and most likely will) have a change of heart when she realizes what she's done.

Edited October 6, 2013 by xUnknown

[xUnknown]

I posted this to the wrong thread.. Please see: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/437622-6-week-mark-progress-slowed-leave-forums-what-your-thoughts-2.html#post5335006

[Chi townD]

I agree man. She kept insisting it wasn't a break up, it was a break and breaks are good to gather your thoughts. She mentioned maybe coming back and starting fresh (we started our relationship based on hook-ups which lead into us having feelings for eachother). If what I think is going on with this other guy (I don't wanna jump to conclusions), but it definitely seems that she wants to not be in relationship. I asked if we are seeing other ppl on this break, she said no, relationship status stays the same, she doesnt want to jump back into a relationship and she doesnt know anyone well enough where she lives to...uhh. (then I said, hook-up with, she said, yeah that).

 

Sorry dude, but she gave you the "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" Speech. That is text book classic speech for a cheater. Dude, she's invested in this other dude and is probably cheating on you. Sorry, but 9 times out of 10, if you get the ILYBINILWY speech; she's cheating.

 

So, why would she say that there would be no changing in FB status or that you wouldn't be seeing other people? Because, she's testing the waters with this new guy, and if she figures out that he on-board with entering a relationship with her, you are kicked to the curb in a New York minute and she'll make this break permanent. However, if he's just wants to "hit it and quit it" and he gets bored with her, she doesn't want to risk you finding someone else and then she loses both the guy she was cheating with AND you. She wants to ensure that her back up plan (meaning you) is safe and secure if things go south with this other dude.

 

 

Sorry dude, that's just how I see it.

[xUnknown]

We done now. Call me nieve, but she isn't one to cheat. She isn't happy with herself, she expressed that to me on the break up talk. I think the majority was about her self esteem. Read the post I just put in the thread above. I haven't looked at her FB page in about 5 weeks now, but if she was doing something with someone else, shed delete me. I think she got an ego boost from this guy she was running with. Weather she is or isn't now, I don't know for sure...but I don't want to break NC to find out. I mean I do want to find out, but I don't. Knowing I can visit her becUse of my house arrest this was her way of trying to keep me around while she works on herself...hoping I don't move on then because o can't go out and meet other girls.

 

Again, read that post in link above...I think that will explain a lot.

 

Sorry dude, but she gave you the "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" Speech. That is text book classic speech for a cheater. Dude, she's invested in this other dude and is probably cheating on you. Sorry, but 9 times out of 10, if you get the ILYBINILWY speech; she's cheating.

 

So, why would she say that there would be no changing in FB status or that you wouldn't be seeing other people? Because, she's testing the waters with this new guy, and if she figures out that he on-board with entering a relationship with her, you are kicked to the curb in a New York minute and she'll make this break permanent. However, if he's just wants to "hit it and quit it" and he gets bored with her, she doesn't want to risk you finding someone else and then she loses both the guy she was cheating with AND you. She wants to ensure that her back up plan (meaning you) is safe and secure if things go south with this other dude.

 

 

Sorry dude, that's just how I see it.

[barky2]

What chitownd said is 100% spot on.

 

Call you nieve?

 

You sir are nieve.

 

As I once was, and many many other people.

 

Cut it off now.

 

She may have not got it in with someone yet, but I can most definitely tell you with 100% certainty, there is someone else in the wings.

 

Sorry dude.

 

Cut it off.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Chi townD]

Okay dude. Prove me wrong.

 

Make the 3 hour trek down there and surprise her over the weekend. Dollars to donuts, she won't be too happy to see you. I speculate that she'll be a little put off, looking nervous and at the first available opportunity, she'll be texting like crazy (this would be her canceling plans). Then, she'll be protecting her phone all weekend like she was protecting Fort Knox.

[xUnknown]

What chitownd said is 100% spot on.

 

Call you nieve?

 

You sir are nieve.

 

As I once was, and many many other people.

 

Cut it off now.

 

She may have not got it in with someone yet, but I can most definitely tell you with 100% certainty, there is someone else in the wings.

 

Sorry dude.

 

Cut it off.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

We're done Barky, 4.5 weeks post BU.

[Chi townD]

We're done Barky, 4.5 weeks post BU.

 

 

No, now you were telling us that you two are "on a break" with no change in Facebook status and not seeing anyone else. Now, you're telling us that the two of you are broken up. As in finished.

 

So, which one is it? Because you'll get different advice for different situations.

[xUnknown]

No, now you were telling us that you two are "on a break" with no change in Facebook status and not seeing anyone else. Now, you're telling us that the two of you are broken up. As in finished.

 

So, which one is it? Because you'll get different advice for different situations.

 

I replied to the wrong thread of mine. Look at the date of my first Post. We were done Early October...its 4.5 weeks in now to the BU. I was doing good man, then you went and mentioned the cheating thing and now I wanna check her page haha. Ahh shyyttt

Read here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/437622-6-week-mark-progress-slowed-leave-forums-what-your-thoughts-2.html#post5335006

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude, But I don't pull any punches. The "ILYBINILWY" Speech is classic and straight out of the cheaters textbook.

 

Okay, so if you're officially broken up, then you just need to move on. A hard NC. And you need to make positive changes in your life. You already have started with the Mud Runs you do and getting healthier (Do the Run for your Lives, it fun as hell). Change your wardrobe, new hairstyle, travel, join clubs. Get out and start meeting people.

[xUnknown]

Sorry dude, But I don't pull any punches. The "ILYBINILWY" Speech is classic and straight out of the cheaters textbook.

 

Okay, so if you're officially broken up, then you just need to move on. A hard NC. And you need to make positive changes in your life. You already have started with the Mud Runs you do and getting healthier (Do the Run for your Lives, it fun as hell). Change your wardrobe, new hairstyle, travel, join clubs. Get out and start meeting people.

I hear ya man. It sucks now cause I'm on house arrest, but I'm 1/3 of the way done and its going by real quick. But I'm staying fit, losing weight, got that 6 pack <thumbs up>. But Yeah I hear ya. I'm moving on...its been 2 weeks since I've heard from her last. She sent me a text on our would be 2 year anniv, then called the following day for car trouble. I installed some headlights into it (like the expensive HID kit and there were always issues with them) She got pulled over and wanted help. I caved the next day and responded, but, I tied up the lose end. Been NC ever since.

 

My cousin saw her at a college football game. He said it was a BS conversation, but he could tell, it hit her then what she had done. I asked why/how he knew, he just said the look on her face when they saw eachother, her eyes...the way she held herself...she knew what she did, she felt guilty and shes hurting. He was like, she'll one day get in contact with you...but you can't wait around for that one day. Thus, I've been NC and moving on.

[barky2]

I understand you're broken up.

 

But you're still in contact correct?

 

Only a few days nc after a good stent of nc?

 

Am I correct?

 

 

 

Barky

[xUnknown]

I understand you're broken up.

 

But you're still in contact correct?

 

Only a few days nc after a good stent of nc?

 

Am I correct?

 

 

 

Barky

 

No... We broke up, went 17 days of NC, she texted me one day (would be 2 yr anniv, 7am), next day called me cause of getting pulled over for the car headlight problem (7:30am). The following day I didn't acknowledge her text about the anniv. I responded about the car ****. Sent 2 texts, told her to contact the company. NC ever since. That was 14 days ago. Been NC ever since. I have her restricted on my FB, I don't go on instagram so I don't really care about that, no longer friends on Snap Chat.

 

******************************

Please respond onto this thread....I'd like to get some feedback on on that one, not this one. This one is in the past.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/437622-6-week-mark-progress-slowed-leave-forums-what-your-thoughts-2.html#post5335006

Edited November 12, 2013 by xUnknown

[xUnknown]

Thanks all for the replies. I do appreciate your input.