Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 This is very long, but please is you have time, do read it, as I am very upset and heartbroken. To the guys out there: GUYS only please. Have you ever fallen hard for a girl, only to have the girl ruin things with her own personal issues, yet she wasn't crazy enough for you to rule her out in the future? I am heartbroken again. In a way that I did not even feel after a 2.5 year relationship; I knew my ex was wrong for me for a romantic relationship, but we are very good friends now. Where as with this guy, he said that he felt he could have something special for me with the feelings he had for me, that he was not able to have with his long term exes. I felt the exact same way...... I felt we were feeling that elusive IN love thing, and we knew early on, opposed to growing to love a person who you're not IN love with. I believe falling in love happens early on, within 1 - 3 months, opposed to "growing to love" a person. My ex loved me deeply, yet saw hookers and talked to girls online. Yet he would look after me and we were best friends with romantic feelings, yet he was not IN love. He just loved me dearly, like family albeit not platonic. I had a boyfriend up until tonight who I thought I very well had that IN love thing happening with, that is rare to find. That thing where, from first meeting them, there is just "something about them" that goes beyond looks and sexual chemistry alone. The way we looked, spoke, and everything about us just... drew each other each one another instantly, in a way neither of us have felt with other people. He is 32. I am 26 almost 27. He said he knew right away he was falling in love with me, where as he has never felt that about his long term exes when he first met them, and rather, it took months to feel for them what he felt for me instantly. So, my story goes like this.......... I met him online and from even just talking on the phone, we had something different and ... just something was there. We both felt it big time. He thought it was odd to have something like this with someone via phone and pictures alone, but that he liked it so he wanted to just "go with it". When we met, it was unlike anything we have experienced before with any other partner. What we had on the phone translated to real life right away. What we felt instantly for one another, took us MONTHS to feel for all our other partners. He told me this and his actions spelled it out also, in no uncertain terms. Instantly, we just felt something there that was very compelling. Beyond sexual chemistry, which was so strong we could not contain ourselves, yet he happily refrained from sex as I told him I am the type of girl who has learnt that a guy needs to gain my trust before I have sex with them, after errors of my past. We wanted to start a relationship right away and be exclusive bf and gf. He deleted his dating profile before the first day we met. He volunteered that information to me, I didn't bother him with any such related question about "us" at all. He is a well balanced, emotionally stable guy who is by all means, ready for a relationship. Has his own successful business. Nothing wrong with him to warrant " moving too fast". He just wanted to focus on me at the exclusion of others from the get go, though I know this is " too fast" for many guys. .... Fast forward 3 weeks to a month, and my un resolved issues have messed things up. I know when I act aloof or in a way that is not healthy. He forgave me initially, as he felt I knew what I did wrong and he though what we had did not come around very often and was worth pursuing. Just little things, we were fine 98% of the time, just at times I worried about him not texting me as much as normal, or not initiating the first good morning text for a few days. My own insecurities have ruined the relationship. And no I did not act insecure every day or every other day. Only about 4 occasions since we met, for the months we have known each other..... He did nothing but show how into me he was with his every action. Yet I got insecure over minuscule things, such as him not texting me the same way every day and with the same frequency. He is calling me tonight to break up with me I am fairly certain. Guys, if a girl was that much to you ( which he showed me with his word and actions), Would you come back to them if you thought they did a few silly things, but you both had something special that you had yet to find with anyone else so far? I am not going to beg for him back. I will leave him be. I will just put it out there that I believe I can change, as I am already seeking therapy which he knows of to help with my insecurity issues of the past. I am actively seeking professional help for my self esteem issues and I love who I am and I know the things I need to work on and I am working on them. I know I have had personal issues but really, I feel I have just met a person things could really thrive with and I am taking responsibility for my shortcomings with regular therapy. I hope he realises that we have something that does not come around very often ( neither of us have had this instant thing with our other long term R's) and he should re visit it later on down the track.... I am very upset as I am falling in love with him. It took me much longer to feel this way with my ex and it was not IN love in the way this is. I have had two long term partners prior to this very new fledging relationship, and I am falling in love with him, where as I merely GREW to "love" my other two exes. I know I will fall in love one day in this manner I will get over him, however he will be on my mind a lot for some time. This sucks. All because I was stupid and insecure when he didn't text me as much as usual on a given day.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Any guys who would forgive a girl for getting insecure a few times over you not texting as much? It has happened a few times; I thought he was not feeling it anymore with me due to him not texting as much as usual. Other times one on or two occasions, I was worried that if I did not text him first that day, he would not have bothered texting me at all? Which is weird as I know he would have eventually. Perhaps he was more secure than initially when we would text good morning every day? 2 weeks ago he even got a but upset when it took me until 3.30 pm to contact him? He didn't make a big deal over it and he never normally says insecure things of this nature. He said " a good morning text would have been nice:( " When I pushed to see what was wrong, he said " I was seeing how long it would take you to text me and I was a little upset that it took this long" That is all he said on the matter, he normally acts fine and does not say anything off or of an insecure nature. He had been the one to always text me good morning every time and he just said he likes it to be equal so he knows it is not just all him. ...................Well the past few days he would not text me until around that time so I have been the one to initiate the first text of the day. Do you see what I mean? It is stupid little things like TEXTING that have caused every single issue so far. It is early on so it is usually just sunshine and roses for us as it is the extreme honey moon period at his stage and there is honestly NO issues, besides texting and ME being insecure over texting. It is such a silly thing to let get in the way of an otherwise great thing we had. I will never make the same mistake again. I still cannot believe texting can hold so much precedence over where you stand in a dating/relationship setting.
Sneaky Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Being a bit insecure over texts is a pretty dumb reason to break up over, in my opinion. Why don't you contact him and try to talk things out; acknowledging what you did wrong and trying to do better? 1
Philosoraptor Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Look hon, if you were just being you and he was just being him... and you two didn't sync up... then you were not a good match. The insecurity thing is something you need to fix for you before you go to enter another relationship, as they will continue to fail until you are 100% comfortable and confident with yourself. 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Being a bit insecure over texts is a pretty dumb reason to break up over, in my opinion. Why don't you contact him and try to talk things out; acknowledging what you did wrong and trying to do better? I agree. The thing is, I've done it before to him and I was very unreasonable. His mum was in hospital and, just cos he stopped texting me for a few hours, I told him I didn't like to be ignored I now see how utterly ridiculous I was. I've made it up to him and proved to be loving and cool about his busy schedule and the fact he could only see me once a week initially. Most guys wouldn't come back after a girl is selfish enough to get upset over them not texting for a mere 4 hours, when their mother was in hospital! !!! Most guys would run a mile. He was majorly taken aback, and rightly so. I'm ashamed I acted so I insecure and told him that I was very embarrassed by the way I acted. I didn't think he'd want much to do with me after that fck up. He came back over a day later wanting to know if I wanted to see him the next day. Everything was great again from that point and has been ever since. He has since seen I'm a reasonable and very loving girl. He loves it. Yesterday, I relapsed into my insecure ways. He didn't text me that day. He was due to come visit me. See, his schedule was hectic and he had told me from the start that by Wednesday he'd be free to see me more often. Low and behold, he came and saw me Thursday, the day after he caught up with work. I thought he didn't want to see me anymore due to him not initiating the first good morning text of the day lately. He ALWAYS used to but it seems like he was giving me a turn. Nothing was wrong. I was just being way too insecure. As soon as I said hello that day he wrote back right away " good morning my angel ". Nothing was wrong at all. He had even told me prior that he noticed that I always waited until he texted first and he liked it to be 50/50 to know I was trying with him. So he had been letting me send the first good morning texts and then he happily texted me during the days. I am very sure he would have started texting me first again any day soon. See, it all comes down to texting. I new to dating and I wasn't sure what to expect. When he changed his texting habits somewhat, I panicked. So, today and yesterday I flipped out and thought he didn't want to see me again. Today k got it in my head that he wanted to break up with me. Both instances he was completely taken aback... he had no clue as to why I got these ideas in my head. ....... He knows I have issues from prior relationships and also from people treating me badly wnd bullying me in school. He wanted me to tell me why I got upset but I explained it was too hard over text to explain myself. He said he'd call me. We texted s couple more times. He asked me if I was sure if I was ready to be with someone. I am actively resolving my issues with a professional, as he also has seen over the years pertaining to hus depression. Which, I may add, he has a chemical imbalance for and he has totally under control for the most part. I told him that I can see what I have done wrong and I'm sure I can not do it again. That I don't want to break up as I love what we had and thought it was worth continuing. ...... He said he'd call me and I am just waiting for his call to determine if he's still my bf..... or not I am adamant I won't flip out over texting again. I can see how stupid it is. Texting wasn't around not too long ago. It will be a terrible shame if texting and my stupid insecurities over it, ruin our relationship. When he calls I will be positive and reasonable. I'll tell him look, I know I've pushed u away from me by acting very unreasonable. I won't ever do it again as I know it won't work if I continue to see problems when there are none. I have seen a good psychologist and I can see every time I act unreasonable shortly after I do it. Guys who want to be with me , this one guy I once talked to, also tried to put ideas into my head that this guy lied about not having phone reception in the hospital. He actively tried to convince me he was a better choice. I cut that guy off, obviously.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) Look hon, if you were just being you and he was just being him... and you two didn't sync up... then you were not a good match. The insecurity thing is something you need to fix for you before you go to enter another relationship, as they will continue to fail until you are 100% comfortable and confident with yourself. We were in sync fine. It has only been my insecure episodes that have hindered us. I see a professional to address my issues. I am at the stage where I totally see a guy falling in love with me for me. Albeit, I know I neee to take it slowly. We are not seeing each other more than once a week and we are not moving fast and I think I can keep my texting insecurities in check, especially if we take things slowly. Edited October 4, 2013 by Leigh 87
Sneaky Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 He seems like a pretty reasonable and calm person. I would just give him some space for now and try not to over think it. Whatever happens will happen so there's no point in worrying about it, if that makes sense.
JamesM Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 This is why I don't like texting and am glad I am beyond it all. As you already know, resolve your own issues first. BUT....if he loves you, then he WILL stick with you. Having said that, HE may wonder if you really love him. Yes, my wife had major issues (not like yours) that required extensive counseling. It affected our dating days and our marriage. I stuck with her. She is different now. I am glad that I stuck with her despite all that has happened over the years. Every guy and gal is different. Every relationship is different. But as they say around here, if it is meant to be, then it will be. Don't force it but don't run from it either. IMO, I think he is not leaving you yet based on what you wrote. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 I have embraced therapy and I can honestly see every little time I act unreasonable. I have never fallen IN love with a guy the way I have with this one. Not even my ex who I loved deeply. I know it is all good; there will be other nice guys out there who will fall hard for me. Here is the last thing I texted him: NOTE: I have a phobia of people farting around me. Don't ask. I think farting is disgusting. This guy would joke to me about how he would have to go in another room if he were to fart around me and he would pretend he was about to pass wind just to rile me up:lmao: Here's my last text to him: " I promise to never get insecure about the texting thing again and think it means that you don't like me if you don't text as often. That is all that happened with me today and yesterday" " Better yet, I will even let you fart around me and not care at all. You're worth it;) haha" " I want to knock off my insecure behaviour or I will push everyone away" He asked me last time to" not push him away" after the hospital incident. I got all high on his beautiful texts:( that when he stopped for a mere FOUR HOURS or actually LESS, ( he still sent me hearts in the meanwhile, just not talking) I told him off for ignoring me:( I genuinely think I have pushed away a guy who was genuinely into me, in every sense of the word. James, do you REALLY think that he is going to give me one last chance? I am fairly resigned to the fact that he will.. not want to continue with me. My best friends think, two of them, think he will want to stay with me. I don't think he will forgive this latest "episode" It is late and he prob won't call until tomorrow. I do not think I have heard the last of him. I know I have acted totally unreasonable and I am totally kicking myself over it. I would have had a nice Sunday or Saturday night with him this weekend. He told his dad about me within the week that we met. He had not had a g/f for two years since his ex, I was the first girl he thought would " go anywhere" as he so put it. :(:(:(:( I am very loving and I am honestly a fun, funny, unique and loving girlfriend. I waited 3 weeks for his work do die down ( he has worked for himself since age 18 in his dream business and he is a workaholic) and he kept to his word. He told me that he understood if I did not want to wait around for him, as I did not seem like the type of person who would take much sh*t from a guy. I told him I was not going anywhere, and I was cool with once a week meetings. He said he would be my everything once work died down. It seems like I will never get he chance to have him see me ": so much I will get sick of him" as he promised would happen.... I got one damn day with him after his work cleared up and then I went and ... well, you know, thought he was going to break up with me for NO REASON I hate the way I can be!
barky2 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Hey thanks for sharing your story. If its truly d day,then you know what to do. I'm sure it isn't going to be easy on either one of you guys,so give him time after to breathe and consider his choice. The best thing you can do Leigh is just find your underlining issues which you've begun to do which is great. He's going to wonder why you're not begging and blowing up his phone. Just don't jump back into it. Barky
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Hey thanks for sharing your story. If its truly d day,then you know what to do. I'm sure it isn't going to be easy on either one of you guys,so give him time after to breathe and consider his choice. The best thing you can do Leigh is just find your underlining issues which you've begun to do which is great. He's going to wonder why you're not begging and blowing up his phone. Just don't jump back into it. I did blow up his phone with a few texts after he said he's call me. I have not called him though and I have not continued the barrage of texts. He basically wanted to know what was up with me; he said if I cannot tell my partner what's up then there is no point.. Therefore, after he said he'd call me, I texted him explaining what was up with me. I apologised to him and said that I did not want to break up with him, and I missed him. Then I sent that last delightful message about letting him fart in front of me, I like him THAT much:o:lmao: ....... I know he is not cold hearted enough to fade out on me, and I am fairly certain he will get into contact with me..... He knows I have a fear of guys just... ignoring me and not talking to me ever again like the last guy did to me. He promised he would never do that.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 He never called:( I don't think he will just fade out; things with us were too full on, with him wanting me to meet his parents soon and him telling me that he was falling in love with him. I also made him promise me that he would never break up with me that way and he was adamant he was never do that to me. He promised to never hurt me, so..... This was during the brief convo we had but ONCE, where he begged me to not hurt him or play him, and likewise, I also requested that he have the decency to call me to break up with me. He said he'd never hurt me like that.... Anyway, last time he had a break for a day then got back to me.... I hope I have not heard the last of him. I really didn't feel as though he would break a promise like that....
barky2 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Lol being ignored is my biggest pet peeve! My (ex) did It to me and it would just turn me into a crazy texting fool lol My advice, and it sounds stupid,but do NIC. only respond to his texts. Sure it may be hours between...but give him a little space right now. Have u ever had a telemarketers call you 3 times INA row and get aggravated? Think of it like that. Every time you text him he's gonna get aggravated. Barky 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Falling in love with ME*** sorry. He said he was falling in love with me.
hurts2death Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 be strong and what barky said... the best you could do... the more you do the opposite the more you will loose.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Lol being ignored is my biggest pet peeve! My (ex) did It to me and it would just turn me into a crazy texting fool lol My advice, and it sounds stupid,but do NIC. only respond to his texts. Sure it may be hours between...but give him a little space right now. Have u ever had a telemarketers call you 3 times INA row and get aggravated? Think of it like that. Every time you text him he's gonna get aggravated. Barky Yes I agree, but I had to say my piece and then let him be. I won't call him. I won't text him now. He really didn't strike me as the type who would do the very thing that he promised me he WOULDN'T do to me (ignore me as a means of breaking up). Maybe he fell asleep working late as he often does, he was confused and upset about the whole thing and is not sure what to do, or he knows he wants to break up but it is not a fun thing to do so he is... stalling. Wish me luck. I would treat this guy wonderfully and would never use texting as a reason to get he least bit insecure again... Thinking I have basically lost him has kicked my arse into gear as it is.... 1
JamesM Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 I James, do you REALLY think that he is going to give me one last chance? Yes. I am fairly resigned to the fact that he will.. not want to continue with me. Don't be. Think what you can offer him and apologize for what you shouldn't. My best friends think, two of them, think he will want to stay with me. It is a good possibility IMO. I hate the way I can be! Be honest and open with him. Tell him that you are working on issues. Tell him he is worth working for. But above all....keep working on these issues and don't stop. YOU are more important than anyone individual. YOU can become the person you want to be but don't let your progress get sidetracked by anybody. You are you and that is a good thing. Build on your strengths and strengthen your weaknesses.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 I know I'm not a guy, but oh well. 1) Do you realize that you write almost exactly the same things about all of your connections with guys? About how intense and special it all is? Over and over. 2) You really NEED to abandon your whole line of thinking that goes like: neither one of us has ever felt this way with any of our other partners. or: He thinks that all other girls are lackluster compared to me. First, it's not your place to speak for what another person feels or thinks. I even feel wary of doing so with regards to my own husband, and I've shared daily life with him for years. Secondly, comparing yourself to other people, and comparing feelings you have and feelings a guy has with feelings of other people, IS NOT HEALTHY AND HAS ABSOLUTELY NO PLACE IN YOUR DATING / LOVE LIFE. His feelings about past girls are NOT YOUR BUSINESS and the reverse as well, especially when you're just getting acquainted. Last thing I'll say: This whole thing is pretty much identical to the last one you wrote about here, even if it feels different to you now. You knew the guy for 3 weeks. This is the "getting to know each other" stage. EARLY DATING. Your insecure behavior over texting? That is not a thing to be "forgiven" for. It is a demonstration of who you are and what he'd be dealing with. Early dating is the appropriate time to find out things like this about one another. It is not wrong or harmful for him to determine that a woman who has the potential to act "aloof" (passive aggressive) when he does not text enough is not the right woman for him. No matter how well you two hit it off. I'm sure he does forgive you for it, it's not a heinous crime! He just doesn't choose to be in a relationship that might include such behavior. Keep working with your therapist to alleviate such behavior. Then you will be ready to function well in a relationship with a guy who's a good relationship choice for you. And vice versa. He told me very clearly that he hadn't felt this way before. We have not sat around and talked about out last relationships and compared feelings. ... rather, we both expressed that we have never felt this way about a romantic partner THIS early on. I'm not projection my feelings on to him; he has told me and made it very clear that he feels this way about me; he has told me quiet clearly that he has never felt this way before. In regards to the last guy, I did share that instant high chemistry with him. That was about it. With new guy, I feel/ felt actual emotions towards opposed to merely chemistry. I had yet to experience that immediate chemistry until the last guy, so it was pretty cool to feel it for the first time at age 27! No.. This guy I feel.very differently for and have done from the very start.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Yes. Don't be. Think what you can offer him and apologize for what you shouldn't. It is a good possibility IMO. Be honest and open with him. Tell him that you are working on issues. Tell him he is worth working for. But above all....keep working on these issues and don't stop. YOU are more important than anyone individual. YOU can become the person you want to be but don't let your progress get sidetracked by anybody. You are you and that is a good thing. Build on your strengths and strengthen your weaknesses. He still hasn't rung or texted and it's 8.30 am the next morning. He promised he wouldn't hurt me via ever being unreasonable. He promised he wouldn't break up with me via ignoring me. He doesn't seem like the type to lie or break promises. I woke up upset and with that heavy feeling in my heart. Not knowing if he'll ever reach out to me again is bad. .. it's just bad. .. that uncertain feeling of whether or not a guy you're falling for will ever talk to you again. Please wish me luck... I will be beyond hurt if he opts to break up with me in the very way he has promised not to. I am so tempted to call or text him, just to say " u promised u wouldn't break up with me by just ignoring me. U promised to have the decency to call me. I promise to be fair and reasonable. I won't go crazy or make u feel uncomfortable " I won't reach out don't worry. I came snd wrote that out here instead. .. Ugh. Bummer. I truly believe that, with my continued therapy, in would easily be able to evade the stupid texting insecurity problem. I actually believe I'd be able to let the fledging relationship run its course. Without unnecessary factors such as insecure tendencies, bringing me down. I hope he keeps to his word and calls or at least texts. I didn't think he would fade. .
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 He had been lovely. . The four or so dates out, he'd pay for everything. We were both very well suited in terms of our desired affection styles. He followed through with his words, by showing me through his actions. Things seemed like they would work out until our feelings changed or we grew apart in the future. If his feelings have changed I think he just wants to wait untik things have calmed down to call me. In order to dump me
Copelandsanity Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 What did you do to him exactly when you became insecure with his texting patterns? I probably wouldn't break things off with a girl over something like this, if the rest of her life was together. Insecurities over texting seems like a minor issue that's being blown up like crazy. I'd want to have a frank discussion about it and figure things out. As an aside, when did texts become so important to the point of this sort of overanalysis? Leigh would probably hate my guts because I will frequently not text back someone, unless I felt it was important to do so. I just don't consider texting to be altogether that important. It's like leaving a voicemail.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 So is this, this guy? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/419015-nervous-nervous-nervous-i-think No. Different guy. The guy above was the second guy ever who I felt instant chemistry with, hence I really wanted it to escalate with him. How I felt about the current guy is on another level entirely. Hopefully this one contacts me again.
Author Leigh 87 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 He has shown me he is somewhat insecure and scared of getting hurt a LOT by me, and he has been unsure about how I feel towards him despite me telling him how much I am into him very clearly. Therefore, I send a " good morning:)" text. And called him once. The hopefully shows him that I am cool, and will be reasonable and level headed when/if he contacts me. The fact I will lay off him after the smiley:) will also show I have restraint and will leave him be for as long as he needs, and that I will be pleasant when he gets back to me.. I do not think he is like the last guy who just ignored me as a means to end things. He told me he would never hurt me and would never do that to me, and he does not seem like a guy who would break that promise at all. I will be fine either way, but I am feeling sick, almost dizzy, at the fact that I have been waking up and going to sleep with this new guy and new relationship on my mind, and now.... what, I am heart broken AGAIN? Waking up was awful. Knowing I do not have his texts to look forward to. Knowing I do not have Sunday to look forward to hanging out with him the way we were going to.. or tonight even, I am sure we would have seem each other. It sucks to wake up and go to sleep with a certain promise; of texting with, talking to and seeing a new person, especially when you both voiced to each other and showed each other through your actions that this was " different" and special compared to other first meetings you have previously had with many others....... Yet again I have to suck it up and feel my pain again:( With last guy, I was meh, whatever, it was just physical chemistry to die for. I wasn't emotionally invested. I was sad for less than a day haha. This time it sucks big time. He hasn't shown me yet that we are not bf or gf indefinitely so.. I am stuck in that weird limbo, of now knowing exactly where you stand with them.
happydate Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Leigh_87, Insecurity is caused through a dysfunctional relationship with your parents early in your childhood. There's an old saying that we tend to date our parents. A man dates someone like her mother and a woman dates someone like her father. Insecurity can suffocate a relationship because one party wants another person to complete him or herself. This imbalance in the relationship will eat into any romantic ties you guys might have in the beginning of the relationship. I always felt that many of my ex girlfriends were too needy and clingy and make me felt like I'm a baby sitter. It's uncomfortable and annoying. Think about a grown up woman constantly asking a man to text to do this and that can become a chore. For a man, he's going to balance how much pain he can bear in return for what? For me, I'll start to look for some kind of compensation. Sometimes sex is that compensation. But how much can you compensate in terms of sex? You can have the hottest wildest unprotected sex you can possibly have but eventually you'll run out of things to compensate for his attention because he's bearing some of your insecurity load. And that's why he's turning to porn. I did that as well and while I'm ashamed of doing that, I was simply doing it to offload some of my frustration on my exes because they are treating me like I'm the guy who can fix all her problems and that she though sex was the appropriate compensation. It isn't. The fix is to fix yourself. When I fix my insecurities to an acceptable level, I began to attract more confident and more secure women. What's interesting is that it is actually more exciting to date women on an intellectual level rather than texting chit chat. Also insecure women (those I used to attract) seemed to avoid me. I know make them uncomfortable cause I'm exposing their insecurities. Leigh_87, I think you are equally attracting insecure and secure guys but because of your insecurity, the secure guys get annoyed and leave you which is what I do now. With secure girls, I get less drama and don't have to play games like No Contact, head games or any mind games that I do with insecure girls to maintain attraction. Hope this helps. 1
loversquarrel Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Insecure and high anxiety are a bad mix. I, as a man, have a strong urge to avoid women who are the insecure anxious type. I used to date a woman who had very similar characteristics as you, to the point where I actually had a chill up my spine when you mentioned texting patterns. She would get extremely upset if I didn't answer a text or call right away. It got to a point where I felt like I was being watched rather than in a relationship. She did some other crazy chit as well, but it was this crap that ultimately lost me, it burns you out after awhile, let alone in a new relationship. It hurt like hell to end the relationship as I had really fallen for her, but in the end I knew she just wasn't healthy for me. I was in love with her and yes she ruined it because she couldn't control herself.
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